Ok, I am getting good at the whole picking up girls and stuff, but when it comes to giving a shit about someone and all of that, I suck really. I know WHAT to do, but I lack the appropriate control of my emotions required to implement them.
Basically I met this girl at the start of November, we hit it off and I escalated and we soon had sex. Early on I didn't want anything but about a week ago she seemed to be getting really attached and she was so sweet I began to reciprocate these feelings. Typically, soon after I started to get the impression I was losing her even though she seemed into me still when we spent time together, it was one of those irrational things and I had a minor afc moment that I recovered from.
However, last night I was working late but wanted to go for a drink with her afterwards. She said she would text me, but she didn't, which ok that isn't a HUGE problem but it annoys me. I rang her and couldn't get hold of her, then I go home and see she is tagged in a status on Facebook about being down the pub with her ex. Crucially, this was tagged by a mutual friend of theirs and it wasn't just them in the status as they both frequent the same pub. However, I flipped out. I really lost my temper.
I texted her saying "We are finished" and left an angry voicemail later on demanding that she call me. Later on that night she rang me asking what was going on, I explained I had lost my temper with her and she told me that she wasn't there with her ex in a romantic capacity, he just happened to be there. I then began to feel ashamed and stupid, but she was drunk so we agreed to talk about it today.
Basically, I have a lot of trust issues left over from a relationship I had last year where the girl in question lied to me constantly about her relationship with her ex and from now on I will not tolerate that kind of thing. I mistakenly thought this new girl had been lying to me and I lost my not inconsiderable temper and I have a sinking feeling that I have fucked this one up.
I sent her the following apology:
"I just want to apologise for the unfair way that I lost my temper with you last night. I'm not going to attempt to justify it by using past experiences as an excuse for my behaviour, I didn't think and I made a mistake for which I am sorry"
I thought that was reasonable and not too beta, but she didn't reply. We spoke on the phone, I explained the situation and then probably stupidly I said:
"Are we cool?"
"Umm, I guess so, I don't know. I guess we are"
Which obviously left me feeling deflated. I texted her a little later asking her if she felt better after her hangover and she said "A little! Haha xx" but she didn't reply to the one I sent back.
So I am currently struggling with an ENORMOUS urge to beg and plead with her for forgiveness and another chance. I hate getting like this. I need to fight it and stay strong, I've apologised and made my point but I don't want to lose this girl which is probably where I am going wrong in the first place.
Should I just leave it and wait for her to reach out to me?