Hi,
I could have continued to lurk, but I'm sort of curious if this type of community will accept me, take me serious.. but I honestly don't care if it went the other way. I am 90% of the time fearless with my identity and personality. That includes with girls. And now seemingly with guys in relating to women.
I am a 29 yr old non-transition transgender. I'll make it as basic as I can. Born male --> Know I'm female inside --> Don't take hormones, or do any surgery. (yet?) I'm too undecided. I'm a happy person, a good writer with an "unease" that I am considered male. In love with an older woman who accepts me. She knows and accepts me, knows I'm polyamorous and encourages me to connect with other women - for no strings or for deeper connecting. Whichever is natural.
I am highly involved in Online Dating as a platform to connect with other women. This is because it is really, almost impossible to open a girl in a real world scenario and convey the person I am, so that in a few days time they aren't totally confused by the revelation. I like being honest, and still being attractive to women after they know.
my history
At 17 I finally got the courage to start talking to women. I didn't realize at the time but I have a lot of natural game for hot women and I can make all girls with flirtatiousness laugh and feel comfortable.
If I just "was myself" in person I could be engaged by HB8+ all the time. That's how it used to be. I'm perceived as introverted, and when a girl would talk to me they would get the extroverted gemini funny "guy" because their interest ignited that side of me and flirting was amazing. It would lead to sex, and dating occasionally. By 22 I just felt like a fraud. This 'natural' persona they responded to was not me. Not the real me. I began telling girls I was dating I had "feminine feelings". They thought it only meant crossdressing. And I discovered through the internet about transgender identity, and the anxiety it produces. It was like a lightning bolt.
I am not openly trans to my world, only to very select friends and my parents. I am however totally transparent online.
my goal?
Work on pyschologically framing my connections with intense passion. Find a way for my identity/lifestyle to appeal to HB8-10's. So far since my identity crisis was solved and my writer lifestyle kicked in I have retreated to be online and have never progressed with women above 7. And often I get the most attention from troubled 5-8's who are tired of horrible men or sexual women with "little extra". I personally don't mind variety of women but I want the feeling of attracting 9's too!
Since I was 27 I fully accepted my inner self and also began my curious exploration of PUA and attracting women. It helped me get back a lot of my natural ways I would build attraction. My conflicted mind had totally destroyed a lot of it over the years.
I have some things to focus on. Text game, phone game. Weeding out every single negative thing I might do or say, because I need every single interaction going for me. Once in person I can usually always increase any attraction just with sexual tension. Using my voice, my seductive language. Being a writer helps that.'
/Longwinded way of saying "Hi, this is me"