Hello Respected PUAs and forum members. I would like to introduce myself, and share with you
guys my life story. It may feel little depressing, but then again if I was already killing it, I wouldn’t
be here, introducing myself
I am 23 years old, a virgin and have never even kissed a girl. Not exactly a nerd or geek, not
bad looking guy either....just an introvert with some serious shame and low self esteem issues
in the past.
I originally hail from India and from a shame bound family (as explained by John Bradshaw in his
book). I didn’t have lot of friends in my high school and early college years, and girls were
like completely foreign to me. Most of the stuff that I used to do was subconsciously to attract
women, but when I did get their attention, I felt ashamed that I did that just to get a girl to
notice me and the fact that I wanted her. Most of the time I would cover my shamed affection
needs by acting cool and never tried to have a conversation with a women. I had accepted the
fact that only a few lucky guys are the ones who can talk with women, get girlfriends and find
love in their life.
One day, about 2.5 years ago, I came across "Without Embarrassment" by Michael R. Pilinski.
This book opened my eyes to the serious issues that I had been living with but was never actually
aware of it. I finally came to understand that it was okay to be attracted to women and there not
only a few chosen ones good with women, I can be like them too. After this, my fight with the
previous ‘me’ began. I started to try to talk to people in my class, making some fine friends in
the process. I even managed to go out with a girl in my class once, what a day it was…... I
initially felt ashamed to even express myself. And the first time I actually told a girl I like her,
almost got fever from the adrenaline rush. She rejected me that’s a different story
But I knew unless I start getting comfortable in expressing myself I am not going to get anywhere so I
kept trying……
Last year I moved to Canada and since this was the time that I was actually away from my family,
I took upon the tedious task of Healing the Shame that bound me and yes......it wasn't an easy
journey to carry on......but if I were to compare the person I was before and now, everyday is
brighter and full of possibilities. I am much more comfortable connecting and opening myself to
others and becoming one of the popular guys in uni who know and talk to everybody. I talk to girls
at Bus Stops, coffee shops, subways etc. In my contacts list number of girls went from 6 to
maybe around 40 in last 4-5 months.
The fact that I am still a virgin doesn't bothers me that much, because I know I am on a path to
become successful and fulfilled as a man. Plus, I can't change my reality by worrying about it,
it will only change if I work hard for it. May be slow, but it will change, that much I know.
I am getting better with introducing sexual vibe and working kino escalation into the conversation.
Still not able to pick any girl in a club, but getting much better at day game and getting number
closes.
But there are days when I just feel like crap and so much ashamed I don’t even want to text anyone,
let alone call…..its more like “shame spikes”. The strange thing is this happens when things are
actually starting to look up and getting better. May be the reason is that I become really afraid
I might lose this happy stage soon, and the shame spike happens and leaves me feeling like crap
for rest of the day.
I would like to know if there are people here who have suffered from similar issues as mine, and
the ways how did they fight them off. If someone used to have 'shame spikes' too, please let me
know how did you solve that problem.
Cheers
