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1st date after reading PUA - field report - bleh
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Author:  airhead [ Sun Nov 11, 2012 1:38 pm ]
Post subject:  1st date after reading PUA - field report - bleh
Hey all,

After having gone through some massive reading of forums, books and pdfs, I decided to give it a go and see how I can manage by myself.

Before I begin, I would like to point out that I am using PUA to get a girlfriend and am not interested in ONS.

So, I met this HB6 at a party a couple of weeks ago and the first contact was pretty good. There was a lot of noise and we were both in a hurry at the end, so I simply gave her my business card and told her to write me back. And so she did the next day and even added me as a friend on facebook. I suggested that we meet again in a tenday (there was a public holiday, so I was out of town) for drinks or something like that and she agreed.

I can tell she is quite proactive. Upon my return, she contacted me again asking me if I was back and how my vacation went. I acted slightly distant in my first reply and then she went straight to the point and said "let's meet".

So far so good.

I had no intention to f*close on the first date as I first wanted to know her better and see if she's really my type. So, we met for drinks last night. For a first date, we arrived both late (but at the same time nevertheless). How cool is that? I always suck at being punctual with friends, lol.


Things that seemed ok:
-I tried to pay attention to body language. I was turned towards her, quite close and she didn't seem to mind. I couldn't bring myself to do much kino (touched her once or twice when I was about to bring up a new subject of discussion). She, on the other hand, touched me a bit more. The thing is that I usually don't make a move if I am not sure I like the girl.
-She seemed to try to find some common points. For example, she brought up this whole astrology crap (how classic) and she concluded that she always got along well with people of my sign.
-We had some good laughs and she suggested to take me to some cool bars I didn't know about.

Things that sucked:
-So, I went to fetch some drinks at the bar and came back quicker than expected. She was texting somebody (I managed to catch a glimpse of a guy's name). She was kinda surprised when she saw me and she immediately took away her phone from my field of vision. Mmm, she could be a player...
-I was struggling to find discussion topics. There were these blank moments, which I absolutely dread. I had to quickly come up with something interesting. In the end, we talked about classic things like hobbies, things to do in town, traveling, uni (we went to exactly the same places), people in general, etc.
-What surprised is that she didn't enquire much about me (from my past experience, I could tell that a girl was interested by the number of questions she would ask me). I have an interesting past as I have lived in quite a lot of countries and this usually appeals to chicks. I did throw some clues at her, but she didn't catch the bait.
-Near the end of the date, she was looking at her watch (!!! really bad sign !!!). Fortunately, I had a birthday party to go to just afterwards (had a present with me, etc.), so I didn't pass as a complete loser.


In conclusion, I don't think she had a great time but it's not a real loss as we didn't have that many things in common in the end. She appeared kinda cold and not romantic at all (she also admitted not liking to touch other people - when mentioning the French custom of everyone kissing each other's cheek as a way of greeting. She was mainly brought up by her father and had a boyish attitude. She also seemed to be quite an egoist and difficult to please. The more she talked about herself, the less I liked her.

Near the end, I was a bit pissed off about how the whole date turned out, so I threw in a reference to my ex in the discussion. I love to do that as, without exception, chicks react to that. You can easily tell as their look changes for a couple of seconds, lol.

Anyway, I wanted to use this date as practice to see what's wrong with my game and I realise that I have a looooooooooooong way to go still. I may have not what it takes to seduce effectively, I don't know... :(

Again, it's a numbers game, so I need to try meeting more chicks.

Thanks for reading my post!
Author:  Neal007 [ Sun Nov 11, 2012 5:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Haha!
Haha don't feel bad about it. there are tons of girls for you to date. Don't beat yourself up over one girl! learn from mistakes and improve and don't let them affect you and you will go a long way!
Author:  airhead [ Sun Nov 11, 2012 7:57 pm ]
Post subject: 
hahaha, you are definitely right! I am not so much pissed about not getting her, but more about my own incompetence. Anyway, I also lost interest near the end as she was not my type (she was cute though).

What really pisses me off is that I can have some great and funny discussions with my friends but I cannot shine in the same manner during dates. Let's admit it, I am horribly bad at handling them.

