PUA Forum :: Recover from a big mistake

Short background on me (30):
- had a long relationship, which ended up in flames after 4.5 years this summer
- ex messed me up a bit, used to accuse me of just wanting sex (and various others non-relevant); she was my first and only sex partner (up until now)
- always had problems with understanding what the girl wants and reacting to signals (the latter being the bigger deal)
- big introvert, but fun to be around, sometimes seen as cold or withdrawn
- sex for me is a 'higher connection', special, meaningful, very important but I am able to postpone my needs (I know it's against what the usual PUA approach is)

Short background on her (31):
- met 3 weeks ago
- instant, natural connection, since the first meeting we spent time together almost each day
- very attractive, a bit low on self-esteem, extrovert
- experienced, had many partners, adventurous, sex is very important to her
- was/is in a long distance relationship which ended because of me (brake up already done, but the guy gives mixed signals on whether he acknowledged it or not, not sure if he's gonna fight for her a bit longer), she pointed out several times that she wants to try with me.
- we had sex, great and memorable 3 times (first time my place, over 2.5h, second time my place - 30m morning sex, third time her parents place which we crashed, crazy 1.5h) up until yesterday

Background on last night:
- met at my place, she cooked, easy going music on, chilling out after work;
- decided we're going to bed, very intimate make-out going on, but no foreplay yet, looking at a great ending to the day

And here goes the awkward me... As I wasn't sure whether she wants sex (she did want it) and in order for her to feel that I'm with her not just because of sex (which is true, but sounds absurd to justify as I'm writing it now) my beautiful lips go:
"I wouldn't want to spoil the moment".
She freaked out on me, felt disappointed and mad, felt rejected by me - which wasn't my intention at all!!!
Couldn't break through to her, tried to explain that I did want to make love to her but that didn't help, tried to re-initiate but she wouldn't let me and just turned me down with "let's just go to sleep", although we did manage to cuddle a bit.
In the morning she was less mad, but I could still feel the disappointment and she stated: "I feel like sex is going to be a problem with us".

I know I messed up big time, but any ideas on how do I fix this now?

- sex for me is a 'higher connection', special, meaningful, very important but I am able to postpone my needs (I know it's against what the usual PUA approach is)

Short background on her (31):
- met 3 weeks ago
- instant, natural connection,since the first meeting we spent time together almost each day

- we had sex, great and memorable 3 times (first time my place, over 2.5h, second time my place - 30m morning sex, third time her parents place which we crashed, crazy 1.5h) up until yesterday

And here goes the awkward me... As I wasn't sure whether she wants sex (she did want it) and in order for her to feel that I'm with her not just because of sex (which is true, but sounds absurd to justify as I'm writing it now) my beautiful lips go:
"I wouldn't want to spoil the moment".
She freaked out on me, felt disappointed and mad, felt rejected by me - which wasn't my intention at all!!!
Couldn't break through to her, tried to explain that I did want to make love to her but that didn't help, tried to re-initiate but she wouldn't let me and just turned me down with "let's just go to sleep", although we did manage to cuddle a bit.
In the morning she was less mad, but I could still feel the disappointment and she stated: "I feel like sex is going to be a problem with us".

I know I messed up big time, but any ideas on how do I fix this now?

You know, I simply cannot imagine what man in his right mind is laying in bed next to a hot and ready woman thinking like "This is so special. I don't want to spoil it."
Legit, there is not a single argument to validate that train of thought.

And you know why you did it? Because you went out of your way to be what.. romantic?
To give her reassurance although she asked for none?
You completely ignored what she was telling you she wanted (to get fucked), and acted upon some sort of disgusting lovey dovey made up belief you had of what she wanted. Because let's face it, you didn't actually truly not want to "spoil" the moment. What the hell does that even mean? Especially 3 weeks into the "relationship". There was no moment.

Anyway, like Neo said, it's on her from now on. What you need to learn from this is to stop overcomplicating that which is simple.

Author:	WoundedRhyme [ Thu Nov 24, 2016 7:22 am ]
Post subject:	Recover from a big mistake - fresh reletionship
Short background on me (30): - had a long relationship, which ended up in flames after 4.5 years this summer - ex messed me up a bit, used to accuse me of just wanting sex (and various others non-relevant); she was my first and only sex partner (up until now) - always had problems with understanding what the girl wants and reacting to signals (the latter being the bigger deal) - big introvert, but fun to be around, sometimes seen as cold or withdrawn - sex for me is a 'higher connection', special, meaningful, very important but I am able to postpone my needs (I know it's against what the usual PUA approach is) Short background on her (31): - met 3 weeks ago - instant, natural connection, since the first meeting we spent time together almost each day - very attractive, a bit low on self-esteem, extrovert - experienced, had many partners, adventurous, sex is very important to her - was/is in a long distance relationship which ended because of me (brake up already done, but the guy gives mixed signals on whether he acknowledged it or not, not sure if he's gonna fight for her a bit longer), she pointed out several times that she wants to try with me. - we had sex, great and memorable 3 times (first time my place, over 2.5h, second time my place - 30m morning sex, third time her parents place which we crashed, crazy 1.5h) up until yesterday Background on last night: - met at my place, she cooked, easy going music on, chilling out after work; - decided we're going to bed, very intimate make-out going on, but no foreplay yet, looking at a great ending to the day And here goes the awkward me... As I wasn't sure whether she wants sex (she did want it) and in order for her to feel that I'm with her not just because of sex (which is true, but sounds absurd to justify as I'm writing it now) my beautiful lips go: "I wouldn't want to spoil the moment". She freaked out on me, felt disappointed and mad, felt rejected by me - which wasn't my intention at all!!! Couldn't break through to her, tried to explain that I did want to make love to her but that didn't help, tried to re-initiate but she wouldn't let me and just turned me down with "let's just go to sleep", although we did manage to cuddle a bit. In the morning she was less mad, but I could still feel the disappointment and she stated: "I feel like sex is going to be a problem with us". I know I messed up big time, but any ideas on how do I fix this now?

