PUA Forum :: My Toughest Test So Far

I still don't think that I was wrong to be needy in this circumstance (my parent having a heart attack)! This was one of those times that a girl should see your emotional side and support you. I know she couldn't really do that as she was on holiday but the amount of time it took her to phone me made me pretty mad.

She eventually text saying that she would phone in 15 mins and she really wanted to speak with me! Well after that text I waited near an hour then she phoned. I get very annoyed at that behaviour even if it's done by my family or friends.

I told her that I was not impressed by her not phoning when she promised and she apologised. We talked for an hour and straigtened a few things out. There where concerns on both sides about certain issues we will have to deal with in the future.

I honestly don't think I was too needy given my personal circumstance...

However, because I was sad about my parents still being in hospital and generally scared for their future I was a bit emotional over the phone! Not so much with my words but I'm sure she could hear in my voice that I was very sad tearful. Her hearing me like this makes me feel uncomfortable as I'm usually very strong. I know girls want an emotional rock for a partner and I'm worried I've tarnished her view of my emotional strength!

How do I repair this?

A plus point is that our conversation was generally good and it covered our future and a few fears she had regarding me and other woman. Shows me that she also has insecurities.

Author:	gtdave [ Wed Sep 19, 2012 3:18 pm ]
Post subject:	My Toughest Test So Far
I'm currently having to deal with my toughest test so far in my relationship. It's really going to stretch my inner game but on a personal note I'm interested to see how I cope because previously I'd of let my insecurities out. Here's the challenge... My gf of 5 months went on holiday this Monday to Ibiza then Athens for 10 days. She is away with her friends who are a couple. My gf is essentially the third wheel. This was booked a long time ago so I'd no say in it at all (not that it's my business anyway)! The couple she's with are party animals and have promised her a wild time in Ibiza but my gf is not that type of character. She chose Athens for the culture and architecture and was not keen on Ibiza. Though I'm not dumb...Ibiza will be fun. On her way home they are stopping in Rome for a night to split up the travelling times. Here's where things get awkward.... So after a great day and a fantastic sex session we where cuddled on my bed when my gf said, "I want to tell you about something because I want you to know how much I care about you". She proceeded to tell me that she had a friend in Rome and she had asked him if he knew of any good hotels for her and her friends. She said that she was never in a relationship with the guy in Rome but they shared a "thing". The guy in Rome replied in the way I'd predicted she would tell me by saying. "I've found a great hotel for your friends but your sleeping with me". She told me that she was quite shocked about his response as even though they rarely talked, when they did there was no flirting. She replied to him that she will stay at the hotel but they can meet for a coffee and she can tell him why. I remained calm and explained that this crosses one of my fundamental relationship boundaries. I said that I was not comfortable about her meeting him due to the sexual interest he has expressed and the past that they have had. I said that I would find it disrespectful. I said that it's not a position I would put her in but in return I'd expect the same standards from my partner. I remained calm and made sure to not show a jealous vibe but more a dissapointed vibe. I went on to say that I'm never going to be the guy who tells her who she can or cannot hang about with and the decision is up to her...but I had to voice how it's will make me feel. She remained calm and said that my view actually made a lot of sense and she had not thought that way before. She said that she needed a bit of time to think about what she will do. I never brought it up again but she could see that I was thinking and slightly concerned (I can't hide emotions too well). The next night she told me that after some thought she decided that I was right and it would not be appropriate for them to meet. She would send him an email putting him off. I gave her a kiss and let her know that it meant a lot to me and it showed me that's she's serious and in return she would not need to worry about me meeting an ex who still had a sexual interest in me. Later that night she told me that she loved me for the first time! She's been gone a few days and is currently in Ibiza. I've not had any contact from her yet but I think her phone is not working as she has not been on SPAM or Facebook since she boarded the plane. 10 days of no contact would suck but I'll just have to trust her and be strong. I sent her a message just as she boarded the plane saying for her to enjoy herself and to have a great time! I'm Not going to send another until she gets in contact with me! There's just over a week until she is home and I'm missing her like crazy plus I can't help but be slightly concerned about this Rome visit and her friends being a bad influence on her. Wish me luck guys!!

Author:	gtdave [ Wed Sep 19, 2012 3:23 pm ]
Post subject:
Ohh and PS; How do you think I handled this??

Author:	vhou812 [ Wed Sep 19, 2012 3:59 pm ]
Post subject:
You handled this the right way. Can't think of a thing that would be better. You've put yourself in the very best of positions. You were open and honest, and if she returns with bad news of bad behavior, or worse yet, you find out about any bad behavior, you will have no reason to feel badly about taking whatever action you deem appropriate. Congrats. You took the high road. If 10 days is enough for her to get swept off her feet after your actions, then you are better off without her. However, if she comes back clean, then I think you've got a good one on your hands.