Anyway, I have been thinking more about my mistakes:

- no kino escalation
- no DHVs: I didn't want to show off too much, but maybe I was wrong...
- I forgot to use routines and games in order to amuse/tease her and appear as cocky/funny
- I lost my tempo many times as I couldn't find a transition from one topic to another. The end result was that she seemed to progressively lose interest. So, I need to work on my inner game.
- The topics I brought up were probably too boring. What the f* am I supposed to talk about with a person I know almost nothing about? Maybe I should look for gals that have at least 1 or 2 common interests. I remember how I could talk for hours and hours with my ex. I have never been able to a person like her concerning this aspect.



Some questions:

1) Do you think I should have tried to ask about her relationship status and use this as an opportunity to talk about relationships in general (and play it alpha of course)?

2) Should I have tried making her jealous by looking at other girls or would she have thought I am a player and therefore not worth her time?


Cheers!
Author:  AcidSanta [ Mon Nov 12, 2012 6:20 pm ]
Post subject: 
Well, just appearing confident and alpha is very important. Don't look at other women to get her jealous if you don't have the personality that matches what you're doing, then it's just weird and she wont get it.

You should defiantly read some about building rapport, that seems to be where you are lacking. If you manage to build rapport, you wont even have to think about coming up with subjects, transitions and so on, it will fix itself.

And DO NOT get obsessed with this girl. Here is a few rules about rejections that I follow

1. She didn't reject you, she rejected your game. Work on it!
2. If she didn't appear to be interested, it's her loss, not your loss. You are the price.
3. There are literally... billions of women out there, why care about what a bored-out HB6 thinks?

Dates are hard... I don't really involve them into my game at all. Not "classic" dates at all. To be honest, I recently started my path as a Rafc, but I feel like beginners should avoid traditional "dates". Instead, try to casually meet her at your place or hers.
Author:  puaninja [ Mon Nov 12, 2012 7:29 pm ]
Post subject: 
Ok, it doesn't matter what SHE did that went well. As a pua, it only matters what you do. It sounds like to me that she was not the most interesting of people, and she didn't pick up on the hints like you were saying. Probably not a super bright girl either. You also failed in creating attraction and you let the line go slack on the conversation side of things.

One thing that noobs don't normally do is calibrate, which basically means reading the interaction. It allows you to modify your game as needed so as to increase the chances of getting physical with the woman.
Author:  airhead [ Sun Nov 18, 2012 10:09 am ]
Post subject:  Re: 1st date after reading PUA - field report - bleh
Ok, here I am again as there was a new unexpected development yesterday.

I was out with some friends during the whole night and had switched my cell to silent mode. When I got home (way past midnight), I saw that the chick in question had sent me a text message around 19:30:

"I've seen your FB status,funny!If you do not have plans for tonight we could go drink smthing?"

Wow, just wow! I had completely forgotten about her and here she comes back to me after that "failed" date.

Even though she does have a cute face, she's definitely a spoiled brat and I am not interested in having her as a gf. However, she could be useful for my training purposes.

So, I will reply to her later in the morning and tell her that I was with friends and saw her message late during the night, and that we could meet sometime in the middle/end of the coming week. That gives me the time to do my homework, haha.

My number 1 priority is to act in a laid back manner and not look desperate (this is a recurring mistake of mine when I meet girls, I am always eager to please). I need to tease her more and appear as a challenge. For example, I mentioned that I love sushi and she quickly responded that she hates them (in general, she said that she hate restaurants and eating in general). I reacted the wrong way: I was taken aback (first time I meet someone like her) and tried to find another topic. I should have negged her perhaps...

Secondly, I need to prepare DHV stories and work on my kino.

Thirdly, as you guys have said, I need to learn how to build rapport and calibrate (easier said than done).


Do you guys have any other specific advice (with concrete examples if possible) concerning my game with this girl? Things I should try or pay attention to at the next date?

Thanks a lot!
Author:  LucidOne [ Sun Nov 18, 2012 5:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: 1st date after reading PUA - field report - bleh
Hello. I'm not very good with women but I do have a couple of pieces of advice that work for me.
1) try drinking a little more to loosen up. (don't drive drunk of course. call a cab if you need it)
2) Silence is golden: instead of grasping for new topics to throw out in a feeble attempt to hold her attention take those pauses to really look at your date. Look at how beautiful she is and try to take it in. Get lost in her eyes. You're her date; you're not a stage comedian or a clown. It's not your job to constantly entertain her.
Quote:
-So, I went to fetch some drinks at the bar and came back quicker than expected. She was texting somebody (I managed to catch a glimpse of a guy's name). She was kinda surprised when she saw me and she immediately took away her phone from my field of vision. Mmm, she could be a player...
3) Don't be an insecure man. You have no idea who she was talking to or why. The cell phone can make a great conversation piece. Last time I was at a bar I actually approached a woman by asking her about her phone. It's a great time to show off your cool app's and stuff.
Quote:
Even though she does have a cute face, she's definitely a spoiled brat and I am not interested in having her as a gf. However, she could be useful for my training purposes.
*cough*cough*asshole*cough*
Author:  airhead [ Sun Nov 18, 2012 6:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: 1st date after reading PUA - field report - bleh
Quote:
Quote:
Even though she does have a cute face, she's definitely a spoiled brat and I am not interested in having her as a gf. However, she could be useful for my training purposes.
*cough*cough*asshole*cough*
LOL! Ask anyone here and they will agree with me. She's likely also playing with me, so I see no harm in sharpening my techniques with her.

