Hey all, I am Voudon (a form of Voodoo) and I am new at this. Been doing some reading and video watching on youtube and already learned a ton of shit about body language etc. and applied some of it at my work alone and done a lot of people watching to see how people really react to me. I found watching for IOIs has shown me what I have been missing out on for years now.
I was always one of the social butterfly types, able to float around in situations I was comfortable in and hold court but in situations I wasn't comfortable in I became a wallflower or spent more time playing with my phone than paying attention to who was around me as a way to withdraw into myself. I also had no idea how to punk the guy who came and worked the girl I was targeting.
Strangely, it was my ex who suggested I try looking into this stuff. Said I was too dainty for a straight man and needed to be a bull instead of a flower. I had/have some serious one-itis for this chick so my anxiety levels were always very high around her and with her. We met just after my mom died, I lost my off and on girlfriend of 15 years and my family booted me out of the home I shared with my mom, who I had been caring for before she died of cancer. All this in about 2 months. Now it has been less than a week since she pointed me in this direction and already I have begun implementing some of the material I have read and watched and not just in my interactions with women. I've found some of the material is good for not letting these guys get to me, how to disarm what I call a cockass and where, how and what I failed in in all my social relationships.
As an example, the girl in question, I was introduced to her by a friend. When she moved down here with me he was expecting to get her and I wound up with her. We both belong to a spiritual organization called O.T.O. and he wanted to start a local chapter of this group and I was helping him. Well after I got the girl he wanted, our relationship shifted. He would try to punk me out in front of new people who didn't know much about what we do, even when I was right, he would tell me how I was wrong. He would question my relationship choices and tell me in front of the new people what was wrong with the women I was choosing. No matter what I was doing right, it was always what I did wrong. Even when I made a blog post about my experiences in life up to the point I met the girl I was talking about, he chided me for not having mentioned how this awesome person came into my life. He would especially question me in front of this girl. All attempts to put me in at LEAST second place in the social order.
Now, when it comes to being around the O.T.O. members or others who had an understanding of what we do, he'd clam up and his body language would change entirely. He would avoid me. He would not enter my social sets, especially when I hold court over it.
Now I see what is going on. He is trying to play leader and I am a threat to his leadership role. I also see how this plays out in other situations I am in, work, bars, etc. It clicks now.
I was not one to have problems engaging women, I could easily walk up and start rapport, vibing with her but I always got nervous with whether they were giving IOIs. I didn't know what to look for and how to slyly escalate the situation. Boom, now I do. Just need to get some practice.
The humourous thing is, the girl that sent me on this quest? Already she is like what the fuck, why are you making all these changes? I reshaped my beard, shaved my head. Getting my ear pierced and a tattoo. She thinks it is because I want to look cool but really... they are all things I WANTED to do before but was too much of an AFC to nut up and get it done. She is seeing it as "try hard" when for me, it's what I wanted and didn't do for so many reasons because I was making excuses. I'm even updating my old style, which back in the day I called "euro-trash". I had gotten really sick back in the day and put on a ton of weight and started dressing down, comic book t-shirts and jeans. Over the last year though I have lost 135 pounds and gotten in shape so that old style will work again. See, I had allowed myself to lose my purpose, to lose my sense of identity. When I first got sick, I was one of those "about to" guy. I was about to get this tat or that piercing but I allowed the depression over my illness and then my mom dying to push down what I wanted. No more....
I am Voudon and I am an RAFC.