PUA Forum :: I may be over-reacting to this, but I hate my gf sometimes.

Let me start this letter out with saying I love you. I want and hope that things can improve between us... but as of right now I don't know what to do... because I have so much weighing in on my mind. And this is everything written out for you - right here so you can understand.
This letter is WAY past due. And these are things that I have been wanting to say for a long time - but I can never talk with you and instead we end up arguing instead of just talking like normal couples should. If you do not read anything else in this - read the 5'th line(paragraph) up from the bottom (part that says **IMPORTANT**) - the second to last "section". It is important you read every part of this letter... but that line is probably the most important.
First off, I am not breaking up with you in this letter... I just need time to think about what I need.. because I am starting my Academy in a month and I do NOT want to have to deal
with all the drama and the issues we have while in the academy. I need all my
focus to be on the school and not worry about problems we are having.
I can't blow away my future in that way.
---------------------------------------------------
We have had some amazing times together.
Going to Berkeley and drinking,
Going to the city countless times, and yelling funny shit out the windows.
Going to IKEA and shopping for our "condo".
Going on walks on your golf course.
Laying on the ground and staring up at the stars talking.
Holding hands and walking to places we have never been.
Talking about our futures and how we want each other to be a part of them.
Valentines day,
Spending the night at Stormies and sleeping together for the first time and literally "sleeping": haha.
Watching movies and holding eachother in our arms feeling our hearts beating.
You drooling on me and laughing about it.
Our countless laughs and amazing drives "do you think it fell off?"
So many memories it would take a long time to write them out. But point is... we had/have something amazing... however somehow, we got way off track from a loving and amazing couple which we were... to being mean and selfish.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
::::Now, to the real issues that could have been worked on so much earlier than this::::
First off let me start this out with the most recent turn of events with the whole "dream guy" thing. Reason it upset me so much is because of how jealous you are that your friend is dating this guy. You sounded very envious of her. You said "what are the chances of meeting a guy like that?"
- THANKS.. what am I?? A piece of shit?? A remark like that means that you really feel like he is a better guy than me. While he DOES have a career and is rich... I am just as much of a man and I have goals and dreams for myself too. I am going about achieving them too.. I am not just sitting around.
You made me feel like complete second class shit. You made me feel like I am second best to you and that you would prefer a guy like him. And I wish you could admit it - that you were jealous of her boyfriend and that is why you told me what you told me. And that hurts.
-----------------------------
Somehow we got the idea that it is OK to be mean and
say mean things without even caring. Verbal abuse. Then somehow you
expected me not to get mad or upset about those things we said.
Such as:
-How you told me that you complain about me and never brag about me anymore.
-How you think I am not much of a man.
-How you think I handle things like a girl.
-How you think I am a worthless human being for being where I am in life (even though I am becoming my dream and achieving my goal of becoming law enforcement).
-That I am a selfish person and only care about myself.
-That I am no better than your dad.
-That I am not your dream man.
-That I suffocate you by spending too much time with you.
-That I have no life.
-That I am a failure.
-That I over react to your obvious and blatant flirting to other guys then lying about it.
- that you think I am girly and that I am not a man at all. (FYI... hurtful thing to say to your boyfriend)
How can you expect me NOT to remember all the mean and hurtful things you have said??
Sure - I can forgive you for them... but I will never forget what you said.... I can even get over the fact that you said them to me... but expecting me not to feel different after every time you say mean things to me is ignorant. I feel like I can't even be myself. That I have to pretend to be someone I am not.
I feel like I have to walk on egg shells around you.. and I feel like anything I say or do will upset you and piss you off. That is NO way to be in a relationship... I should be able to just be ME and not worry about things.
You/and me... have turned our relationship into a broken fractured mirror of what it was originally. And it is sad that it has gotten here.
--------------------------------------
The whole trust issue. I have given you all my trust back - after we had that talk about "suffocating". I have been a lot less concerned and A LOT more care-free about everything. Point is... you had ruined my trust in the beginning... I really don't care - because I knew you loved me and that you wouldn't cheat on me and if you did you would regret it. But still. You know the reasons behind why I had a hard time trusting you in the first place. You did that.
--------------------------------------
I remember that when I used to say things like "I don't accept second class behavior from people, I don't accept liars, I don't accept people playing "games" with me, and that I don't like flakers"... you always used to say - well it's a good thing I wont ever do any of those. And when you DID do something.. you always apologized for hurting me or making me feel second class. But I never get any type of anything from you anymore.
--------------------------------------
It basically all comes down to what I've been saying all along... that our communication needs to be worked on. That we need to be able to just TALK to eachother without jumping to eachother attacking eachother. We need to be able to TALK. If people handled every situation the way we do and never TALKED about anything - then the world would be a pretty fucked up place. You never seem to want to talk though... and for some reason always get heated and mad whenever I want to talk rationally and maturely like two adults.

