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First time: Guy (random friend from her friends her boyfriend, not sure their dynamics), was stroking her back and i could not see if she handled it, pushed away his hand, however i was sure he was stroking and not just 5 seconds.... however i was wasted as fuck and was talking to a girl 10meters away or so, she could have allowed his petting to make me jealous because i was talking to this random girl while i could have been more social with her and her friends.. but still i looked her way once in a while and saw this dude petting her...
Now, on if she handled it....She didn't. Whatever the social dynamics are in this social circle, they've already long been established. So if a guy is petting her back..he always pets her back. That night wasnt just the first night he tried to pet her and she wouldve handled it. If you see me out with guy friends, and my guy friends clown me, they always clown me and I always take the clowning. Thats how social dynamics works. If you see me touch my female friends ass, she's fine with it and its not the first nor last time. So your gf didnt handle it because she won't. Now, on whether this was to make you jealous...no. Unless your gf is psychic and cant jedi mind trick a guy who doesnt pet her back to pet her back, him petting her wasnt something out of the blue a guy decided to do at the right time to help her make you feel jealous.
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Second time: Last saturday on her girlfriends birthday we went out to this small club and i asked if she wanted something to drink so i walk up to the bar and get a beer and a wine for us, when i get back she is sitting on the edge of the pooltable (it was a small club with 1 pooltable) and this dude is sitting next to her with his arm around her.... i walked up, gave my gf her wine and sat next to her for 1 second on the other side, right away i removed his hand from her shoulder and he apologized (oh sorry and took his hand back), my gf said "oh dont mind that/or him" again not sure exact words but for sure something like oh dont mind him/that... i walked away inside to the club by myself as i felt disrespected by her allowing this dude to hang over her like that... i did not know the dude...
Now, I dont know, maybe your gf is just a chick who is comfortable with guy friends. Nothing wrong with that. But what sticks out to me, is she does these things and doesnt seem to give a fuck. Like, even a chick who is a flirt, if she likes you, will ease her bf into that. Its a different story if guy has his arm around her and you walk up and she says "Hey [stranger guy] this is my bf I told you about." But its like she doesnt have the sense or self awareness or care for you to get in her mind ,hey this guys arm around me is something that Furioux may not like seeing, let me show him this is a friend.
Another thing is, dont go doing this taking guys hands off of her thing. You're fortunate that this guy was nice and apologetic, some other guys, touching them when you dont know them will lead to a fight. And you'd be in the wrong for touching someone. If your girl lets a guy touch her and when you approach she doesnt even introduce you as her bf, your beef is with your chick. Thats like if Im making out with a chick and her bf comes out of nowhere to seperate us. I'd be pissed you're touching me when your chick didnt say she was in a relationship and was fine with my actions. Dont let your chicks dumb decisions and lack of awareness get you into trouble with guys who she's not even claiming you in front of. Different story if she introduced you as her bf, and guy puts his hand and she tries to push it away and you have to protect your chick. These kinds of actions you're doing...your chick is going back to her friends and YOU look like the crazy one.
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On way back home she asked me why i took his hand off and i explained i dont like it when guys touch you like that, she says he was just a friend... (knew him by name) so probally was a true friend. I told her i rather have you take his hand of instead of me and she said oh i didn't even notice it.... i told her i dont mind it as long as its a friend i know and gave her some names from common friends of ours.
Know what your point is. This whole exchange is the wrong way to confront something. "I dont like guys touching you"..."but he's a friend"..."Well id rather you take his hand off next time"..."Well its ok once its approved friends...here's a list." Wtf. I'm not telling you whats right for your relationship or whats wrong, but damn...its like you have a point of view and you're changing it because she's giving you nonsense. If you dont like guys touching her in those ways, thats what you dont like. If you're going to bring it up, show her that you're confident in what you think.
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Third small issue: She has a guy best friend she likes to talk about however i never met him, apparently he was in the same club as us last saturday to say hi but never did, they know each other for 6 years or so and he gave her a ring... and chill from time to time, he is 2 years younger then her so iam not to worried about it however drinking 1v1 and sending me snapchats of it might be worth noting her for the advice... she might sent it to make me jealous but still idk.. in the 6 months i know her she has only seen him twice, once for shopping clothes and last time having drinks 1v1... he recently has a girlfriend, his girlfriend does not like my gf because of jealousy..
Thing is man, what I see is a chick who just doesnt care that much. She has a male best friend. You dont believe in men and women cant be friends. A chick who cares for the relationship, would go out of her way to make sure you 2 meet and you're cool with the situation. I see a chick who even if she's that close to her guy friends that all of this is innocent, she really isnt trying to make you comfortable. She could proactively cut back on the actions that would make you jealous ie the petting and guys arm and guy best friend. If she doesnt want to cut back, fine...she could proactively just introduce you as the bf, or realize hey this guys arm around me looks weird, let me do a girl move and get it off subtly and introduce him. Even if she doesnt do those things, when the conversation in the car ride home comes up and you say "I dont like guys touching you" comes up, she could do better that basically "whatever."
I have female friends who I may put an arm around or play fight with or some shit. But if the bf or husband or certain ppl are around, we know to pull that shit back. And if the bf were to walk in on us when my arm was around them, they'd play that off and introduce me immediately so he doesnt get the wrong idea. What I guess I'm saying is, whether its innocent or not, your gf isnt being tactful with something she knows you find strange. You seem to be making excuses, like situation#2, the guy wouldnt know she wasnt single. But you know what...a chick who likes you, is going to tell her male friend, my bf is over there and when you walk up, the guy is going to shake your hand. If guys are petting her back or arm around her when you're there...it doesnt really sound like they consider her your gf.