Getting jealous and paranoid..



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PostPosted: Sat Feb 02, 2013 10:27 am 
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I have a wonderful girl and she is respecting me a lot, and i know that she would never cheat on me, she really indeed is a good girl!

The problem is that the other day we were looking at pictures on her computer, and then suddenly there were pictures of her ex's and her kissing them, old pictures of couse, and first she is like "oh you saw that, didn't you?"
And said yes, then she opens them op, and start talking about that she thinks they look good so she didn't want to delete them, and i really got upset at this point, she is normally pretty bad with words, and rambles and often say the wrong things, not on purpose though. She meant that she liked the way she looked herself and that was why she liked the pictures. i got really mad at her, and she got really sad. And she have apologized a lot, and deleted the pictures almost instantly... afterwards she talked to some girlfriends, and they were sort of like "why did you delete the pictures?", "wow, its just pictures, but i guess boys don't get that". And i know that she had no feelings what so ever, connected to the pictures, but i got really upset..

ever since this happende (3 days ago) i have been VERY insecure about my self, and really jealous, aways expecting the worse to happen... like every time i text with her and feel she doesn't send me sweet enough text's i feel like something is wrong and she wants to breake up... and yesterday she went out, she wanted me to join her, but i didn't feel like it. So she went out with her best friend(a girl) and some other girls, and her best friend told me she would look out for her, and i know she did, even if she didn't i know that my girl would never cheat on me..

but then when she got home i called her, and she seemed a little upset.. so know i am worried that she may have kissed another dude..

any advice?...

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PostPosted: Sat Feb 02, 2013 11:34 pm 
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Work on your inner game man. I used to have massive control issues with jealousy and it just pushed my gf away to the point that she cheated on me. Funny how that is. Anyways, work on yourself and read up on the science of jealousy. And remember this one line that really helped me understand how to live:

If she is gonna cheat, she is gonna cheat. You can't do a thing about it.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 03, 2013 9:36 pm 
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Quote:
Work on your inner game man. I used to have massive control issues with jealousy and it just pushed my gf away to the point that she cheated on me. Funny how that is. Anyways, work on yourself and read up on the science of jealousy. And remember this one line that really helped me understand how to live:

If she is gonna cheat, she is gonna cheat. You can't do a thing about it.
Wise words, i just don't know how to work with it? i think that maybe it is because my confidence is running low ..

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 01, 2013 7:03 am 
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Aye amigo,

Ive been with my lady friend for almost 3 years, and she recently broke up with me. I always had the fear that she would cheat on me, and or I was never good enough , etc... I realize I was pushing her away more, ironic.

Any who Demon has a point , that you need to work on your inner game. Try exercising, work your body. Take martial arts, always help me feel more secure about myself, knowing that I can protect myself and my girl. Also remember she is dating you, she chose you. Means you got something those other dudes dont.

Dont over think things, over thinking will only end up with you feeling less about your self, and make you freak out even more. If her text dont sound sweet enough well ok then. Man the fuck up . Its just a text, she could have been busy at the moment she was sending it.

Breaking up is just a normal part of life , dont fear it. Learn from it. What happens , happens. Dont regret anything, it moulds you.

Cheers

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 01, 2013 8:42 am 
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Quote:
I have a wonderful girl and she is respecting me a lot, and i know that she would never cheat on me, she really indeed is a good girl!
...
but then when she got home i called her, and she seemed a little upset.. so know i am worried that she may have kissed another dude..
First off: any woman can cheat. All you can do is conduct yourself in a way that would give her less reason to do so. You don't know what this girl is capable of. That scares you and that's what brings you here.

Secondly, realize that you're here. Understand you're seeking the advice of complete strangers. I'm not denouncing that and hey, there is a good chance you'll work this situation out, but realize she made you feel helpless enough that you had to come here to ask for help.

I want you to be aware there are women out there that treat their men with more respect and that you're worthy of that respect. Yes, with any relationship comes some drama, but I want you to pick a boundary that can't be crossed. If it's infidelity, you're going to take a lot of shit up to that point. If there are other things that don't sit well with you, let them be known and if they're crossed, get out.

And finally, don't believe her when she says she deleted those pictures. She did a better job of hiding them, but she's lying if she says they've been erased for good. Trust me.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 01, 2013 2:02 pm 
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With regards to the whole "Keeping pictures of exes" thing...

...I keep all the pics of me with my exes. This is because though at the time of the break up, things were horrible, I still shared memories and happiness with that person. I am firm believer in not throwing away photos, I hide photos of my ex after a break up to ease the pain, but a few months down the line I can get them out, look through them and smile.

