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Handling an interesting situation.
https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=134&t=132358		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  guice [ Sun Apr 01, 2012 1:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Handling an interesting situation.
I need some advice how to handle a newly formed situation.

At the end of Friday night, I found myself in an interesting situation. The quickest way to put it: I became "Jim" of "The Office (US)" (earlier seasons), and she "Pam."

--- History:

For the past few weeks, a girl and I have been chatting at work via email/IM sending funny pictures, general discussion of different things. This past week, we've even started taking little 10min walks in the afternoon to get out of the office, chat, and stretch our legs.

So, Friday, she invited me out for drinks. Now, I am interested in her, but if you got the reference above, she is engaged; so I played "sure, why not." She asked again, at EOD, if I really wanted to go, I did respond "I don't really care either way." She said she'll be there, and hope I would show.

Yes, I did show up, and it was a great night. Now the kicker: turns out she's not happy with her newly-incoming family (she has 1 daughter[10], fiance has 2[10,12]). She fells she's being forced into a role she doesn't want. She doesn't feel like she fits in anymore. She actually took up a second job so she can keep away from home even longer.

Now, onto me. She made several, very obvious, passes -- even inviting me to watch her change clothes in her car before she went back home. I took the high-road, and declined. I informed her she was engaged, and this is all wrong. I would love to, but this isn't right (hinting at the engagement, again).

I saw her again yesterday with her fiance -- first time I met him (first time I've seen her outside the office, if you believe in fait). He's clearly not an alpha, as the PUA community would call him. He's handshake was, well, non-existant. I was actually pretty shocked about that.


-- The question(s):

Tomorrow, I'll see her again in the office. I would like to know what's the best way to handle this? I do want this to end ala "The Office" here. The only kicker is she doesn't like direct confrontation. Clearly, deciding to call off an engagement is about as confrontational as you can get -- and she has a daughter to think about.

In before "do what Jim did" -- I never actually followed the series. And by god, it's just a TV show.

I need advice: How would you handle this? Here are my thoughts, you can let me know how far I'm off:
  • Continue validate how great a person she is (she's actually done some amazing things that apparently nobody's really acknowledged -- she was genuinely impressed and very happy when I was impressed by them).
  • Let her know how much her fiance should appreciate her, and her interestes (he's asked her to stop doing things she loves because it didn't fit in the child-sitting schedule).
  • Continue to tell her she needs to be who she wants, not has, to be.
  • Keep taking the high-road.
  • No fiance bashing.
This is the first person I've met in my many years that I felt connected to [and I know the feeling is mutual]. However, I'm an extremely moral person and know things may not work out. So, all I want to do is figure out how I should handle this situation to help better my changes.

One additional cliff-note: this all started off with her attempts to hook me up with a friend of hers (clever plot to see is I was single?). I met this friend and immediately felt distant. I now use this as an opportunity to tell her she needs to hook me up with somebody just like her. I even used: 100% everything, sans-engagement.


PS: Oh, and apparently, if I caught this right, she has to convert to judaism before she can get married ... I only caught this in passing conversation, but she definitely isn't keen on the idea of converting (she and I see eye-to-eye on religion: bad news).
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