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Your opinion needed - gf's best friend is a guy
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Author:  Teknine [ Tue Apr 17, 2012 9:55 pm ]
Post subject:  Your opinion needed - gf's best friend is a guy

Ok. I'm getting so pissed off about this and I don't know if I should be. Can't even think straight.

My gf's best friend of 10 years is this emo dude who has bad luck with the ladies, kind of a sad sack, depression problems, etc. She has told me many times how they never dated, and she has never been attracted to him.

Here's the thing. He is visiting her soon and will be staying in her apartment with her for 2 days. Separate rooms. That means that I will be hanging out with them and then I'll have to go home alone at the end of the night. I don't like this picture.

What do you do here? I hadn't thought about this much until a buddy said this is 100% NOT ok.

Author:  Reo [ Tue Apr 17, 2012 11:11 pm ]
Post subject: 

No it's not ok.

He probably has his mini spy cameras ready to set up in her shower and bedroom...

Talk to your girl how you feel about it.
Make the suggestion that you stay the night at her house while he's there. Or have her come to your house when it's time to go to sleep and leave him at her house.
Put your foot down.

Author:  Dr. Jones [ Tue Apr 17, 2012 11:27 pm ]
Post subject: 

I don't think you should be pissed off about it.

Is it weird? Most definitely. But how many guys would be weirded out by this? All of them. Be the exception. Make her understand you're not threatened by this guy, because you're not. You said it yourself: he's a chump.

Has she met all your friends? You got any that are girls? If I was you, I would wish your girlfriend and her best friend good night and go hang out with her.

Author:  Teknine [ Wed Apr 18, 2012 12:22 am ]
Post subject: 

Thanks guys. So there are 2 opposing viewpoints. From a game perspective, I have been thinking 'be the exception', 'show you are not threatened'. I can do that, but do I lose dignity with this? Do I lose respect if I say nothing? Sometimes I think so. I know this is an individual case and you pick your battles (I've had a lot of battles with her recently), but this might be my future wife. I feel this is a low quality behavior. Eager to hear more views.

Author:  Dr. Jones [ Wed Apr 18, 2012 12:56 am ]
Post subject: 

Hang out with a female friend that night. Make sure she's hot.

The next morning, go see your girlfriend and the buddy. Hell, bring them breakfast. When she asks what you were up to, tell her and be naive.

The wheels in her head will turn. She will tell you she's bothered by this, and that's when you say, "Well what's wrong with having friends who are girls? __ is your best friend, and he's a guy."

She will realize she's being a hypocrite and she'll either A) tone it down with her guy buddy or B) continue to hang out with him and die inside, knowing you're out having fun with some hot chick.

She'll go with A, but only if you play your cards right. This is a game and if you act jealous, you lose.

Author:  RetiredRodeo [ Wed Apr 18, 2012 12:57 am ]
Post subject: 

Dude, she may be your future wife... OR she may be a chick you dated years ago... You don't know.

What you do know is this... She's got a friend, and he's a douche. If she doesn't want to fuck him - believe her or dump her! There is NO middle ground.

If you believe her, BE HIS FRIEND TOO! Make the effort. even if he's a total chump - BE THE BIGGER PERSON. You can use this guy as a tool to DHV yourself to her. Make NO comment about it other than encouragement and support.

Don't threaten, don't say you're going out with another girl, don't make it an issue - it's not an issue to HER. So, show her you're better than the average guy. You're supportive, CONFIDENT, and wanting to make him a part of your life as well - because if you do marry this chick - that dude WILL be part of your life anyways!!!

Diffuse this immediately.

Author:  Teknine [ Wed Apr 18, 2012 1:37 am ]
Post subject: 

Quote:
Dude, she may be your future wife... OR she may be a chick you dated years ago... You don't know.
Seriously, I needed that.
Quote:
What you do know is this... She's got a friend, and he's a douche. If she doesn't want to fuck him - believe her or dump her! There is NO middle ground.
I believe her 100%.
Quote:
If you believe her, BE HIS FRIEND TOO! Make the effort. even if he's a total chump - BE THE BIGGER PERSON. You can use this guy as a tool to DHV yourself to her. Make NO comment about it other than encouragement and support.

Don't threaten, don't say you're going out with another girl, don't make it an issue - it's not an issue to HER. So, show her you're better than the average guy. You're supportive, CONFIDENT, and wanting to make him a part of your life as well - because if you do marry this chick - that dude WILL be part of your life anyways!!!

Diffuse this immediately.
I can take your advice and run with it. My boys have gotten me to a boiling point about the diffusing aspect -- Should I tell her she's staying with me the nights this dude is staying in her guest room? Should I stay over? Or just let them be the BFF duo I know they are.... and just say, "Ok guys have a good night." And just go off on my own. Makes me feel like a chump just thinking of this. But I'm not worried about them hooking up. It's more like principle/values. But what I'm hearing is it shows confidence just letting them catch up.

Author:  RetiredRodeo [ Wed Apr 18, 2012 5:24 am ]
Post subject: 

Frankly, if you two have spent the night with each other before, and it's normal - just spend the night there. Tell her you're bringing stuff over to stay the nights, is there anything she needs you to pick up on the way, and you can't wait to meet her friend. You make it seem like it's routine...nothing out of the norm.

If she makes a point to say she wants to be alone - you need to assess why. Could be they're just good friends and want to catch up alone - it's plausible, but will drive you fucking batty unless you trust her completely.

If you're not used to spending the night with each other, you'll come across like a jealous dick if you even bring it up...

-----

Bottom line: If you trust this chick, and think she's "the one" - you better not have anything to worry about at all as it is... and just let it play itself out.

Author:  jack_wilson_jack [ Sat Jun 09, 2012 8:57 am ]
Post subject: 

straight up talk to her about it like a man.. no neediness or bullshit just a calm conversation and communicate your feelings to her

Author:  Crypto [ Mon Jun 11, 2012 2:17 pm ]
Post subject: 

How about make friends with the dude!? Oh yeah, stop being paranoid, if she is going to fucck him, you can't stop it!!!! You have to trust that you are the guy she want's to be with and be the MAN!

Peace...

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