Author:	PUAzilla [ Wed Sep 19, 2012 7:45 pm ]
Post subject:
Good job mate, you handle this well. Proud of you buddy. So over the 10 days, keep yourself busy and no drunk phonecalls! Keep your cool and with no AFC slip-ups your relationship will be so much stronger when she returns.

Author:	gtdave [ Wed Sep 19, 2012 9:23 pm ]
Post subject:
Thanks bro!! Yea I'm hitting the gym quite hard and this weekend will be a lads only one where we will hit a few bars! The scary part for me is it's taken a lot of inner strength to turn make sure I'm a non needy bf. She has complimented me before by saying that im the least jealous guy she has ever met. My last two gfs cheated on me and it's taken a lot for me to not be turned into a jealous needy mess of a man. If something bad did happen I'd be pretty screwed up about it but I must admit that she's given me no reason not to trust her! I'm pretty sure her phone is not working in the forign countries but I'll send a simple text half way through her trip just to do the thoughtful thing but apart from that I'll go no contact.

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Author:	The Dice [ Thu Sep 20, 2012 6:36 am ]
Post subject:
10/10 bro! Couldn't have been done in a better way imo. And yeah, I know it can be hard not to act on jealousy. As a matter of fact, I think most guys feels quite jealous from time to time, be it an MPUA or AFC. The difference is whether you act on it, or give her a little space to roam free. Sometimes (like in your situation) you have to state your point, and you nailed it perfectly!

Author:	vhou812 [ Thu Sep 20, 2012 10:03 pm ]
Post subject:
I'd choose words carefully with a mid week text. Letting her know she is missed isn't a bad idea, it will remind her of what she has waiting at home, but be careful not to come across like an insecure pussy. Personally, if I felt like you did, I wouldn't be afraid to mention that when she gets home she's going to get fucked early and often.

Author:	Rough Operator [ Thu Sep 20, 2012 10:16 pm ]
Post subject:
Just remember that there are two entities in your head; your emotional mind and your logical human mind. Your emotional mind will probably scream at you about the potential of her meeting this guy and will bring up all sorts of unpleasant feelings. It's an evolutionary throwback to a time when an alpha male might have to fight off potential rivals (don't quote me on this, I am heavily paraphrasing a book I am reading.) You need to control and manage these feelings with your logical mind. If she was going to fuck this guy, she would not have told you about him before, she showed that she is a genuinely good person by doing so and that should earn your respect. Just trust her, things will be fine when she gets back, don't ask about the guy either. Jealousy happens, it's just how much you let your emotional mind rule you that sets you apart. Jealousy bangs on the door from time to time and its easy to let it storm the castle. Should you at any point require to investigate this, do so with logic and evidence, but in my opinion you have NOTHING to worry about.

Author:	richardnelson937 [ Fri Sep 21, 2012 1:06 am ]
Post subject:
Good Luck!

Author:	gtdave [ Fri Sep 21, 2012 2:19 am ]
Post subject:
Thanks guys! It's great that I can vent on here when I'm wondering about how I've handled things. This forum has shown me a few techniques which helped my seduction a lot. Though the main thing it helps me with is my own insecurities (which we all have) and being a more alpha partner. The lack of contact so far is quite difficult to deal with though I'm not too worried about that as like I said earlier, her phone does not appear to be working. I'm more just missing her interaction. Which I guess is a good thing. If she comes back and everything is good then I'll know I have a girl worth keeping around for a long time. Plus it would really help restore a bit of faith I've lost regarding relationships. Im not going to ask about the guy at all but even if she did do something I doubt I'd ever find out unless she straight up told me so there's not much point in worrying about that. I'm more concerned about her coming back and feeling differently about us. Girls are weird and when they are distracted they can change their minds about things very quickly (this is in my experience). I think my mind would be more at rest if I'd had a bit of contact from her. If she comes back and I find out she's been able to contact people I'll be a bit pissed. Not sure how I'd respond to that one. I've still only sent that one text as she got on the plane and I've not phoned either. I'll call once tomorrow and if I don't get through (which I won't) then I'll send a short, funny and dirty text. This is so when she does get reception she does not think I'm an ass that doesn't miss her. One text after 5 days is hardly needy on my part. One more week to go!

Author:	gtdave [ Fri Sep 21, 2012 2:55 pm ]
Post subject:
Well she phoned this morning before I got a chance to text her! I was right, her phone is not set up for use in forign countries and we told each other that we are really missing us! I view this as a really good sign as she had the motivation to find a payphone and look up my country code. Speaking to her made me miss her more but this time it's a much healthier form of missing. I've a few friends from another country staying with me this weekend so that will help. Plus it also shows Ive also got some partying to do.

