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| Mixed signals but clear actions in a budding relationship https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=170638 |
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| Author: | Monophthalmos [ Mon Oct 28, 2013 2:11 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Mixed signals but clear actions in a budding relationship |
Hello board, after a breakup in February I recovered. I didn't GFTOW, but atg least got to six before definitely being fedup with affairs. I broke up with my latest affair and was about to delete my account on a dating site when I received a message from a woman of my age (35). I fancied what I saw and when we met I decided not to get back into pickupmood, because I was frankly fed up with the game. Also, I guessed that by now I should be confident enough to be seductive through my presence rather than trough patterns. The first two meeting were OK, good rapport, she was clearly interested as she wanted to meet me again and again. But, after the second meeting, she told me she didn't feel like falling in love with me. I said I was OK with that, that I still enjoyed her company without loving her and we met a third time. I kept being C&F yet didn't make any moves and finally she kissed me. I didn't have to do anything. She then invited me back to her home but I declined (I had an unruly stomach). When next time she visited me at home we had dinner followed by making out. Once again I didn't push it. She stopped in the middle of making out, stalled a little bit, I said again I was fine with the status quo (because I knew it would go third base) and continued making her horny until she ripped her and my clothes off. I had troubles cumming with a rubber (a known problem to me) and had to resort to a handjob. The sex is good, though I guess she's enjoying it more than me until the aids test and her pills kick in. She complimented me several times on my body, my abilities as a lover and also is clearly attracted to my lifestyle. So far, so good. I wrote her an SMS some days later, in which I playfully broke up with her because of her statement in her profile "If you don't like cooked liver, get out!" claiming that cooked liver was a deal breaker. This she didn't take as a joke but as a break up where I didn't name the real reasons. I had to do some damage control on the phone where I realized that she felt not up to par with me. When we met next time she was a little bit more withdrawn which I didn't find unusual after the last exchange. She made a very good dinner. She then spilled the beans "I am attracted to you, physically and mentally, you're a smart guy and the best lover I've known (thanks to pickup artistry!), but I don't feel like falling in love with you. I've never met somebody who clicked so well with me without me falling in love. I don't know how to proceed." I kept my cool and stated that this was no problem for me. The evening was followed by several bouts of sex and further rapport building. The next morning we got intimate again and again to the point where my breakfast turned into a blowjob and more rapport building. She now wants to meet me again this weekend (coming over on Saturday) and having invited me to go to some cultural event with her on Friday. I can't complain at the moment. But I would like this to go the right direction as she definitely is LTR material and a strong person I very much respect and feel attracted to. I am not sure how to prevent this from evolving into a FB only relationship. I am even not sure whether I should follow her invitation on Friday (pro: experiencing something together is better than yet another dinner followed by sex, contra: I have my fitness training on Friday as well as another invitation to a party). Is scarcity the key? What is this "love" she's missing if she wants to see me again and again and fuck with me and talk and do stuff? I don't see the big deal. The paranoid reptile part of my PUA brain whispers "That's her way of trying to be seen as the prize" but this might be wishful thinking. Any thoughts on this situation?`Thanks a lot! |
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| Author: | Rough Operator [ Mon Oct 28, 2013 4:08 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Mixed signals but clear actions in a budding relationshi |
Falling in love isn't a choice, I think if you keep doing what you're doing then if she does want to be with you, the topic will eventually be broached. |
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| Author: | fugs [ Fri Nov 01, 2013 2:59 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Mixed signals but clear actions in a budding relationshi |
Mixed signals mean low interest and or somebody else is in the picure. Pull back a bit, let her initiate. "but I don't feel like falling in love with you" simply means make me fall in love with you aka be more dominant. |
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| Author: | Monophthalmos [ Sun Nov 03, 2013 10:15 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Mixed signals but clear actions in a budding relationshi |
Thank you. We met again for a cultural event and she again mentioned not seeing herself in a LTR with me. She also struggled to explain why because she said that I am anything she could hope for. But she somehow couldn't picture us as a couple. I took her seriously and thougfh it made me a little bit gloomy at the inside I didn't show it too much. I turned her on later and we fucked, but I don't like this situation. The next evening she came over, opened the discussion again, telling that she felt silly for not behaving coherently. She also told me she didn't plan to stay over. (She did in the end). Also she said she didn't think fondly of me when I was gone, rather thinking of our meeting and trying to process it. But not feeling the urge to write me little messages and so on. Her bottom line "I can't say "Yes" to you, but I also can't say "Let's go parted ways, I would miss you very much and am attracted to you". We had a long talk, my stance being that I don't go for stereotypical relationships but for the individual relationship that is created between individuals and that doesn't always resemble the traditional ones. And to let it run from there. We then watched a movie (Watership Down *g*) and fucked and had very intimate talks and more fucking. She left this morning. All questions still looming. I will let her initiate the next contact. But I still ask myself where did I go wrong. I know that even a real PUA would struggle to create "love". But I still feel I am not behaving coherently and missing out some clues. Thanks again. Even writing this easens my burden. |