Your and my communication goes a little something like this:

-I try to talk with you calmly about something that is bothering me/you/us.
You rage up and take offense to something I say.
-I get mad that you aren't just talking to me and COMMUNICATING with me.
You get mad and start arguing and saying "I don't even want to talk about it"
-Then we shut up and fight even more from moment to moment... and the
ISSUE NEVER GETS RESOLVED... so we have all these issues that never get
solved because you "don't feel like talking them out".
We end up fighting and getting all worked up and upset about something that could have been handled by a simple "talk".
------------------------------------------------------
I know you have a lot of stress from school. I also know you have a lot of things that worry you. You might just be taking a lot of it out on me.... but I don't want to be the target of your built up stress. I will not judge you because of your stress - but I don't like being the target of your anger in life. I understand why you are angry and insecure about your own life and why you filter out your anger at me.. but I don't deserve that.
------------------------------------------------------
***IMPORTANT PART***
Now, I don't know what is going to happen here... but either for future reference for US -OR- for future reference for your NEXT boyfriend... BE OPEN AND COMMUNICATE WITH HIM. Sit down - listen, talk to him... understand where he is coming from and try to listen. Work with him and solve problems. Don't laugh in his face or tell him to fuck off when he tries to talk to you. Don't hangup on him when there is something bothering him, and don't act like how he feels isn't important. IT IS. He is a human being and wants to be happy in the relationship just as much as you do. But unless you can communicate about the issues at hand - nothing will ever be solved and he will always feel like you don't care.
----------------------------------------
Now, I know you don't think I am very "manly" but I am not afraid to choose a better path for myself. If I see that things are not improving and that things are not going to - then I will choose the path I deserve and get out. I am not afraid - because I am happy with my life and anything that happens will not affect me and I will not let something bring me down like that. I know there are people who care about me and that there will be people and someone in the future that care about me as well.
I want to work everything out with you and have things get better.... I honestly don't know if that is possible though.... I think you are just the type of person that would rather shut herself off rather than communicate and listen. That makes me sad.
I DO love you Rochelle. I love you a lot, but I also need to think what is best for myself. And I want what is best for myself to be what is best for US also.. but maybe that is just wishful thinking.
I have a lot on my mind and need some time to think everything over.

What is it that she likes about this guy

As you can tell by previous posts, this relationship has been nothing more than a roller coaster between me and my GF lately. We love each other - but there is a lot of arguing and stuff that goes on. And now it's the latest chapter in the book... and I don't know if I over-reacted.. or if I did the right thing. I am pretty close to just calling it quits with this girl... but before I do - do you have any advice (besides breaking up) that I could handle this situation with??

Ok, so my girlfriend and I were talking on the phone last night and she brought up that she was talking to one of her friends earlier that night and that her friend was telling her about her boyfriend. Her friend's boyfriend is a paramedic and a EMT. My girlfriend went on and on about "how rare it is to find a guy who's only 20 and already has his career and life together." She was going on and on about how he is "every woman's dream" and how he is "everything a woman looks for"... because his family is filthy rich, because he owns a lot of land and has horses and stuff, and how he doesn't let it go to his and head and acts completely normal. She went on to talk about how handsome he was and amazingly nice. She kept saying he was amazing and that her friend was lucky to be dating him.

I told her I was getting a bit uncomfortable and she replied "I'm not saying this because I think he is better than you". She said "you didn't grow up in a wealthy home - it's not like I'm gonna hold that against you." She continued on and said "Plus, I already found my man, and he is you, babe."

She was trying to make me not feel weird anymore... but it still hurt me.. because I am 22 and am still in college - and have no money and stuff... he has everything I dont and she was talking about how he is "everything a woman looks for".

She went on to say how he has a farm and how he has horses and animals and stuff. She said "you know ow I've always wanted a farm and horses and land" he ALREADY has it all! What are the chances!". She was seeming very jealous of her friend's guy... and making me feel like shit... so I told her straight up that I didn't want to hear it and hungup on her.

So after I hungup on her - I texted her THIS later last night:
-------------------------
ME - TO HER:

"Tonight when you kept talking about how "amazing" your friend's boyfriend is and how he is what "every girl dreams about" is really something you don't want to fucking tell your boyfriend. Your boyfriend wants to hear that HE is amazing and all those things. Then you told me "it's not your FAULT you didn't grow up in a rich family". Fuck, I didn't realize it WAS a "fault". I felt as if you were measuring me up to this guy who you said several times was "every girls dream man". Fuck, well thanks for making me feel worthless and like shit. You went on to say how he is rich and how he has so much land and how he has a farm and then you say "you know how I've always wanted a farm, well he already HAS one. He is so PERFECT."

Thank you for making me feel like crap for NOT having those things. That's like me going on about how my friend is dating an amazingly sexy woman and how she has huge breasts then saying something like "but you can't help not having big breasts" and then telling you how hse has sex with him every night and shes every man's dream.

You are either jealous of your friend's boyfriend or you were not thinking at all when you told me those things. I think hopnestly it is the first option. You sounded fucking downright envious of her boyfriend and how you wished you could have him or a man like him who is "every girls bream". Guess I'm not that in your eyes but that is good to know that I wont be "every woman's dream" in YOUR eyes. At least I know in a close second or NEAR perfect in your book but will never quite be that woman's dream to you. That's great. What is I were to make you feel the same? I know many women that are dating friends and many women in general that are amazing goddess status women, but I would never tell me girlfriend that and would NEVER make her feel like she doesn't measure up to my "perfect woman" standards. Because you to me are that perfect woman and I don't care. But you made me feel second best and you tried to cheer me up by saying "i've found my man, it's you!" but you really prefer your friend's guy.

ANd that may sound harsh, but my friends that I was with when you told me these things on the phone said that they would have just dumped it right then and there if their girlfriend had said what you said to me. What were you thinking?? Trying to get a rise out of me?? Honestly I think you were trying to make me jealous becasue you are jealous of your friend's guy. I don't play games and stuff like that tonight - you can't expect me not to get angry about. You're lucky I didn't just tell you I'm done and over because of how you made me feel second best. I'm done with this and personally if you are that much of a money ungry person than that is sad.