Author:	gtdave [ Mon Sep 24, 2012 10:48 pm ]
Post subject:
Well guys, I've been feeling very low today as I had some bad news regarding on of my parents health. This coupled with a lack of communication with my gf has got me feeling pretty needy. Last night I talked with my gf at length for the first time since she has been away! I wanted it to be light hearted and fun but instead she had to ask me for my advice regarding a property issue of hers back home that had got her worried. I gave my advice and she thanked me for helping but I was still missing and wanting to here some sweet couple stuff. Note that I did not voice my frustrations but instead I played the role of the supportive logical boyfriend. Today I had the bad news so I was feeling rather down. I wanted some support from her like I gave her but I did not get it. I sent her a text after work asking how she was and if she is still concerned about the property issue. She told me not to worry it's ok. Then I tried to be sweet again more for my own good than hers. But her responses where rather sarcastic and dismissive. Normally I'd be sarcastic and cocky back as I know she was just joking but because I was already emotional I took it the wrong way. I sent her "i miss the sweet version of you! I hope she comes back soon!" She replied asking if I mean that I miss her or is she not saying things that she used to? I said that to be honest I'm missing her in general and the sweet things she says and does! I also mentioned that I'd bad news today from regarding one of my parents so I was having a bit of a low day. (she knew about the potential of my parents health). So far she has not responded despite having been on SPAM a few times since. This has massively annoyed me as my gf in this instance should be contacting me ASAP to 1 see what's happened and 2 ask if I'm ok! I know some might think this is needy but is it needy to expect some support from your partner in such a serious time? Yes I want her to comfort me and hold me and tell me everything will be ok. I'm very dissapointed in her lack of support! What should I do? Am I being too needy?

Author:	Rough Operator [ Tue Sep 25, 2012 12:29 am ]
Post subject:
You're being too needy. She's traveling with her friends and having fun, don't get on her case about not texting you back. Haven't you got other friends to offer you support? Relying only on your gf is a recipe for disaster and neediness! Nip this episode in the bud before you make it worse.

Author:	gtdave [ Tue Sep 25, 2012 5:23 pm ]
Post subject:
I still don't think that I was wrong to be needy in this circumstance (my parent having a heart attack)! This was one of those times that a girl should see your emotional side and support you. I know she couldn't really do that as she was on holiday but the amount of time it took her to phone me made me pretty mad. She eventually text saying that she would phone in 15 mins and she really wanted to speak with me! Well after that text I waited near an hour then she phoned. I get very annoyed at that behaviour even if it's done by my family or friends. I told her that I was not impressed by her not phoning when she promised and she apologised. We talked for an hour and straigtened a few things out. There where concerns on both sides about certain issues we will have to deal with in the future. I honestly don't think I was too needy given my personal circumstance... However, because I was sad about my parents still being in hospital and generally scared for their future I was a bit emotional over the phone! Not so much with my words but I'm sure she could hear in my voice that I was very sad tearful. Her hearing me like this makes me feel uncomfortable as I'm usually very strong. I know girls want an emotional rock for a partner and I'm worried I've tarnished her view of my emotional strength! How do I repair this? A plus point is that our conversation was generally good and it covered our future and a few fears she had regarding me and other woman. Shows me that she also has insecurities.

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Author:	Rough Operator [ Tue Sep 25, 2012 7:51 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: I still don't think that I was wrong to be needy in this circumstance (my parent having a heart attack)! This was one of those times that a girl should see your emotional side and support you. I know she couldn't really do that as she was on holiday but the amount of time it took her to phone me made me pretty mad. She eventually text saying that she would phone in 15 mins and she really wanted to speak with me! Well after that text I waited near an hour then she phoned. I get very annoyed at that behaviour even if it's done by my family or friends. I told her that I was not impressed by her not phoning when she promised and she apologised. We talked for an hour and straigtened a few things out. There where concerns on both sides about certain issues we will have to deal with in the future. I honestly don't think I was too needy given my personal circumstance... However, because I was sad about my parents still being in hospital and generally scared for their future I was a bit emotional over the phone! Not so much with my words but I'm sure she could hear in my voice that I was very sad tearful. Her hearing me like this makes me feel uncomfortable as I'm usually very strong. I know girls want an emotional rock for a partner and I'm worried I've tarnished her view of my emotional strength! How do I repair this? A plus point is that our conversation was generally good and it covered our future and a few fears she had regarding me and other woman. Shows me that she also has insecurities. Getting emotional over one of your parents having a heart attack isn't going to make her see you as emotionally weak, so don't even worry about that. I don't really think you have any reason to worry whatsoever. You're over analyzing things a hell of a lot, just chill out.