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shit tested: did I react well?
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Author:  TheSeagull [ Wed Jun 06, 2012 6:40 pm ]
Post subject:  shit tested: did I react well?
so.. I got shit tested the other night by J while driving to dinner
we were talking about a few friends of mine who had "liked" our new relationship status on Facebook
and she said about this one specific guy (who, incidentally, has a lot of natural game) "yeah he is kinda cute"
I assumed this was a shit test and reacted by laughing it off "oh, yeah, we are at this point aren't we, ? You should totally give me the number of your friend K (who she knows I think is hot)"

reasons why I believe this is just a shit test:
- sex is great and she wants it as much as I do if not more
- I usually neg the shit out of her (she knows I care, but I make sure it is not for granted, so she always thanks me for whatever nicety I do for her), but I have reverted to beta behavior once, when talking about her hex boyfriend last weekend (it was silly on my part, but I could not help it - I ended up using that as a chance to provide some drama - gave her a silent SPAM on the way home that night, which she broke)
- she sends out lots of IOIs
- the night after the beta incident she told me how she felt stuff is clicking in her head and has since become more affectionate

am I correct in assuming she was testing my frame and not expressing genuine interest in another guy? if so, did I handle the test correctly?
Author:  league [ Wed Jun 06, 2012 7:36 pm ]
Post subject: 
it does seem a little bit of an immature reply but you seem to of done ok yeah, even if it was a mistake and you failed its rarely the first mistake that ruins you its always how you react to it, by the sounds of it you are in a pretty good situation
Author:  TheSeagull [ Wed Jun 06, 2012 7:45 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
it does seem a little bit of an immature reply but you seem to of done ok yeah, even if it was a mistake and you failed its rarely the first mistake that ruins you its always how you react to it, by the sounds of it you are in a pretty good situation
I will assume I am not "ruined".. we had sex last night, slept together, and then more sex this morning before going to work.. and she had to cancel a meeting to stay longer with me :wink:

what would be a better answer to this kind of shit test? (this is my first relationship after learning to game - in my previous LTRs I would never recognize a shit test as such and get jealous-insecure)

btw, I did not "react" to it - after that we quickly switched topics to other stuff and I was quickly back to teasing her
Author:  SirJoseppi [ Wed Jun 06, 2012 7:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: shit tested: did I react well?
Quote:
so.. I got shit tested the other night by J while driving to dinner
we were talking about a few friends of mine who had "liked" our new relationship status on Facebook
and she said about this one specific guy (who, incidentally, has a lot of natural game) "yeah he is kinda cute"
I assumed this was a shit test and reacted by laughing it off "oh, yeah, we are at this point aren't we, ? You should totally give me the number of your friend K (who she knows I think is hot)"

reasons why I believe this is just a shit test:
- sex is great and she wants it as much as I do if not more
- I usually neg the shit out of her (she knows I care, but I make sure it is not for granted, so she always thanks me for whatever nicety I do for her), but I have reverted to beta behavior once, when talking about her hex boyfriend last weekend (it was silly on my part, but I could not help it - I ended up using that as a chance to provide some drama - gave her a silent SPAM on the way home that night, which she broke)
- she sends out lots of IOIs
- the night after the beta incident she told me how she felt stuff is clicking in her head and has since become more affectionate

am I correct in assuming she was testing my frame and not expressing genuine interest in another guy? if so, did I handle the test correctly?
I think you did ok...maybe a little immaturish like was said but not terrible.

Also, what are IOIs?
Author:  JuanAntonioB [ Wed Jun 06, 2012 7:54 pm ]
Post subject: 
indicator of interest.

this is not a shit test per say. this is a woman being a woman. the more comfortable she gets, the more "shit tests" you will see because she will be herself.

theres no "way to answer" this type of comment she made. just act like it means nothing, since it MEANS NOTHING. shes just speaking her mind. shes not thinking about it.

the way u answered her actually demonstrates a reaction. no reaction would be better.
Author:  league [ Wed Jun 06, 2012 7:58 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
it does seem a little bit of an immature reply but you seem to of done ok yeah, even if it was a mistake and you failed its rarely the first mistake that ruins you its always how you react to it, by the sounds of it you are in a pretty good situation
I will assume I am not "ruined".. we had sex last night, slept together, and then more sex this morning before going to work.. and she had to cancel a meeting to stay longer with me :wink:

what would be a better answer to this kind of shit test? (this is my first relationship after learning to game - in my previous LTRs I would never recognize a shit test as such and get jealous-insecure)

btw, I did not "react" to it - after that we quickly switched topics to other stuff and I was quickly back to teasing her

Then she is big time into you and you have nothing to worry about my friend :-)
Author:  TheSeagull [ Wed Jun 06, 2012 8:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: shit tested: did I react well?
Quote:
Also, what are IOIs?
Indicators of Interest.

if you mean what IOIs I am getting from my GF, I would list stuff like:
- being actually worried about my pleasure and not only hers in bed
- she willingly pays for stuff when we go out
- she bought a red bra when I mentioned I like that color for underwear :lol:
- she introduced me to her social circle and even to her sister
- I get praised quite often

as for the original topic, thanks guys I understand that no reply would have been the best course of action. I will make sure to stick to that next time!
Author:  dark one [ Wed Jun 06, 2012 9:49 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yes this is what I like to call a "sub conscious shit test" she is testing to see what the boundaries are, how serious you guy are, and she is trying to get a rise out of you.

