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My best mates gf and I need some serious help!!
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Author:  gtdave [ Thu Apr 14, 2011 7:21 pm ]
Post subject:  My best mates gf and I need some serious help!!
Hi folks I'm new here but I joined to ask for some advice regarding something that has been bothering me for quite some time! I'm definitely no PUA so I need some guidance!

Here's the story...

My best mate started going out with a great girl and I was so happy for him as she seemed a great catch! She is very pretty, smart and absolutely loaded! She is only 24 but already owns a Porsche 911 ect. Anyway that's not the point.

The first time we met it was all very formal and polite and everything was good, I fancied her but I would of never of acted on it. I have previously rejected the advances of some of my mates previous gfs. The second time we met was in a club, my friend was there with his gf and I arrived quite late and already in a bit of a drunken state as I was out earlier with a different group of people! It all went well and I was very friendly and joking around (from what I can remember cuz I was quite drunk)! I then left to go meet up with the earlier group of people again.

The next morning I got a text message from the girl saying "I can't believe you didn't say goodby to me last night :("

I'm not sure how she got my number but I tested back saying sorry but I was very drunk and a didn't realise! We started texting quite alot but not in a flirty way just as friends! I rarely replied with a question but she always did!! I was very aware to not write anything flirty because my friend might read them and get understandably pissed!

Over the space of a month we talked more and more and we met up a few more times always with my best mate of course! Anyway, I started to have feelings for her and I was convinced that she had some for me too as I couldn't get her to stop texting me! In person we would stand very close and always have eye contact! We began to flirt more and she started to tell me everything about herself! She told me that I knew more about her that anyone in the world!

I eventually told her that I fancied her and that I wish I had found her first and she told me that she fancied me and that she felt the same!

This is where it gets complicated! She had by now been going out with my mate for 6 months and she said that she could never cheat but if she was single she would not be able to resist me! I started saying that I wouldnt want her to cheat on my mate with me!

Soon after her relationship with my friend hit a rocky patch as he can be a bit of a pig when it comes to girls. He has cheated on all his previous gfs! I was saying to her, if he makes you unhappy then why are you still with him???

She then phoned me one night saying the my friend told her that he cheated on one of his previous gfs and she asked did I know about it and I said yes and I told her that he slept with a girl behind his ex gfs back! Which he did! She then said that he told her that they only kissed! I was like shit I've dropped my mate in it!! She said that she wouldn't mention it to him but it was good to know!

I started to get confused about how my friend can get away with this because she knows that he has lied to her about other more simple stuff!

Anyway things were good and bad between me and her for a while! She knew I had feelings for her and she has some for me but she insisted to remain his gf even tho he was treating her like crap and they were always arguing!

During our good days she would say that she will always be there for me no matter what and that you can't tell what the future holds..... all very vague!

I told her that I needed to have some space in order to try to move on so we stopped texting as much and I didn't meet up with my friend as much when she was around! This period was very difficult for me as she was always on my mind but I tried to move on and started having sex with a girl I recently met. However even when I was with this new girl I still couldn't get her out of my head! It was actually beginning to piss me off!

We met up recently and I went well, we both said that we had missed eachother massively and that we wanted to talk more! We started texting again all the time like we used to however this time she told me that she can't text me infront of her bf because he always askes who she I texting! This is true as I have seen it! When she is not with him she will text me constantly!

This situation has been annoying me as it can take her ages to reply and I don't want to be seen to be rushing to her whenever she wants to talk! What should I do about this??

They have been getting on a bit better recently and they have just got back from a big holiday. She wasn't in contact the whole time but she tested me as soon as she landed saying that there was a night out this weekend and she wanted me to go because she has missed me! Should I go? It's tomorrow and I have told her that I might be busy with other plans much to her disappointment!

I really like this girl more than any other that I have met so far and I don't want to end up in the friend zone so how should I play it? I know they will break up at some point but it could still take a year as you just never know! I think she is reluctant to leave him for me as she got dumped twice in a row by guys who cheated on her with her best friends! This has obviously damaged her quite a bit!

I need your advice on what to do!! I know she likes me and it pains me to see the way my mate always lies to her and argues with her but it seems like I have hit a dead end!

I'm willing to have some fun with other girls while I wait it out but what ahold my plan be while I'm waiting? Should I make myself available for social events with them? Should I reply quickly to her texts when she has the opportunity to talk??

Give me your expert opinion as my head is about to explode! Any advice would be good!!

Cheers
Author:  thumper858 [ Thu Apr 14, 2011 7:33 pm ]
Post subject: 
I'm just gonna ask one question. If she is doing this stuff to your friend, what makes you think she won't do it to you?

Alright... two questions. If you found out your friend was doing this to you, how would you feel?

My advice, stop the BS between you and her. If you're man enough and he is really a true friend, you should tell him everything. Although it sounds to me that it's not really a good friendship. Girls are dime a dozen, but a good friendship is hard to come by.
Author:  gtdave [ Thu Apr 14, 2011 7:49 pm ]
Post subject: 
I totally understand where your coming from and I don't blame you! I don't feel good about it but Im pretty sure he has already cheated on her and I'm fairly sure I know who with!

I just know that I would treat her better!

I get your point about being worried that she could do the same thing to me
Author:  Fictional [ Thu Apr 14, 2011 9:02 pm ]
Post subject: 
Firstly i would like to say welcome,

You got yourself a tough situation mate, and like the guy above said you cannot garantee she wouldnt be texting another dude behind your back.
I know it is hard when u connect with someone like that but it is really worth loosing a friend over. Im not saying that that will definately happen, but were guys we dont like it when our friends get with our ex's even if we dont care.

