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"I dont deserve you"
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Author:  pablohernandez [ Fri May 25, 2012 11:49 pm ]
Post subject:  "I dont deserve you"
How would you guys handle this statement if your girlfriend said it or kept on saying it?

My ex-girlfriend had said it on a number of occasions about halfway through our relationship. Once or twice after sex she said 'sometimes I dont think I deserve you', after i suprised her with dinner somewhere she had always wanted to go she had said 'I dont think I deserve someone as good as you'. She said it in a sort of sad way that made it hard to joke about.

Im interested in hearing what you guys make of it and what you would have said in response.
Author:  Hakuna [ Sat May 26, 2012 12:07 am ]
Post subject: 
What a girl says should never phase you, judge only by her actions.

"I don't deserve you" has been said by girls to

(1) Dump their boyfriends who were nice guys but whom they weren't attracted to
(2) Praise Alpha boyfriends
(3) Told to jerks because the girl thought she deserved BETTER

You need to be very weary of continuously applying affection after tropes like that. Remember that if a girl sees she can extract commitment out of you by saying she doesn't deserve you, she will continue doing so. I'm sure many rebounds will confirm this for me.

The girl tells her boyfriend "I don't deserve you! you're so good" ==> boyfriend works harder to be an even "better" boyfriend ==> get more praise ==> Girl loses attraction but feels guilty ==> LJBF.

In other words, its normal for girls to use positive feedback over and over again to reinforce nice guy behavior. Ultimately it's self-defeating; the imperative might make her "win" in the sense that she gets more and more out of you - but she will eventually lose interest unless an ample amount of dread, secksual tension, asshole game, etc are also applied. The key is to function not on what she says, but on her actions, gesticulations, and your own principles.
Author:  musicandidol [ Sat Jun 02, 2012 3:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
It's ether a way of her dumping you or she really means you are a great guy and that she hasn't done enough to deserve you. It can only be told through her actions. Look for signs of her care or even guilt of maybe cheating that could've les her to say that.
Author:  Consequences_ [ Sat Jun 02, 2012 7:35 pm ]
Post subject: 
I've got a hundred bucks that says she's cheated on you in some way, shape, or form.
Author:  SiNfUl [ Sun Jun 03, 2012 2:47 am ]
Post subject: 
Her: I don't deserve you
Me: I know

It is a huge compliment to hear it once, but multiple times? I would be a bit suspicious, as the boys pointed out...watch her closely.
Author:  pablohernandez [ Sun Jun 03, 2012 6:11 pm ]
Post subject: 
I dont go out with her anymore so it doesnt matter hugely.

She wasnt cheating on me, she literally didnt have the time and she said it while we were away in India for 5 weeks.

I personaly think it was an insecurity thing. She hates herself fro something she did a while back and hasnt let go.

Ah well she obviously didnt deserve me anyway so its a moot point.
Author:  QuantumLotus [ Thu Jun 07, 2012 9:24 pm ]
Post subject: 
[quote="Consequences_"]I've got a hundred bucks that says she's cheated on you in some way, shape, or form.[/quote]

I'm with Consequences on this one...
Author:  Rough Operator [ Thu Jun 07, 2012 11:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: "I dont deserve you"
Quote:
How would you guys handle this statement if your girlfriend said it or kept on saying it?

My ex-girlfriend had said it on a number of occasions about halfway through our relationship. Once or twice after sex she said 'sometimes I dont think I deserve you', after i suprised her with dinner somewhere she had always wanted to go she had said 'I dont think I deserve someone as good as you'. She said it in a sort of sad way that made it hard to joke about.

Im interested in hearing what you guys make of it and what you would have said in response.
How would you judge her general self-esteem?
Author:  clearspeak [ Thu Jun 07, 2012 11:46 pm ]
Post subject: 
Like most communications, this could have multiple meanings. But I think the most common one is from a girl who feels guilty about something. And that may be justified or not. It could either be she has low self esteem or that she has done things that really are wrong. No way to know which one without knowing the girl though.
Author:  pablohernandez [ Fri Jun 08, 2012 11:47 am ]
Post subject:  Re: "I dont deserve you"
Quote:
Quote:
How would you guys handle this statement if your girlfriend said it or kept on saying it?

My ex-girlfriend had said it on a number of occasions about halfway through our relationship. Once or twice after sex she said 'sometimes I dont think I deserve you', after i suprised her with dinner somewhere she had always wanted to go she had said 'I dont think I deserve someone as good as you'. She said it in a sort of sad way that made it hard to joke about.

Im interested in hearing what you guys make of it and what you would have said in response.
How would you judge her general self-esteem?
She had low self-esteem. She put on a tough girl exterior but was very sensitive inside.

I know for a fact she didnt cheat on me. So thats not it.

If im honest I think Hakuna got it right with number 1. I think the first time she said it she meant it and it was a self esteem thing but after acting needy and putting up with a few tantrums while travelling I think she started loosing attraction and said it because she was having reservations about our relationship.

The reason Im so gutted is because I could still have her had I been in the right frame of mind. India, although I regret nothing, is a bit of a painfull memory even though it was one of the most profound journeys of mine and her lives, spiritualy and physically. Seems such a waste.

Ah well, back to dating other women, topless waitering and having fun.
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