First LTR. Need Help



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 Post subject: First LTR. Need Help
PostPosted: Tue Oct 24, 2017 7:08 pm 
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Joined: Thu Sep 04, 2014 4:07 pm
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So long story short, after years of gaming and breaking hearts, I decided to be exclusive with one of my FWB (after countless times of telling her otherwise.) This is something I never thought that I would do in a million years, but I figured I would give this girl a shot. My rotation was starting to fizzle out and this girl has one of the best asses I have ever seen, the sex was always great, and I could control her at will. Is this just a case of me getting oneitis/being lazy?

Fast forward a few months, and things started to change. After a year of her blowing up my phone every day begging to come over for sex, the banging started to dwindle. The typical excuses about being too tired, stomach hurts, or just not engaging when I was trying to get something started. Yes, I know I can caveman my way into it if I wanted, but the thrill of her really wanting me was what I was into. I would never leave anything off of the table, but she constantly talked about our sex and how amazing it was and how I was the best, etc., etc. The first red flag was a couple months ago when I was browsing through my old pictures and saw screenshots I had taken of her sexting me. I showed her a few and joked that she rarely talks like that anymore. She then said something about how she only said those things so that she could spend the night with me. Of course I took the statement the wrong way and began to worry. She also said that when I wouldn't respond to her for days or weeks that she would ramp it up to get my attention back.

Once she moved in, her whole demeanor began to change. Now, the alpha traits that I displayed before, began to clash with her bitchiness. We get in these big fights now that seem to stem from nothing. I do everything in my power to avoid a fight, but I will always say whats on my mind. I take her places, buy expensive dinners, etc, not in a beta way but to show that I will be a provider if she is mine, and I will keep the energy going. All I ask is that she shows some respect and gratitude for what I provide, and I receive just the opposite. I am starting to think that she has been a "gold digger" in past relationships. I have proof that her ex was from a wealthy family, and she went to vegas with some mystery guy (who she claims she was strictly friends with) three weeks after we began talking back in Jan 2016.

Lastly, I am not sure how much weight to assign to past relationships, but I recently found out that she has stories that I wish I hadn't heard. One night during a fight, she told me that there are reasons as to why she acts a certain way. That immediately pissed me off and I demanded that she explain to me what that means, despite her telling me she did not want to because it would just make me mad. She explained that her first boyfriend, which began in high school, was cheating on her senior year and into college, and everyone knew about it but her. She also went on to explain that they had a fight one night and that he physically hurt her. She skipped over "a number" of relationships she had in college, saying that one moved away, blah blah blah. Are these girls still lingering on guys that left them like that? She skipped ahead to her most recent ex. Again, long story on this one but this is what I found out: They were together for about 2 years. He comes from a wealthy family and more than likely had money. She descibes it as a very "toxic" relationship (wtf) and that I "saved her" (again, not sure how to feel about that). When I was first introduced to her, I was told that she had a bf (this guy) but that she didn't want to be with him anymore. We started a FWB type of deal Feb 2016-March 2017 which is when we officially got together. I just recently found out that she was "on and off" with this guy during that entire time. She claims that there were two seperate spans of about a month or two where we had "zero contact" and that she was back with him during these times. I checked my screenshots and photos to see if I could confirm her claims but only one of the time periods could have held water. I swear in my memory that she was texting me to fuck daily, and at the least once per week. She claims that this guy knew all about me, and not only did not care that I was fucking her but that he "liked it". She says that he did not want anything to do with her (big red flag). As we all know, girls will chase guys like that the hardest. Meanwhile, during this time, my game was also on point with her. She said I was the only guy that has ever turned her down for sex. I was busy with other girls and never gave her the time of day, turning her down way more than telling her to come over.

Sorry for the lengthy post, but I am really torn on where to go from here. I would like to stay with her, but it seems like she is way too damaged among other things and can't see whats right in her face. Not trying to be that guy, but I am wanted among lots of girls and she admits that she "isn't pretty enough for me" and I wonder how much of that plus my cocky/teasing/negging affects things.

Any advice would be great guys, even if it's telling me that I have turned into a beta (would need to hear that.)


