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Trouble meeting women outside of work
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Author:  Exception [ Thu Aug 16, 2007 12:43 am ]
Post subject:  Trouble meeting women outside of work
I would like your opinion on how I can snap out of my funk. I've never dated anyone that I haven't worked with or someone that I haven't been set up with. I was able to get girls in college, but I don't know if this would count. I can easily meet women at work and there's the thinking that the best way to meet someone is through work. The problem is that the last couple relationships haven't ended so well and it's awkward seeing them around the job. I would like to meet someone outside of work, but I find if difficult approaching someone when it's outside of my comfort zone. I don't know if I have the mindset or the personality to approach someone. What would be the best way to approach someone when you're a little on the shy side? Any help I can get would be great.
Author:  North [ Thu Aug 16, 2007 12:53 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Trouble meeting women outside of work
Quote:
I would like your opinion on how I can snap out of my funk. I've never dated anyone that I haven't worked with or someone that I haven't been set up with. I was able to get girls in college, but I don't know if this would count. I can easily meet women at work and there's the thinking that the best way to meet someone is through work. The problem is that the last couple relationships haven't ended so well and it's awkward seeing them around the job. I would like to meet someone outside of work, but I find if difficult approaching someone when it's outside of my comfort zone. I don't know if I have the mindset or the personality to approach someone. What would be the best way to approach someone when you're a little on the shy side? Any help I can get would be great.
What I marked bold is BULLSHIT. Part of the lies you've been hearing since childhood. That kind of mindset will make you an AFC. I've been there not that long ago, I know what it's like!

I have as a current policy not to mess with co-workers. I had a relationship with a colleague that did not end well at all, so sarging at work is off-limits for me until I'm comfortable with it again. Maybe you should do the same.

So, you're presenting your solution within your own question.

I'm working on my own shyness too, but AFAIK, the least you think when doing certain things, the better. Just be inconsequential when you're talking to people you don't know yet.

And don't focus just on girls yet, try starting conversations with guys too, it also helps your inner game.
Author:  Exception [ Thu Aug 16, 2007 1:01 am ]
Post subject: 
What I meant to say is that there's the common thought that the best way to meet people is through your job. I definetely don't think that way anymore, especially after my past couple of attempts.
Author:  Magnus [ Thu Aug 16, 2007 1:46 am ]
Post subject: 
NO NO NO NO NO!!! No sarging at work! Absolutely not!!!
Author:  EvoJ [ Thu Aug 16, 2007 1:58 pm ]
Post subject: 
What you are talking about is Where to go and how to get over your initial shyness.

As per where to go to look for women, that is easy. The mall, coffee shops, the local university campus, clubs, bars, parks, bowling alleys, golf courses, mini-golf courses, Ren-fairs, Music festivals, Job-fairs, Fairs in general, "The Strip", Hell even skating rinks (Ice or roller), Female Derby Girl games, and last but not least... Shopping complexes.


As for your second question:

That initial shyness is called Approach Anxiety or "AA". Do a quick search for XFman's blog and you should find some very nice stuff about Approach Anxiety on there. There are some tried and true ways to help Reduce AA but in the end it will be just reduced until you ignore it out of habit.

Best of luck and Welcome to the community.

EvoJ
Author:  duck [ Thu Aug 16, 2007 2:01 pm ]
Post subject: 
Don't forget libraries and bookstores.
Author:  Starbuck [ Fri Aug 17, 2007 3:25 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Trouble meeting women outside of work
Quote:
I would like your opinion on how I can snap out of my funk. I've never dated anyone that I haven't worked with or someone that I haven't been set up with. I was able to get girls in college, but I don't know if this would count. I can easily meet women at work and there's the thinking that the best way to meet someone is through work. The problem is that the last couple relationships haven't ended so well and it's awkward seeing them around the job. I would like to meet someone outside of work, but I find if difficult approaching someone when it's outside of my comfort zone. I don't know if I have the mindset or the personality to approach someone. What would be the best way to approach someone when you're a little on the shy side? Any help I can get would be great.
Put an add in the personals of you local newspaper, online, etc....

You can meet a lot of successful women this way. That don't come with the stigma of a inner workplace romance and the potential pitfalls.

Another benefit to this approach is it's warm. In other words you both know you're looking for somebody or something. So the anxiety of showing interest in a complete stranger is lessened.

