PUA Forum :: Proposing her on my birthday.

Yeah i know bro but between being friends and getting married is this HUGE space called casual relationships.... I mean damn....

I know my input in this has been pretty useless and i acknowledge that fully, but that is purely based on the fact that you seem to be into her much much more than the other way around, and you need to work on yourself here before you can work on her.

If i were you i'd let this breathe for a while and distance yourself from her. See how she acts. If you then notice that she takes one step towards you, you take three and push her nose in the fact that she made the first move. See to it and lay this girl first.

Whatever you do: Stop Displaying The Immense Affection You Seem To Have For Her!

It only weakens your position in the game because you value her more than yourself.

me: how was your weekend?

her: Okay types
Im at home today

me: you don't sound too happy

her: Im really worried about my job

me: and we didn't even meet/talk for the last 2 days

her: You had others to keep you entertained

Why did u even need me?

me: I missed you a little
why are you like this?

her: Because i can see *name*
if im not around you need someone else for your time passing...it hurts me
I feel im just another person in your life
NO priority

me: I thought we were just friends. You made it quite clear from all the conversations we'd been having.

her: Fine im not saying anything about it
I just felt bad

me: I'm sorry I made you feel like that.
can I make it up to you?

her: I dont know
I thought you did all this because you were upset with me
You dint talk to me yesterday not even on SPAM

me: Yeah I could say the same

her: I did msg you
I thought you were upset with me so i thought u needed time to become allright

me: I already told you we are cool, you didn't message after that, I thought you were busy.

You are more than welcome man, any time!

EDIT
During the distancing period, dont be afraid to go out and have some fun yourself. It wouldnt hurt if she would see you being social with others.

Hey, mind if I share my thoughts here? btw im no expert this is just my own view.
It sounds to me like you're putting her on a pedestal, rather than focusing on yourself you seem more focused on doing/saying anything to please her, so she is use to you giving her more attention than she gives you, which is why she felt bad when you didnt talk to her and didnt put much effort in finding out why you were ignoring her; she expected you too.

I don't have much experience here but there's a post from pumpington about conforming and being your own person which I feel has some points in relation to this.

I recommend giving it a read, here's the link 2-girls-signals-are-mixed-vt140759.html ... 40759.html[/url] just pull out the relevant info, it might help you break out of this.
Anyway i'll let you read it and see if it helps with your troubles, let me know

Pretty much spot on v00owen. The whole point of the freeze-out period is to make her desire you, not to go back and tell her you miss her all over again ...

That depends on what exactly she is messaging you?

Honestly man, i would drop this chick all together and just move on with my life. She seems to be playing games and you seem to be feeding into it. Go out and get some female friends, if she doesnt come on to you after this, then its not gonna be anything.

You're way deeper into this chick than you have reason to be.

Before we have this talk, I had planned a few things.
1. Catch a movie together (she loves dog movies)
2. Take her to her favorite cafe
3. Take her shopping
4. Go to dinner
5. Go on a long drive
6. Cut cake for my birthday.

Right when the clock hits 12, I'll talk to her about this.

When you have this talk just be honest, tell her you have feelings for her and being just friends isn't going to work (unless you want that, but don't be thinking it will turn into something else), It might upset her but this is what the proposal was about right? finding out if she was really interested. Then its up to her to decide what she wants, if she regrets it then good for you, if not then your better off knowing where you stood. But running around playing this game is just gonna hurt you in the end. There are plenty other fish in the sea as they all say

Quote:

Don't Supplicate! It seems like your trying to force her to change her mind by taking her shopping etc. It really wont change her mind it will just make it harder for her.

Go and meet her, show her that it really hasn't affected you as much as she seems. You really have to ask yourself if your happy staying as friends or do you want something more, then stop beating around the bush.

Best of luck!

Dude, she tells you that she doesnt feel the same way and your Plan B is to basically tell her that she is feeling that way due to mental instability...?

I think that at this point you should take the hint and chill the fuck out otherwise you'll end up losing her as a friend aswell. Do not put any more pressure on her than you already are!

Persistence is all good but damn, there's gotta be atleast some boundries.

EDIT
Read what v00owen said also, the man is spot on.