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 Post subject: Re: First LTR. Need Help
PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2017 12:25 am 
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Joined: Tue May 02, 2017 12:35 am
Posts: 117
Quote:
So long story short, after years of gaming and breaking hearts, I decided to be exclusive with one of my FWB (after countless times of telling her otherwise.) This is something I never thought that I would do in a million years, but I figured I would give this girl a shot. My rotation was starting to fizzle out and this girl has one of the best asses I have ever seen, the sex was always great, and I could control her at will. Is this just a case of me getting oneitis/being lazy?

Fast forward a few months, and things started to change. After a year of her blowing up my phone every day begging to come over for sex, the banging started to dwindle. The typical excuses about being too tired, stomach hurts, or just not engaging when I was trying to get something started. Yes, I know I can caveman my way into it if I wanted, but the thrill of her really wanting me was what I was into. I would never leave anything off of the table, but she constantly talked about our sex and how amazing it was and how I was the best, etc., etc. The first red flag was a couple months ago when I was browsing through my old pictures and saw screenshots I had taken of her sexting me. I showed her a few and joked that she rarely talks like that anymore. She then said something about how she only said those things so that she could spend the night with me. Of course I took the statement the wrong way and began to worry. She also said that when I wouldn't respond to her for days or weeks that she would ramp it up to get my attention back.

Once she moved in, her whole demeanor began to change. Now, the alpha traits that I displayed before, began to clash with her bitchiness. We get in these big fights now that seem to stem from nothing. I do everything in my power to avoid a fight, but I will always say whats on my mind. I take her places, buy expensive dinners, etc, not in a beta way but to show that I will be a provider if she is mine, and I will keep the energy going. All I ask is that she shows some respect and gratitude for what I provide, and I receive just the opposite. I am starting to think that she has been a "gold digger" in past relationships. I have proof that her ex was from a wealthy family, and she went to vegas with some mystery guy (who she claims she was strictly friends with) three weeks after we began talking back in Jan 2016.

Lastly, I am not sure how much weight to assign to past relationships, but I recently found out that she has stories that I wish I hadn't heard. One night during a fight, she told me that there are reasons as to why she acts a certain way. That immediately pissed me off and I demanded that she explain to me what that means, despite her telling me she did not want to because it would just make me mad. She explained that her first boyfriend, which began in high school, was cheating on her senior year and into college, and everyone knew about it but her. She also went on to explain that they had a fight one night and that he physically hurt her. She skipped over "a number" of relationships she had in college, saying that one moved away, blah blah blah. Are these girls still lingering on guys that left them like that? She skipped ahead to her most recent ex. Again, long story on this one but this is what I found out: They were together for about 2 years. He comes from a wealthy family and more than likely had money. She descibes it as a very "toxic" relationship (wtf) and that I "saved her" (again, not sure how to feel about that). When I was first introduced to her, I was told that she had a bf (this guy) but that she didn't want to be with him anymore. We started a FWB type of deal Feb 2016-March 2017 which is when we officially got together. I just recently found out that she was "on and off" with this guy during that entire time. She claims that there were two seperate spans of about a month or two where we had "zero contact" and that she was back with him during these times. I checked my screenshots and photos to see if I could confirm her claims but only one of the time periods could have held water. I swear in my memory that she was texting me to fuck daily, and at the least once per week. She claims that this guy knew all about me, and not only did not care that I was fucking her but that he "liked it". She says that he did not want anything to do with her (big red flag). As we all know, girls will chase guys like that the hardest. Meanwhile, during this time, my game was also on point with her. She said I was the only guy that has ever turned her down for sex. I was busy with other girls and never gave her the time of day, turning her down way more than telling her to come over.

Sorry for the lengthy post, but I am really torn on where to go from here. I would like to stay with her, but it seems like she is way too damaged among other things and can't see whats right in her face. Not trying to be that guy, but I am wanted among lots of girls and she admits that she "isn't pretty enough for me" and I wonder how much of that plus my cocky/teasing/negging affects things.

Any advice would be great guys, even if it's telling me that I have turned into a beta (would need to hear that.)
Another broken woman, and in between the lines, there are other underlying issues.

You were the escape route, the guy who would save her and put her back together through good sex. You then didn't become appealing anymore, you served a purpose and she is probably on the lookout for someone more compatible.

