PUA Forum :: Problems....

So I am in a relationship and have been for around 6 months now! Things are not great between us but we do want to be together. What I need help with though is me and my girlfriend never seem to have sex anymore

What are her self esteem issues? You do know you just said the answer right there....

Quote:

What are her self esteem issues? You do know you just said the answer right there....

The same as every girls self esteem issues of course... body image. They are completely unfounded and the reason I don't see this as being the issue is that they were there when we first got together and it made no difference until now.

Quote:

What are her self esteem issues? You do know you just said the answer right there....

In my experience, whatever a girl tells you about her self esteem issues or insecurities, is twice as worse as she says. Everyone is insecure about something, but if you know she's struggling with body image or self esteem, that's not average girl insecurity. So if you know a girl is "struggling" or even has body image issues, it's a serious problem. Now in the beginning, it may be easier for her to have sex with body image issues, but after a while if she doesn't like her body she's gonna resist sex, as is your case.

6 months in, if she's shutting you down that's a problem. Now, it could be stressed, could be she's that busy, could be she's losing attraction, could be the sex isn't good, could be she's just not into sex like that. My guess is the self esteem stuff as that stood out to me. You mention that things are not great but you 2 still want to be together? That's not something you should be talking like 6 months in. Also, she has a kid or something? How old are you 2? What are the other problems? What are the living arrangements? How often do you see each other? What body issues does she have? For something like a drop in sex, it could be a lot of things. But your post just gives me more questions.

I'm guessing its the self esteem, but it could be attraction. Could be you spend too much time together. Could be you text too much.

When you say things can be tense what do you mean? What are the arguments about?

So....

She's broke
10 years older
has a son
selfish
lives with her parents
Sex dropping

6 months in.

I still think it could be the body issues. You 2 are also in different places in life, so it could also be she has more stressors - age, kid, money etc. Could also be you're just a bridge for her, from the way she doesnt want to meet your parents.

I will say this though man. You're 22. You have at least some shit together. I have no idea why you'd choose a woman like this. And I can't imagine the 32 year old mother who would seriously consider making a 22 year old her serious bf. I'll say this...when you accept women like this, the pussy dries up. Because you're accepting a shitty situation (older, no $, parents there, kid)... she knows it's a shitty situation but you chose it. So what does that tell her over time about you? What your options must be? How much you value yourself? If Brad Pitt started dating a no tooth having crackhead, sure she'd be horny for him for a while. But after some time she's gonna start thinking...wait, why is he with my nasty ass? He must be really desperate.=killing sexual attraction. I cant picture a woman being really attracted to the man who would accept all this. Have standards in any relationship. Accepting her flaws just communicates to her how much you value yourself and what your options are.

Author:	ColaGuy [ Mon Oct 19, 2015 4:07 pm ]
Post subject:	Problems....
So I am in a relationship and have been for around 6 months now! Things are not great between us but we do want to be together. What I need help with though is me and my girlfriend never seem to have sex anymore.... I get that it's not the be all and end all of a relationship but in my opinion it makes for a good relationship. We can go 1-2 weeks at a time with no sex!! Yes we can both be busy and yes there are certain factors that prevent us from being able to as regularly as I would like but even when we have the time and space etc it just feels like running into a fucking wall trying to get her into the mood. She has self esteem issues which she is really struggling with and I do all I can to help her passed it and she should have no doubt in her mind that I find her sexually attractive because I make it no secret. I don't really know what to do at this point, I am doing everything I can think of. I always try to make her feel as comfortable as possible, genuine compliments a plenty, hugs and kisses throughout the day (every day) etc but when it comes time for me to make my move it's kinda like she senses it and does everything possible to shut me down... Maybe I am missing out on something key here? Maybe she just doesn't find me attractive anymore? Any help and advice or something to try would be appreciated guys. will check back in soon if you have any questions for me or want me to elaborate more.

Author:	ColaGuy [ Mon Oct 19, 2015 4:19 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Problems....
Just thought that I would add that I have spoken to her about it and her response was that she wants to as much as I do but there are things that get in the way (which there are) and other times she just doesn't feel great about herself.. After speaking to her about it she made some effort and it was great for about a week, she even had me sneak into hers at 6am after her parents went to work and her boy still up in bed so we could have sex! but now we are back to the normal and when we do have sex it's just the same old thing every time.... again thanks for help and advice guys!!!

Author:	Dragula [ Mon Oct 19, 2015 4:48 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Problems....
This is quite normal for a relationship, lots of sex to start with and then gradually less and less. This is the pitfall of monogamy. Only thing is I can suggest to talk to her properly. As in, tell her it's affecting the relationship severely and perhaps plant the seed that you should spice things up a bit. You could always surprise her with a dirty weekend somewhere. Spa SPAM all that and fuck each other senseless. Watch magic mike/50 shads of gray one night and let that moist her vagina for you. I felt less of a man wanking before my gf came to bed because I couldn't be bothered getting her in the mood and fucking her. I would often think about other girls/watch porn. Relationships that have plenty of longterm sex is hard to come by. There is a reason why most punters that see prostitute are often married men. Remember, it's better to be single than unhappy. Don't settle for anything less you want. Good luck.

