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Having the Talk Tonight - ADVICE ?
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Author:  The_Prophet [ Fri Jan 29, 2010 4:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Having the Talk Tonight - ADVICE ?
You guys followed my break-up pretty closely. Things have been much better since.

I pulled away, stayed strong, she came back + realised her negativity had been the issue.

We've been getting on since - everytime negativity was shown I stayed strong - this is new to me, my inner game has developed tons.

Tonight she wants to talk - pretty much about making it 'official' that we're back together.

I want to put across that I want to, I want to have another go, I appreciate how much she's trying to be more positive about things after she's realised I won't stand for the negativity (whilst her Ex's did, and they chased her till she got bored). Here's the main thing. I want to see her outside of college more. I don't want her to say 'No' to meeting up, or to refuse to. I don't want a Relationship built on Texts + MSN. And when we're at college, there's others, the most conversation we get is like 'Hi, Bye', well not quite but it's not great.

How should I best put this across without sounding harsh ? I WANT to be positive about getting back together, but I want her to know I want to see her more else I'm not keen.

Thanks - this conversation is happening tonight on the phone so quick help is desperately needed :lol:.
Author:  TheLastWolf [ Fri Jan 29, 2010 7:46 pm ]
Post subject: 
Tell her exactly that when you are on the phone. "If this relationship is gonna work we need to see more of each other." There's no point of beating around the bush and if that is something you WANT out of the relationship you have to let her know.
Author:  Bimm3r [ Fri Jan 29, 2010 9:37 pm ]
Post subject: 
Just say exactly what you feel :)..

Rememer words like.. Being together, sharing the bad and the good with eachother, talking more about the problems, together..

I find together being a good word.. you are in a relationship right..
Author:  Belenos [ Tue Feb 02, 2010 1:45 am ]
Post subject: 
Thats true
Make sure your very firm about what you want. But dont be cruel or punishing, dont remind her why she left you! make her laugh, flirt, tease her, then get to THE TALK. Tell her wat u want, sort it out, and after talk as if nothing happened.

First off, your maturity will hit her like a brick in the face, and shel have the butterflies so hard that she wont be able to refuse you anything. I know from experience!
Will post more!

Legacy
Author:  The_Prophet [ Tue Feb 02, 2010 12:30 pm ]
Post subject: 
Well I spoke to her last night. We spoke about any old random stuff for 30 minutes, had some fun, etc ...

Then when we spoke about I stated that I know we both want it to work and we want to give it another shot, but if we were to I want to be able to see her outside of college a lot more than I did previously - I don't want a Relationship done by text + msn.

I said I appreciate her need for space and that's why I'd rather our Relationship was like:

- don't speak to her for three days at college (obviously don't ignore her but no like, quality time)
- then spend a couple of hours one night with her

Her initial reaction was she didn't like the idea. We spoke more. She said there were still other issues before she tried anything - after trying to get them out of her (she's fucking tough to open up) she raised the positivity issue (girl-dislikes-my-positivity--vt61444.html). I then told her that I'm just a positive person and told her that I do always try to ask her how she's feeling and try to understand the situation before I offer her advice. I said I would happily work on changing the way I approach situations that upset her however.

We agreed in the end to 'sleep on it'. Haven't spoken to her since - except she called me to ask me why I wasn't in college (I have no lessons today), which I'd already told her last night. Conversation went:

"Where are you today ? Like I know where you are but why aren't you here?"
"I have no lessons today."
"Ok, bye."

No idea what this means, I assume a teacher asked her to ask me or something, but I already told her last night, so ?

I'll report back when we speak again.
Author:  Chelios [ Tue Feb 02, 2010 12:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
Tell her everything in the same format you told us. Be straight and blunt with her, if she wants you, she's going to have to meet some of your requirements or a relationships pointless, you've got to be the boss.
Author:  Bormad [ Tue Feb 02, 2010 12:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
It sounds a bit shit the way she cuts you off like that I would hate it. Basically unless she agrees to see you more at college then dont get back together as it isnt worth it from your end.

The question I would be thinking is why doesnt she want to spend more time together outside of msn and texting?
Author:  The_Prophet [ Tue Feb 02, 2010 12:46 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
It sounds a bit shit the way she cuts you off like that I would hate it. Basically unless she agrees to see you more at college then dont get back together as it isnt worth it from your end.

The question I would be thinking is why doesnt she want to spend more time together outside of msn and texting?
It's not more at college, it's more outside of college (like the evenings / weekends).

Cause the relationship was like, a quick talk at Lunch or w/e, quick kiss, then text + MSN = was shit after a while ...

She says the reason is she likes her space, she likes going home and having all her time to herself. I said to her then "So why do you want a Relationship ?" I called her out on her bullshit, I want her to tell me honestly what her issues are.

If they were that bad, she wouldn't have kept coming back, re-initiating contact and trying to get back with me. This talk was her idea after all :/

-------------

Something I didn't mention, I think it was a test:

At one point in the conversation she started doing something else while I was on the phone - I said for her to stop, that it was disrespectful and I wouldn't talk to her whilst she was doing it.

She said "You've told me a few times over the past couple of weeks when I've done something disrespectful. If I'm so disrespectful, why do you keep talking to me?" I replied with "You're not always disrespectful, most of the time you're actually quite cute and nice. I point out when you're disrespectful, so you stop behaving that way, and I'd expect you to do the same to me, if I behave in a way you don't like, tell me."

Tbh, if she doesn't agree to seeing me more outside of college, I won't go back in a Relationship with her.
Author:  Belenos [ Tue Feb 02, 2010 6:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
-------------

Something I didn't mention, I think it was a test:

At one point in the conversation she started doing something else while I was on the phone - I said for her to stop, that it was disrespectful and I wouldn't talk to her whilst she was doing it.

She said "You've told me a few times over the past couple of weeks when I've done something disrespectful. If I'm so disrespectful, why do you keep talking to me?" I replied with "You're not always disrespectful, most of the time you're actually quite cute and nice. I point out when you're disrespectful, so you stop behaving that way, and I'd expect you to do the same to me, if I behave in a way you don't like, tell me."

Tbh, if she doesn't agree to seeing me more outside of college, I won't go back in a Relationship with her.
My girl pulls that same sh*t on me all the time! it drives me nuts. Just dont let it get to you!
be hard as stone (I dont mean down there :P ) Wen my girl is watching a show whikle on the phone, Il go on the computer and chat. After a while shel be like... why arnt u talking to mee :( and Il say Sorry hun, I dont work for peoples attention. Turn off your TV and wel get to talking :)

most of the time shel do it, so use that, and if she doesnt (which happens fairly enough with me) Just hang up! Say Anyways Im gna go workout/sleep/watever, good night baby :) and HANG UP. Shel txt later on in the night to try and make things normal again and make sure ur not mad.

Legacy
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