Banging chicks like this is fine, but for LTRs, you need to find out her true personality during the courting phase, you need to piece together the good, bad and ugly about her before going all in, and you do this while remaining the fun guy.

Then you can make an informed decision. A girls looks and sexual performance are important for a bang, but for a worthwhile LTR they need to have everything else you look for in a person who you want to be with. Why put up with shit like that when you can bang other women and find a woman who isn't broken and has her ducks in a row.

I may start a "Broken Women" topic soon, which I hope will help those on here who are going into or coming out of LTRs for those guys health and sanity.


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 Post subject: Re: First LTR. Need Help
PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2017 1:08 am 
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Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2015 3:06 am
Posts: 2540
Quote:
this girl has one of the best asses I have ever seen, the sex was always great, and I could control her at will.
Yeah, this is not healthy unless you're talking bedroom games.



Quote:
The first red flag was a couple months ago when I was browsing through my old pictures and saw screenshots I had taken of her sexting me. I showed her a few and joked that she rarely talks like that anymore. She then said something about how she only said those things so that she could spend the night with me. Of course I took the statement the wrong way and began to worry.
Sounds like a fun tease comment on her part, and you got neurotic.

Also, women will pull away from sex for the same reasons men do. I start to pull back sexually from girls when they put on weight or become more annoying (talking too much, too available, emotionally-uncentered).

Quote:
She also said that when I wouldn't respond to her for days or weeks that she would ramp it up to get my attention back.
Yes, this is called early courtship. Nothing surprising or evil here.


Quote:
Once she moved in, her whole demeanor began to change. Now, the alpha traits that I displayed before, began to clash with her bitchiness. We get in these big fights now that seem to stem from nothing.
Alphas don't get into big fights with women. Alpha's understand that you can't argue with women. You can only listen, and give space.
Quote:
I take her places, buy expensive dinners, etc, not in a beta way but to show that I will be a provider if she is mine, and I will keep the energy going.
Stop doing all that shit for her. Keep yourself as a challenge. She'll think it's hot if you make her pay, or make her cook.

Quote:
All I ask is that she shows some respect and gratitude for what I provide

You can't buy respect. Respect is earned through your behavior....by being emotionally-centered, chill, relaxed, fun, good in bed and focused on your career. Everyday.

Quote:
she went to vegas with some mystery guy (who she claims she was strictly friends with) three weeks after we began talking back in Jan 2016.
Holy shit who gives a fuck? This is neurotic on your part. This kind of weird, insecure past-examining is probably infecting the rest of your behavior.

Quote:
She explained that her first boyfriend, which began in high school, was cheating on her senior year and into college, and everyone knew about it but her. She also went on to explain that they had a fight one night and that he physically hurt her. She skipped over "a number" of relationships she had in college, saying that one moved away, blah blah blah. Are these girls still lingering on guys that left them like that?

You are acting neurotic, and you lack awareness. I want you to read what I'm about to say very carefully:

Attractive women love sex, just like you and I do! They like to get naked, and fuck people, just like you and I do! They are not fragile, special princesses. They are generally tougher and more socially savy than men. They like to fantasize about eating another girl's pussy, or having a couple guys cum on them, or being the star of a porn.

They like to catch a buzz, laugh, and have crazy sex, where anything goes.


Now, would you like to date attractive women, or a NUN?

Take your pick.

This is all part of getting your emotions under control.




Quote:
She skipped ahead to her most recent ex. Again, long story on this one but this is what I found out: They were together for about 2 years. He comes from a wealthy family and more than likely had money. She descibes it as a very "toxic" relationship (wtf) and that I "saved her" (again, not sure how to feel about that).
That's a compliment.


Quote:
When I was first introduced to her, I was told that she had a bf (this guy) but that she didn't want to be with him anymore. We started a FWB type of deal Feb 2016-March 2017 which is when we officially got together. I just recently found out that she was "on and off" with this guy during that entire time.

YES! I talk a lot about this here. Men who lack experience seem to think that early courtship (the first couple of months) is all about this pure, crazy thing where two people just know they want to spend the rest of their lives together and there are no previous complications.

No.

That may be how it works for obese people with low social value who are desperate to cling to whatever floats their way, but it does not work this way for strong, beautiful,independent, and sex positive women. They will have several suitors, and the most dominant, emotionally-centered man will win her over, as the other men organically fade from her life.




