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4 year relationship, wants to breakup. Details Inside.
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Author:  Wings101 [ Wed Mar 20, 2013 10:03 pm ]
Post subject:  4 year relationship, wants to breakup. Details Inside.
Girlfriend:

My girlfriend is a HB10, she is 19 years of age(im 20). She can be moody at times, loves working with kids(she is a nanny), she loves her dogs, family and does care for things. I wouldn't say she is a stuck up bitch but she has her moments.

Situation:

Her and I dated for 4 years. There was a couple other girls in between since we had gone on a couple so called "breaks" but nothing ever lasted longer than 2 weeks. She has only slept with me in the past 4 years which I am 99% sure of.


Problem:

Over the past year the relationship has taken a dive, not a huge dive but worse than it was. She said she has wanted to break up before but I laid back and soon enough she was back again, probably has alot to do with comfort. The past 3 weeks have been rough to say the least. This time she said she wants to break up because i don't show i care about her enough and she wants someone that will tell her they "love her" everyday, Bring her flowers multiple times a month and I have done that on occasion but nowhere to the degree of what she says she wants. I only say I love you maybe once a month just so it means so much more when i say it. So, it has been 3 weeks, the first 2.5 we were texting talking but the past 2 days there has been no communication.


My Efforts::

I realized that I have not said I love you in a while and/or brought her flowers or show that I "care" alot lately so i took time to write a letter and brought her flowers along with it. Really, something I rarely do. I definetly expressed my feelings for her in the letter and she texted me after saying thanks I really needed that. The next day she said "Thanks for the letter I loved it but its just too late, My family knows were broken up and its just too late." Along with "What makes me think your going to change now and that i shouldn't have to tell you how to treat me blah blah blah". I do believe that it can work and this is just a thing of the moment, however im not sure how to attack this one. My first initial thought was to just eliminate conversation completely for a couple weeks and in turn refreshing the relationship. I have been aware of the community for about 4 years and pua skills actually helped me pull her in the first place. I do want to save this relationship because it was great when it was good.

How should I go about this?

Thanks.
Author:  Dr. Jones [ Thu Mar 21, 2013 5:03 am ]
Post subject:  Re: 4 year relationship, wants to breakup. Details Inside.
I wouldn't send her any more flowers or letters from here on out. They kind of lose their effect when there's no surprise. And when she's the one prompting you to send them.

None of us can say if you're not being affectionate enough, because we don't know you. Are you putting an effort forth? Are you breaking your ass and she doesn't recognize it, and that's why you deem her bitchy?
Author:  Wings101 [ Thu Mar 21, 2013 5:57 am ]
Post subject:  Re: 4 year relationship, wants to breakup. Details Inside.
I will say i wasn't being affectionate for a long long time, possibly even a year or so. I think its due to the comfort factor mostly and got too confident and thought nothing would ever happen. I haven't had communication with her for 2 days now and i have the urge to text her but I know I should just wait a while to refresh things, right :?: I do wan't to save it but in the mean time I have been talking to other girls but shes at the back of my mind and my game is getting affected by it. What would the best plan be to try and save this :?: I resisted to text her tonight becuase I wanted to hear back from you guys.

Thanks.
Author:  andyredsox [ Thu Mar 21, 2013 6:07 am ]
Post subject:  Re: 4 year relationship, wants to breakup. Details Inside.
Don't stop yourself for doing what you really want. Like you said, your game have been affected because of her, it means that you really love her. Don't waste your time dude, go and fight your feelings towards her. If you don't, it is your lost, not hers.
Author:  Wings101 [ Thu Mar 21, 2013 6:13 am ]
Post subject:  Re: 4 year relationship, wants to breakup. Details Inside.
What im saying is a need a semi field tested approach to this. I feel that if talk to her so soon it wont have any effect of re-sparking the connection. Yes my game is getting effected by it because this is so recent. However I know I am in the back of her head at the moment too.
Author:  Fly_Swatter [ Thu Mar 21, 2013 7:43 am ]
Post subject:  Re: 4 year relationship, wants to breakup. Details Inside.
Don't listen to andy. Worst advice giver on here by a long shot.

Anyway bro. You sent her flowers and a nice letter. And how does she pay you back? "It's too late." LOL. Girl logic. But I wasn't surprised by her reply. You can't give in to her foolish demands/requests anymore. Your problem is that you've been pulled into her shitty game and taking it in the ass for her. Time to do a 180 and regain control.

