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| Author: | allwhite [ Thu Jun 14, 2012 8:14 pm ] |
| Post subject: | My situation |
Wondering what you guys think: MY ex and I broke up a while ago after dating for a year. I played macho/ unphased guy for a couple months, then the emotions came out. Despite everyone saying act unbothered, I said fuck it, I'd rather be honest. I told her how I was sorry for being a proud stubborn tool, and that I should have treated her better, and not taken her for granted. I told her I still love her and think about her all the time. I called her late at night to talk about all the regret I had inside and how it was killing me, I cried talking about it and told her I feel like a bitch. I told her how bad I want another chance. she's confused, shes not ready..... etc. not sure if shes blowing smoke or if shes real, but that's her call not mine. Part of me feels like I completely pushed her away, but part of me doesn't. I have alot to offer, I am young with a ridiculously good job. And this may sound gay, but I am proud of myself to be willing to look so weak, I feel like sucking up your pride like that speaks volumes. (I didnt do it like a bitch and say baby I cant live without you, im gonna cut myself) I was honest and straight up. I know now that whatever decision she makes, she did so knowing how I felt. No confusion. If she gets a new boyfriend, she did so knowing that I wanted another chance. It makes me feel alot better than seeing her with a new boyfriend that she got because she didn't think I cared. And then I would be stuck with all of the what ifs....... Here is the question, I obviously gave up all the power to her which has taken its toll on my self worth, but was it better than acting unphased by the break up like I didnt care?? I still want her back and she knows this. We have not spoken in a couple weeks, I dont feel like being a pest. Maybe Ill hit her up sometime in the future to catch up. I feel like this relationship showed me the importance of honesty in a relationship, and it definitely taught me alot. Feel free to chime in with any personal stories you guys may have similar to mine. You think I disgusted her and pushed her away for ever? Advice is always welcome. |
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| Author: | 870 [ Thu Jun 14, 2012 8:42 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Here is my perspective on a similar situation: lets-talk-about-ego-vt33774.html?highlight= Long story short: this lesson is always a painful one and it's something not all guys ever fully realize. Be glad you learned it now, and remember that anything can happen. The girl I wrote about in that post? She's now my wife and baby mama. Your boy, 870 |
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| Author: | allwhite [ Fri Jun 15, 2012 1:18 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Thanks of the inPut. I agree totally with your post. The ego holds you back from having any type of meaningful relationship. We do have some differences. I'm no lady's man by any means. My self esteem is good. I can do pretty much anything I set my mind to, and have proved it to myself over and over again. But socially can be shy and awkward. I'm working on my social skills but I'm not sure if it's so far rooted that I can't improve it. At one point my ex said she was afraid. When I heard that I went into prove yourself mode. The neediness unfortunately started showing itself... |
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| Author: | clearspeak [ Fri Jun 15, 2012 7:21 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
I don't know if ego is the issue for allwhite. It sounds more like being in this world he has heard again and again not to show vulnerability. But the truth is you can't be genuine if you always hide your vulnerability. So it's about choosing the right moments to show it when it's safe and reasonable to do so. You have to make a calculated choice whether the situation merits showing that side of yourself, whether the person is worth it and what you value. Sometimes what you value is simply knowing you put your cards on the table regardless of the outcome. It sounds like that's what you felt here, allwhite, and if so nobody can say that's wrong. Only you can decide what you value. The important thing is that because you've studied social situations you realize that laying your cards on the table may not always win you the hand. As long as you know that, only you can decide if you'd rather show your cards and consequences be damned. If you choose to do that sometimes and it's a conscious choice, more power to you. |
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| Author: | Don Solo [ Sat Jun 16, 2012 2:31 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Quote: I don't know if ego is the issue for allwhite. It sounds more like being in this world he has heard again and again not to show vulnerability. But the truth is you can't be genuine if you always hide your vulnerability. So it's about choosing the right moments to show it when it's safe and reasonable to do so.
Very true.
You have to make a calculated choice whether the situation merits showing that side of yourself, whether the person is worth it and what you value. Sometimes what you value is simply knowing you put your cards on the table regardless of the outcome. It sounds like that's what you felt here, allwhite, and if so nobody can say that's wrong. Only you can decide what you value. The important thing is that because you've studied social situations you realize that laying your cards on the table may not always win you the hand. As long as you know that, only you can decide if you'd rather show your cards and consequences be damned. If you choose to do that sometimes and it's a conscious choice, more power to you. |
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