And I wasn't trying to blow your phone up - I am just explaining why I got so upset and trying to figure out why the hell you would even say those things to your boyfriend. I love you, but I think I need some time to think, cuz I don't really like the feeling I have right now. So I'm gonna go for now... cuz I don't like playing games. And so you know,... you are that perfect girl in my eyes BECAUSE you are my girlfriend... but I would NEVER make you feel second best EVER. Trust me - it is not a good feeling.
-------------

Haven't heard from her - and personally I don't care right now because I am still upset about what she said and how she tried to make me jealous or becasue she was so jealous of her friend.

I think I over-reacted in the text messages... I'm not worrying about DLVing because she is my GF of seven months now... but I do feel like I made myself seem like I have a low self confidence level.

Granted she was probably just trying to tell me how her friend has this all around great guy and she probably didn't mean to offend or make me feel jealous... but she obviously wasn't thinking when she said those things then... but I shouldn't have reacted the way that I did but I was really upset.

So now - what do I do?? I am kinda freezing her out a bit... because I didn't like that and it was very rude of her last night... but I don't know how to handle this.

Advice??

You should send her 10 copies of Cosmo, and tell her "There's an article somewhere in there that'll teach you 5 bullshit techniques on how to get a rich, loaded farmboy BF, since you want one so much. We're DONE. Don't EVER call me again."

Author:	D4v1dM4nn [ Tue Mar 09, 2010 8:41 pm ]
Post subject:	I may be over-reacting to this, but I hate my gf sometimes.
As you can tell by previous posts, this relationship has been nothing more than a roller coaster between me and my GF lately. We love each other - but there is a lot of arguing and stuff that goes on. And now it's the latest chapter in the book... and I don't know if I over-reacted.. or if I did the right thing. I am pretty close to just calling it quits with this girl... but before I do - do you have any advice (besides breaking up) that I could handle this situation with?? Ok, so my girlfriend and I were talking on the phone last night and she brought up that she was talking to one of her friends earlier that night and that her friend was telling her about her boyfriend. Her friend's boyfriend is a paramedic and a EMT. My girlfriend went on and on about "how rare it is to find a guy who's only 20 and already has his career and life together." She was going on and on about how he is "every woman's dream" and how he is "everything a woman looks for"... because his family is filthy rich, because he owns a lot of land and has horses and stuff, and how he doesn't let it go to his and head and acts completely normal. She went on to talk about how handsome he was and amazingly nice. She kept saying he was amazing and that her friend was lucky to be dating him. I told her I was getting a bit uncomfortable and she replied "I'm not saying this because I think he is better than you". She said "you didn't grow up in a wealthy home - it's not like I'm gonna hold that against you." She continued on and said "Plus, I already found my man, and he is you, babe." She was trying to make me not feel weird anymore... but it still hurt me.. because I am 22 and am still in college - and have no money and stuff... he has everything I dont and she was talking about how he is "everything a woman looks for". She went on to say how he has a farm and how he has horses and animals and stuff. She said "you know ow I've always wanted a farm and horses and land" he ALREADY has it all! What are the chances!". She was seeming very jealous of her friend's guy... and making me feel like shit... so I told her straight up that I didn't want to hear it and hungup on her. So after I hungup on her - I texted her THIS later last night: ------------------------- ME - TO HER: "Tonight when you kept talking about how "amazing" your friend's boyfriend is and how he is what "every girl dreams about" is really something you don't want to fucking tell your boyfriend. Your boyfriend wants to hear that HE is amazing and all those things. Then you told me "it's not your FAULT you didn't grow up in a rich family". Fuck, I didn't realize it WAS a "fault". I felt as if you were measuring me up to this guy who you said several times was "every girls dream man". Fuck, well thanks for making me feel worthless and like shit. You went on to say how he is rich and how he has so much land and how he has a farm and then you say "you know how I've always wanted a farm, well he already HAS one. He is so PERFECT." Thank you for making me feel like crap for NOT having those things. That's like me going on about how my friend is dating an amazingly sexy woman and how she has huge breasts then saying something like "but you can't help not having big breasts" and then telling you how hse has sex with him every night and shes every man's dream. You are either jealous of your friend's boyfriend or you were not thinking at all when you told me those things. I think hopnestly it is the first option. You sounded fucking downright envious of her boyfriend and how you wished you could have him or a man like him who is "every girls bream". Guess I'm not that in your eyes but that is good to know that I wont be "every woman's dream" in YOUR eyes. At least I know in a close second or NEAR perfect in your book but will never quite be that woman's dream to you. That's great. What is I were to make you feel the same? I know many women that are dating friends and many women in general that are amazing goddess status women, but I would never tell me girlfriend that and would NEVER make her feel like she doesn't measure up to my "perfect woman" standards. Because you to me are that perfect woman and I don't care. But you made me feel second best and you tried to cheer me up by saying "i've found my man, it's you!" but you really prefer your friend's guy. ANd that may sound harsh, but my friends that I was with when you told me these things on the phone said that they would have just dumped it right then and there if their girlfriend had said what you said to me. What were you thinking?? Trying to get a rise out of me?? Honestly I think you were trying to make me jealous becasue you are jealous of your friend's guy. I don't play games and stuff like that tonight - you can't expect me not to get angry about. You're lucky I didn't just tell you I'm done and over because of how you made me feel second best. I'm done with this and personally if you are that much of a money ungry person than that is sad. And I wasn't trying to blow your phone up - I am just explaining why I got so upset and trying to figure out why the hell you would even say those things to your boyfriend. I love you, but I think I need some time to think, cuz I don't really like the feeling I have right now. So I'm gonna go for now... cuz I don't like playing games. And so you know,... you are that perfect girl in my eyes BECAUSE you are my girlfriend... but I would NEVER make you feel second best EVER. Trust me - it is not a good feeling. ------------- Haven't heard from her - and personally I don't care right now because I am still upset about what she said and how she tried to make me jealous or becasue she was so jealous of her friend. I think I over-reacted in the text messages... I'm not worrying about DLVing because she is my GF of seven months now... but I do feel like I made myself seem like I have a low self confidence level. Granted she was probably just trying to tell me how her friend has this all around great guy and she probably didn't mean to offend or make me feel jealous... but she obviously wasn't thinking when she said those things then... but I shouldn't have reacted the way that I did but I was really upset. So now - what do I do?? I am kinda freezing her out a bit... because I didn't like that and it was very rude of her last night... but I don't know how to handle this. Advice??