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| Author: | cmd [ Sun Nov 03, 2013 12:29 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Mixed signals but clear actions in a budding relationshi |
What Hobbit says makes sense. She's 35 and probably gave up on the hope of a "lasting" relationship some time ago.. Maybe it's just fear of throwing away her heart again. Keep on doing what you do, be clear about what you want but let her decide. In the end her words will catch up to her actions. Especially with someone who isn't sure, don't (often) put her before your other interests like training or friends. It could still be she's playing the field. Keep calm and enjoy her company/sex until she becomes a bit clearer in her head. I am sure this will happen over time... |
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| Author: | Monophthalmos [ Sun Nov 03, 2013 5:16 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Mixed signals but clear actions in a budding relationshi |
She's never been married, but has been single for the past 3 years. I had the impression that she wants "true love" but doesn't believe in it anymore. I know that I *could* love her, but chose not to do so at the moment. At the time being I simply notice that I enjoy being with her and communicate well with her on many levels and that I would sorely miss her. I, too, think that it might sort out - one way or the other. But how do I keep things running? And how do I keep the right level of communication vs. breathing space? I will be busy the next two weeks, so it won't be difficult to keep distance. But I don't think that (only) keeping distance is what makes someone attracted. |
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| Author: | cmd [ Sun Nov 03, 2013 11:13 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Mixed signals but clear actions in a budding relationshi |
Don't be distant, just don't put her above everything else. You already sound worried you might lose her. That worry should be your first concern. Get rid of it. From what I can tell it's going well - her actions speak for themselves. But she's already the 1 who is unstable and thinking too much, don't be the guy who adopts to this. She needs you to be the opposite. Be her emotional massive-as tree. Trees are well grounded and don't get relocated when someone's shaking them or the wind moves their limbs... As long as you don't become boring, you have nothing to worry about. Keep it diversified, think of interesting things you can do together, show her a great time apart from having sex. And as long as you don't say yes to every single invite from her, you'll be fine. You're busy the next week? Tell her that in advance, so hopefully you feel more committed to it.. |
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| Author: | Monophthalmos [ Mon Nov 04, 2013 8:40 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Mixed signals but clear actions in a budding relationshi |
I hate the position this maneuvers me in as I am at her mercy. I guess you're right a certain nonchalance is the right way to deal with it. But how do I get her to invite me at all? The last times at the end of a date we agreed to a new one. This time we left it open, so I don't know whether she'll want to invite me at all. I do have the nagging doubt (yes, that worrying feeling again) that she might use my busy-time to sever herself from this relationship. Probably I am underselling myself, as we do have a great time together, but I hate not being in control. On a general level: how does one stay in touch without seeming needy? It wasn't that difficult with my affairs, why is it difficult now that something might be at stake? |
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| Author: | Thedutchone [ Mon Nov 04, 2013 11:05 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Mixed signals but clear actions in a budding relationshi |
As long as you don't text her too much (like starting always) you don't look too needy. If you want to make a date, just text her, hey I got a free night, up for it? Overthinking always does more harm .. if you have doubts just make a decision. Text her or don't, once you made a decision about it, you wait for a response. In meanwhile go sport, do your job , ... basicly stay busy. In relationships or similar things, you are always in the mercy of another... or you are totally controlling the other one emotionally and tbh that is not the kind of relationships you want to be into. Independance is sexy and intresting for longterm relationship. To be honest, the fact that she talks so much about not being in love with you means I think she already is. It's like people who are totally drunk, saying, nooo I didn't drink alot.. blablabla.. If she keeps meantioning it, she is just insecure. Stay cool and respond something in the line of , I like you, I don't know where this will go in the further, but that is all I need. |
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| Author: | Monophthalmos [ Wed Nov 06, 2013 9:53 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Mixed signals but clear actions in a budding relationshi |
According to her she really likes our meetings but has troubles picturing my face when she is alone again and asking herself "who was this guy I had an amazing time with?" She also claims to feel overwhelmed by the experience, struggles when trying to label our relationship and fears being thrown off track. In addition she states that I am so intense that she feelstaxed and has troubles relaxing in my presence. Not sure how serious I should take her on that and what to make of it. Sorry for typoes, this comes from my mobile phone. |
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