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I'm a rAFC and in need of help.
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Author:  kjun1_3 [ Fri Jan 28, 2011 6:20 am ]
Post subject:  I'm a rAFC and in need of help.
First off, let me tell you about who I really am.
I'm Kevin, a 19 year old university student and recovering AFC. I know I'm younger than most of you, but I need to take charge of my failing sex/love life before it snowballs into a nightmare.

I got into this whole thing on May 24 weekend last year, when my nightclub-manager brother let me in as a gift. I got a bouncer to introduce me into a group of Blonde 8's and I just took off. I was unstoppable for the rest of the night and got over a dozen phone numbers and four kiss closes. I had the right attitude, at the right time, and in the right place. The staff had never seen someone my age on a roll like that, so I made a vow to perfect what my brother introduced me to.

Of course, that attitude waned quickly as I came back to reality. I need to build this identity from the ground up, not simply use it as a mask. It's time to do a full overhaul.

I wanted to do this properly, so I read the books and know what to do, and what not to do. There are about three people who are aware of what I'm trying to do (all they know is that I'm trying to get good at talking to strangers, to expand my social circle).

I decided to begin the newbie test a week ago, but it's been a disaster. I am caught in a paradox. I do all the things that I know I shouldn't be doing because my lack of experience causes anxiety, which makes me fail. I break the three second rule, I over-analyze, I back off when in doubt rather than escalate, the whole nine yards.

Sometimes, I just say "fuck it" and make a move (usually when I have some alcohol, the placebo effect is more than enough), then I am phenomenal when I get a few approaches under my belt and have some momentum. It's those first few in a new environment that cause me to freak out, lose social proof, and spiral into failure. I am a smart but cool guy, so I have no problem carrying on a conversation and flipping attraction switches, but the emotional roller coaster of the first few approaches is my kryptonite.

Any Ideas guys? MADD demands a 0% BAC for a driver my age, and the punishments aren't kind; so my primary motivator is out.
Author:  Truffles1 [ Fri Jan 28, 2011 6:28 am ]
Post subject: 
I think it's that you're hunting the big cat, when you should be hunting for deer. That's my opinion.

Anyways, Welcome, Brometheus.
Author:  AFCJimmyDoyle [ Fri Jan 28, 2011 11:20 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I think it's that you're hunting the big cat, when you should be hunting for deer. That's my opinion.
Completely worthless statement that has no meaning and is not applicable at all. :x

Anyway I have a much better and more suitable piece of advice for you and that is to get a WING MAN. The reason being that your problem seems to be common anxiety about approaching people you do not know and risking things such as escalation, number closing etc etc

Well with a Wing Man whos is going through what you are will instantly make you relax more . Knowing that if something goes wrong, you can get out of there and meet up with your wing man to laugh it off, do some post analysis etc etc

See what I mean, when it’s not just you by yourself having to go through this learning experience, it makes it much easier, more of an adventure, keeps morale high and will improve you quicker to the point you can do it easier by yourself and the people around you just see you as that person.

Hope this helps :wink:
Author:  TheRexStyle [ Fri Jan 28, 2011 11:24 am ]
Post subject: 
Welcome to the board bud. It's great that you're honest. Surround yourself by awesome guys with the same positive goals and if you have a plan, you can get good a lot faster than you would on your own.

Don't drink! It clouds the feelings. You have to welcome that fear, spit in it's face and go right through it.
Author:  kjun1_3 [ Fri Jan 28, 2011 9:58 pm ]
Post subject: 
I like it. Get a few cool guys together to come with me as a safety net, but I will not be using them as a crutch to avoid expanding the social circle.

Like I said, It's just the first two or three, after that I am like a machine. :o
Author:  kjun1_3 [ Sat Jan 29, 2011 5:35 am ]
Post subject: 
Okay. My first major success...

I just got back from a party at a friend's house. I had ONE shot of vodka to get me going, went with about 10 friends, and I didn't just hit this party, I kicked it's ass.

I used a spell opener of sorts to get me going.
"I'm a psychic, I need to do a reading right now...(okay?) Do you Like Orange? (sure) What's 10+0? (10) What's 7+3? (10) What's 9+1? (10) Great, we know that your good at math, now what food are you thinking of this very second? I bet I know what it is! (I puts my hand to their head and two fingers on my forehead) A carrot!"
This worked absolutely every time. Great opener that always got the conversation going.

After doing that three times (I didn't want to come across someone that had heard it already), I had enough momentum to start talking to anyone. After another five or so approaches and openers, I spotted my biggest threat, a 6'2" muscular white guy with no peacocking, but clearly the life of the party. Without any hesitation, I walked right up to him and said "Hey man, I've met just about everyone here except you. What's your name? He replied "Sebastian, how's it goin?" I said, "Kevin, nice to meet ya. I'm here with a few friends and having a great time sofar, you?" He replied "blah blah blah hey guys, this is Kevin."

He introduced me to four of his friends nearby, all of them liked the way I pesented myself, (smart but cool) and nicknamed me "Atlas" without sarcasm or joking. Befriending the most social guys in the house got me so much momentum that I talked to about 30 different people in the last four hours. Whenever I was alone (twice) i'd simply walk around saying "Hey" to people I already met, then got them to introduce me to someone else that they were talking to.


I feel completely empowered. I didn't try any kiss or number closes, but I have gotten a few "Holy Shit. Look at him go!" looks from the people I came in with.

Great night, I'll worry about canned material when I get used to this, but I'm on my way!!! :D
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