Author:	TheLastWolf [ Tue Mar 09, 2010 8:56 pm ]
Post subject:
Lesson 1. Girls are dumb. They tell you this kinda shit without thinking. They don't do it on purpose, but they still do it. What exactly are they doing? Comparing you to a better guy i.e DLVing you. As an alpha male, you are never wrong. Therefore, it's only overreacting if you feel/think it is. If you don't feel that way it's not. Lesson 2. Stand your ground. She will no doubtingly try to flip this on you. I.E you're insecure, jealous, don't trust me(her) ect... any and everything is a shit test and trying to make it about YOU. Don't let her. Stand your ground, you did nothing wrong, you were in the right. She made you feel like shit. My thoughts? Well, it's never good to show too much anger or let things bother you too much which this obviously did, but that kind of stuff happens to everyone. How to DHV yourself after being DLV'd so bad? Simple. "I love my love, and I'm happy with the way/direction it's going. I couldn't wish for a better life. I'm happy." You are happy with your life DHV, don't give a shit that you aren't rich ect... DHV.. Being happy with yourself, your life and who you are is the biggest DHV, materials are a small amount of DHVs.

Author:	TheJ [ Tue Mar 09, 2010 10:49 pm ]
Post subject:
I think you overeacted and missed the whole point of her speech or the message she was trying to get across. Learn this now, it will help you immensly. What is it that she likes about this guy? What is it that she finds attractive? Is it the money, the paramedic/EMT job he has? No. It isn't the specifics. It is that he has his career in front of him. He has goals and he is taking steps to fullfill them. This is attractive to girls becuase well that's shows determination and shows that you drive your life rather then being driven by it. It doesn't matter if your goal is to become the next president of the USA or to own a 7-eleven. What is important is that you HAVE goals that you have set inteligently and that you are following through. A girl feeling that a guy has his future in sight and in hand is very attractive. A college student that doesn't know what he likes and doesn't know were to go next doesn't get the 'man' label. He gets the 'boy' label. This isn't attractive. Now being a 22 year guy in college that knows where he is going and that takes steps to get what he wants is good. She needs to feel you have direction, that you have your shit together. And this is something you want to do for yourself btw. As a by product it is also something that will make you a lot more attractive to the other sex. David deAngelo has great material and takes a lot of time adressing these sort of 'inner game' things. I would advise you to check his 'Mastery' Series. Check for a guest speaker called Amber. She adresses this and so does he in the main part of his program. Maybe not the advice you were looking for but I think it will help you being a better you. Cheers!