She has been harassing me this afternoon btw. She posted a couple of videos on my fb wall and she sent me another text about an hour ago, telling me that she was going to the movies and that I could join her if I wanted.

I bet she's feeling frustated that I am not running like a puppy whenever she texts me. No way, sis! My AFC years are behind me now :twisted:
Author:  LucidOne [ Sun Nov 18, 2012 8:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: 1st date after reading PUA - field report - bleh
Whatever, bro. It sounds to me like she wants you and you're being some kind of... vagina tease. I don't even know.
Author:  VietnameseProdigy [ Tue Nov 20, 2012 4:07 am ]
Post subject:  Re: 1st date after reading PUA - field report - bleh
if you want a girl friend go inquire to Dr.Phil or something
Author:  airhead [ Wed Nov 21, 2012 7:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: 1st date after reading PUA - field report - bleh
Ok, so she basically harassed me during the whole day on Sunday. We had previously agreed to go to the movies together but hadn't agreed on which day.

In the end, she told me that the movie we had agree to see was only played on Sundays and Mondays (I checked online, it was true), so I had to give in. We met on Monday evening after work.

I teased her more and used more kino to make her comfortable. Everything seemed to go smoothly, but I didn't manage to build rapport. Truth is that I don't know her that well. We talked a lot about movies and tv series (btw, she knows wayyy to much about tv series, she has watched all of them, even obscure unknown ones).

After the movie, I was wondering if we would go for drinks. I observed her before saying anything and she seemed eager to get back home (started walking in direction of her place instead of in direction of the closest bars). She didn't suggest anything, so I didn't suggest anything either as I didn't want to appear needy (in my book, it would look bad if I had asked and she would have refused). To be honest, I was pretty tired from work and I guess so was she.

Upon parting, we kissed on each other's cheeks as it is customary here (I remember what she told me during the first date). I noticed that she seemed a bit relunctant but she went along nevertheless. Either she was not attracted anymore or it was because I hadn't shaved for a week (lol, my bad, I wasn't expecting to see her so soon and everything was arranged at the last minute).

I do not know what to think of that second date. I also do not know what to think of her. She does not look like an extremely positive/happy person. She is pretty much a realist, kinda sarcastic, and she criticises everything and everyone. Not my cup of tea, really. My ex was like that and it was one of the reasons we broke up.

Anyway, my main worry is my game. I am not too sure if I handled things properly. Time will tell, I guess...

Should I wait for her to contact me again or should I make a move (was thinking of taking her to a salsa bar on Saturday or something like that)?
Author:  airhead [ Sun Nov 25, 2012 11:53 am ]
Post subject:  Re: 1st date after reading PUA - field report - bleh
Ok, the chase continues apparently.

I took the initiative this time and asked if she wanted to join me to some live concert in a bar. The funny part is that she replied immediately (like 5 mins after my first sms) and that she said it was an excellent idea.

And so we met again yesterday. I had prepared myself mentally to go for a k*close (it was the 3rd date after all, I couldn't drag this issue any longer).

Unfortunately, upon arriving at the place, I realised that we would have to sit opposite from each other and not next to each other. It was kinda hard to kino under these circumstances.

We chatted for about 15 mins and then the band started playing (jazz). To my disappointement again, the music was too loud to have a conversation at the same time. :( So, I just laid back in my seat and enjoyed the music (there was also another HB8 chick in the room - sitting all alone! OMG, what a waste! - not far from me and I had the perfect angle to admire her pretty face without anyone noticing, lol).

