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Girlfriend being a bitch... again. Helpful advice? =/
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Author:  D4v1dM4nn [ Sat Jan 30, 2010 7:48 am ]
Post subject:  Girlfriend being a bitch... again. Helpful advice? =/
I was over at her house tonight - after spending a relatively decent day with her. She gets up from the couch to find her glasses are broken. She is pissed off at that and then refuses to even walk me to the door to say goodnight.

I told her I dont respect her taking her anger about things in her life out on me. And that is better not happen again because I deserve better than that. Then I left.

I got home - and texted her a little message. This is all I said:

"(insert her name here). You take me fro granted. And I dont play that way. It's obvious you take me and the things I do for granted by the way you continually treat me. Every time something goes wrong in your life I always am the one to get treated like shit over it. I dont deserve and dont want to put up with it. Somwehere along the line you thought it was OK to treat me like some ragdoll to beatup whenever your pissed off. Bu that is not the case. I am a human being and I expect just as much respect from you as I give you. You take me fro granted. I drove you around - we spent the day together.. and at the end of the day you get pissed off and act bitchy at me when something in your life goes wrong. No. I wont put up with it. Remember the last times we fought? Why was it? Because you treating me this way. I am really getting tired of this and something has to change. I mean it. Something has got to change in the way you handle things."

Then I sent a followup text saying "I dont even want a reply from you. Doesnt matter right now. I am just letting you know how it is."

The end.

I think I could have handled the situation better... but dont know.. and not sure what to do as of now. Any advice?


How can I stop her from thinking she can get away with this behavior?
Author:  Spairert [ Sat Jan 30, 2010 7:59 am ]
Post subject: 
Honestly, I think your anger was unjustified. Women are simply more emotional than men, and this stuff happens. You know that she was upset that she broke her glasses and not because of anything you did, but here's the kicker- SHE knows the exact same thing! She knows that she's not mad at you, she's just mad in general because she's experienced an inconvenience. She's emotional, not stupid.

In the future, just be understanding. Respond to her redirected anger with sympathy and affection. If you get mad too, all you are doing is giving her a REAL reason to be mad at you, and suddenly it's not about broken glasses anymore.

I find that simply apologizing for things, even if they aren't your fault, can do wonders. What's important is that you say the words "I'm sorry", but your body language and especially tone convey that you know she is simply upset and you are only trying to comfort her- you know that you haven't actually done anything wrong. Think of the way a parent will console their child after the child trips and hurts them self- that's what your attitude should be.

Again, I reiterate that she knows what is really bothering her, and she knows it's not you. At least, it's not you until you make it about you by returning her anger.
Author:  D4v1dM4nn [ Sat Jan 30, 2010 8:03 am ]
Post subject: 
It has just happened so many times before - her taking her anger out on me - that I am quick to become defensive. I see what you are saying - and I probably should have gone about it differently. How can I recover this?
Author:  Spairert [ Sat Jan 30, 2010 8:28 am ]
Post subject: 
Don't look at her taking her anger out on you as an annoyance, look at it as a chance to increase comfort by being there for her.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, baby. Is there anything I can do to help? Come on, talk to me about it."

From there you can just reiterate "I'm sorry" with that non-apologetic yet soothing parental tone and give her a hug. You are playing the role of protector, keeping her safe from her own emotional outbursts. She will know from your tone and body language that you know that her anger doesn't have anything to do with you, and that will get her to admit the real reason.

As for saving your current situation, I can't possibly know how invested she is. Maybe she'll bounce back easily, maybe not. I can only make suggests for your future behavior.
Author:  The_Prophet [ Sat Jan 30, 2010 10:55 am ]
Post subject: 
I don't know about saying 'Sorry' for things you haven't done - never apologise for your behaviour unless you've really done something wrong.

I'm new to this though, take my advice with a pinch of salt.

Instead of reacting angrily though, I'd have just shown her that her actions were wrong by leaving and freezing her out for a bit.

