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Cheating
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Author:  samex [ Tue Dec 29, 2009 5:42 am ]
Post subject:  Cheating
I've been thinking about this recently from a different kinda of perspective and wanted to get some of the forum members opinion on this...

Recently things went downhill with this girl I was seeing, and basically when we were taking a break, we both cheated on each other(we admitted after we saw each other again)...although I don't really know if its count as cheating, but thats another topic for another day.

In order for someone to cheat, could be for a thousand different reasons, but who she/he cheats with, could make the difference.


Now, in my honest believe, I think their is a major difference between who the person cheats with...

For instance, if a person cheats on you with their ex, it symbolizes regression/change.

While if a person sleeps with someone new, its symbolizes progression/change.

To sleep with an ex, usually unresolved emotions are a drawing force, but as well as comfort is already there, its easy and just the overall familiarity.

We as human being normally tend to go with whats familiar, that what "normal" people do. That's why all they will ever be is "normal".

But to step away from whats easy, and try something new, something your not particular familiar with, something that challenges you in a different way, thats progression in my opinion.

For me, I wont try to get back with a girl who cheats on me with her ex, and I normally deem them a lost cause, because I don't really want to do deal with all that emotion BS. She has to be able to figure that out on her own...

But if a girl cheats on me with some cooler dude, someone new...this brings out my survival instincts out. This becomes my fault, because I realize that, i am no longer challenging, fun,spontaneous, great lover, whatever it is that attracted to her to me in the first place. And this forces me to look deeper inside myself and become and even BETTER me...


go for it....
Author:  jurupa [ Tue Dec 29, 2009 8:26 am ]
Post subject: 
In my opinion people cheat because they are not getting something at home with their partner. It being love, attention, etc. Who they do it with doesn't matter. But i a girl cheats on me, she is out of the picture. I have a zero tolerance policy for cheating.
Author:  arcteryx [ Tue Dec 29, 2009 6:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
I think you're on to something regarding who someone cheats with, but ultimately the root cause is that something is missing from the current relationship; whether its the thrill of something new, or simply old feelings/the past.
Author:  Chillburg [ Tue Dec 29, 2009 6:58 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I think you're on to something regarding who someone cheats with, but ultimately the root cause is that something is missing from the current relationship; whether its the thrill of something new, or simply old feelings/the past.
Exactly, when I didnt see my ex girlfriend as much as we used to in the beginning of our relationship, I missed her so much, and when an old fling and I met in a bar by coincidence, I just wanted to fill up that hole that my girlfriend left me. I was drunk and weak, and I cheated on her.
Author:  samex [ Wed Dec 30, 2009 12:12 am ]
Post subject: 
In regards to why a person cheats, is normally because something is missing in the current relationship, but another subject all together...


As for who the person cheats is what I am more concerned with because it will help in determining where the pieces need to be filled.

just food for thought
Author:  Marc [ Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:03 am ]
Post subject: 
Contrary to what is said in here. I understand that some people cheat to fill a void in their relationship but in general WOMEN WITH INTEGRITY NEVER CHEAT, period

It doesn't matter how shitty your relationship is, you would probably choose to get out of it and then get involved. PEOPLE WITH INTEGRITY NEVER CHEAT. Even MPUAs like Sinn and many others openly admit that they find it difficult to be monogomous and hence they dont get into relationships because they don't like cheating. Now I'm not saying that Sinn has great integrity, but people who respect themselves and their commitment never cheat, period.
Author:  jurupa [ Thu Dec 31, 2009 7:08 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
In regards to why a person cheats, is normally because something is missing in the current relationship, but another subject all together...
But you are tying to figure out the why with whom a person cheats with no?

Quote:
As for who the person cheats is what I am more concerned with because it will help in determining where the pieces need to be filled.

just food for thought
I don't think who a person cheats with really matters. Correct me if I am wrong but don't most cheaters go and cheat with the easiest person possible instead of seeking a particular person out?
Author:  ShadowSketched [ Thu Dec 31, 2009 10:09 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
It doesn't matter how shitty your relationship is, you would probably choose to get out of it and then get involved. PEOPLE WITH INTEGRITY NEVER CHEAT. Even MPUAs like Sinn and many others openly admit that they find it difficult to be monogomous and hence they dont get into relationships because they don't like cheating. Now I'm not saying that Sinn has great integrity, but people who respect themselves and their commitment never cheat, period.
I hate to say it, but fear of being cheated on is the reason many people never get into relationships.