First, to win a girl, you gotta tell yourself you can't be afraid to lose her. Second, you need to respect yourself before she can respect you. So when you do something extraordinarily nice for a girl and she pays you back with a big "fuck you," you gotta man up and tell the bitch you won't take it. Would you wanna be with a girl that has such little appreciation for you? I wouldn't.

So, with ^this in mind, it's time to go on the counterattack. Message her with the following: "you know, I really did everything I could do to show you how much you mean to me, and how much I love you. But I've thought about it for the past 2-3 days and if you still don't want to be with me, then I think it's best we both go on with our lives. Take care." Tweak this text to fit your own way of talking, but that's the frame you should have. Get to work now.
Author:  RiRi [ Thu Mar 21, 2013 7:59 am ]
Post subject:  Re: 4 year relationship, wants to breakup. Details Inside.
Cosign w/ Fly Swatter. If you keep acting like a weak vajay, you will most definitely be the one "losing out." Get to work!
Author:  KINGMVRCK [ Thu Mar 21, 2013 1:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: 4 year relationship, wants to breakup. Details Inside.
Quote:
I will say i wasn't being affectionate for a long long time, possibly even a year or so. I think its due to the comfort factor mostly and got too confident and thought nothing would ever happen. I haven't had communication with her for 2 days now and i have the urge to text her but I know I should just wait a while to refresh things, right :?: I do wan't to save it but in the mean time I have been talking to other girls but shes at the back of my mind and my game is getting affected by it. What would the best plan be to try and save this :?: I resisted to text her tonight becuase I wanted to hear back from you guys.

Thanks.
the real question is .... Do you still want to be with her? Lots of guys make the mistake and just settle with girls they dates for a while. Not saying that you but you need to step back and take a good look on where you see this going in the future. Your still young, but if you think shes the one nobody can stop you and tell you other wise.
Author:  Wings101 [ Thu Mar 21, 2013 4:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: 4 year relationship, wants to breakup. Details Inside.
Thanks alot for the advice guys, I needed the clear thinking. I might wait one more day however then say "you know, I really did everything I could do to show you how much you mean to me, and how much I love you. But I've thought about it for the past 2-3 days and if you still don't want to be with me, then I think it's best we both go on with our lives. Take care." I really like this. Do you think i should wait before saying this to make it even more dramatic or blast it off now.

Side note: She probably won't reply, since shes trying to be "for real" this time. As for I know there could be a third party, not much way to tell. She is shit testing me hard with instagram pics to blow my composure, ex bf's from 4 years ago liking them along with a couple others. As if they think liking a picture will get them laid, although when you do see a ex's name pop up on your phone, it is a different reaction than the rest.

Dealing with a real witty one here boys.
Author:  Fly_Swatter [ Thu Mar 21, 2013 4:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: 4 year relationship, wants to breakup. Details Inside.
Quote:
I really like this. Do you think i should wait before saying this to make it even more dramatic or blast it off now.
There are only two reasons why she wouldn't reply to the prescribed text:
1) She thinks you're bluffing
2) She really doesn't give a shit

If it's #1, then that means the text isn't believable enough, and you need to beef it up with your own words to make sure it comes off as legitimate.

If it's #2, then she's probably moved on and as someone else pointed, there might be another guy in the picture. If that's the case, there isn't too much you can do to save face, sadly. You still might want to give it a shot if you're desperate. If not, just walk away and don't bother talking to her again until she talks to you. The most important thing for you to do if it's #2 is to in fact start looking for a rebound.

As far as timing is concerned, send the text when you feel it's best in terms of getting a reply. But if you haven't talked to her in 3 days, then I think now would be just fine.

