Recognizing Red flags and trusting your gut



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PostPosted: Mon Mar 09, 2015 11:00 pm 
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I am curious to know what the community thinks about red flags from a girls past and what that means for a relationship. I used to think that people could transcend their past and even if they came from a broken family they could still create a happy home. Over the last weekend I have been proved wrong in this specifically and have learned that my girlfriend has some major insecurity issues along with for the lack of a better term "daddy issues" but wow what a learning experience. How do you watch for red flags, and what are some common ones to investigate?


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2015 6:00 am 
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I don't think its a good idea to "watch for red flags" per se, but definitely take heed of them when and if they do come up.

There's a lot to be said in trusting your gut/intuition, whatever you want to call it. Most people aren't aware of those feelings or simply ignore them and proceed with said person. One thing you can do is to simply sit on that feeling - by this I mean to take some time and not react the moment you feel it (unless of course its a potentially life threatening situation). Rather, give yourself some space, do a simple check-in and if, for example its something that goes against one of your values then maybe its a good idea to end things rather than persist and the attachment gets stronger.

Some common ones to investigate?

-"people don't like me because I am honest and speak what's on my mind" <---You're just a crass judgmental bitch and are difficult to get along with.
-"I get along with guys, I just never get along with girls they're too catty" <---similar to the above
-anything that she's concealing such as a 'dark' secret from her past - these ones are just pure drama


Seriously one guy's red flag will be another's green light. It is to some extent subjective. One guy may find it a red flag to date a girl who expect to be wined and dined all the time, whereas another guy may be totally cool with this (especially guys from traditional chinese cultures where this is more common).


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2015 7:39 pm 
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Quote:
I am curious to know what the community thinks about red flags from a girls past and what that means for a relationship. I used to think that people could transcend their past and even if they came from a broken family they could still create a happy home. Over the last weekend I have been proved wrong in this specifically and have learned that my girlfriend has some major insecurity issues along with for the lack of a better term "daddy issues" but wow what a learning experience. How do you watch for red flags, and what are some common ones to investigate?
People CAN transcend their past. Simply that everyone doesn't do it.

Not sure if there are "common" red flags, it depends on each individual. Obviously signs of her cheating would involve being out of touch for long periods of time, hiding her cell phone, constantly being out etc.


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