PUA Forum
https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/

Weirdest relationship ever! NEED HELP!!
https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=69580		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  Mr. Amador [ Sun Jun 20, 2010 5:21 am ]
Post subject:  Weirdest relationship ever! NEED HELP!!
Ok, the title of this post is a little over the top. Is not a weird relationship and I dont think I need help, I just want the opinion of some of you guys.

This is the story.

I've met a girl last year, in november. Things were awesome. I asked her out. While we were having a coffee she told me that she has a little daughter. She cried. I realli like her. A few weeks later she left town, she was visiting some family for almost two months. I called her a lot, like 2+ hrs a day. She came back and we kept on going out. Eventually I asked her to be my gf. We've been together for almost 4 months and I really love her. (We both are 21 years old)

Here's the thing, since she's got a kid, we cant hang out as much as I (we) would like to. We've talked about it, we've argued about it. She's got responsabilites and I understand that. But there are some things that I cant understand:

Her father doesnt knows I'm her boyfriend. I actually had to pretend to be a friend because he was around.

I have zero contact with her family. I know that I have a relationship with her and not with her family, but we both live with our parents. Its only natural to meet her parents and shit. I only met her mother (it was an accident, we were making out and her mother almost caught us).

Some relatives with kids visit her on the weekends. Almost every weekend. So she stays at the house with them, and we cant go out because of that. Or at least we cant go out at normal times. Sometimes she calls me like 9-10 PM and invites me over or tells me that she's avaliable to go out. So we hang out for a couple hours.. so sometimes our dates end like 11 PM...

I can only visit her when her daughter is asleep (her mother told her to only invite me when the kid is asleep).... I'm not sure what to think about that... I mean, I'm perfectly cool about the kid situation...

So we cant see each other or go out as much as we would like. And that sucks.

Maybe she wants to keep me away from her family to avoid some comments, like "here she goes again" or "I hope she doesnt gets pregnant again". She might be afraid of what her family thinks about her.

But come on! I think she must confront that situation and be a little brave. I know its hard but... she's gotta grow as a person.

I really love her, and I want this to work. I love her a lot.

So, what do you guys think of this situation? I knew what I was getting into when we started going out, but sometimes it hurts... its like not really having a girlfriend.. she keeps me away of her life in a way. As I write this I'm feeling like shit for not being able to see her for 2-4 days straight. And we live really close, its only like a 5 minutes drive to get to her house. So we dont have an excuse for not seeing each other.

Just tell me what you guys think.. please, lmao
Author:  Bimm3r [ Sun Jun 20, 2010 1:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
Try getting to know the kid.. Tell her to bring the kid with you, go to a park and have fun, get to know the kid ect.. Buy her/him icecream or something.. Show her that you are good around kids and that she can trust you to be around the kid - and from there, you will be able to come when the kid is not asleep..

But be careful, she will be crazy about you :D you know how women love when you are good with kids...

Also, you could take her and introduce her to your parents..


The other possibility, is that perhaps she is afraid to let you into her life too much, being afraid that she might loose you one day..
Author:  Mr. Amador [ Sun Jun 20, 2010 10:04 pm ]
Post subject: 
I know the kid... she liked me. I'm great with kids. So thats not the problem. My GF knows my parents. That's not the problem either. She's not afraid of getting too much involved with me, this is a serious relationship, and the thinsg between us are awesome.

I believe the issues are on her side. She's a young single mom. Maybe she's afraid that having a borfriend would make her family think that she's gonna set pregnant again or something.

She acts really weird at my house when we are alone. She wants to leave right away. Like if she was afraid that if my family walks in they will think that we were having sex or something. (we never had sex on my house)
Author:  Mr. Amador [ Mon Jun 21, 2010 4:51 am ]
Post subject: 
Her daughter is on vacation now. For two weeks. So I'm not seeing my gf much for the next two weeks. And that sucks...

I guess I want to get to see her more. Thats what I want. Maybe thats impossible....

I need to know if I can deal with that. Maybe I cant...

Maybe I'm just being selfish with this, but hey, my happinness counts too.
Author:  PUA Kenny [ Mon Jun 21, 2010 5:30 am ]
Post subject: 
I feel where you coming from Amador.

Im currently in similar situation in an LTR.

It was really AFC'ish how you got with her and spent 2 hrs. on phone dily-but thats long gone.

In my situation,my gfs' parents had met me and dont like me and try to undermine our LTR.

Anyway,keep the focus.
Author:  Koffertgutten [ Tue Jun 22, 2010 9:56 pm ]
Post subject: 
tough situation there..

If you're having a serious relationship, talk goes a long way.. Try getting to know the kid, ask her out on a date to a park and tell her to bring her kid along.. The family, oh.. Worst cockblock in history.. Nah, but.. Just tell her that you want to meet them, shouldnt be harder than that!
Author:  Koffertgutten [ Tue Jun 22, 2010 9:58 pm ]
Post subject: 
tough situation there..

If you're having a serious relationship, talk goes a long way.. Try getting to know the kid, ask her out on a date to a park and tell her to bring her kid along.. The family, oh.. Worst cockblock in history.. Nah, but.. Just tell her that you want to meet them, shouldnt be harder than that! Other than that, she has a kid, and alot of responsibilities for him, i highly doubt that'll change, you'll have to deal with the fact that u can't see her as often as you'd like..