Author:	D4v1dM4nn [ Wed Mar 10, 2010 9:46 am ]
Post subject:
Ok, so apparently my girlfriend didn't get any of the text message taht i sent her there. So when she called I told her kinda everything therein a nutshell. She told me that she was having a horrible day already and didn't want to deal with this on top of it all. She then hung up on me. We then got in a huge arguement... everything from the past problems we have had (the hurtful comments she has made to me - how she has told me I'm not "manly" and how she thinks I handle things like a girl, and how she feels I suffocate her and stuff...) it all bottled up and tipped over the edge. I got pissed off and said that I am done if this continues. That I dont deserve to be treated this way. I told her in a couple text messages "If you cant be mature about taking blame and seeing how what you said hurt me then maybe you aren't mature enough for this relationship" I also said: "This isn't a game and you are fuing around with more than just your life here. I am not going to deal with this anymore... you were afraid that one day I'd just get tired of all your shit... that day is right fing now." She told me she has "prepared herself for a breakup" I told her: "prepared yourself, huh? Nice. Me as well. As much as it is stupid to have to do so. You can't seem to be a nice person for longer than 2 minutes and you are selfish and dont care how I feel. Good to know you have prepared yourself because if nothing changes VERY soon... like asap then bye bye. I don't need this, and it is nobody to blame but yourself babe." That is all I said. End of convo. I then sent her a long ass message on myspace telling her everything that I feel and stuff. Here is a copy of it... but even if you don't read the letter... what do you think I should do from here? Freeze her out?? DId I do the right thing? I am just tired of all her hurtful things and drama with her. UGH. I love the girl and dont want to break up... but I don't know what to do. HELP!!! -------------------------------------------------------------------- LETTER - OPTIONAL READING - JUST FOR A LITTLE MORE BACKGROUND. If you read the letter - please provide some advice about it as well... should I have said the things I did?? Quote:* Let me start this letter out with saying I love you. I want and hope that things can improve between us... but as of right now I don't know what to do... because I have so much weighing in on my mind. And this is everything written out for you - right here so you can understand. This letter is WAY past due. And these are things that I have been wanting to say for a long time - but I can never talk with you and instead we end up arguing instead of just talking like normal couples should. If you do not read anything else in this - read the 5'th line(paragraph) up from the bottom (part that says IMPORTANT) - the second to last "section". It is important you read every part of this letter... but that line is probably the most important. First off, I am not breaking up with you in this letter... I just need time to think about what I need.. because I am starting my Academy in a month and I do NOT want to have to deal with all the drama and the issues we have while in the academy. I need all my focus to be on the school and not worry about problems we are having. I can't blow away my future in that way. --------------------------------------------------- We have had some amazing times together. Going to Berkeley and drinking, Going to the city countless times, and yelling funny shit out the windows. Going to IKEA and shopping for our "condo". Going on walks on your golf course. Laying on the ground and staring up at the stars talking. Holding hands and walking to places we have never been. Talking about our futures and how we want each other to be a part of them. Valentines day, Spending the night at Stormies and sleeping together for the first time and literally "sleeping": haha. Watching movies and holding eachother in our arms feeling our hearts beating. You drooling on me and laughing about it. Our countless laughs and amazing drives "do you think it fell off?" So many memories it would take a long time to write them out. But point is... we had/have something amazing... however somehow, we got way off track from a loving and amazing couple which we were... to being mean and selfish. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ::::Now, to the real issues that could have been worked on so much earlier than this:::: First off let me start this out with the most recent turn of events with the whole "dream guy" thing. Reason it upset me so much is because of how jealous you are that your friend is dating this guy. You sounded very envious of her. You said "what are the chances of meeting a guy like that?" - THANKS.. what am I?? A piece of shit?? A remark like that means that you really feel like he is a better guy than me. While he DOES have a career and is rich... I am just as much of a man and I have goals and dreams for myself too. I am going about achieving them too.. I am not just sitting around. You made me feel like complete second class shit. You made me feel like I am second best to you and that you would prefer a guy like him. And I wish you could admit it - that you were jealous of her boyfriend and that is why you told me what you told me. And that hurts. ----------------------------- Somehow we got the idea that it is OK to be mean and say mean things without even caring. Verbal abuse. Then somehow you expected me not to get mad or upset about those things we said. Such as: -How you told me that you complain about me and never brag about me anymore. -How you think I am not much of a man. -How you think I handle things like a girl. -How you think I am a worthless human being for being where I am in life (even though I am becoming my dream and achieving my goal of becoming law enforcement). -That I am a selfish person and only care about myself. -That I am no better than your dad. -That I am not your dream man. -That I suffocate you by spending too much time with you. -That I have no life. -That I am a failure. -That I over react to your obvious and blatant flirting to other guys then lying about it. - that you think I am girly and that I am not a man at all. (FYI... hurtful thing to say to your boyfriend) How can you expect me NOT to remember all the mean and hurtful things you have said?? Sure - I can forgive you for them... but I will never forget what you said.... I can even get over the fact that you said them to me... but expecting me not to feel different after every time you say mean things to me is ignorant. I feel like I can't even be myself. That I have to pretend to be someone I am not. I feel like I have to walk on egg shells around you.. and I feel like anything I say or do will upset you and piss you off. That is NO way to be in a relationship... I should be able to just be ME and not worry about things. You/and me... have turned our relationship into a broken fractured mirror of what it was originally. And it is sad that it has gotten here. -------------------------------------- The whole trust issue. I have given you all my trust back - after we had that talk about "suffocating". I have been a lot less concerned and A LOT more care-free about everything. Point is... you had ruined my trust in the beginning... I really don't care - because I knew you loved me and that you wouldn't cheat on me and if you did you would regret it. But still. You know the reasons behind why I had a hard time trusting you in the first place. You did that. -------------------------------------- I remember that when I used to say things like "I don't accept second class behavior from people, I don't accept liars, I don't accept people playing "games" with me, and that I don't like flakers"... you always used to say - well it's a good thing I wont ever do any of those. And when you DID do something.. you always apologized for hurting me or making me feel second class. But I never get any type of anything from you anymore. -------------------------------------- It basically all comes down to what I've been saying all along... that our communication needs to be worked on. That we need to be able to just TALK to eachother without jumping to eachother attacking eachother. We need to be able to TALK. If people handled every situation the way we do and never TALKED about anything - then the world would be a pretty fucked up place. You never seem to want to talk though... and for some reason always get heated and mad whenever I want to talk rationally and maturely like two adults. Your and my communication goes a little something like this: -I try to talk with you calmly about something that is bothering me/you/us. You rage up and take offense to something I say. -I get mad that you aren't just talking to me and COMMUNICATING with me. You get mad and start arguing and saying "I don't even want to talk about it" -Then we shut up and fight even more from moment to moment... and the ISSUE NEVER GETS RESOLVED... so we have all these issues that never get solved because you "don't feel like talking them out". We end up fighting and getting all worked up and upset about something that could have been handled by a simple "talk". ------------------------------------------------------ I know you have a lot of stress from school. I also know you have a lot of things that worry you. You might just be taking a lot of it out on me.... but I don't want to be the target of your built up stress. I will not judge you because of your stress - but I don't like being the target of your anger in life. I understand why you are angry and insecure about your own life and why you filter out your anger at me.. but I don't deserve that. ------------------------------------------------------ *IMPORTANT PART* Now, I don't know what is going to happen here... but either for future reference for US -OR- for future reference for your NEXT boyfriend... BE OPEN AND COMMUNICATE WITH HIM. Sit down - listen, talk to him... understand where he is coming from and try to listen. Work with him and solve problems. Don't laugh in his face or tell him to fuck off when he tries to talk to you. Don't hangup on him when there is something bothering him, and don't act like how he feels isn't important. IT IS. He is a human being and wants to be happy in the relationship just as much as you do. But unless you can communicate about the issues at hand - nothing will ever be solved and he will always feel like you don't care. ---------------------------------------- Now, I know you don't think I am very "manly" but I am not afraid to choose a better path for myself. If I see that things are not improving and that things are not going to - then I will choose the path I deserve and get out. I am not afraid - because I am happy with my life and anything that happens will not affect me and I will not let something bring me down like that. I know there are people who care about me and that there will be people and someone in the future that care about me as well. I want to work everything out with you and have things get better.... I honestly don't know if that is possible though.... I think you are just the type of person that would rather shut herself off rather than communicate and listen. That makes me sad. I DO love you Rochelle. I love you a lot, but I also need to think what is best for myself. And I want what is best for myself to be what is best for US also.. but maybe that is just wishful thinking. I have a lot on my mind and need some time to think everything over.

