PUA Forum :: I cheated

I'll assume you confessed here as some attempt to feel less guilty. You say you "don't deserve her" so
maybe you feel guilty, or just generally down on yourself.

Here's the problem, if you find a way to make yourself feel OK about cheating, you'll end up cheating again. That's not how it works. If you keep cheating, you'll screw everything up.

Basically, you made a mistake. It's not OK. You need to change for it to be OK. Man up and stop cheating.

I have never cheated, but I know that I would carry the guilt around with me for a while. Any advice I could give you would just be speculation since I don't really know what I would do if I were in your position. I do know one thing though, if I were you I would have to let her go to take time to sort things out with myself.

But I am curious as to people's opinions on whether or not you should come clean to her. I'm sure you would feel relief, but you would also be affecting her confidence.

Thoughts?

Quote:

My policy on that is very clear, I also say that to my gf, fb etc. I don't wanna know. It's not fair to unload your shit to feel less guilty. A real man will carry the burden alone. In my opinion, but that's me. Some girls say honesty first and that they wanna know. I think they're full of shit and haven't thought it through, they don't realize what it means to hear those words. But if they do say it, you gotta respect it and come clean. I know for me, these words would mean game over. If it was a slip up, then let it stay that way, if it's an affair, it's generally over anyways, I guess, haven't been in that situation. But for a girl to have a full blown affair, it's usually over. She might fuck for one night only, but if it's an affair, she has feelings and that's done.
I don't know how it is with guys.

Author:	Cha-Bra [ Tue Feb 07, 2012 11:41 am ]
Post subject:	I cheated
I cheated on my girl. This is my confession.. She is a great girl... I gave her the title of Girlfriend. I am selfish for cheating. I know I do not deserve her. But the other part of me says that I do. So no tears here.. For now this is what it is. I am happy. So is she, so is my other girl. Maybe this is right.. haha what is right anyways. Fire away!

Author:	Txacoli [ Tue Feb 07, 2012 12:32 pm ]
Post subject:
Is that the thing with your ex? Whatever you do, just use protection. It would suck badly if you picked up something elsewhere and gave it to your girl. I'm not gonna moralize, but I have to warn you (I'm being so smart now, but have never been in the situation haha, but I've seen close friends in it, hence the warning), if you make this a permanent thing, like a full blown affair, things might get complicated and cause a lot of pain. Be cautious. "The other woman" has been known to pull shit and drama out of her sleeve even though she swore she wanted nothing more, but they somehow tend to want more later on. Don't ever tell your girl, it will just hurt her. You might want to consider an open relationship, rather than monogamy. Just curious, do you feel guilty, even though you're happy?

Author:	zige [ Wed Feb 08, 2012 3:56 pm ]
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I'll assume you confessed here as some attempt to feel less guilty. You say you "don't deserve her" so maybe you feel guilty, or just generally down on yourself. Here's the problem, if you find a way to make yourself feel OK about cheating, you'll end up cheating again. That's not how it works. If you keep cheating, you'll screw everything up. Basically, you made a mistake. It's not OK. You need to change for it to be OK. Man up and stop cheating.

Author:	shortyoowop [ Wed Feb 08, 2012 5:05 pm ]
Post subject:
Having done it myself, I have to warn against it. Having another girl just cheapens the original relationship. When your with your girlfriend, you'll be thinking about the other girl, when you're with the other girl, you'll be thinking about your girlfriend, so you're never really getting exactly what you want. That's just my experience.

Author:	RedHoTChilliPeppers [ Wed Feb 08, 2012 8:21 pm ]
Post subject:
Are you really happy or just covering your guilt? Anyways one mistake is enough, try to control things, and control your self.

