I need to learn this! The way I treat my fwb or any girl I casually date is perfect. The way I treated her before we became serious awesome.

It's becoming easier with time to treat her like that (because attachment is fading) but still occasionally slip up!

Your advice so far has been awesome Arch! There is a friends party this weekend we're both invited to so another opportunity. She won't be my focus for the night as there are many other girls there i know and want to game. I might bring a female friend along as well.
Hopefully I can come back here and post that I fucked her brains out, it was amazing and I've dropped all the seriousness with her and we're just having fun. Or I'll do the shirt pickup and see where that leads.

Update:

So not much has changed but thought I'd give an update. We've crossed paths a couple of times this week.

At the start of the week I asked her to give me feedback on a video I made (I'd mentioned it when we last met so she was expecting it). I'd asked multiple people for feedback. She texted back a day later with an enormous wall of text with her feedback. It was clearly well thought out and took a lot of time to write. Was a bit surprised as I expected a one line answer not 50.

A few days later while I was at work (I work at a bar occasionally) she came in with a friend (who also works with me) during the day. I was starting my shift, saw them and went over to say hello. Talked more to her friend then her. I was working on some things and as she walked past me she poked my ass but I didn't really respond. When she was leaving she stopped to say bye. There was very strong eye contact (kind of sexual) but the interaction was short.

Yesterday I went out to dinner with a female friend. As we walked in to get food, the venue was busy. I stepped out to the outdoor area, looked around and it so happens she was there again with her friend. We went over to say hello and talked (we all know each other). She randomly asked me if I was going to a mutual friends birthday later (which she was maybe going to but couldn't due to work) and I said yes. That's all we talked. My female friend who I had dinner with knows her well but they don't get along/ like each other. I stopped talking to my female friend while I was with my ex but now we're back to hanging out. She said my ex gave her the most intense dirty look when she saw her walk in with me.

Still on "no contact" from my end. It's hard to avoid her completely and there is a weird tension every time she's around. I still would like to hookup with her again and that's my goal.

OP do you honestly think you're playing a winning game?

I'll let you know straight up that even if you get this girl back now, you'll be back here in 3 months time with the same problem, but worse circumstances.

Why do you guys find the concept of moving on so unacceptable? You'd be willing to take any advice, no matter how toxic in the long run, for small short term gratification without even considering it.

Why?

R.C: I can honestly say my intentions now are not to get the relationship back (you can see my mindset change as this thread went on!). I can't see myself long term with her unless things drastically changed (very unlikely).

I want to hookup with her again (which I know is possible but I haven't done before!). That's my goal. Nothing serious. Just fun. At the very least I'd like to release all the built up tension because I can't completely avoid her. I'll probably still see her at least a couple of times every month for a long time to come!

N2thevoid: Even if I was still attached, how could she possibly know this if we haven't had many interactions and I haven't shown any interest? If anything she feels I've moved on too quickly. I can't think of anything that would indicate to her I'm attached - probably the opposite. I'm treating her like I used to before we got together.

I didn't plan on bumping into her those times with my friend. She shouldn't be surprised that we hang out but I can see your point of the 'enemy'!


R.C: I can honestly say my intentions now are not to get the relationship back (you can see my mindset change as this thread went on!). I can't see myself long term with her unless things drastically changed (very unlikely).

I want to hookup with her again (which I know is possible but I haven't done before!). That's my goal. Nothing serious. Just fun. At the very least I'd like to release all the built up tension because I can't completely avoid her. I'll probably still see her at least a couple of times every month for a long time to come!

The fact you're still looking to her for guidance / to lead. If she snapped her fingers and wanted you back right now you'd be with her, let's be real.

Its the ENERGY you hold, women have a sixth sense for such things and if she doesn't know it now she'll know soon enough in your actions. Even your posts in here all point to you looking at her and how she may / may not interpret things. Its the looking to her which will eventually do you in.


AND you want to HOOK UP with her again why?? There are thousands of girls out there but this ONE, your EX of all people is the one you want a chance to have sex with again? Please. You're drinking the attachment koolaid.

I would not get back in a relationship if she wanted. I've seen too many red flags and I know it won't be long term. We get a long very well and see each other a lot so it would be good to have her as a fwb. Had we dated for more than a couple of months/had a bad breakup then it would be different.


Update: She called me late last night. Was driving home from the gym so didn't answer. She then messaged me to "put this channel on quickly". She then called again. Didn't answer again (still driving). When I got home I called her back. We talked for a while. She'd been watching a talk show and someone I liked a lot came on and she didn't want me to miss it. I did miss it, so she explained everything they talked about. Most of the conversation after that was on very neurtral topics. She said things that showed she had been thinking about me. Didn't talk about "us" and I didn't show much interest. Was just relaxed (probably because I was tired and almost falling asleep).
I then ended it on a good note.

This was good because it reduced the bad tension that had built up.