Author:	General Lamb [ Wed Mar 10, 2010 12:56 pm ]
Post subject:
yeah, slight overreaction there.... i can't really see the relationship recovering from this it's best to cut clean now and start afresh Obviously it all started to go wrong when she started placing this guy on a pedistal for her benchmark for perfection, not something you wanted to hear, and honestly i don't blame you for that. it's not something many people would have liked to hear. However girls do things like this, it's something that you can't control, what you can control, and what actually matters is how you react to such things. Pesonally I like to keep things very simple, I feel that arguing is quite boring and thus a waste of my time, but listening to her ramble on about some perfect guy isn't something I consider fun either.. So what I would have done in the situation is this: Promptly ended the call, (neutrally, not agressively... boring arguments follow from that, but not too friendly either, no "love yous" and whatnot) with a simple "Hey, you know what? I'm actually very busy tonight so I'd better be off now, take care of yourself, bye." It's the whole two birds one stone thing: by doing this you're not having to waste your time listening to her drone on about this guy, you can do something more fun AND it teaches her that this sort of behaviour isn't tolerated, girls are pretty perceptive and she should realise exactly what she did wrong therefore reducing the chances of it happening again in the future. Similar principles to diciplining an attention seeking naughty child. You don't shout at them, that only makes things worse, just stay calm and ignore them when they misbehave.

PUA Forum https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/

I may be over-reacting to this, but I hate my gf sometimes. https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=63619	Page 1 of 1

Author:	Lodewijkp [ Wed Mar 10, 2010 1:49 pm ]
Post subject:
lol .... really.... i mean you stood up - you bragged afc/choded a bit but you corrected it with some serious arguments so good job, you are communicating! look what she literally was saying is she wants a man who knows what he wants and goes for what he wants, but she talks over and over about it really.... you told her 1 or 2 times to chill and she kept talking. you overreacted but i think this is because of the past and other issues, maybe lack of sex and so forth. on you : you let it get to you, thus you confirm her reality of lack of status.....however you have lover / provider relationships and she is just jealous her friends has such a good provider. i would brush it off.... well it's very cool your friend has found such boyfriend i wish them the best and brush it off. and if she kept going i would reply : well why don't you hook up with him if your so fond of him, i have enough woman in my life anyway.... look these long messages make huge arguements, even if your right she will try to prove you are wrong anyway. Quote: What is it that she likes about this guy yeah this superficial status... you are not your fucking couch you are not your car you are not your fucking kakis. you shouldn't try to imitate this or to seek the same superficial fullfillment, just do what makes you feel good. hey i don't have alot of money and stuff and it frustrated me to a certain degree but im writing a book now and do things i like - things that gives me fullfillment. I don't have money and im dressed like shit and i fucked rich girls and hot girls who seeks superficial status - status is nothing - NOTHING! it's just a superficial identity because guys who are rich don't know who they are they just identify with money and think they're important until they crash. Look you don't have your shit together and you are not stupid - you already told us that a few times and she should knew as well. good posts in here read them all because they have all some good advice! especially Tmg3.... my opninion : i think nothing is to be added .. you are who you are and everyone has weak points. you have some trouble getting things done in life and long conversations about that guy isn't fun to hear - it hurts you. that conversation just activated some pain or negative emotions which is completely normal. i wouldn't overreact and do something that looks similar like tmg3s advice but i don't have problems like you - i don't have the same pains. Girls sometimes really can act dumb... really .... however try not to judge her as '' selfish '' it's just ignorance on her part. i think you said everything on your part , you've communicated all you're issues and problems - you've even communicated positive things. Personally i think the chance you break up is very big right now... maybe beyond recovery. your final question :is what to do now ? Do nothing .... i think you've said enough.. i understand what she's trying to say and why she said it all... look she is just jealous but she tells you her preferences etc, she wants you to have the same or do something in life. SHE just overreacted like you overreacted - so it seems you are both on the level. at the end im going to say this ... you just stood up for yourself, if you get in touch with her you have to tell her you understand what she was communicating and why it gets to you. just trust yourself at this one.... just remember to count to 10 and cool down when you hear something you don't like.

Author:	Wackjacko2001 [ Mon Mar 15, 2010 5:21 am ]
Post subject:
I dont know where you are in this relationship but I feel your spidey sense was correct that her talking about her friend's boyfriend like that is bad sign. In fact, I'd argue it is red-flag that she is about to start shopping around. But your reaction was not good IMO. In my exp. (and Ive been there), talking it out or telling her incorrect behavior accomplishes absolutely nothing. In my opinion, Your were right to freeze out. That is precisely what you need to do and nothing else. Of course, I know all this is so much easier said that done. But you need to employ no contact. Your getting relationship-ending red flags IMO.