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Author:	Cha-Bra [ Thu Feb 09, 2012 11:01 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: I'll assume you confessed here as some attempt to feel less guilty. You say you "don't deserve her" so maybe you feel guilty, or just generally down on yourself. Here's the problem, if you find a way to make yourself feel OK about cheating, you'll end up cheating again. That's not how it works. If you keep cheating, you'll screw everything up. Basically, you made a mistake. It's not OK. You need to change for it to be OK. Man up and stop cheating. Yes zige, I see u hitting the nail on the head. At any rate.. I am the type that has to fuck shit up for myself to see the reality. I have a feeling your rite with this. and in regard to the future. I have no guilt.. I just do whatever I feel in the moment. Wait, maybe I do have some guilt.. this is a identity crisis. I will admit to all of you.. it is something that is a active struggle. What to do?? I do not think I can get any advice I will listen too.. Just your positive experience helps me confirm what I think is right.. at the moment. I do not feel a exact right or wrong.. call me cold. You will not call me a liar.

Author:	Txacoli [ Thu Feb 09, 2012 11:44 am ]
Post subject:
I know how you feel. I felt the same way at one point in my last LTR, I didn't cheat because the opportunity didn't present itself with the right girl, but that's probably the only reason, I can't be sure, I don't know if I would have gotten cold feet at the last moment. If you listen to this or not, in your shoes, I'd downgrade your relationship to an open one. This might not be an option now, and she might leave you, but it's early enough to give it a try, later it will be harder to do that and guilt is a bitch, even if you find ways to rationalize your actions and convince yourself you shouldn't feel guilty. It's the social conditioning we've had, we sometimes can't help it. If this comes out, you're in for a lot of drama and hurt feelings, just a warning.

Author:	goodnamesaretaken [ Thu Feb 09, 2012 5:57 pm ]
Post subject:
I have never cheated, but I know that I would carry the guilt around with me for a while. Any advice I could give you would just be speculation since I don't really know what I would do if I were in your position. I do know one thing though, if I were you I would have to let her go to take time to sort things out with myself. But I am curious as to people's opinions on whether or not you should come clean to her. I'm sure you would feel relief, but you would also be affecting her confidence. Thoughts?

Author:	Txacoli [ Thu Feb 09, 2012 6:27 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: I have never cheated, but I know that I would carry the guilt around with me for a while. Any advice I could give you would just be speculation since I don't really know what I would do if I were in your position. I do know one thing though, if I were you I would have to let her go to take time to sort things out with myself. But I am curious as to people's opinions on whether or not you should come clean to her. I'm sure you would feel relief, but you would also be affecting her confidence. Thoughts? My policy on that is very clear, I also say that to my gf, fb etc. I don't wanna know. It's not fair to unload your shit to feel less guilty. A real man will carry the burden alone. In my opinion, but that's me. Some girls say honesty first and that they wanna know. I think they're full of shit and haven't thought it through, they don't realize what it means to hear those words. But if they do say it, you gotta respect it and come clean. I know for me, these words would mean game over. If it was a slip up, then let it stay that way, if it's an affair, it's generally over anyways, I guess, haven't been in that situation. But for a girl to have a full blown affair, it's usually over. She might fuck for one night only, but if it's an affair, she has feelings and that's done. I don't know how it is with guys.

Author:	jogi99 [ Sat Feb 11, 2012 1:31 pm ]
Post subject:
talking about that issue will kill your relationship. men and women speak and think in completly different ways in this case

Author:	Mr.Confident [ Sun Feb 12, 2012 12:06 am ]
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Honestly. Here is something you can do...I do not guarantee anything but it might be your best bet at saving your relationship and still keeping it honest. You approach her one day. Nice little date and you tell her that you have to breakup with her. And that if u told her why if would hurt her, and u respect her too much to lie to her. IN which case if she really is in to you she would retaliate and want to hear the words that u cheated on her. You tell her that you did and she will most likely walk out..but the idea that u forced the break up because of your respect for her can lead to an easy second chance, given enough time. Make up a reason to why you did it. It was the heat of the moment blahblah blah something.. I mean if you wanna get serious with this girl you can't have that trailing the back of your mind and if you still have the affinity to cheat you might not be ready for a big commitment.. in anycase I think its the moral thing to do, and is your most efficient strategy if you want to be guilt free.