Author:	R.C [ Mon Oct 19, 2015 5:48 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Problems....
Quote: So I am in a relationship and have been for around 6 months now! Things are not great between us but we do want to be together. What I need help with though is me and my girlfriend never seem to have sex anymore Is it 6 months or 6 years? I actually felt a hint of sadness reading this topic. Dude, don't settle for this.

Author:	WillEdward [ Mon Oct 19, 2015 8:04 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Problems....
This is definitely common in LTRs. Like Dragula said, you can add excitement to it and spice it up so the relationship won't go stale. Travel somewhere exotic and do something different that you guys have never done before and do new activities together.

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Author:	ColaGuy [ Mon Oct 19, 2015 9:26 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Problems....
Thanks for the replies guys. I will give this a go, wowcher offers plenty of weekends away dirt cheap

Author:	neo87 [ Mon Oct 19, 2015 9:32 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Problems....
What are her self esteem issues? You do know you just said the answer right there....

Author:	ColaGuy [ Mon Oct 19, 2015 9:40 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Problems....
Quote: What are her self esteem issues? You do know you just said the answer right there.... The same as every girls self esteem issues of course... body image. They are completely unfounded and the reason I don't see this as being the issue is that they were there when we first got together and it made no difference until now.

Author:	neo87 [ Mon Oct 19, 2015 10:48 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Problems....
Quote: Quote: What are her self esteem issues? You do know you just said the answer right there.... The same as every girls self esteem issues of course... body image. They are completely unfounded and the reason I don't see this as being the issue is that they were there when we first got together and it made no difference until now. In my experience, whatever a girl tells you about her self esteem issues or insecurities, is twice as worse as she says. Everyone is insecure about something, but if you know she's struggling with body image or self esteem, that's not average girl insecurity. So if you know a girl is "struggling" or even has body image issues, it's a serious problem. Now in the beginning, it may be easier for her to have sex with body image issues, but after a while if she doesn't like her body she's gonna resist sex, as is your case. 6 months in, if she's shutting you down that's a problem. Now, it could be stressed, could be she's that busy, could be she's losing attraction, could be the sex isn't good, could be she's just not into sex like that. My guess is the self esteem stuff as that stood out to me. You mention that things are not great but you 2 still want to be together? That's not something you should be talking like 6 months in. Also, she has a kid or something? How old are you 2? What are the other problems? What are the living arrangements? How often do you see each other? What body issues does she have? For something like a drop in sex, it could be a lot of things. But your post just gives me more questions. I'm guessing its the self esteem, but it could be attraction. Could be you spend too much time together. Could be you text too much.

Author:	ColaGuy [ Wed Oct 21, 2015 11:03 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Problems....
Quote: Quote: Quote: What are her self esteem issues? You do know you just said the answer right there.... The same as every girls self esteem issues of course... body image. They are completely unfounded and the reason I don't see this as being the issue is that they were there when we first got together and it made no difference until now. In my experience, whatever a girl tells you about her self esteem issues or insecurities, is twice as worse as she says. Everyone is insecure about something, but if you know she's struggling with body image or self esteem, that's not average girl insecurity. So if you know a girl is "struggling" or even has body image issues, it's a serious problem. Now in the beginning, it may be easier for her to have sex with body image issues, but after a while if she doesn't like her body she's gonna resist sex, as is your case. 6 months in, if she's shutting you down that's a problem. Now, it could be stressed, could be she's that busy, could be she's losing attraction, could be the sex isn't good, could be she's just not into sex like that. My guess is the self esteem stuff as that stood out to me. You mention that things are not great but you 2 still want to be together? That's not something you should be talking like 6 months in. Also, she has a kid or something? How old are you 2? What are the other problems? What are the living arrangements? How often do you see each other? What body issues does she have? For something like a drop in sex, it could be a lot of things. But your post just gives me more questions. I'm guessing its the self esteem, but it could be attraction. Could be you spend too much time together. Could be you text too much. Thanks for the reply bro Yeah things can be really tense between us sometimes but when things are good they are really good, it's just hard to maintain that sometimes. Yes she does have a kid and he is 6... He definitely makes the whole situation a lot harder, the biggest reason being as she lives with her parents at the moment they share a room, which drastically reduces our chances to have sex... now it's left to day time when we arent working and everybody is out or we used to have sex in the living room after everybody had gone to sleep but that's just not a thing any more. She is 32 and I am 22... Huge age gap, I know and I've got no doubt this is a contributing factor to our problems. As I say though she is living back with her parents due to money issues and I have my own flat about a 15 minute drive from her. We see each other way too regularly I already know this, It's been a lot less lately and I am going to try and keep it that way, Spending a few days together and maybe a few hours on the odd evening seems fine to me. Her body image issues are due to her weight, she is slightly over weight (would never say to her face) but it's nothing that would bother 99% of guys. feels like I have just wrote a wall of text there so sorry for the pain of reading that but again I appreciate any replies.