The bottom line is she thinks the guy is hot...shes not going to say "that guy is hot" she will say something like "he's cute" because its less harsh...now she knew she would get some kind of reaction out of you and since your relationship is new the wrong reaction could have really messed thing up with you! this could also be a sign that she is not 100% sure of your relationship and she is "thinking out loud". Its not necessarily a bad thing its normal for a women to do this especially in the start of a relationship when you don't have a real bond and she testing the water so don't get to jealous or worried unless she's calling the guy or keeps bringing him up...its natural to feel a little jealous but don't sweat it.

Now as for how you handled. You could have handled it much better then you did! never play the "get even" game with a girl because it looks very insecure! I better answer would have something simple like "yeah he is a good looking guy" or "yeah he's so dreamy, "laugh"" and then drop it. If you want to then raise her interest level and make her a little jealous try this:

10-20 mins later ask her:

"Hey what was that girls name again? the one with dark hair, tanned, you know the girl who was really fit? what was her name again"

at this point she will say "jessica....why"

and you say:

"She was really nice! I had a really good conversation with her about ______, and she seemed to really know what she was talking about but I completely forgot her name"

Then leave it. If she says anything just laugh and shrug it off, if she tries to shit test you and make your jealous then call her out and make fun of her with something like "I think your jealous...that's cute I like that".

See you have to seem like it doesn't phase you
Author:  TheSeagull [ Wed Jun 06, 2012 10:50 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
and since your relationship is new the wrong reaction could have really messed thing up with you!
I assume "wrong reaction" here means AFC-style whining and getting mad. none of that came out of me.
Quote:
don't get to jealous or worried unless she's calling the guy or keeps bringing him up...its natural to feel a little jealous but don't sweat it.
the guy lives in Europe and we are in California.. I am not worried she could actually fuck him. and she has only brought up the "cuteness" thing once. I tend to be naturally jealous, I know...
Quote:
You could have handled it much better then you did! never play the "get even" game with a girl because it looks very insecure! I better answer would have something simple like "yeah he is a good looking guy" or "yeah he's so dreamy, "laugh"" and then drop it.
thanks for taking the time to highlight this. I will stick by "no reply" or this kind of reply next time this comes out.
Quote:
If you want to then raise her interest level and make her a little jealous try this:

10-20 mins later ask her:

"Hey what was that girls name again? the one with dark hair, tanned, you know the girl who was really fit? what was her name again"

at this point she will say "jessica....why"

and you say:

"She was really nice! I had a really good conversation with her about ______, and she seemed to really know what she was talking about but I completely forgot her name"
she already is jealous.. I have been very honest about having gamed girls, and our whole exclusive relationship started when she became jealous of this other girl I was dating
Quote:
"I think your jealous...that's cute I like that".
I say that often :lol:
Author:  dark one [ Thu Jun 07, 2012 2:45 am ]
Post subject: 
If she is the jealous type then she is just trying to make you jealous and take back the power....she wants the upper hand just don't give it to her.

If she continues to try to make your jealous I would call her out on it...makes things much easier! she might say shes not but it will let her know shes out of line and she will cut back on it.
Author:  TheSeagull [ Thu Jun 07, 2012 3:25 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
If she is the jealous type then she is just trying to make you jealous and take back the power....she wants the upper hand just don't give it to her.

If she continues to try to make your jealous I would call her out on it...makes things much easier! she might say shes not but it will let her know shes out of line and she will cut back on it.
long story short, this girl was pretty happy with "casual dating" me, until she realized I had another steady date. at that point she became more and more jealous (at one point she counted the condoms in my drawer :!: ) and about one week later we were monogamous. she knows I know the game, have never withheld any information about my other dates/hookups, and she knows I gave up four other girls (one of which I was already fucking) to be exclusive with her. what she says is that she did not think she was a jealous person and is discovering this new unpleasant side of herself
Author:  dark one [ Thu Jun 07, 2012 3:51 pm ]
Post subject: 
Just be careful! you don't want to be with a women who is only with you because you are wanted by other women, make it clear to her what you want before it gets serious! Im guessing you are young? early 20's perhaps?
Author:  TheSeagull [ Thu Jun 07, 2012 3:55 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Im guessing you are young? early 20's perhaps?
not old.. but I am 27 (and she is 29)

I have made it very clear from the start that I would only settle down (and give up pickup) for a long-term exclusive monogamous relationship (and that I am open to marriage and kids in a few years from now). hard to be more explicit than this about I guess

the conversation was basically like (heavily summarized)

J: "I don't wanna see you anymore because I can't handle you dating S"
Me: "This is just bullshit drama to me - we can either be in an exclusive LTR or I can see whomever I fancy. If you truly care act like an adult who cares."

She thought about it and said yes. But she did not look persuaded, so I basically rejected the LTR the first time she agreed. The next day she said yes again and gave me the right vibes so I settled down.
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