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| Advice for an interesting situation https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=151710 |
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| Author: | TheNamesDrew [ Fri Nov 30, 2012 1:23 am ] |
| Post subject: | Advice for an interesting situation |
Hey! Back for some much needed advice. Several months ago I stated I left my girlfriend out of my own free will, this could not have been farther from the truth. Honestly I was just so ashamed of what happened so I lied. So, the real reason for the breakup is we were together, away from home, and decided that on vacation I was going to have a good time - too good of a time - and decided to use some hard substances for several days thinking I would get away with it. Well, I was caught eventually - my substances were found - and I was ashamed. It was the one promise I had to make - that if I relapsed I would come clean immediately and she and I together would get through it. The thing is - I didn't. I lied, a lot. Well, as you may know, abuse of substances changes a person. When I used I was a completely different person. It was a bad next few days - I hadn't used long enough during this incident to develop physical withdrawal, but the psychological withdrawal was strong as ever. I wanted to use, I was physically aggressive to other male family members, I hated the world, I hated myself. Well, coupled with the fact that the girl I loved refused to even look at me for the next several days we had to spend together, and one can imagine how painful a time his was. We returned home and I knew there was no way around it, I had broken her heart and nothing I could do in the moment could fix that. She left me. I called her, I cried, I made sure mutual friends saw me with other women in the weeks to come so she would get jealous, I did anything and everything I had been told to do to try to win an ex back - but none of these things considered a situation like my own. After a few weeks of this, I cut contact. After almost 5 months I decided it was time to grow some fucking balls and contact her. I hate hurting others - which is cliche since addiction is a selfish disease which only brings hurt to your loved ones. So I called her the other day. I sounded happy (I actually am fairly happy, as life has been amazing lately), she knew that I had slept with several women (like I said, I made sure all our mutual friends knew) and we had an amazing conversation. I said I was sorry, she said she was too. I said I would always have something special for her, she said that even though I had broke her heart she could not stop loving me. She told me the only reason she is seeing another person is because everyone told her I had moved on in a week and was already with other girls. (She wants security in her life, women begin rebound relationships for various reasons - same reasons us guys do too- especially after being hurt previously) She said she wants to see me, but when we see each other a mutual friend (a girl that is very close to me, my best friend in a way, that through interesting circumstances came to be very close with my ex also. The girl who is the mutual friend has expressed sexual feelings for me, and my ex knows this. This is odd to me that my ex wants to see me with her there) must also come. She said we can be friends. So, this is me telling someone the whole truth of what happened, and it feels good. I am currently seeing 2 other women, she doesn't know this. I suspect if she offers me the chance to renew a relationship with her I would stop seeing the 2 women I am currently. Unless I begin to develop any serious feelings within the next few weeks/months for another woman (which is always a possibility I suppose) So in your opinion after reading, should I try to start over with her? Or would it just be more pain than it is worth (considering what happened, would there be the previous level trust brought back eventually?) If yes, how should I go about regaining trust and comfort? How should I ease back in to talking with her and seeing her more and more regularly? If no, why not? Obviously the answer I would like to hear is yes, but have accepted that if I should not than it will simply take more time and more women to ease the feelings to a point where they no longer bear such strong emotional significance - however long that might be. Thank you all very much for reading. |
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| Author: | Rough Operator [ Fri Nov 30, 2012 2:31 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Advice for an interesting situation |
I have faith in people, so I say yes you could start over. It's not an ideal situation and winning back her trust won't be easy, you will really need to demonstrate that you're a new man. My brother used hard drugs and nearly destroyed his life (and his mind) but he redeemed himself and is now married with three beautiful children and has never been happier. Addiction is a disease and I think love, compassion and understanding can overcome it. If she loves you then hopefully you can make her believe in you again. |
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| Author: | JuanAntonioB [ Fri Nov 30, 2012 8:17 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Advice for an interesting situation |
honestly, you can basically do it if you really wanted to. but why? seems the best option is to move on. sometimes theres just too much shit that happened and once theres been a long break, why go back there? unless you really think you want this girl forever, i say just move on |
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