Sure you'll probably meet a few duds. And you'll probably meet a few women who'll think you're a dud. But it can be a great way to meet quality women who are having just as much trouble meeting quality people outside of the workplace as you are.

Tailor your greeting for what you want. Be creative.
Author:  soverytrue [ Thu Mar 01, 2012 3:14 pm ]
Post subject:  why are women so hard too meet?
women have become so nasty today, and have a very bad attitude problem that i have noticed. why is this? i am a good straight, average, good looking, down to earth man, that is hoping too meet the right woman today. but it is very hard because of the way women have changed now. cannot blame myself, since women are the one that are at fault. many of the women out there now, need to read a book on how to talk too men better, and this may very well make them a lot more educated. women years ago, were certainly much more educated which made it a lot easier meeting them back then. then again, many were raised by good parents and that helped a lot. now with so much more nasty women today, it will be much more harder meeting a good decent woman for me. there are a lot more women now that are lesbians, and that will certainly add to the problem as well.
Author:  bingbangbong [ Mon Mar 05, 2012 2:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Trouble meeting women outside of work
Quote:
I would like your opinion on how I can snap out of my funk. I've never dated anyone that I haven't worked with or someone that I haven't been set up with. I was able to get girls in college, but I don't know if this would count. I can easily meet women at work and there's the thinking that the best way to meet someone is through work. The problem is that the last couple relationships haven't ended so well and it's awkward seeing them around the job. I would like to meet someone outside of work, but I find if difficult approaching someone when it's outside of my comfort zone. I don't know if I have the mindset or the personality to approach someone. What would be the best way to approach someone when you're a little on the shy side? Any help I can get would be great.
I understand your situation. At work you really get to know who you are with so maybe you have what it takes to attract women but you need to figure out how to showcase those traits earlier. I know how it is to work with that fear of being shy... it is a challenge. Take the challenge and win. There are plenty of people like Donald Trump who have the opposite problem and are complete narcissists who are more confident than they should be. You are probably just too hard on yourself in your head....don't over think things and just go out and have fun! Good luck to ya.
Author:  Monsignor Crisanto [ Mon Mar 05, 2012 4:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Trouble meeting women outside of work
Quote:
...I find if difficult approaching someone when it's outside of my comfort zone. I don't know if I have the mindset or the personality to approach someone. What would be the best way to approach someone when you're a little on the shy side? Any help I can get would be great.
I think you are confident in your comfort zone because you're good at something work-related. However, your unfortunate experiences in dating women at work seem to be affecting your confidence.

At any rate, failure and rejection can and do affect your comfort zones. The best approach I think is to aim small and do it many times in a day.

For instance, when you're at a McDonald's counter and the female service crew is about to say those canned, "What's your drink sir? or "Would you like to add an apple pie [to your order], sir?"

You can say something like, "I want a vodka with some pineapple on it," or "I want an apple barbecue with sweet and sour sauce," or "Those apple pies, do they have worms in it?".

If she says, "Of course, not. Our apple pies are blah, blah, blah."

You can answer back with, "Oh, I want an apple pie with worms in it. I'll go fishing after breakfast."

The key is to write down all of the non-workplace women you meet everyday, write down what they say to you by default or by routine, think up of a fresh answer to those questions, practice saying those to yourself many times, and then say your freshly made up answer to the non-workplace women you meet everyday.

For starters, keep your answers short and say these with a very serious look (this is VERY important) on your face.

If you get a smile in 2 out of 10 interactions, forget the 8 failures and remember the 2 smiles. Next, go to another McDonald's store or place you don't go to everyday and say the routine that you've made in reply to the routine that the female service crew says.

When you get 10 smiles out of 10, then it's time to move up to the next goal. Oh, get one of those free David DeAngelo ebooks if you still don't have one.
Author:  PUAmoviemaker [ Mon Mar 05, 2012 5:20 pm ]
Post subject:  good luck
good luck to you
Author:  Fan [ Mon Mar 05, 2012 5:47 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hello.

I have one question for you. How much books about PUA have you read?


You have problems, because you don't enough learn about communication. You don't have knowledge that if you start pick up you will have excusy. But if you really want become a good Player and have a great fun from Pick Up you should open girls even if you are frightened. As you approach you broaden your comfort zone!
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