PUA Forum :: She has issues, and I didn't handle it appropriately

Who did you party with New Years?

bullshit,

Maybe you should have, maybe you didn't want too, but whatever. Don't you want a mature relationship?
She's acting in an immature way. Move on or call her out on it.

you have no idea what HER deal is for sure

oh okay, sorry, I thought what you quoted was the whole text. Well saying you "deserve an explanation" isn't going to get you much of a response in that case. She has given you her explanation. The next move is on you.

Walk away

"I didn't know you felt that way, I thought things where going great, I'm disappointed"

or put your foot down with this behavior. Its up to you.

I think she'll reply, but how knows
You said what she wanted you to say(it wasn't about sex)
Don't jump through any more of her hoops though.

Author:	somehandle235 [ Thu Jan 03, 2013 5:02 am ]
Post subject:	She has issues, and I didn't handle it appropriately
Hi everyone. Brief background: I lurk this board for tips all the time, and I've made so many positive changes these past few months. I finally encountered a situation where I need more personalized support to figure out what to do. This is a girl that is basically my girlfriend. She's alluded to us being exclusive already, but we never really formalized it. Well, she asked me to flip her claddagh ring, which I'll admit I did without even knowing or asking what that meant. Yeah, pretty stupid of me....and eventually it came up in convo and she realized I did it without knowing the significance. She seemed upset, but asked me if she should keep it that way and I said it's fine. Girlfriend: So, I've been seeing this amazing girl for 10 weeks now, and I feel so good whenever I'm with her. She's a very thoughtful girl that actually listens to me, and usually does small favors for me like bakes me muffins (omg they're so good) or gives me small gifts. I always try to keep our dates interesting and unique. We've done many things, such as ice skating, bowling, watching the holiday parade, exploring new places, movie at my place, ... just to name a few. Every time we see each other, we always end up making out for hours, usually in a parking lot but also in my room obviously. Recently we f-closed, and we've already done it about 10 times already! Last week: Okay, so that's the background on the girl I'm seeing. So far so good, right? Well, a lot changed last week. We usually hang out once a week, but last week we saw each other 4 times. The first night, it was Christmas and she wanted me to meet her family. I went through with it, and while I could have done a better job of showing them how awesome I am, I didn't make a fool of myself either. It was actually quite interesting at times, lol. So afterwards, we left and drove around...nothing was open so we ended up just hooking up/fucking again. She expressed concern that all we do is end up in parking lots and fool around, which I tried to reassure her was okay and we do a lot of awesome things aside from that. 2 days later, she asked me if she could come over, so I said yes. She got to meet some of my family, then up to my room for lots of making out, sex, and otherwise just hung out and used computer, talked, watched tv. I would say we had a great time. So saturday we hang out again and go on an adventure, checking out a couple places I wanted to see. Once again, this led to make out/sex. So yeah, we really saw a lot of each other... The bad night: So far, all you probably gathered was we go on interesting dates that always leads to making out and sex. However, Sunday she calls me up at night telling me she's having an anxiety attack and wants me to be with her. Bros, I should NOT have went. I had a gut feeling that I would not be able to handle this situation well, but I told her to meet me somewhere and we could sit for a little. Basically, she confessed something she alluded to for a long time. She has anxiety issues, which she does seek professional help. It's been under control as long as I've known her. She's seen many professionals, and is on medication. Not only did I do a terrible job of consoling her, but I also tried throwing in too much humor / a little cocky to lighten the mood. She didn't get mad at me, but I feel like a retard for the dumb comments I made. Anyways, she ended up saying that we shouldn't talk anymore, because she feels bad/guilty about her issues. Instead of re-assuring her that everything is okay, I told her that she should do what she feels is best, and if that means not talking to me then she should do that. Why would I say such a stupid thing?? She asked me if things are going good between us, which I said seriously "yes, of course!". Anyways, in a very anxious/upset tone, she told me she has feelings for me. How did I respond? "That's okay if you have feelings for me! Nothing wrong with that"....something like that. What the fuck? Again, I should have re-assured her and told her the truth, that I also have feelings for her! So before she left, we made out pretty hard and that was that. She also told me she kinda thinks I'm only interested in her for 'one thing'...which I did joke about but told her that is completely not true. The aftermath: I texted her good night when I got home, and we had a small text convo the next day. I didn't text her new years, and neither did she. I actually went to a party and had a great time. To do something different, I sent her a text last night around 2am, just a little tease. She hasn't replied to it! She always responds to at least my first text. I'm suspecting that she's upset at me for not being supportive of her issues and for not re-assuring her about us by letting her know that I do have feelings for her and telling her how much I care about her. The solution..? I'm not sure what to do at this point. Should I send another text tomorrow? Call her? And what should I say? Keep it light and flirty, or talk about what happened Sunday? I seeded the idea of her coming out with me Saturday already, but we never formalized those plans. I just want things to go back to the way they were before Sunday, as if that night never happened. I'm already anticipating comments about nexting her for a girl without issues, but I've dated so many girls in the last 6 months and honestly I like this girl so much that I want to give her a chance! Thank you for those that read this and help me out.