Author:	Rune [ Mon Mar 15, 2010 6:29 am ]
Post subject:	Re: I may be over-reacting to this, but I hate my gf sometim
Quote: As you can tell by previous posts, this relationship has been nothing more than a roller coaster between me and my GF lately. We love each other - but there is a lot of arguing and stuff that goes on. And now it's the latest chapter in the book... and I don't know if I over-reacted.. or if I did the right thing. I am pretty close to just calling it quits with this girl... but before I do - do you have any advice (besides breaking up) that I could handle this situation with?? I pray my two cents help. Quote: Ok, so my girlfriend and I were talking on the phone last night and she brought up that she was talking to one of her friends earlier that night and that her friend was telling her about her boyfriend. Her friend's boyfriend is a paramedic and a EMT. My girlfriend went on and on about "how rare it is to find a guy who's only 20 and already has his career and life together." She was going on and on about how he is "every woman's dream" and how he is "everything a woman looks for"... because his family is filthy rich, because he owns a lot of land and has horses and stuff, and how he doesn't let it go to his and head and acts completely normal. She went on to talk about how handsome he was and amazingly nice. She kept saying he was amazing and that her friend was lucky to be dating him. How cute. Even in relationships, she's shit testing you. I bet you $100, right now, she has a library of Cosmo Magazines that tell her to do shit like that to you. ...women. Don't take it personally. In fact, this is a sign you should dump her. If she's going to dream about a guy who "has his shit together", and is talking to you about it...you're in for a lot of stress and headaches if you stay with her. Quote: I told her I was getting a bit uncomfortable and she replied "I'm not saying this because I think he is better than you". She said "you didn't grow up in a wealthy home - it's not like I'm gonna hold that against you." She continued on and said "Plus, I already found my man, and he is you, babe." Why do I have a sudden urge to yell "BULLSHIT". I know you two are going out, but as a fellow member of a forum (And someone who cares), I see an armada of red flags popping up. Quote: She was trying to make me not feel weird anymore... but it still hurt me.. because I am 22 and am still in college - and have no money and stuff... he has everything I dont and she was talking about how he is "everything a woman looks for". Don't fret. I'm 21 and got screwed on credits when I transferred to another college. I'm a freshman all over again. But, I've got a plan to bounce back. That's what matters; the hustle. Quote: She went on to say how he has a farm and how he has horses and animals and stuff. She said "you know ow I've always wanted a farm and horses and land" he ALREADY has it all! What are the chances!". She was seeming very jealous of her friend's guy... and making me feel like shit... so I told her straight up that I didn't want to hear it and hungup on her. BRAVO! Dump her dude, you don't need that bullshit in your life. Quote: So after I hungup on her - I texted her THIS later last night: ------------------------- ME - TO HER: "Tonight when you kept talking about how "amazing" your friend's boyfriend is and how he is what "every girl dreams about" is really something you don't want to fucking tell your boyfriend. Your boyfriend wants to hear that HE is amazing and all those things. Then you told me "it's not your FAULT you didn't grow up in a rich family". Fuck, I didn't realize it WAS a "fault". I felt as if you were measuring me up to this guy who you said several times was "every girls dream man". Fuck, well thanks for making me feel worthless and like shit. You went on to say how he is rich and how he has so much land and how he has a farm and then you say "you know how I've always wanted a farm, well he already HAS one. He is so PERFECT." Thank you for making me feel like crap for NOT having those things. That's like me going on about how my friend is dating an amazingly sexy woman and how she has huge breasts then saying something like "but you can't help not having big breasts" and then telling you how hse has sex with him every night and shes every man's dream. You are either jealous of your friend's boyfriend or you were not thinking at all when you told me those things. I think hopnestly it is the first option. You sounded fucking downright envious of her boyfriend and how you wished you could have him or a man like him who is "every girls bream". Guess I'm not that in your eyes but that is good to know that I wont be "every woman's dream" in YOUR eyes. At least I know in a close second or NEAR perfect in your book but will never quite be that woman's dream to you. That's great. What is I were to make you feel the same? I know many women that are dating friends and many women in general that are amazing goddess status women, but I would never tell me girlfriend that and would NEVER make her feel like she doesn't measure up to my "perfect woman" standards. Because you to me are that perfect woman and I don't care. But you made me feel second best and you tried to cheer me up by saying "i've found my man, it's you!" but you really prefer your friend's guy. ANd that may sound harsh, but my friends that I was with when you told me these things on the phone said that they would have just dumped it right then and there if their girlfriend had said what you said to me. What were you thinking?? Trying to get a rise out of me?? Honestly I think you were trying to make me jealous becasue you are jealous of your friend's guy. I don't play games and stuff like that tonight - you can't expect me not to get angry about. You're lucky I didn't just tell you I'm done and over because of how you made me feel second best. I'm done with this and personally if you are that much of a money ungry person than that is sad. And I wasn't trying to blow your phone up - I am just explaining why I got so upset and trying to figure out why the hell you would even say those things to your boyfriend. I love you, but I think I need some time to think, cuz I don't really like the feeling I have right now. So I'm gonna go for now... cuz I don't like playing games. And so you know,... you are that perfect girl in my eyes BECAUSE you are my girlfriend... but I would NEVER make you feel second best EVER. Trust me - it is not a good feeling. ------------- TL/DR, but one things for certain: You fucked up. x100. 1)She didn't read the whole thing. She read some of it, and she thought the following: "OMG...he did NOT just flip out on me. My friend's boyfriend would have never done that to me! Looks like he can't take the fact he's a poor, lazy piece of shit. I'm not gonna talk to him". 2)Why did you waste YOUR VALUABLE TIME typing a text to some bimbo whore who isn't worth a relationship? You don't deserve to put up with a girl's stupid bullshit. You should send her 10 copies of Cosmo, and tell her "There's an article somewhere in there that'll teach you 5 bullshit techniques on how to get a rich, loaded farmboy BF, since you want one so much. We're DONE. Don't EVER call me again." Quote: Haven't heard from her - and personally I don't care right now because I am still upset about what she said and how she tried to make me jealous or becasue she was so jealous of her friend. It's done. Dump her if she calls you. Don't ever let a woman give you shit for something so stupid. They don't deserve your compassion. Quote: I think I over-reacted in the text messages... I'm not worrying about DLVing because she is my GF of seven months now... but I do feel like I made myself seem like I have a low self confidence level. Dude, break up with her. You don't need her crap. In the end, you're either in a happy relationship, or NOT a happy relationship. She's not satisfied with who you are. She wants someone with money. Dump the bitch. If she doesn't like you for your own self, then throw the whore to the curb. Quote: Granted she was probably just trying to tell me how her friend has this all around great guy and she probably didn't mean to offend or make me feel jealous... but she obviously wasn't thinking when she said those things then... but I shouldn't have reacted the way that I did but I was really upset. Who cares dude. Dump her. She fucked up. She needs to learn to respect her boyfriend. Would you want a wife who's constantly seeking a guy richer than you? There's always going to be someone better than you, and me, and the farmboy. She'll never be happy. Dumb bimbo. Save yourself; throw her to the curb. Quote: So now - what do I do?? I am kinda freezing her out a bit... because I didn't like that and it was very rude of her last night... but I don't know how to handle this. Advice?? Dump her, find a new hobby, let time heal the rift, and find a girl who won't bitch about how you're not good enough for her. Or, stay in the crummy relationship, and possibly die.