Author:	neo87 [ Wed Oct 21, 2015 11:39 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Problems....
When you say things can be tense what do you mean? What are the arguments about?

Author:	ColaGuy [ Wed Oct 21, 2015 3:40 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Problems....
Quote: When you say things can be tense what do you mean? What are the arguments about? Ok one thing we argue about is money... She wants us to have more of it. Makes sense ofc but neither of us are magic leprechauns that can pull it out of our arses. Families, because of where she lives we are forced into spending a lot of time with her family, I very much dislike them and they me. Makes it awkward when a lot of our time spent together is in their house. In the 6 months we have been together she hasn't made any effort to travel down south (only about 3hrs drive) to meet my family. obviously that annoys me considering how much time we spend with her family and if the roles were reversed she would have none of it. With that also comes the not spending enough time alone, yes we both work and yes she has a kid but it seems to me that making some time to spend alone together wouldn't be that hard (considering I have my own flat and her parents are more than happy to look after the boy) but when things aren't convenient/easy for her she has little interest. They are the main things that cause arguments between us, most could definitely be avoided i think if we were both to try and relax a bit more but that is of course a lot easier said than done.

Author:	neo87 [ Wed Oct 21, 2015 11:10 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Problems....
So.... She's broke 10 years older has a son selfish lives with her parents Sex dropping 6 months in. I still think it could be the body issues. You 2 are also in different places in life, so it could also be she has more stressors - age, kid, money etc. Could also be you're just a bridge for her, from the way she doesnt want to meet your parents. I will say this though man. You're 22. You have at least some shit together. I have no idea why you'd choose a woman like this. And I can't imagine the 32 year old mother who would seriously consider making a 22 year old her serious bf. I'll say this...when you accept women like this, the pussy dries up. Because you're accepting a shitty situation (older, no $, parents there, kid)... she knows it's a shitty situation but you chose it. So what does that tell her over time about you? What your options must be? How much you value yourself? If Brad Pitt started dating a no tooth having crackhead, sure she'd be horny for him for a while. But after some time she's gonna start thinking...wait, why is he with my nasty ass? He must be really desperate.=killing sexual attraction. I cant picture a woman being really attracted to the man who would accept all this. Have standards in any relationship. Accepting her flaws just communicates to her how much you value yourself and what your options are.

Author:	R.C [ Thu Oct 22, 2015 7:35 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Problems....
Quote: So.... She's broke 10 years older has a son selfish lives with her parents Sex dropping 6 months in. I still think it could be the body issues. You 2 are also in different places in life, so it could also be she has more stressors - age, kid, money etc. Could also be you're just a bridge for her, from the way she doesnt want to meet your parents. I will say this though man. You're 22. You have at least some shit together. I have no idea why you'd choose a woman like this. And I can't imagine the 32 year old mother who would seriously consider making a 22 year old her serious bf. I'll say this...when you accept women like this, the pussy dries up. Because you're accepting a shitty situation (older, no $, parents there, kid)... she knows it's a shitty situation but you chose it. So what does that tell her over time about you? What your options must be? How much you value yourself? If Brad Pitt started dating a no tooth having crackhead, sure she'd be horny for him for a while. But after some time she's gonna start thinking...wait, why is he with my nasty ass? He must be really desperate.=killing sexual attraction. I cant picture a woman being really attracted to the man who would accept all this. Have standards in any relationship. Accepting her flaws just communicates to her how much you value yourself and what your options are. This. Dude, OP, what the fuck is wrong with you man?

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Author:	ColaGuy [ Thu Oct 22, 2015 8:52 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Problems....
Quote: So.... She's broke 10 years older has a son selfish lives with her parents Sex dropping 6 months in. I still think it could be the body issues. You 2 are also in different places in life, so it could also be she has more stressors - age, kid, money etc. Could also be you're just a bridge for her, from the way she doesnt want to meet your parents. I will say this though man. You're 22. You have at least some shit together. I have no idea why you'd choose a woman like this. And I can't imagine the 32 year old mother who would seriously consider making a 22 year old her serious bf. I'll say this...when you accept women like this, the pussy dries up. Because you're accepting a shitty situation (older, no $, parents there, kid)... she knows it's a shitty situation but you chose it. So what does that tell her over time about you? What your options must be? How much you value yourself? If Brad Pitt started dating a no tooth having crackhead, sure she'd be horny for him for a while. But after some time she's gonna start thinking...wait, why is he with my nasty ass? He must be really desperate.=killing sexual attraction. I cant picture a woman being really attracted to the man who would accept all this. Have standards in any relationship. Accepting her flaws just communicates to her how much you value yourself and what your options are. Yeah unfortunately I get this and have already thought about it. Our relationship started because I wanted some pussy and I got what I got what I wanted. Problem is though now I love her and walking away from the clearly flawed relationship just ain't easy. I do think that there are probably things I could do to improve us, some will just take time and others I just won't do because at most it will be a temporary fix and before long things will revert back to normal.