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gf never asks me out or sets up dates..
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Author:  Floods7 [ Sat May 08, 2010 3:14 am ]
Post subject:  gf never asks me out or sets up dates..
Ive been dating a girl for a little more than a month now and weve been spending the weekends together. We go out to a club or bar, hang out with our friends and then sleep at her house. Sometimes we go to dinner as well. But the porblem is I always have to set up everything and ask her out. I really dont like asking her out everytime. Its not that I worry about her saying no, cause shes always really excited to go out, but I just dont like asking everytime.

She doesnt txt me much either, I usually have to iniate the txting which bothers me as well.

Last weekend she was telling me that her friends were coming into town and she was going out with them.
I said that "okay we'll hang out the weekend after" and

she said "why? ...dont you want to meet my friends?

I responded "well sure, but im not going to invite myslef out with you and your friends"

that weekend that we were talking about is this weekend, and she did not ask me out. Its pissing me off casue I clearly said that you have to ask me out and she hasent. I know that if I called her right now she would be willing to hang and spend the night together but I dont want to have to ask especially when I made it clear that she needed to invite me along with her...

whats are your guys' thoughts on this..??
Author:  ElleTheGirl [ Sat May 08, 2010 4:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: gf never asks me out or sets up dates..
Hello, Floods7. I hope a woman's opinion will be of some help.
Quote:
...The porblem is I always have to set up everything and ask her out. I really dont like asking her out everytime. Its not that I worry about her saying no, cause shes always really excited to go out, but I just dont like asking everytime.
The man is always expected to ask the girl out, to pursue. I'm afraid it's something you have to adhere to even if you don't like it.
Quote:
She doesnt txt me much either, I usually have to iniate the txting which bothers me as well.
Same applies here as above. Also, I personally never initiate texts unless I have something interesting to say and perhaps she's the same. She may also be playing "hard to get" either via the recommendations of her friends or even a magazine article or just as a standard "test".
Quote:
Last weekend she was telling me that her friends were coming into town and she was going out with them.
I said that "okay we'll hang out the weekend after" and

she said "why? ...dont you want to meet my friends?

I responded "well sure, but im not going to invite myslef out with you and your friends"
She was expecting you to take the initiative to invite yourself along. I know that's pretty bizarre since you wouldn't really have a way of being sure that that was the case just from her text, but sometimes girls expect a guy to "just know" without realising it's a pretty high expectation.
Quote:
that weekend that we were talking about is this weekend, and she did not ask me out. Its pissing me off casue I clearly said that you have to ask me out and she hasent. I know that if I called her right now she would be willing to hang and spend the night together but I dont want to have to ask especially when I made it clear that she needed to invite me along with her...

whats are your guys' thoughts on this..??
Why is it such a big deal that she asks you out instead? It's starting to sound a little like you're playing a power game. If you like her isn't it worth swallowing some pride and just inviting yourself? She's practically asked you to do so and you already know she will say yes.

Just do it.
Author:  Floods7 [ Sat May 08, 2010 5:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yah I think you right. Its just that I though we were past playing game.. we both said that we like each other and we are in a relationship.

I just feel like shes sitting there hoping for me to txt her, and I just wish she would just call/txt. Sometime I out wait her, and she does eventually txt me. I kind of feel like doing the same for asking her out.

I want to get past all of this, since we are in a relationship. But it seems like I need to do this so the relationship does not turn into something where I have to do everything. I believe there should be some input from both people here
Author:  Floods7 [ Sat May 08, 2010 8:59 pm ]
Post subject: 
After talking it over with my friends (a girl) she said I should just wait till she txts me. I really dont know what this chicks deal is, I made it clear that I wanted to see her this weekend but I wasnt going to invite myslef out with her and her friends. Ive been seeing this girl for nearly 2 months and we've been out every weekend and I am always the one who has to ask her out. There should be some initative on her part.
Author:  Prince_ [ Sat May 08, 2010 10:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
maybe she doesnt text you cause she knows your always gonna text her first. i wouldnt ignore her or play games when your in a relationship, be happy that she will always say yes when you set up a plan and try not to overthink everything.
Author:  TheLastWolf [ Sat May 08, 2010 10:46 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Yah I think you right. Its just that I though we were past playing game.. we both said that we like each other and we are in a relationship.

I just feel like shes sitting there hoping for me to txt her, and I just wish she would just call/txt. Sometime I out wait her, and she does eventually txt me. I kind of feel like doing the same for asking her out.

I want to get past all of this, since we are in a relationship. But it seems like I need to do this so the relationship does not turn into something where I have to do everything. I believe there should be some input from both people here
You think that, but the games never end until your kissing her shoes.
Author:  Chelios [ Sat May 08, 2010 11:15 pm ]
Post subject: 
Some girls like to be dominated, in other words the man set the date up, tell her where your going etc. She seems like this kind.