Author:	Lodewijkp [ Mon Mar 15, 2010 7:35 pm ]
Post subject:
rune is right about the red flags and so forth ( depends what you perceive as red flags tho ) Rune is being realistic.. to my opinion too realistic. but if you really decide to break up you should be realistic as well and cut her out of your life. You still got feelings for her and so forth.... look i've said i knew the possible outcome a month or 2 ago. The lack of physical intimacy combinated with all other problems only confirms it's possible she will do some shopping soon im saying ''possible'' because i don't know what she thinks...what she says and thinks is not always the same. people on this forum say your reaction was not good etc... actually i don't give a fuck ... you just said it all and communicated and you should stick to that. You should never regret about what you've said ( unless your being a total dick ) you just got the balls to throw everything out here , however i also doubt if she will do something with it or read it all .... you know what being a man is ? .. being a man is going for what you want and if you still go for her you are also being a man. But also be a man when you get dumped , also be a man when you decide to break up. First of all you should always step up and follow everything through your own intentions. Im not telling you what to do because when i get into a relationship right now i don't have this crap because my relationship ''game'' is sharp. what im going to say is that you got your own issues and you need to find out what you want in life and go on adventures. You don't need this bullshit because it only keeps you where you at. He doesn't wants to lose his girl or his ego doesn't want to lose her...... one thing i know for sure - if your emotions and thoughts aren't lined up you will doubt , fear and hesitate - you will always regret your actions if you resist reality , emotions and thoughts. it isn't a game of who dumps first is better off... experiencing life is also this shit which is ocurring now, good or bad .... it's the tough times that makes us. Look you will not die if she dumps you , you will maybe have those thoughts but those thoughts are created in your own head and you shouldn't identify with them. I love my struggle man... and where im at right now i love it and i couldn't do it without those hardships and challenges - to get succesfull you have to appreciate mistakes as much as succes. you are 20 ( i read somewhere ) and it's the start of life, you don't know shit when your 16 and you don't know shit when your 20 - you just think you know shit. it's the beginning of shit and learning shit. People and even on this forum say things to you but you shouldn't follow them but take them as suggestions. This is your life and you are on your own path....just decide for yourself and it's not always easy. You even have choices even before you get into a relationship... you can choose to keep this girl as a friend and get a better one because you wish the best for yourself. Know what you want in life and follow/persue that goal no matter what people or your GF tells you. What i would do in your situation ? i would dump her.. relentless ... because i already had scenarios and GF's like this and dealing with this is a waste of time ... it's like going back to college... i know it already it has no use to go there again because i know what i want in life and i know what girls i want. just remember you don't die ... and you can't fuck up.. you only fucked up if you die and maybe then you are not fucked up since we don't know what we will see after. one thing i have to confirm... about cosmo magazines ... my last GF read those magazines and they have whole chapters about shit testing your BF to flush him out it's really pathethic .. Quote: You should send her 10 copies of Cosmo, and tell her "There's an article somewhere in there that'll teach you 5 bullshit techniques on how to get a rich, loaded farmboy BF, since you want one so much. We're DONE. Don't EVER call me again." this is really a action i would pull off hahaha ... just to laugh at it and enjoy myself lol

Author:	Supa123 [ Tue Mar 16, 2010 10:36 pm ]
Post subject:
Well, the only thing i suggest is this. If u were to decide to dump her, dun turn back. Thats something i didn't do, and i'm very much suffering from the wrong move i made now.

Author:	Rich69 [ Wed Mar 17, 2010 9:07 pm ]
Post subject:
I'm going to have to have a look at one of them cosmo mags cause if thats actually the case thats fucking horse shit :\

Page 1 of 1	All times are UTC
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group http://www.phpbb.com/