Then if she asks, you can make it clear that you thought it was disrespectful how she took her anger on other things out on you.

Don't get angry or upset with her - and if something's actually wrong she has to know you're there for her. So before freezing her out, if you don't know why she's mad - ask. Then let her know you're there if she needs to talk to someone about it. Then leave/hang-up, don't get caught into being blamed for stuff.

Just some thoughts anyway, might not be fully correct.
Author:  Checkfigure1 [ Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:31 am ]
Post subject: 
Make sure you find out the reasoning behind her anger. A lot of times my girlfriend gets in a bitchy mood. When she does that, I assess to myself quickly if this is a result of something I did or whether or not she is being a bitch. If I make the determination that it is just her shitty attitude, it gives me an overwhelming sense of confidence to stand up to her on her 2nd class behavior.
Author:  samex [ Mon Feb 01, 2010 3:06 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Girlfriend being a bitch... again. Helpful advice? =/
Quote:

I got home - and texted her a little message. This is all I said:

"(insert her name here). You take me fro granted. And I dont play that way. It's obvious you take me and the things I do for granted by the way you continually treat me. Every time something goes wrong in your life I always am the one to get treated like shit over it. I dont deserve and dont want to put up with it. Somwehere along the line you thought it was OK to treat me like some ragdoll to beatup whenever your pissed off. Bu that is not the case. I am a human being and I expect just as much respect from you as I give you. You take me fro granted. I drove you around - we spent the day together.. and at the end of the day you get pissed off and act bitchy at me when something in your life goes wrong. No. I wont put up with it. Remember the last times we fought? Why was it? Because you treating me this way. I am really getting tired of this and something has to change. I mean it. Something has got to change in the way you handle things."

Then I sent a followup text saying "I dont even want a reply from you. Doesnt matter right now. I am just letting you know how it is."

How can I stop her from thinking she can get away with this behavior?
Want's wrong with the above picture?

Everything you are talking about revolves around YOU...If I didn't know any better this is how children talk. Did you at all take 5 minutes to access the situation from her point of view. Ask her she feels about this, address her problems. If this girls means anything to you, then it wouldn't hurt to really listen to her, and really try and help her.

Now if you have already done this and you want to make the decision to spend your energy somewhere else, then I suggest you break it off. But if you believe their is something worth fighting for then please take another look at the situation.
Author:  Belenos [ Tue Feb 02, 2010 1:56 am ]
Post subject: 
Dont react to it mate. Pure and simple. The best thing to always do is NOT REACT. Dont let her phase you! My girl has these weird phases. Shes SUPER CUTE for like a week or two, txting me all the time and calling and just being all together adorable, and then she decides: k Iv given him too much. So she stops txting or calling and starts being cold. I used to fall for that, but I shouldnt! Its so simple! DONT...LET...IT...PHASE...YOU! Freeze her out! Dont talk to her til she calms down.

I literally tell her that Im freezing her out, I dont just ignore her. I say something along these lines "Listen, Your in one of those moods where you just wanna be mean. It may have worked on your ex, but Im not going to put up with it. Talk to me when you miss me. Byee :)"

Im not mad, I put the smiley! Wer men, we arnt phased by this behaviour. Shel eventually realise that shes not being nice and shel come around. Shel be embarassed that she treated you this way, so dont rub it in! Act as if NOTHING happened. Be nice and cute and enthusiastic, shel get those butterflies and just melt all over again!

My girl did that to me last weekend, i txted her exactly that, I got no response. At 3 am I got a txt from her "I miss u..." And everything went well from then on!

NOTE: If shes going through emotional troubles, dont use this technique, hear her out and be there for her. if shes being a bitch just to be a bitch tho, THEN wat I said is applicable

Legacy
Author:  TwoItis [ Sun Feb 07, 2010 2:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girlfriend being a bitch... again. Helpful advice? =/
Talk to her, be sincere. But remember it can be a huge shit-test, so be COOL, CALM, that's important.

LISTEN to what she has to say and be mature. She'll admire you if you be.
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