Author:	Cha-Bra [ Sun Feb 12, 2012 11:43 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: Quote: I have never cheated, but I know that I would carry the guilt around with me for a while. Any advice I could give you would just be speculation since I don't really know what I would do if I were in your position. I do know one thing though, if I were you I would have to let her go to take time to sort things out with myself. But I am curious as to people's opinions on whether or not you should come clean to her. I'm sure you would feel relief, but you would also be affecting her confidence. Thoughts? My policy on that is very clear, I also say that to my gf, fb etc. I don't wanna know. It's not fair to unload your shit to feel less guilty. A real man will carry the burden alone. In my opinion, but that's me. Some girls say honesty first and that they wanna know. I think they're full of shit and haven't thought it through, they don't realize what it means to hear those words. But if they do say it, you gotta respect it and come clean. I know for me, these words would mean game over. If it was a slip up, then let it stay that way, if it's an affair, it's generally over anyways, I guess, haven't been in that situation. But for a girl to have a full blown affair, it's usually over. She might fuck for one night only, but if it's an affair, she has feelings and that's done. I don't know how it is with guys. Ok well here was a point that passed last Monday. Now I realize I got carried away with the whole fucking around idea. It seemed like you guys were looking for; "what was I doing cheating actively or did I slip up with a ex?" Here is what I was doing and what I am going to do with what happened. I was seeing them both before I told her I wanted to be in a relationship. I never told My GF that because I know that she would leave. After last Monday. I had sex with my ex. Then some emotional drama. Then I decided I would not tell her. So I did not tell her. I do not plan on seeing my ex again. The way things went down wile that was happening was just insane. I am cutting any real ties with her. If I decide to find any other girl. Then I will have to deal with those feelings. I do not really plan on doing that. But then again I did not plan on doing this. Well what a mess I am. I think that these things "Just happen with me." Like, how else could I rationalize being such a bad person. Or, part of me says that, I don't know why? hmmm Ego.. I am going to just let this go. I am going to focus on what the future holds with my girl. I am going to improve my social skills more and more. I am also in college and I am going to get through college. So I have these same issues when it comes to gambling in my life. It is like a replacement for that same calling in my life. Let me be so bold as to say. When I can not fuck around. I have this feeling like I want to go gamble. So crazy.... Issues.. This is all not rational... Its not what a rational person would do. Yet I try to be so rational. How am I to go about handling these feelings of right or wrong.. I cant make sense of what I do sometimes. To break down all the feelings. I find myself somewhere where I do not feel rational. It is this CRAZY part of my life that I cant make sense of. Yet I go about my things as if... As if I was normal... Whatever.. ha. This is all really stupid. Right??

Author:	xFierce [ Sun Feb 12, 2012 6:56 pm ]
Post subject:
To me it seems like you do not care alot about your current girlfriend. Break up with her because you're only wasting her time at the moment. Unless you're willing to have a normal relationship with her, but it seems like you're not much of a stabile person. You don't have an exact opinion on things and I think you only want to make yourself feel better by writing this rather then make your girlfriend happy. I'd say either leave and do what you want, or stay and stick by the rules.

Author:	Mr.Confident [ Mon Feb 13, 2012 5:09 am ]
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Listen. This is going to fall done on your morals. If you feel guilty then you feel that you have done something morally wrong. Now listen. You cannot rationalize your emotions. What happened, happened you can't change it anymore. I think that you wont be able to sustain a healthy relationship with her if you keep lying. I also think it wont be fair to the girl either. In the end it is your choice. Though don't be the PUA that hurts the girl, be the PUA that leaves the girl happy in the end. ~Mr.Confident

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Author:	Takeher [ Tue Feb 14, 2012 3:58 am ]
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karmas a bitch.