I think the major reason is that even though a person may have done his or her 110% of awesomeness in the relationship, if the other person cheats, then it defaults to his or her fault. And it hurts.
Author:  Megyci [ Thu Dec 31, 2009 11:37 am ]
Post subject: 
If you are in a relationship and someone cheats upon you, why do you think it necessary to view yourself as being the stimuli that drove your partner to cheat?
I can understand if someone went with an ex, the comfort, the familiarity is already there but as for someone new?
that is not a reflection upon us, no matter how lame we have become, no matter how complacent we have grown in the relationship, there should still be no cheating. if we have reverted to out AFC ways or have fucked up they should leave us, find someone new. that would be the only respectful thing.
if a girl cheats on me, its over!
but, hey that just my opinion.
can't remember which of the gurus said it, but if she's once a cheater, always a cheater!
peace
Author:  ShadowSketched [ Thu Dec 31, 2009 11:58 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
If you are in a relationship and someone cheats upon you, why do you think it necessary to view yourself as being the stimuli that drove your partner to cheat?
I think its the belief that since the partner is so "perfect" that the partner can do so wrong. What's interesting about that is that this view of perfection may be the reason the other person cheated.

As you become more invested in a healthy relationship, naturally you'll feel that this other person is your ideal partner (else you'll break it off I hope). So don't think you can be emotionally cold throughout the relationship and have a healthy one.
Author:  Bonita [ Thu Dec 31, 2009 8:00 pm ]
Post subject: 
I refuse to believe that people only cheat because there is something missing in the relationship. Yes that might be one factor, but I think the way we are raised also plays a huge role. It has to do with our morals and beliefs....if you hold the conviction that cheating is wrong, then you will not cheat....it won't matter if you were drunk or had a weak moment.

Furthermore, if something is missing from the relationship, people should just end the relationship. If you find it hard to resist temptation, then maybe a relationship isn't the best thing for you at the moment. Break things off with your gf or bf and then go sleep with whomever you want. Yeah, sleeping with a new person a couple hours after you dump someone is still a lame move, but it is better than cheating on them. Treat people with respect and treat others how you would like to be treated.
Author:  _Manna_ [ Thu Dec 31, 2009 8:04 pm ]
Post subject: 
people cheat because their needs aren't being fufilled in their relationship, OR, someone convinces them that their needs arne't being fufilled...

either way cheatings bad
Author:  jurupa [ Fri Jan 01, 2010 6:46 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I refuse to believe that people only cheat because there is something missing in the relationship. Yes that might be one factor, but I think the way we are raised also plays a huge role. It has to do with our morals and beliefs....if you hold the conviction that cheating is wrong, then you will not cheat....it won't matter if you were drunk or had a weak moment.
People just don't cheat because their are missing something in their relationship. People also cheat because they are not getting that something out of the relationship or the relationship is not filling their needs and/or wants. Or they cheat as they are not getting their way and they want to show their partner that they can replace the person they are with. In short there are "millions" of reasons why people cheat there is no main reason why as people cheat for all sorts of reasons.
Quote:
Furthermore, if something is missing from the relationship, people should just end the relationship. If you find it hard to resist temptation, then maybe a relationship isn't the best thing for you at the moment. Break things off with your gf or bf and then go sleep with whomever you want. Yeah, sleeping with a new person a couple hours after you dump someone is still a lame move, but it is better than cheating on them. Treat people with respect and treat others how you would like to be treated.
I agree, and wish more people did this.
Author:  Green_Eyes [ Fri Jan 08, 2010 6:25 pm ]
Post subject: 
people also cheat because they find something better. Thats how i look at cheating. I beleive someone will cheat if they find something worthwhile in their opinion or better. I have a GF and i say i wont cheat but the reality is, that if something better come along im more than likely going to cheat because Ive found something better and more valualble in my eyes, for men its looks. Women its the person,character,values,self-worth. Thats why good PUA's can get a girl to cheat on her boyfriend because that guy had more value then her current boyfriend. But thats refering to new flings as compared to old flings which are normally just someone who makes you feel better and help pick you up if your feeling down
Author:  Pagey [ Fri Jan 08, 2010 8:47 pm ]
Post subject: 
Cheating can be classified in many different ways. Sex with someone else while girlfriend/boyfriend to someone and it is cheating in many cultures.
Personally I think about the dead skin cells of penis not my own floating in vagina whenever I think of girl who's had sex with someone after me. Tainted well.


good speculation here thanks all for advice her is some as trade-off.

thinking "need to improve AFTER girl is with some newer fresher dude" is good thinking.

one should always be improving not being in a state of inactivity. Like bruce lee says... be water. do not be frozen in one place like ice. always flowing water never grows stale and as a law of physics states condensed is always looking to be less condensed. There is always a better state.

being "sparked" into action from the realization "grown stale" is the start of the process and then once started, keep growing until unable to grow, then must realize are condensed and should move into less condensed area and start process over again. its a cycle.

Average Frusterated Chump i think not

just frozen
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