However, I wouldn't look through those pictures with a current girlfriend though, so I do see your point. But I can also understand why she might not want to delete them.


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 02, 2013 3:16 am 
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Quote:
I have a wonderful girl and she is respecting me a lot, and i know that she would never cheat on me, she really indeed is a good girl!

The problem is that the other day we were looking at pictures on her computer, and then suddenly there were pictures of her ex's and her kissing them, old pictures of couse, and first she is like "oh you saw that, didn't you?"
And said yes, then she opens them op, and start talking about that she thinks they look good so she didn't want to delete them, and i really got upset at this point, she is normally pretty bad with words, and rambles and often say the wrong things, not on purpose though. She meant that she liked the way she looked herself and that was why she liked the pictures. i got really mad at her, and she got really sad. And she have apologized a lot, and deleted the pictures almost instantly... afterwards she talked to some girlfriends, and they were sort of like "why did you delete the pictures?", "wow, its just pictures, but i guess boys don't get that". And i know that she had no feelings what so ever, connected to the pictures, but i got really upset..

ever since this happende (3 days ago) i have been VERY insecure about my self, and really jealous, aways expecting the worse to happen... like every time i text with her and feel she doesn't send me sweet enough text's i feel like something is wrong and she wants to breake up... and yesterday she went out, she wanted me to join her, but i didn't feel like it. So she went out with her best friend(a girl) and some other girls, and her best friend told me she would look out for her, and i know she did, even if she didn't i know that my girl would never cheat on me..

but then when she got home i called her, and she seemed a little upset.. so know i am worried that she may have kissed another dude..

any advice?...
You fell for her sh*t test and failed. What you should have done was "DO NOTHING". When she said, you saw that didn't you? You should have said, yeah I saw a looser! After all, her ex is a looser because that's why he got dumped or the dumper who couldn't appreciate this fine lady! Then after, you keep your mouth shut. If she insists in showing you more of her ex, kindly tell her you need to go to the washroom. Stay there awhile. Flush the toilet and come out. If she insist in still showing you her exes, tell her "I just got an upset stomach seeing all those looser photos!". Case closed.


Last edited by mikemight on Sat Mar 02, 2013 3:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 02, 2013 3:21 am 
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Quote:
With regards to the whole "Keeping pictures of exes" thing...

...I keep all the pics of me with my exes. This is because though at the time of the break up, things were horrible, I still shared memories and happiness with that person. I am firm believer in not throwing away photos, I hide photos of my ex after a break up to ease the pain, but a few months down the line I can get them out, look through them and smile.

However, I wouldn't look through those pictures with a current girlfriend though, so I do see your point. But I can also understand why she might not want to delete them.
It really depends on who is the dumper or dumpee. You can tell by who is keeping those momento photos. Dumper who are men and gamers keep trophies like pussy hair of all their women who they screwed in a match box (for example) or sex videos and photos to admire they dominance in their prey. Dumpee sometimes keep photos just to rekindle the good memories together after the breakup period. But that's usually not the rule, though that has been my experience thus far.


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 02, 2013 10:57 pm 
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Women NEVER let go of romantic memories, nor the memories of the exes that gave them those memories. They can look at photos of 10 year old kisses and feel the emotions they felt at the time. Their romantic history is an integral part of who they are and has played a major role in forming them into the person you want to be in love with. Just realise that their history IS history, you are the person currently giving them those romantic feelings and unless you want to become one of those exes, don't be a jealous fool. She's going to have an even harder time accepting your history and photos, both parties have to learn to accept and live with each other's history, but neither should throw it in the other's face. Just let it lie there and ignore it, its only a problem if you make it one.

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 02, 2013 11:04 pm 
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Oh, and if she is comfortable showing you her old romance pics and talk to you openly about her exes, that's huge!! The message to you is that she trusts and values you enough to share her innermost self with you. Rejoice, she is yours!!

Yours to lose too if you mess it up...........

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Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in. :)


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 03, 2013 6:22 pm 
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Oh, and if she is comfortable showing you her old romance pics and talk to you openly about her exes, that's huge!! The message to you is that she trusts and values you enough to share her innermost self with you. Rejoice, she is yours!!

Yours to lose too if you mess it up...........
some wise words man! thank you, i guess i just should accept it, though she deleted the photos back when she saw how i responded to them. But i can see how i just should be thankfull that she havent done as much shit as i have, i mean she is sort of an engel especially next to me!

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