Quote:
She claims that there were two seperate spans of about a month or two where we had "zero contact" and that she was back with him during these times.
So what?
Quote:
She claims that this guy knew all about me, and not only did not care that I was fucking her but that he "liked it".
That's one hell of a secure dude.

Quote:
Sorry for the lengthy post, but I am really torn on where to go from here. I would like to stay with her but it seems like she is way too damaged among other things and can't see whats right in her face.
You're acting like a weak, neurotic bitch.

If you want to stay with her, you have to learn to control your emotions. Be the fun, chill,relaxed and emotionally-centered guy she fell for.

Everything you've said in this post clearly shows me why she's pulling away from you. You're slipping into beta insecurity.

Man up. She misses that "player" part of you.

1. Stop buying her shit and taking her to dinner for the foreseeable future. It's too much.
2. Cut back all of your texting. You live with her, for fuck's sake.
3. Remove yourself from the home to do your own thing, even if it's walking around Target.
4. Don't argue with her. Be playful, tease, and be relaxed.
5. Be a monster in the bedroom. Bring in toys, etc.


If I found out my gf was banging some guy while I first started with her, and swapping between us, I'd be using that shit in the bedroom, calling her a dirty little whore, or "my little porn star". Turn your insecurity into passion. It seems you are intrigued and insecure about her past sexual flings, so make it into a fun game in the bedroom. Ask her what she liked, tease her, punish her, etc. Things can get really hot from that, and you're learning to channel your insecurities and curiosity into something healthy and fun.

Sex is just sex. And she's with you, not him. Pretty cool man. Think about it. YOU WON. But you're going to lose if you don't expand your horizons about how women operate, and center your emotions.

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 Post subject: Re: First LTR. Need Help
PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2017 6:57 am 
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I don't know what you wanna hear OP. You're in a bad relationship and aside from that you have unrealistic expectations.

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 Post subject: Re: First LTR. Need Help
PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2017 1:51 pm 
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OP, you wrote alot, but you have this weird thing where you set up a point and don't explain it. Like...you say you buy dinners for her and she doesnt respect you, but dont describe how she doesnt respect you. You say you suspect she is a gold digger, but dont really say how...just that her ex had money. If I look at what you wrote, and leave out your assumptions...whats really going on:

1. In your relationship the sex decreased after becoming official/moving in
2. You guys have fights
3. She's had relationships in the past where some bad shit happened (no big deal, this is just life)
4. While you were FWB for a year with a chick in a relationship...she hooked up with her bf and prob some other guy...maybe you dont get what FWB is?


That's all in your entire post. The chick may be damaged as hell...but its not in what you wrote. And from the way you take things, it sounds to me like its more you. You thought you could control this chick, and the dynamic you established pre-relationship wasnt sustainable. I don't think its HER relationship experience affecting this, more YOUR lack of relationship experience. You're in your head about whether she wants her ex, just from her telling you her past. I cant say she's broken...because you havent described any actions from her that say she's broken. From what I see, she is communicating with you honestly and you're getting mad due to jealousy and insecurities.

I don't know what you expect man....you cant control someone forever. Your FWB fizzled and your relationship is fizzling. Sure you shouldnt have been in a relationship with a chick so soon after her relationship ended and all that, but your problem is sex drying up and arguments. And if you're a guy talking about "I could control her at will"..."Proof of xyz" and "I demanded she tell me"...fuck...I'd wager you're starting shit more than her. What's funny to me about threads like this is you WANTED a damaged girl (thats how you can CONTROL a chick AT WILL), then you'll blame the problems of the relationship on her issues. The sex is fizzling and you're arguing....people get tired of being the one chasing the other for sex, maybe flirt with your chick. Maybe YOU sext. Maybe YOU tell her how horny you're feeling and what you'll do when you get home. Maybe stop DEMANDING shit ,INVESTIGATING to then wonder where arguments are coming from. You've said nothing in your entire post that backs up your assumptions and head games youre playing with yourself.

The threads with the really damaged gfs, when describing conversations with the gf you can see she's damaged. She's rude...she's disrespectful, she's not taking responsibility. When you describe convos with your gf, she's trying to be honest, is chill and actually afraid to anger you.


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