Author:	sylarjones [ Sat Jul 14, 2012 2:42 pm ]
Post subject:	Proposing her on my birthday.
I've known her for 10 years, we both went to same university. We have a lot of mutual friends. She has dated 2 of my friends, I've been in a relationship with her close friend for 4 years. We hadn't been in touch for last 1-2 years, we did speak sometimes just as friends though. We met for a party recently and she started flirting with me that night, I did the same. She seemed really interested, so we kept meeting and talking at all times. Its been 2 months now. We both were drunk one night and we kissed. When we were cuddling, she asked me if I really loved her. I said I really loved her and would want to marry her one day (I know I sounded really needy), to which she said she's not really over her ex. Recently she told me, she's finally over him. We meet 2-3 times a week, I haven't f-closed yet, but I kiss her sometimes, but she never takes any intiative. She doesn't have a job right now and have parents trouble her over getting her married. She seems pretty closed to me and I feel like the relationship is all about her. When I asked her where is this thing going, she said that we are just friends who like each other and we should just enjoy the present. I keep thinking about this girl all the time, but I don't act needy. I have my own life and I enjoy it very much. But I think I have oneitis for this girl. I have a feeling that this might not go anywhere and I would be really heartbroken when I have to get over her. I want to know if I can have this girl or not. I was planning on proposing her on my birthday next-to-next week and see if she's really interested. If she's not, I want to move on. How should I handle this? Would really appreciate your inputs.

Author:	sylarjones [ Sat Jul 14, 2012 7:40 pm ]
Post subject:
We can't be just friends right? We kiss each other, we meet several times a week, we chat almost everyday. I don't do this with my other female friends. But I think you have a point there. She keeps stressing on the friends part. She also mentioned that I like her more than she likes me. How do you suggest I take this forward?

Author:	sylarjones [ Sat Jul 14, 2012 8:24 pm ]
Post subject:
Thanks a lot. Your inputs are definitely helpful. I'm going to distance myself from her and see how she reacts. As a matter of fact, I've already started doing it. Didn't message her the whole day, evening I get a message saying "I just got home". I'll keep you posted how this goes. Thanks. Quote: Yeah i know bro but between being friends and getting married is this HUGE space called casual relationships.... I mean damn.... I know my input in this has been pretty useless and i acknowledge that fully, but that is purely based on the fact that you seem to be into her much much more than the other way around, and you need to work on yourself here before you can work on her. If i were you i'd let this breathe for a while and distance yourself from her. See how she acts. If you then notice that she takes one step towards you, you take three and push her nose in the fact that she made the first move. See to it and lay this girl first. Whatever you do: Stop Displaying The Immense Affection You Seem To Have For Her! It only weakens your position in the game because you value her more than yourself.

Author:	sylarjones [ Mon Jul 16, 2012 11:26 am ]
Post subject:
I gave her the gift of missing me This is how it turned out Quote: me: how was your weekend? her: Okay types Im at home today me: you don't sound too happy her: Im really worried about my job me: and we didn't even meet/talk for the last 2 days her: You had others to keep you entertained Why did u even need me? me: I missed you a little why are you like this? her: Because i can see name if im not around you need someone else for your time passing...it hurts me I feel im just another person in your life NO priority me: I thought we were just friends. You made it quite clear from all the conversations we'd been having. her: Fine im not saying anything about it I just felt bad me: I'm sorry I made you feel like that. can I make it up to you? her: I dont know I thought you did all this because you were upset with me You dint talk to me yesterday not even on SPAM me: Yeah I could say the same her: I did msg you I thought you were upset with me so i thought u needed time to become allright me: I already told you we are cool, you didn't message after that, I thought you were busy. Quote: You are more than welcome man, any time! EDIT During the distancing period, dont be afraid to go out and have some fun yourself. It wouldnt hurt if she would see you being social with others.