Author:	neo87 [ Thu Nov 24, 2016 7:38 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Recover from a big mistake - fresh reletionship
Quote: Short background on me (30): - had a long relationship, which ended up in flames after 4.5 years this summer - ex messed me up a bit, used to accuse me of just wanting sex (and various others non-relevant); she was my first and only sex partner (up until now) - always had problems with understanding what the girl wants and reacting to signals (the latter being the bigger deal) - big introvert, but fun to be around, sometimes seen as cold or withdrawn - sex for me is a 'higher connection', special, meaningful, very important but I am able to postpone my needs (I know it's against what the usual PUA approach is) Short background on her (31): - met 3 weeks ago - instant, natural connection, since the first meeting we spent time together almost each day - very attractive, a bit low on self-esteem, extrovert - experienced, had many partners, adventurous, sex is very important to her - was/is in a long distance relationship which ended because of me (brake up already done, but the guy gives mixed signals on whether he acknowledged it or not, not sure if he's gonna fight for her a bit longer), she pointed out several times that she wants to try with me. - we had sex, great and memorable 3 times (first time my place, over 2.5h, second time my place - 30m morning sex, third time her parents place which we crashed, crazy 1.5h) up until yesterday Background on last night: - met at my place, she cooked, easy going music on, chilling out after work; - decided we're going to bed, very intimate make-out going on, but no foreplay yet, looking at a great ending to the day And here goes the awkward me... As I wasn't sure whether she wants sex (she did want it) and in order for her to feel that I'm with her not just because of sex (which is true, but sounds absurd to justify as I'm writing it now) my beautiful lips go: "I wouldn't want to spoil the moment". She freaked out on me, felt disappointed and mad, felt rejected by me - which wasn't my intention at all!!! Couldn't break through to her, tried to explain that I did want to make love to her but that didn't help, tried to re-initiate but she wouldn't let me and just turned me down with "let's just go to sleep", although we did manage to cuddle a bit. In the morning she was less mad, but I could still feel the disappointment and she stated: "I feel like sex is going to be a problem with us". I know I messed up big time, but any ideas on how do I fix this now? "Make love to her?" Slow down man. 3 weeks in, dont start that "making love" talk. Even if you dont say it, dont think of it like that. And seeing each other every day? Thats the fast track to he saying "lets slow down and take some space" which is prob what you're seeing now. You said something dumb, you explained it...its over. If she wants to let this affect her, thats on her. And you as a man who CHOOSES who he fucks and spends time with should treat it as such. You shouldnt be afraid that she wont get past stupid shit...she should FEEL and KNOW that if she holds onto stupid shit that looks bad on HER. YOU messed up the other night. If she continues with it, SHE is the one messing up. It sounds cliche, but jeez, stop giving a fuck what these girls think.

Author:	R.C [ Thu Nov 24, 2016 8:54 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Recover from a big mistake - fresh reletionship
Quote: And here goes the awkward me... As I wasn't sure whether she wants sex (she did want it) and in order for her to feel that I'm with her not just because of sex (which is true, but sounds absurd to justify as I'm writing it now) my beautiful lips go: "I wouldn't want to spoil the moment". You know, I simply cannot imagine what man in his right mind is laying in bed next to a hot and ready woman thinking like "This is so special. I don't want to spoil it." Legit, there is not a single argument to validate that train of thought. And you know why you did it? Because you went out of your way to be what.. romantic? To give her reassurance although she asked for none? You completely ignored what she was telling you she wanted (to get fucked), and acted upon some sort of disgusting lovey dovey made up belief you had of what she wanted. Because let's face it, you didn't actually truly not want to "spoil" the moment. What the hell does that even mean? Especially 3 weeks into the "relationship". There was no moment. Anyway, like Neo said, it's on her from now on. What you need to learn from this is to stop overcomplicating that which is simple.