Author:	somehandle235 [ Thu Jan 03, 2013 6:06 am ]
Post subject:	Re: She has issues, and I didn't handle it appropriately
Update: She just defriended me on facebook...what the hell..??

Author:	Langlo [ Thu Jan 03, 2013 9:57 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: She has issues, and I didn't handle it appropriately
So, she wanted to talk, she tells you she has feelings for you, and thinks your all about the sex. You say nothing at all, then don't even text her new years, but do text her at bootycall o'clock the next day!(She didn't text either:test) She must be pissed. Regardless of what started her anxiety attack, by the end you two were talking about the relationship. I don't approve of her defriending you on facebook, as it's immature, but I am not surprised. She's hardcore stressing over not be able to handle this situation well. I'm a nice guy, so I'd text/call; "Sorry for not calling New Years, I was being a bad boyfriend... talk to/see you soon" Then move on. Go back to the way things were before Sunday, as if that night never happened. If you want to call her out for defriending you on facebook go ahead. I pretend fb doesn't exists, so I never would.

Author:	somehandle235 [ Thu Jan 03, 2013 10:33 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: She has issues, and I didn't handle it appropriately
Wow, I didn't even look at it that way. This is eating me alive, specifically when I think of how I didn't treat her the way I'd want to be treated... So I called her around noon, she didn't pick up. Im gonna call her once more in an hour or so, and if she doesnt pick up Ill send her your text and let her go...

Author:	Langlo [ Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:25 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: She has issues, and I didn't handle it appropriately
If she picks up keep the relationship talk short and sweet. Try not to talk about how YOU feel bad for how YOU treated her. Don't make it about yourself. Let her talk if she wants too though, then blah-blah-blah for as long as you have life stuff to talk about, and "see you soon."

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Author:	somehandle235 [ Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:26 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: She has issues, and I didn't handle it appropriately
Hey Langlo, I decided to text instead of calling. Here's what happened... So I sent the text. Immediately she responds: "I think you should lose this number." I call her up right away and she blocks my call, so I text: "Whats going on between us?" And...now we play the waiting/move on game.... edit: She replied... Her: "As far as I'm concerned there is no us. Like I said, better if you lose this number" Me: "Where is this coming from? I think I deserve an explanation before never talking to you again..."

Author:	Langlo [ Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:39 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: She has issues, and I didn't handle it appropriately
Who did you party with New Years?

Author:	Langlo [ Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:49 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: She has issues, and I didn't handle it appropriately
bullshit, Maybe you should have, maybe you didn't want too, but whatever. Don't you want a mature relationship? She's acting in an immature way. Move on or call her out on it. you have no idea what HER deal is for sure

Author:	Langlo [ Fri Jan 04, 2013 12:10 am ]
Post subject:	Re: She has issues, and I didn't handle it appropriately
oh okay, sorry, I thought what you quoted was the whole text. Well saying you "deserve an explanation" isn't going to get you much of a response in that case. She has given you her explanation. The next move is on you. Walk away "I didn't know you felt that way, I thought things where going great, I'm disappointed" or put your foot down with this behavior. Its up to you.

Author:	somehandle235 [ Fri Jan 04, 2013 12:15 am ]
Post subject:	Re: She has issues, and I didn't handle it appropriately
Quote: oh okay, sorry, I thought what you quoted was the whole text. Well saying you "deserve an explanation" isn't going to get you much of a response in that case. She has given you her explanation. The next move is on you. Walk away "I didn't know you felt that way, I thought things where going great, I'm disappointed" or put your foot down with this behavior. Its up to you. I couldn't just walk away without replying,...so here's what I said (I replied before I saw your post): Me: "I'm sorry that you were upset by my actions, and I didn't know you were stressing out over pregnancy. As far as me wanting one thing, that's bullshit. We went ice skating, bowling, watched the holiday parade, went on random adventures...I may not have known what flipping your ring meant at the time, but if I did I still would have flipped it..." Yeah, pretty lengthy reply on my end but I never truly re-assured her before like I should have so I felt like it was the right way to respond. She hasn't replied yet, and she might not ever reply again. I feel like I have closure at this point and I'm more willing to walk away. I wish things didn't have to end this way. Now I realize that her panic attack was because she thought she was pregnant....I think she's over reacting but with her condition there's really no right way to tell her that! Her text on sunday basically told me to come be with her, she's having a bad panic attack but can't tell her mom because she'll be upset. Wow....

Author:	Langlo [ Fri Jan 04, 2013 12:38 am ]
Post subject:	Re: She has issues, and I didn't handle it appropriately
I think she'll reply, but how knows You said what she wanted you to say(it wasn't about sex) Don't jump through any more of her hoops though.

Author:	Langlo [ Fri Jan 04, 2013 1:06 am ]
Post subject:	Re: She has issues, and I didn't handle it appropriately
Well from what you've said so far. She sounds immuter. And I don't buy her stories. It's just my gut feeling. I'm waiting for "Good news, I'm not pregnant!! Sorry, for the way I was acting, lets get back in the relationship" It would be a smart way to see where you stand without her risking rejection. Why wouldn't she play it up?... "panic attack" something to think about

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