Best of luck!
Author:  a40536 [ Tue Jun 22, 2010 10:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Weirdest relationship ever! NEED HELP!!
Quote:
I can only visit her when her daughter is asleep (her mother told her to only invite me when the kid is asleep)
I am suppriced others havent pointed it out but i am sure that her mother just doesnt want her introducing boyfreind after boyfreind to the kid, the kid gets to like one then then they split up and disapear out of the kids life...
Quote:
So we cant see each other or go out as much as we would like. And that sucks.
Like others said invite her and said kid out, park ect...

Quote:
but sometimes it hurts... its like not really having a girlfriend.. she keeps me away of her life in a way. As I write this I'm feeling like shit for not being able to see her for 2-4 days straight. And we live really close, its only like a 5 minutes drive to get to her house.
Just had a fun idea, (not tested just came into my head so throught i would put it out there) at night (i say night late evening not night night) one day, park outside text her to look out her window, and make funny faces at her throught the window... she will come (maby sneak!) downstairs to see you.. just use the excuse you where on your way back from some work thing (maby even pre-mention this work thing to her previously....), and wanted a kiss goodnight!!!

oh and if you need a lol then cheack this video :-
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3NrLgfp_4w[/youtube]
Author:  Lips_and_Hips [ Wed Jun 23, 2010 3:09 am ]
Post subject: 
I personally believe both your girlfriend and her family are acting this way towards you because they are petrified that they will introduce the daughter to you and she will love you and want you to be her daddy. Which is fine. IF things work out between the two of you forever.

To many people, it seems nonsensical that children from single-parent families could ever outperform children from 2-parent families. After all, don't the children living with two parents have twice the love, attention, resources, and help with their homework as the children of single parents?

Traditional nuclear families have been so sentimentalized in society that when we think of them, we immediately leap to a fantasy of two fully engaged and available adults who lavish their love and attention on one another and the children in a home free of anger, conflict, or recriminations.

In contrast, we imagine the children of single parents trudging home after school, latchkey in hand, glumly tossing a backpack into a tiny, wretched apartment. In the movie in our minds, the kids then plop on the couch to watch TV until a harried mum finally makes it home from work, way too exhausted and too poor to put a decent dinner on the table.

Obviously, the above examples are exaggerrated (I am not 100% aware of what the situation with your girl is) but to a certain extent, the majority of society does think like this, whether others accept it or not. And this is probably exactly what your girlfriend and her family believe.

You are both 21 years old which is so young! I can understand why her parents are concerned in this regard.

You say she must confront the situation and grow as a person. You also say you realise it is hard. You may not realise just quite how hard this is for her. The girl has grown up having certain morals and beliefs which have been strongly influenced by her parents - she still lives with her parents and they will continue to influence her throughout her life. It seems a little like you are trying to force your girlfriend to choose between you or her family and being the family orientated girl she seems like, it will not end well for you.

I understand you are very frustrated with the situation and that you believe you love her. I believe the only remedy to this is if you can guarentee that you will love her forever and never leave her. But you cannot guarentee this to her as no-one has the ability to forsee future events which could contribute to the demise of your relationship.

I apologise I haven't given you a solution but I hope this helps you to understand a little better where she is probably coming from.
Author:  Mr. Amador [ Wed Jun 23, 2010 4:14 am ]
Post subject: 
Thanks for the replies.

I was thinking about this and I might sound a little selfish to some of you guys. I do not want her to choose between me and her family. That would be stupid! If I had to make such a desicion, I would choose my family.

I think have to decide between to courses of action:

A. Get used to it: I will get accustomed to this situation eventually.

Pros:
Things will suck for a while, but eventually I will learn how to deal with it.

Cons:
Thinks will suck for a while and I believe thats the path of the wuss.


B. Confront her: I'm gonna have to talk to her about how I'm frustrated about the situation.

Con's:
She will be pissed about it. I'm sure. It will hurt. Because its not easy to hear that your boyfriend is uncomfortable about yout kid. She would be rightfully pissed about it. I'm her first boyfriend since the dude that got her pregnant. I dont want her to suffer because of her daughter. That would be being a selfish asshole.

Pro's:
I think I need to tell her that I'm cool about stuff and that I'm 100% with her. I want to tell her that any thoughts or fears are just on her mind. And I want to tell her that I dont care about what people would say and that neither should her. Basically, I believe that she needs to confront this issue, and grow as a person.

C. Consider that we might not be ready

I mean, maybe we are too young to be in this situation. But we are in love, and I cant just turn my back and wait til' we are ready. I dont think that breaking up with her is an option. Things arent that bad.

Here's the thing, every December she leaves town. She visits some relatives, with her daughter. Apparently this is a family thing. She's gonna leave for a couple months. If I miss her this much for not being able to see her for a week... well, its going to be a tough holidays!

She told me to visit her there once. But since the family things seems so weird, now I think that's impossible.

I want to deal with this issue before. To avoid being hurt, or hurt someone.

I'm not posting this as a selfish douchebag that only wants to have his GF glued to his ass. I simply love this girl, and I want things to work, long term.
Page 1 of 1 All times are UTC
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group
http://www.phpbb.com/