Author:	Arch Stanton [ Thu Nov 24, 2016 9:17 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Recover from a big mistake - fresh reletionship
Quote: - sex for me is a 'higher connection', special, meaningful, very important but I am able to postpone my needs (I know it's against what the usual PUA approach is) You are not a unique flower. Great sex is special and spiritual for many people. Quote: Short background on her (31): - met 3 weeks ago - instant, natural connection,since the first meeting we spent time together almost each day Too much, too fast. Quote: - we had sex, great and memorable 3 times (first time my place, over 2.5h, second time my place - 30m morning sex, third time her parents place which we crashed, crazy 1.5h) up until yesterday You saw each other every day for three weeks and had sex only three times? That's a problem. I'm guessing a significant failure to lead sexually. If the sex was "great", a woman is going to be hitting you up more than three times in three weeks. It sounds like she didn't like the sex, but kept giving you a chance to get better. Quote: And here goes the awkward me... As I wasn't sure whether she wants sex (she did want it) and in order for her to feel that I'm with her not just because of sex (which is true, but sounds absurd to justify as I'm writing it now) my beautiful lips go: "I wouldn't want to spoil the moment". She freaked out on me, felt disappointed and mad, felt rejected by me - which wasn't my intention at all!!! Couldn't break through to her, tried to explain that I did want to make love to her but that didn't help, tried to re-initiate but she wouldn't let me and just turned me down with "let's just go to sleep", although we did manage to cuddle a bit. In the morning she was less mad, but I could still feel the disappointment and she stated: "I feel like sex is going to be a problem with us". I know I messed up big time, but any ideas on how do I fix this now? You found yourself a smoking hot, sexually experienced girl, and you failed to dominate sexually. She gave you a few weeks to lead. This shit happens. This is classic Nice-Guy-Syndrome. Hot, sexually experienced women will eat these types alive, and spit them out without a hint of remorse. They'll laugh about it to their girlfriends. The wording I bolded in your quote is awkward as hell. "Make love"? No no no. 8, 9 and 10's do not want a man to "make love" to them early on. They want to be grabbed by the throat, tossed against the wall and have their underwear ripped off. This is why she said "sex is going to be a problem for us". Beautiful, sexually experienced women are looking for a dominant male, and will not have the patience to train boys. They think YOU should already know. After all, their phone is lined up with the next guys in line. Let me convey a related story for you. I'm at a bar with my gf and her roommate (Laura) last month. There's a new guy there with Laura, his name is Sam. This is their third date. Nice fella, talks an awful lot. At the end of our meal, he asks Laura to drive him back to the library for his studies. This is the third time Sam has failed to escalate with her. I head back to their apartment and the girls are incredulous. My gf says to Laura, "he's not a man. And you want to be with someone who wants to rip your clothes off". Laura agreed, and never contacted Sam again. 95% of men do what you're doing...treating women as these helpless princesses encased in glass flowers. They are not. Women are more intelligent than men. They have craven fantasies, and they want a leader to blow their minds and bodies. Their pain threshold is far better. They want to laugh. They want to have hard orgasms that they lose themselves in. They want to catch a buzz. And maybe then they want to cuddle. What happened is you cut off your own dick by being too nice. The nice way of saying this: You de-sexualized yourself in your woman's eyes. The fix? Be direct, sexual, and to the fucking point. To be brutally honest, your special flower mentality (sex is more important to me than PUA types) is going to cause you to be blown off time and again by the women you are most attracted to. I'd send this text right around 1pm (or whatever the middle of her workday is...women want to be surprised and shocked by fun/crazy things that take them out of the mundane): "I want you on your knees later". Ever see the cover of romance novels? The muscular man standing, the woman clutching at him while on her knees? There's a very good reason why those covers are that way.

Author:	WT Foxtrot [ Mon Nov 28, 2016 3:12 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Recover from a big mistake - fresh reletionship
Quote: You know, I simply cannot imagine what man in his right mind is laying in bed next to a hot and ready woman thinking like "This is so special. I don't want to spoil it." Legit, there is not a single argument to validate that train of thought. And you know why you did it? Because you went out of your way to be what.. romantic? To give her reassurance although she asked for none? You completely ignored what she was telling you she wanted (to get fucked), and acted upon some sort of disgusting lovey dovey made up belief you had of what she wanted. Because let's face it, you didn't actually truly not want to "spoil" the moment. What the hell does that even mean? Especially 3 weeks into the "relationship". There was no moment. Anyway, like Neo said, it's on her from now on. What you need to learn from this is to stop overcomplicating that which is simple. It was his first girlfriend that programmed him. It's her fault. Congratulations on finding a woman that actually wants to have sex. Continue on. Try playing the game how many orgasms can I give her today.

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Author:	Eddie Fews [ Tue Nov 29, 2016 7:17 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Recover from a big mistake - fresh reletionship
Sounds like she has personal issues my friend. And this is not a "BIG" mistake in the slightest, and if you allow yourself or her to make you feel like it is this relationship won't have the longevity to it that you would want. Challenge her to take responsibility for her own over reactions just as she challenges you to take responsibility for getting her to react. Does the action justify the reaction? Does a guy accidentally stepping on your food justify your roughly pushing him and screaming? No. So you wouldn't allow a guy that reacted to you stepped on his foot that way make you feel like " You make a BIG MISTAKE" so don't take that shit from your girlfriend either. Its a misunderstanding.. And nothing more serious than that. Get over it. And tell her to do the same. Once the emotions cool everything should return to normal.

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