Author:	v00owen [ Mon Jul 16, 2012 10:25 pm ]
Post subject:
Hey, mind if I share my thoughts here? btw im no expert this is just my own view. It sounds to me like you're putting her on a pedestal, rather than focusing on yourself you seem more focused on doing/saying anything to please her, so she is use to you giving her more attention than she gives you, which is why she felt bad when you didnt talk to her and didnt put much effort in finding out why you were ignoring her; she expected you too. I don't have much experience here but there's a post from pumpington about conforming and being your own person which I feel has some points in relation to this. I recommend giving it a read, here's the link 2-girls-signals-are-mixed-vt140759.html ... 40759.html[/url] just pull out the relevant info, it might help you break out of this. Anyway i'll let you read it and see if it helps with your troubles, let me know

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Author:	sylarjones [ Wed Jul 18, 2012 9:22 am ]
Post subject:
You are so right. I need to work on myself. Thanks for opening my eyes. Quote: Hey, mind if I share my thoughts here? btw im no expert this is just my own view. It sounds to me like you're putting her on a pedestal, rather than focusing on yourself you seem more focused on doing/saying anything to please her, so she is use to you giving her more attention than she gives you, which is why she felt bad when you didnt talk to her and didnt put much effort in finding out why you were ignoring her; she expected you too. I don't have much experience here but there's a post from pumpington about conforming and being your own person which I feel has some points in relation to this. I recommend giving it a read, here's the link 2-girls-signals-are-mixed-vt140759.html ... 40759.html[/url] just pull out the relevant info, it might help you break out of this. Anyway i'll let you read it and see if it helps with your troubles, let me know

Author:	sylarjones [ Wed Jul 18, 2012 9:25 am ]
Post subject:
Right. Back to square 1. I'm freezing her out again. At least for couple of days. The only problem is - she's on my SPAM and she would send me messages, and if I don't reply, she'll understand I'm ignoring her. Also we are close friends on Facebook and she's on my Instant Messenger too. Its hard to ignore someone if you are connected to them in so many ways. My question, should I just ignore her when she messages? When I decide to talk back to her what would I say? How many days should the freeze-out last? Your inputs would be greatly appreciated. Quote: Pretty much spot on v00owen. The whole point of the freeze-out period is to make her desire you, not to go back and tell her you miss her all over again ...

Author:	sylarjones [ Wed Jul 18, 2012 9:59 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: That depends on what exactly she is messaging you? Lets say she says "Hi" on SPAM? I just ignore her? She commented on my FB status saying Congratulations. Ignore again? I haven't spoke to her in 24 hrs now. I read pumpington's post. Very insightful. Thanks v00owen and TonyKing.

Author:	sylarjones [ Wed Jul 18, 2012 6:13 pm ]
Post subject:
You are right man. I'm onto other girls. Already got a date with other chick. I'll keep you posted. Quote: Honestly man, i would drop this chick all together and just move on with my life. She seems to be playing games and you seem to be feeding into it. Go out and get some female friends, if she doesnt come on to you after this, then its not gonna be anything. You're way deeper into this chick than you have reason to be.

Author:	v00owen [ Fri Jul 20, 2012 9:02 pm ]
Post subject:
You don't have to ignore her, just start doing things because you WANT to not because she WANTS you to. The whole idea behind her desiring you is that she cant control you like all the other chumps and you do what YOU want to do. So if she say's "Hi" by whatever way, its ultimately YOUR decision to answer and talk to her or to ignore it. Also, if she's playing games with you, let her know that this is not acceptable behavior and your not willing to stand for it. BE the man and tell her straight. In the end it will make you come off more attractive that you don't put up with her shit. Start to reward her good behavior and the attractive qualities you see in her by giving her attention and start to punish bad behavior with ignorance/indifference. And if you don't mind me asking how are your views on the proposal now? I hope we haven't influenced you too badly haha

Author:	sylarjones [ Sun Jul 22, 2012 5:21 am ]
Post subject:
So this is what happened last night. We hadn't been talking for few days now. her: I need to talk to you about something. but when we meet. me: I know what that talk means her: what? me: You don't want see me anymore? her: It doesn't click...I mean I am trying to feel the same for u...what u feel.....and I don't wanna complicate our friendship for that. Its way too stressful I don't wanna hurt u Its better if we talk Meet n talk I suck at this And please don't get me wrong Please Can we meet and talk? Sylar Hey I was petrified, so I still haven't spoken to her. She's coming to my birthday party this Saturday and we would be spending a lot of time together, I know this is going to be awkward. Plan A: Tell her - Fair Enough. Lets meet and talk. Whatever she says, I am going to act like it doesn't really matter and we can go back to being friends. We would be hanging out few times a month, maybe try and build attraction again and give it another shot. Plan B: Tell her that she is in a crisis right now (jobless) and we should keep things on hold. When she is alright, maybe we can start seeing each other again. But if she feels there's no way we can be together in future, then stop all communication. I'll assume she's gone for good. Before we have this talk, I had planned a few things. 1. Catch a movie together (she loves dog movies) 2. Take her to her favorite cafe 3. Take her shopping 4. Go to dinner 5. Go on a long drive 6. Cut cake for my birthday. Right when the clock hits 12, I'll talk to her about this. I'm going to need your inputs guys. Please.