Also, keep in mind that you need to stick to your frame. Don't send the text, and then when she replies be like "I love you so much, I want you." Keep her chasing.
Author:  KthesuaveAMOG [ Thu Mar 21, 2013 8:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: 4 year relationship, wants to breakup. Details Inside.
Dude I just went through the same thing except my ex and I were together for 1 year. A few days before Christmas she called me on the phone when I went out and I told her that I was partying and just flirting a little with some girls (I was just trying to be truthful) she then broke up with me the next day and said she couldn't take it how I disrespect her like that. I've told her that I didn't think much of it and she's is still the one I loved and I didn't cheat just was having fun. She then wanted me back a day later. It hurt for only a day lol. Now fast forward she saw my phone on V-day where she saw that I was teasing and semi-flirting with two girls. She was really distant during these times so i figured i could blow some steam by having fun.She then let that go and a week ago she randomly called me on a Sunday telling me that she needs a break and she doesn't know what I been doing and she feels like she needed space (I didn't reply to her text the night before which was at 9pm and the next morning I just said good morning). She said it took her time to realize but she can't trust me anymore. Now a week later she made it absolute that we were broken up on Saturday (today is Thursday) she said she needs assurance someone who will be her husband who she can count on and make her feel like the world. Keep in mind I have never been nice to women and I have never show emotions but to her I did all I could, I would put into consideration of not hugging and saying hi to some girls and I would even let go of arguments just so we can be fine. I kind of think she may have lost interest idk. She said we have no fun and she has no trust anymore all she has is Love for me and that's not enough. (We both work multiple jobs and live an hour-2 hrs away from each other so we hadn't seen each other much) she also started withdrawing sex a month ago which I nexted her and brought light to it, which she turned on me and said we don't have fun unless we are having sex. I want her back but Idk if its too late. I told her if anything we can be friends but she said it would take a long time to get over her anger and get over me so today I sent the same text "you know, I really did everything I could do to show you how much you mean to me, and how much I love you. But I've thought about it for the past 2-3 days and if you still don't want to be with me in any way, then I think it's best we both go on with our lives. Take care." I've always told her that she is the only girl I'm even nice to and she shouldn't take advantage of it but I guess it wasn't enough. What do u guys think? Can i get her back? I put this up here because I figured its related and might help this post out as well.
Author:  Wings101 [ Thu Mar 21, 2013 8:55 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: 4 year relationship, wants to breakup. Details Inside.
@Flyswatter

Would you go for the meetup initially? I would text something like "we need to talk later(in person)". Keep in mind that she might not reply to this. Or just go directly with the text above. I feel like i have 10x the power over her when we are in person as to text.
Author:  Fly_Swatter [ Thu Mar 21, 2013 9:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: 4 year relationship, wants to breakup. Details Inside.
It's important to communicate in the medium where you exercise the most power. But considering she may not even respond to your text asking to meet up, then consider just showing up. But again it comes down to #1 or #2. Would she not respond because she'd think you're bluffing, or because she wouldn't give a shit?

If it's because she wouldn't give a shit, part of being a man and the strongest is knowing when to walk away. Just like a bar confrontation, sometimes the bigger man turns his head and walks away not because he's intimidated, but because he's not interested in arguing with a low-life. If she wouldn't respond because she wouldn't give a shit, then that's basically a sign you need to look for other girls. It COULD make her jealous, but do it because you're curious to see what the sex with other girls is like and what they have to offer. Imagine if you walk away now and never initiate contact with her again. Bet she may not miss you after a week, maybe not even a month. But a couple months from now she'll message you, wondering what happened to the guy she dated for four years. But by then it may not matter because you'll ideally have a new and better girlfriend.

Cheers.
Author:  JuanAntonioB [ Thu Mar 21, 2013 11:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: 4 year relationship, wants to breakup. Details Inside.
i dated a girl similar to yours for almost 2 years. it ended about 4 weeks ago.

she said the same shit, that i wasnt doing enough, that she didnt want to have to remind her boyfriend how to treat her, and all that kinda shit. there was a shitload of other issues in our relationship but that was one of her main points.

to this is say, FUCK DEMANDING WOMEN. i bent over backwards for her many a times through OTHER channels.

but if a woman cant recognize your worth as a man and REJECT you for not showering her with material items and fantastical attention, ask yourself, do you REALLY want to be with such a person?

I was crushed for a week, maybe 2. then i was like "hmm i dont think i really miss HER, i jst miss what she provided"

and now im thinking "man i dont even want a girl like this."

sometimes it takes a breakup to take a step back and see things clearly. shit can get murky when your in the midst of a relationship that is emotionally taxing.

just ask yourself, if you DO get back. will your sacrifices be worth it? does she do things for you as well or just expects the world from you 24/7? i know in my case my ex did next to NOTHING for me (other than fuck me and provide affection- but these are not enough. most every woman can provide this)
Author:  Wings101 [ Thu Mar 21, 2013 11:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: 4 year relationship, wants to breakup. Details Inside.
Ok, So I sent a message for the meetup. She said "no im not seeing you". So I sent off the message "you know, I really did everything I could do to show you how much you mean to me, and how much i love you. But ive thought about it for the past 2-3 days and if you still dont want to be with me, then i think its best we go on with our own lives. I want to talk to you in person because I have few things to say after 4 years, But if not. Take care.

She responded with "I needed space from you, maybe down the road it will work again. But right now I need to be alone from everyone".

Advice from here on out? What do you think?

Thanks
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