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What to do next?
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Author:  vitaminw [ Sat May 26, 2012 12:11 pm ]
Post subject:  What to do next?
Hey everyone, long time follower, first time poster :)

So I've been seeing this girl for close to three months now, we vibe really well especially with our senses of humor and we're both pretty laid back low-drama people. The problem is it hasn't really gone anywhere, she's very much in the driver's seat right now and I'm looking to change my approach up some. Her main thing is she doesn't want to be with anyone because she doesn't feel like she has the time, it's just not her priority, etc. not just with me but with anybody (I've heard the same from other people I trust as well as her directly), yet she's made plenty of time to hang out with me, and we have gone out on a few dates and spent a lot of time that's just the two of us.

I'm not sure if I'm in the friend zone or not, as we don't do anything like go to each other for advice and such and I frankly don't feel like we are that close as "just friends" at least not yet. I've been more confident in my approach to her than I have with anyone else in the past but nothing has escalated physically, and to be honest I've been hesitant because the idea of dating and/or attraction to anyone seems like the farthest thing from her mind. I believe that I have the confidence to break some of those walls down, but I simply don't know how I should change my approach. Thoughts?

Thanks, any advice is appreciated, I'll answer any further questions to the best of my ability :)
Author:  Valdemar1 [ Sun May 27, 2012 9:38 am ]
Post subject: 
Okay so i have an idea, but i don't really know the details to this situation so forgive me if this is a perfect plan!
I have a girlfriend who believed in "the one" and thought that the one was her x...
I didn't know what to do, but then i started using frame control and suddenly i got her to agree with me when i said that i was the only one for her!

What i would do is, tell her you don't believe that she dosen't have time enough to have a boyfriend (you can use the argument where you say that you already have spent so much time together) and that she is probably just afraid of getting hurt, or she just haven't fallen in love yet. Which is to bad because you two would be really great... (maybe fill some more in here)
Now end it with a big disqualification so it dosen't come out as to offensive!

But again, i don't know how intimate you two are so maybe change a bit in some of it, so it will work out the best way!
Best of luck!
Author:  vitaminw [ Sun May 27, 2012 11:58 am ]
Post subject: 
That's a really good point. In fact that's been the one thing that never made any sense, why make so much more time for me than anyone else you know if you don't have time to be with someone?
Author:  pumpington [ Sun May 27, 2012 12:28 pm ]
Post subject: 
here is an idea for you man,

stop thinking about what she wants, and what she wants to hear, screw all that, forget everything she has told you, start thinking about what you want, and what is best for you

now break contact with her for about a week, if she keeps calling/texting, always be doing something and have to go, talk for no more then 5 minutes, then just say, damn, I gtg, make yourself very scarce, don't make it seem like you are mad at her but rather you just don't have time to talk/see her

after a bit of time has gone by, arrage a meet up in person 1 on 1, now start doing what you want, the person in the driver seat, is the person doing what they want, it is that simple, right now, you are doing what she wants because you think that will get you the pussy, quite the opposite in most cases, just have fun and for the love of god make out with her, if you are in ex-perienced and don't know how to kick off the escalation, when you first see her, just say OMG I MISSED YOU!, give her a hug and kiss on the cheek (you should be able to push it from there), if she isn't down don't listen to the bullshit she gives you about not being ready or what ever, it is all just to soften to blow of rejection because she likes you but doesn't want to hurt your feelings, or lose you as a friend, forget all that goo for it, give it your all, if it doesn't work out, move on, don't get needy, or you will waste another 3 months again, be back on this forum, again, and have nothing to show for it, again

honestly do you think if brad pitt walked in the room and said, hey girl, you're a cutie we should hang out, she wouldn't be about it cause she doesn't have time? LOL seriously?

as for the friend zone, it doesn't exist, friends can have sex, but if someone is not attracted to you, they won't sleep with you, there is a gap between you and her that only exists in your mind, she is a girl, she is not going to escalate, it is more likely that she just resists, get your intentions out there and stay congruent with them no matter what, after they have been expressed, let her know what you want and stay sure of it, believe in yourself, if it is a no at first, that is fine, don't change your view or how you express yourself, stay confident in how you feel and stand by it, just don't get needy for anything from her, don't expect anything at all, just do it because you know deep down you want to, and if it doesn't work out then give her a bit of space and find a new girl that interests you sexually, if she keeps comming back around you now have passive permission to continue to escalate (and you can blame it on her for knowing you can't help yourself cause of how you feel), but know you have to be willing to lose a friend in order to gain a sexual experience

GOOD LUCK
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