If she is worth the risk, tell your mate, hope he understands and whatever. If not cut her loose. There will always be someone else
Author:  gtdave [ Thu Apr 14, 2011 9:21 pm ]
Post subject: 
Do you mean tell my mate my feelings if they break up or just tell him anyway? I've tried avoiding her but that made everything worse! She just phoned me there for an hour asking me how I am and telling me all about her stuff! I kept it all friendly and didn't flirt but she is obviously not phased by the fact that I like her and I know it's because she still likes me too! She genuinely seems to care about me and she recently told me that no matter how hard I try I'm not going to get rid of her...

I probably sound like a right idot but I've just not felt this way before and I have had some good girlfriends including a tommy Hilfigure model that never got me this bad!
Author:  thumper858 [ Thu Apr 14, 2011 9:29 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Do you mean tell my mate my feelings if they break up or just tell him anyway? I've tried avoiding her but that made everything worse! She just phoned me there for an hour asking me how I am and telling me all about her stuff! I kept it all friendly and didn't flirt but she is obviously not phased by the fact that I like her and I know it's because she still likes me too! She genuinely seems to care about me and she recently told me that no matter how hard I try I'm not going to get rid of her...

I probably sound like a right idot but I've just not felt this way before and I have had some good girlfriends including a tommy Hilfigure model that never got me this bad!
Dude... You have a serious case of oneitis. It's easy to see the red flags when you're observing. A little tough to see or even accept when it's actually happening to you.

1. She's in a relationship. That in itself is bad. It's even worse that she's in a relationship with YOUR FRIEND!!

2. You're hung up on this girl for what? What does she have going for her other than she drives a porche?

3. She's using you as a crutch. She asks you questions about YOUR FRIEND and you spill the beans like a regular AFC. You're basically the girlfriend that she can call anytime to cry to.

If this was a girl that you met that happened to have a boyfriend and you had no idea who that guy was, I'd say game the hell out of her and use her as a booty call and nothing more. Again, the fact that she has a boyfriend and is showing interest in you is a red flag that this girl is not girlfriend material. You should be better than that.

Like I said, it's hard to see the red flags when you're in the situation. Believe me, I know. Overall, regardless of what anyone says in this forum, you're gonna do what you feel you need to do. I just hope your friendship is worth the heartache that may come.
Author:  gtdave [ Thu Apr 14, 2011 9:45 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yea I read a forum post on oneitis and I definitely have an epic case of it! There's no doubt about it! I think it hit me hard because it was the first time it's happened. I guess it's just a matter of time before the oneitis wears off.
Author:  Fictional [ Fri Apr 15, 2011 11:12 am ]
Post subject: 
the choice you have to make is do you want to be over her or not?

Consider everything. Then once you know what you want come back and ask us and we can help you get that.
Author:  Grand Master [ Fri Apr 15, 2011 11:36 am ]
Post subject: 
Bros before Hoes. Always.
Author:  Fictional [ Fri Apr 15, 2011 12:29 pm ]
Post subject: 
the you just gotta make it clear to her what is going on between you cant happen, if u just show disinterest, it may cause her to chase you harder. So draw a clear line as to what is acceptable between you and what isnt. And if she persists you must do something to make her so uniterested.

Keep us updated on any help that you may need we will always be here.

Post in this thread with any updates we will get emails if you do.
Author:  Tiger6Niner [ Fri Apr 15, 2011 1:41 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Bros before Hoes. Always.
something along the lines of this. you call him your best mate, therefore there should be no question needing to be asked because its as simple as "dont get involved with his girl".

also, no matter how good a friend a mates gf is, never say bad things or agree with her when she complains about him. you're not there to take sides, especially if you're siding against him.
Author:  gtdave [ Fri Apr 15, 2011 2:32 pm ]
Post subject: 
I have stuck up for him and lied to her plenty of times now! It just gets tough when she tells me that he is off out with a few lads when I know he isn't... this sort of stuff has died down recently though!

I really have tried to do the right thing! I'm not going to try and break them up but if she does become single I'm going to give it some time then tell my mate that I like her and I'm going to ask her out.


We are all off out tonight and she is bringing along a mate who is apparently a 10 but I have not met her. How should I handle this tonight? I'm tempted to have a crack at the friend.
Author:  Fictional [ Fri Apr 15, 2011 2:50 pm ]
Post subject: 
Lol Jealousy is a fickle mistress, it will probably make her want you more. But have a crack at the friend why not.

But this waiting thing, i dont like it man. Saving yourself for a girl like that isnt good. Your giving your power to her and she will own you. It is kinda AFC. Just continue your life. And if she is ever single, see what is going on. But dont set to much hope into it. What if she brakes up with your friend and he wants to get back with her and you get with her. That is not good.

If it is meant to be it will be. But just dont chase it to much
Author:  gtdave [ Fri Apr 15, 2011 2:59 pm ]
Post subject: 
I've been sleeping with another girl for a while now, though we are not in a relationship. It has helped me forget a bit and it raised the confidence levels which is always good!

Thanks for the advice, if I like this girl tonight I might have a go. I'm a complete beginner at this stuff but I usually have no problem in attracting a girl. I was thinking about trying some of the PUA techniques tonight that I have read about in this forum.

So for this friend should I not pay too much attention to her but at some point later on make eye contact then have a chat??
Author:  Tiger6Niner [ Fri Apr 15, 2011 3:02 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I really have tried to do the right thing! I'm not going to try and break them up but if she does become single I'm going to give it some time then tell my mate that I like her and I'm going to ask her out.
if he's a close mate you should be able to tell how the situation will pan out already. personally i'd stay away.
Quote:
We are all off out tonight and she is bringing along a mate who is apparently a 10 but I have not met her. How should I handle this tonight? I'm tempted to have a crack at the friend.
you're single, she's with your mate, theres no reason why you shouldnt have a crack.
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