Welcome to the forums mate!
And fuck it, change all those "I am going"s to "I am"s!
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| New city, new start https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=27343 |
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| Author: | DAL [ Fri Aug 29, 2008 1:24 am ] |
| Post subject: | New city, new start |
I can't talk for long as I need to be somewhere tonight, but I'm getting tired of putting this post off. I made the title of this thread yesterday, and looking at it now... it disturbs me. I had the same type of thinking when I entered college as an undergrad. I was a nerd in high school, but here I could get a new start, a new identity, and a new way of life. It didn't quite happen. Don't get me wrong, there were some benefits to going. I found a job I loved (writing tutor), started learning the basics of working out, and taking care of myself better. I even got into two relationships, the second of which I lost my virginity to. I was never really happy with how either relationship ended. Both girls had to approach me to break it off (I never wanted to), but they always left the decision to break up in my hands (and I always did, because I would feel like a dick if I didn't). I pride myself on the unrepentant nice guy in those relationships, but I know I could have conducted myself with more confidence and force in them as well. College was far from a nightmare for me, but have to admit, there were more days where I said, "fuck it all" rather than "seize the day." Too many days. I always felt the need to be "the funny guy" or the guy with a story to tell (which would sometimes be made up on the spot just so I could relate to the person) to give myself some social value. I was always afraid people would see me as a fake (which has many meanings here, personality, job, tastes, overall social value, etc.), and I continue the cycle of pretending to be someone I wasn't to fit the situation. I'm a social cameoleon, and I always feel a bit incomplete and anxious because of it. I'm in a new city now. I'm a grad student in Indianapolis. I'm living a good life. I have a nice studio apartment with a gym and plenty of other nice additions, a better body from getting personal training in the summer, and yeah, slightly better confidence. I've been reading up on PUA philosophy, and one of my proudest moments during the summer was getting a girl's number at my 4th of July party. You all would have been proud. I pulled similar PUA techniques about a year ago when I was in a "seize the day" phase in my old college, and it was one of the top ten experiences of my life. I'll talk more about it later for a case study in the field report section. But all the reading I've done has just made me more aware of how safe I'm playing with my social life. I do strike a lot of conversations with people. There are conversations with women I have on buses, and I don't take the extra step when I see they're interested. I'm starting to lie again about people I met who don't exist just to be interesting. In general, I'm ejecting myself out of conversations with women and guys far too much. Moving to a new city has made me more daring and more self-conscious at the same time. Everyone here seems to have goals, so here are mine. I want to be something I can look at in the mirror and be proud of. I want to be a real person. I want to be an alpha dog in social situations, without turning into someone I would've hated in high school. I want to get out of my life of being a wacky, lonely guy. You know what? Fuck it. Change all those "I want"s to "I am going"s. I will read the advice here, but I'll do it too. It will be hard for me, but I have nothing left to lose. |
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| Author: | Stetson [ Fri Aug 29, 2008 3:37 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Welcome to the forums mate! And fuck it, change all those "I am going"s to "I am"s! |
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| Author: | DAL [ Sun Aug 31, 2008 2:50 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
I've started working out regularly again, and I'm even starting to do more small chats with people on the streets. Small progress, but I"m feeling good regardless. |
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