Author:	v00owen [ Sun Jul 22, 2012 7:48 pm ]
Post subject:
When you have this talk just be honest, tell her you have feelings for her and being just friends isn't going to work (unless you want that, but don't be thinking it will turn into something else), It might upset her but this is what the proposal was about right? finding out if she was really interested. Then its up to her to decide what she wants, if she regrets it then good for you, if not then your better off knowing where you stood. But running around playing this game is just gonna hurt you in the end. There are plenty other fish in the sea as they all say Quote: Before we have this talk, I had planned a few things. 1. Catch a movie together (she loves dog movies) 2. Take her to her favorite cafe 3. Take her shopping 4. Go to dinner 5. Go on a long drive 6. Cut cake for my birthday. Right when the clock hits 12, I'll talk to her about this. Don't Supplicate! It seems like your trying to force her to change her mind by taking her shopping etc. It really wont change her mind it will just make it harder for her. Go and meet her, show her that it really hasn't affected you as much as she seems. You really have to ask yourself if your happy staying as friends or do you want something more, then stop beating around the bush. Best of luck!

Author:	sylarjones [ Mon Jul 23, 2012 6:57 am ]
Post subject:
Fuck her. I'm done playing games. I am not going to do any of the things to please her. If she wants to talk, fine ill listen to her and act like I don't give a fuck. And as a matter of fact, it looks like I don't. I'll just NEXT her. When we meet at the party, I'm so going to make her Jealous. There are going to be a lot of HB8 & HB9 around who I am good friends with. There is going to be no proposing. Period. Quote: When you have this talk just be honest, tell her you have feelings for her and being just friends isn't going to work (unless you want that, but don't be thinking it will turn into something else), It might upset her but this is what the proposal was about right? finding out if she was really interested. Then its up to her to decide what she wants, if she regrets it then good for you, if not then your better off knowing where you stood. But running around playing this game is just gonna hurt you in the end. There are plenty other fish in the sea as they all say Quote: Before we have this talk, I had planned a few things. 1. Catch a movie together (she loves dog movies) 2. Take her to her favorite cafe 3. Take her shopping 4. Go to dinner 5. Go on a long drive 6. Cut cake for my birthday. Right when the clock hits 12, I'll talk to her about this. Don't Supplicate! It seems like your trying to force her to change her mind by taking her shopping etc. It really wont change her mind it will just make it harder for her. Go and meet her, show her that it really hasn't affected you as much as she seems. You really have to ask yourself if your happy staying as friends or do you want something more, then stop beating around the bush. Best of luck!

Author:	sylarjones [ Mon Jul 23, 2012 6:58 am ]
Post subject:
Agreed. turns to chill mode Quote: Dude, she tells you that she doesnt feel the same way and your Plan B is to basically tell her that she is feeling that way due to mental instability...? I think that at this point you should take the hint and chill the fuck out otherwise you'll end up losing her as a friend aswell. Do not put any more pressure on her than you already are! Persistence is all good but damn, there's gotta be atleast some boundries. EDIT Read what v00owen said also, the man is spot on.

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Author:	sylarjones [ Mon Jul 23, 2012 7:03 am ]
Post subject:
Update: Her: I am going to the hospital Her: You can talk to me Her: I am alive Me: Well hello to you too Me: Hospital? Her: Blood test, I'm officially screwed. Her: And may I know why are you ignoring me? Me: I am not. I'm just trying to give you some space. You said you needed it. Me: Besides I have too much on my plate right now. Her: Work or personal issues? Me: Work. I have some big projects lined up and I need to take care of them. And its not an easy job Her: Ok Me: I have total control over my personal life Her: Ok Did I handle it well?