Elle gave some good information, I get that feeling from an ex (girl I was recently seeing)

Don't play games. Maybe drop off a little but not too much. If she wants you to meet her friends. She likes you!
Author:  Floods7 [ Sun May 09, 2010 5:14 pm ]
Post subject: 
I havent herd from her since wed. She says she likes me and she wants me to meet her friends even though she didnt ask me to go. She just expected me to ask her out for last weekend, which I did not do. Then I find out that she is showing her co-workers pictures of me and telling them about me. But she never calls/txts or asks me out.

What should I do here? Should its been a while since we talked and I dont know if I should call her or wait for her to call me.
Author:  Chelios [ Sun May 09, 2010 7:35 pm ]
Post subject: 
1 possibility is, this wont make you seem too keen. Use a false contraint, pretend your in her area on a certain day/time, ask if she fancies grabbing a quick coffee/drink.
Author:  thelenzel [ Sun May 09, 2010 8:34 pm ]
Post subject: 
Society has made it, so that in a relationship, the man is the one with the plan or the one with the initiative. Thats why you RARELY (it has happened) see a girl take initiative, on asking a guy out, or telling him she likes him... Sometimes when I read of this cases, I think of the man not being manly enough to start by himself.
This is basically due, that society has put up women on a pedestal, and think they're godess (on mans side) and on womens side, if a girl asks a guy out, she's being "easy" or "slutty" ...
I don't "ask" my girl out ... A friend of mine I was talking to, she said that she WANTS to be told what to do, not asked.
She said her boyfriend, was like :
"So what do you like to do today...? .... What do you want for your birthday?" asking WHAT to do is soo wrong, but you can ask her if she wants to do something but you already have that something.
"Want to go to the bar tonight? Wanna go watch opera?" ....
Or ... "Pick you up at 7, got a surprise" ... thats what I do, I don't ask her, just sometimes.. But the girl wants to be told what to do, because you're the man and you must have the initiative.
Also, take in mind, if she would'nt want to see you, she would say no to your dates, the fact that she is accepting is that she wants to see you, she just wants you to be in control.
Author:  Floods7 [ Sun May 09, 2010 8:53 pm ]
Post subject: 
Chelious - is that really your name or is this something with the detroit red wings? im just wondering

Adilinar - Yes I know it is my job to take initative but every time? Even if I told her im not going to invite myself out with you and your friends?
Author:  Chelios [ Sun May 09, 2010 9:05 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Chelious - is that really your name or is this something with the detroit red wings? im just wondering

Adilinar - Yes I know it is my job to take initative but every time? Even if I told her im not going to invite myself out with you and your friends?
Nope Floods, Chelios isn't my real name. nothing to do with the Detroit Red Wings though? I don't even know of them?
Author:  thelenzel [ Sun May 09, 2010 9:56 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
It is not your job to initiate everything. It is not your job to have to invite yourself along.

Relationships are about investments. A healthy relationship has evenly distributed (and steadily increasing) investment between both parties. I think you need to talk to her about this and tell her what I just told you. Otherwise this will become a point of contention.

She is initiating and asking you to come in her female way. But it's obviously not enough for you to feel like it's even. So just talk to her about it.

Good luck :)
Besides...
You have only been with her for a little over a month, its still early.
Usually girls find out wether or not they'll ditch a guy in the first weeks of dating, its been less than 8 weeks...
Just let time go by, and let it do its thing, you keep acting like always, don't be predictable, don't takeher out every weekend, take her out somewhere in between weekdays.
Don't text her everyday, even if she wants you to text her, don't call her everyday... Don't text her at the same time everyday, same goes for phone calls. Call at a time thats not common..
A girl likes a guy who is not predictable, but do not overdo it, or she will feel like with a stranger.
Author:  Floods7 [ Sun May 09, 2010 10:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
Chelious - there is a famous hockey player who used to play for the Red Wings named Chri Chelious. Hes he oldest active player in the NHL.... btw

I am very unpredictible. I rarely txt her, and i keep her guessing. After I leave her house I usually dont txt her until she txts me. If anyting I dont want to be to distant.

Should I wait this out or txt her tonight or tomorrow.
Author:  Chelios [ Sun May 09, 2010 11:08 pm ]
Post subject: 
Oooo right. I like some American sport but being from London in the UK, I'm not too clued up on them.

Personally I'd wait this out, because I can be so stubborn, Depends how you want to take it. She could be thinking the same, testing you maybe, or just playing games. Maybe do what your heart says over your head. If you do text her, don't be too needy.
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