Hi guys,

I like this girl and I believe I probably fucked up putting her in this position but not sure what i should do now. Should i speak to her again or will she think i am weak. She is going away for Xmas for just over a month should i wait till when she's back. I don't want to seem to desperate if i go back to her so not sure how to tackle this.

Long story short. I had a relationship with a HB8 for 1 year and 3months which i turned into an open relationship after i wasn't happy because she was putting on weight and searching my phone (these things both stopped). This open relationship is 8 months long and she hasn't got with anyone, i have got with a few people but would never tell her and would always say i haven't got with anyone when asked. I would say she can sleep with anyone she want's but i probably wouldn't speak to her again if she did. Recently i have been failing shit tests and she came to my town to see me. She asked me a lot of questions regarding our "open relationship" and said she wanted to be exclusive with me. In the morning we fucked and then when she was leaving to go for her friends party and i started an argument for no reason and she said "we need to talk about being exclusive" i said "we won't be getting back into a relationship!".

That night she fucked someone else and phoned me crying on Sunday. I said I wouldn’t be able to trust her again and I didn’t want to speak to her again. I have since been ignoring calls etc these are the messages I have been getting

“...I don’t know what to say. I’m hurting a lot. I’m just shocked and so sad that it got like this. You became my best friend and I never meant to hurt you or us. It hadn’t been going well for a long time and we were not official but I know once something like that happens it’s done. It’s just very sad...”

“…Are you just going to ignore me? … please speak to me. You can’t just block me out your life like that. I am hurting too. You didn’t want to be official with me. I am not proud of my actions and do feel guilty but you can’t just block me. I’m not a mean person and I love you.”

“I’m so sorry. I’m so hurt. All I ever wanted was a loving proper relationship. I didn’t mean for it to get like this. I’m really really sad. I wish things were different. I wish we could of made us work. I wish it wasn’t this complicated.” “…Maybe in another time we will realise we actually both wanted this and make it work….”

“*** I feel so awful. I feel so guilty. It was so out of character and although we weren’t officially together I feel so ashamed with myself. I have never done that and never thought I would. I have been un happy in the relationship but I didn’t think that would happen. I feel sick with it. I really didn’t mean for it and I didn’t want to hurt you. I love you. I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do? Can I please come and see you tomorrow? I just want to hold you and make this ok. I’m not a mean person. I’m just confused and I fucked up. I didn’t think, I was on drugs and very drunk. That’s not what I’m about at all and I’m so ashamed for it. I hate myself and my life right now. I hate that I’ve disappointed you and hurt you. You are my best friend and I never meant to hurt you. Its all just got so complicated. I don’t know what to do. I can’t bare this. I feel like I’ve just ruined 2 years of my life. Will you ever speak to me again? Will you ever forgive me?”

I know i have pushed her to this and treated her like shit in this relationship but i don't know what my options are now.