Hey everyone. My name is Alex, and I was wondering if I could get some advice about approaching girls. I figure I might as well give some background about myself so you can better understand my situation. This will probably be a long post, so please bear with me if you're willing to help out, thanks.
So about me...I'm a young guy - 18 years old and in college. I've been doing pretty well the last few months and have been getting better, but I used to be a real mess. My childhood wasn't pleasant. I was extremely shy, overweight, and awkward as a kid, and because if it I got bullied and beaten up through the years. Then when I was 15 or so, I decided that enough was enough and started to change myself. I began working out, and soon enough lost all my weight and actually became pretty athletic. My physical issues were over, but I still had a bad rep in high school and was shunned by my peers. Last year, I had a fresh start in college. I got off to a rocky start since I was still in a stage of depression from the end of my senior year of high school, but through the winter and into the spring I improved a lot.
While I used to be a social hermit, now I've really got a lot going for me. I row for my school's crew team (which keeps me in very good shape), I've been playing guitar/singing/writing songs for the past few years, I'm intelligent, both at school and wit and common sense, and with my wit I can be very funny also. Not to mention, I'm an attractive guy also, both face and body. I'm not worried at all about my person. I've done a hell of a lot for myself so I think I deserve to say that I really have a lot to offer. What I don't know is how to show it. Despite all this, I've never had a girlfriend or really been on a date with a girl I liked (there are one or two things you can call dates but the girl asked me out in those cases and I just went to have fun...didn't have much interest in the girls in the end). Fact is, no girl has never said yes to my asking her out. I've gotten a few numbers over the past few months but none have called me back.
You've probably guessed it, but the reason my numbers are so low is that I don't approach many girls. I've maybe made 5 "cold" daytime approaches...most of them had boyfriends and one right out told me to get lost when I said hi. Whatever numbers I got were from girls I met at parties or shared a mutual friend with me who hooked us up.
I haven't been doing this for too long - maybe a few months. Before that, when I would ask my mom for advice, she'd just tell me "be yourself and girls will approach you. you're very handsome, you should be getting a lot of them coming to you. You're too shy to approach them." My mom is great and all, but that was crap advice. I realized a few months ago that if I want to go out with a girl, I've gotta be a man and take initiative. It was a good change in thinking, but I admit, I was a wuss about it. I had so many opportunities that I let slide by at my state university. Now I'm sitting at home over summer and in contact with so few girls. For the past two weeks, I've been going to the local mall when I'm not working just to get out of the house and expose myself to girls. I've approached a few and had conversations with them, but I haven't gone in for a number or anything yet.
So, I'd like to ask a few questions whose answers might help out a lot. First, a big question of mine - do girls my age (18-20) want to be approached? Many times I get the impression that they don't want to meet boys and just want to be with their girl friends, even when they go to parties. Some have even directly told me that. I also get the impression that very few guys my age approach random girls. Many of them have large social networks so they are able to be introduced to girls in other ways. I, on the other hand, don't have such an extensive social network.
Second, are there any better public places I can go to during the day to approach girls? The beach is the only other place I can think of (it's an hour's drive for me). I just find a lot of the girls at the mall to not be so appealing...a lot of them are younger too.
Third, so girls seldom give signals before the guy approaches? I'm trying to break myself of this, but usually I won't approach a girl unless she's made eye contact with me for several seconds. If she doesn't see me or look too long, I tell myself "ahhh, she's not interested." just to make an excuse not to approach. If I do manage to approach and start a conversation with her, again, I'll take short answers or not asking me questions signs of disinterest and end the conversation early. I feel like I need to be more assertive here.
And fourth...this might seem a bit shallow but please understand where I'm coming from. I hear from a lot of guys that looks don't matter so much for guys, and I believe that, but I've also heard that looks can make things easier. As I said, I've had a lot of obstacles and disadvantages thrown at me in the past that I've overcome, so personally, I think I deserve to use an advantage that I have. For a guy like me who's attractive (if you want to judge yourself I can post a pic or two), how can I use looks to help me? If I just get the balls to approach any girl I see, will they be more open to me because of my looks or will it be just as hard?
Well, there are a few questions. If I can think of any more I'll ask. Thanks for reading, I appreciate it.