Everytime the band took a break, we started chatting again. We talked about anything really. Teased her a lot and tried to kino her whenever possible. After the second part started, she looked a bit bored, so I made a small plane with the bill and threw it to her. She said it was crap and and actually improved it, lol! We then started a contest where we had to make a paper boat. While we were chatting and struggling, I brought my "boat" closer to her and brushed her fingers quite a few times. No great achievement here but it was fun anyway. :)

I learned a bit more about the chick btw. She is indeed as boyish as I had thought. She even went through this black metal period in her youth, where she would dress only in black. She knows what she wants and isn't afraid to express her opinion. Quite a strong personality.

When we left, it was raining. So, I took out my umbrella and she immediately grabbed my arm and pressed her against me (the pressure she applied was kinda surprising). So, we walked under the rain like a couple, haha.
Then, we took the metro and had to split up at some point. Given that I hadn't managed to build enough rapport, I thought it would be weird to go for a k*close, especially when she was in hurry to leave the wagon. So, I kissed her on her cheeks as usual, but I put my lips on her cheeks, this time around. Yeah, I know, I am a coward...

She wants to take me to another movie (she's the cinephile type of person) on Wednesday and said she will contact me again early in the week.

Well, I learned I had to pick better venues for my dates, where I can interact more with my target and finally build some rapport and go for the kiss. Do you have any ideas where I can do that? She is not much into dancing btw. How about bowling?

Thanks for reading.
To be continued...
Author:  v.y.b.e [ Sun Nov 25, 2012 12:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: 1st date after reading PUA - field report - bleh
Quote:
So, I went to fetch some drinks at the bar and came back quicker than expected. She was texting somebody (I managed to catch a glimpse of a guy's name). She was kinda surprised when she saw me and she immediately took away her phone from my field of vision. Mmm, she could be a player...
Perhaps here would have been a great way to find out if she has a boyfriend whilst being cocky/funny.
Something along the lines of:
"If that's your boyfriend let him know i'll have you back for bed time :wink: "
(or something similar...)
Quote:
We chatted for about 15 mins and then the band started playing (jazz). To my disappointement again, the music was too loud to have a conversation at the same time.
Get her on that dancefloor and have some fun!
Author:  Ninja1992 [ Sun Nov 25, 2012 8:04 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: 1st date after reading PUA - field report - bleh
You say you want a girlfriend from game, but you are focusing on your 'training purposes' as well. You don't need to be someone with amazing game to hold a relationship :P consider how Mystery was when Neil Strauss wrote The Game, he couldn't hold a girl for shit!

I can see that you're quite new to it as well. I understand that people go about taking things slow if they want to commit to each other and develop a strong connection, but consider this example

- A girl is approached by 2 guys at a bar and gets both of their numbers.
- She goes for a coffee date with one and has a deep conversation with him and they learn more about each other, however they don't escalate at all.
- She goes for a coffee date with the other guy and there's not as much of a deep conversation. However, there is a lot of escalation and sexual tension between the two. She ends up going back to his and sleeping with him.

Who has a stronger connection? The guy who slept with her, that's who :P He has a physical connection that the other guy can't compare to, and he can still 'get to know her' to an extent.

Don't worry about all these multiple dates; just be the man!
Author:  -=Robo=- [ Mon Nov 26, 2012 4:14 am ]
Post subject:  Re: 1st date after reading PUA - field report - bleh
Hi airhead!

Always take disinterest as feedback on your GAME and not on you as a person. Use it to improve yourself instead of patting your ego by saying "I didn't like her anyway... hmmppfff... grass will be much greener on the other side...". If she's cold and unpersonal it could be her having a crappy personality, but also very much be you failing to spark attraction.

You must be doing something right as she keeps wanting to meet you. So good job :). It seems however like she's losing attraction once you are interacting. It might be because you don't escalate enough with kino and take it to the next step. If you fail to take a window she's giving you (leaning in on you was probably the window to K-close) then she'll be reluctant to escalate at a later time as she doesn't feel you are "the alpha" who can read her signs and take chances. Be that alpha and just go for it!!! :)

Me and my wing have it as a rule to always F-close with a girl on the first date or you might never see her again (hard earned experience). Many chicks actually say they don't F-close on the first date as a test or to not seem slutty. Just agree with her verbally but keep escalating the kino and the non-verbal. (Of course don't force yourself on her if she shy away).

The jazz bar was a perfect place to escalate. Just say something when the music plays, she won't hear you so make her come over to you and place her in your lap in a playful manner :).

Best wishes from Sweden!
/Robo
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