| PUA Forum https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/ |
|
| Hey guys, I'm 29 and just had my first first date https://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=149327 |
Page 1 of 1 |
| Author: | boltzman [ Sun Oct 28, 2012 8:29 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Hey guys, I'm 29 and just had my first first date |
Hello guys, this is my introduction to the forum. I'm 29 years old, an average looking guy, and always had difficulties talking to girls. I've been aware of the PUA community for several years, and recently decided to open the doors to this world. My life story in a nut shell; at the age of 18, I had a two year long relationship, but never really got over it. I started to devote my life to my work for the next 10 years. Here I am now: a decent job, but a social mess when it comes to girls. Recently, I got the number of a girl for the first time in my life, and went on a first date, but it was mostly - drunk - luck. I will post the story in full detail. One of the main obstacles I'm facing at the moment is motivation. It's easy for me to loose myself in my job. Also, when I go out, I always go out with the same guy-friends. We always go to the same bars, have the same beers, and get very drunk. They are good guys, but I want to change something. |
|
| Author: | Mr. Marville [ Mon Oct 29, 2012 2:18 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Okay so, you love your work. Good! It means you spend most of your time onto something that you feel at home in. Which is a big plus because that means that most of the day you can focus on something other than the girl once you meet her. Else you will overfeed her with attention, or worry too much in case things go wrong. The work will distract you. Work that you like is always a good "cooldown." It means you have a life other than the girl, and the girl will ultimately want that. Because guy + work = provision. Alright, so, first thing. Don't get drunk. I for instance never drink. Not even when I'm with a girl. So, girl said during the date: "You don't drink?" I said: "It is true." She said: "Wow, what do people think of that?" I said: "Well, it's harder for instance when being on a date. Because it's common knowledge among men that when you and your girl have some drinks, things go easier. But then if you don't drink, the girl is not inclined to drink either." She said: "You are right." She felt it was smart and courageous of me to say that, plus she no longer felt inhibited to order drinks for herself. But if you get drunk, you lose sharpness plus sexual performance. Try to do new things. For instance, pick up some new hobbies, always a good way to meet new people. Not always more of the same. Make new friends. For example throw a birthday party and ask some people that you normally wouldn't consider close enough for such an event. They will feel honoured and will come, and if they decline then you showed your best side. Expand your connections. This is a slow process and will take about half a year, unless you move to a completely new city and make new friends and colleagues there. |
|
| Author: | boltzman [ Mon Oct 29, 2012 6:16 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Thanks for your response Mr. Marville. I did not think about my work in that way before. During my date, I talked to the girl about my work, and I felt it was the one thing I could tell very spontaneous and excited about. I don't think she completely understood what I did, but I noticed she started to feel more comfortable. Ok, so I decided not to drink any more. There will be some resistance from my friends, as it does not fit our "culture", but I will try to be alpha about it. Also, as I want to approach more girls in the coming time, I realize I have to work on my inner game. It is easier to be confident when drunk... |
|
| Author: | Mr. Marville [ Tue Oct 30, 2012 12:49 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
First of all, if you need to drink to feel sufficiently confident, you have a problem of a more serious nature than just feeling anxious to open up chat with a random girl. Don't try to be alpha about it. "alpha" is what somebody came up with who actually believes in pick-up theory. Pick up theory assumes consistency in women, which there is not. Instead, you have to be resolute about your decision not to drink. Thing is that whether you have what it takes to be resolute or not is a thing that stands and falls with character. And character can't be built from reading theories. This is something that you either possess, or do not possess, and if you possessed it, you would have been achieving your goals already rather than fantasizing and reading about them. This is the truth, and makes it understandable that any self-help book, including books on pick up theory, are lies. Because people can read about all sorts of tips and tricks but if it's not in their characters to persevere on the roads they choose for themselves, no amount of cognitive processes can help them. Once, a friend sent me a blog about his trip to Rome. I read it. Then another friend invited me to go watch a documentary about the history of Italian maffia. Did that too. Then I moved to work for the European Parliament. I heard the voice of some girl. So I thought: "New girl in the house? Let me check that out!" So I ran all the way downstairs and into the street until I caught up with that girl and another guy who lives in the house. So I said: "We're going out for shopping right?" so I basically started talking to that girl and turned out she was from Cicily and just new in the house, etc. etc. So then she said: "You know, my motto, is from a Canto of Dante's Inferno. Man was not made to live like a brute, but to elevate himself through culture." I said: "Cute. But anyone who has been once to Italy can tell you that, since this is one of the motto's on the Roman library." (I knew this since I read it in the blog of my friend 2 years prior). She was amazed, however she was also reading a book. She said: "You probably don't know about this, but it's interesting, have you heard of the judge Falcone?" I said: "Yes of course! He was the only one trying to fight the maffia. Because he was so well-guarded, the maffia eventually saw the only way to get to him was to blow up the very road his car passed over." (I knew this from the documentary I watched with my friend a year earlier) She said: "OMG! How do you know all of this?" I said: "Hmm, I just know things." Then we went out and she asked me if I never drank in my life, and if I never wondered how it would be to drink. Then I said: "I never wonder about that. Instead, I wonder things about Dante." She was blown away. Then again, if I were a drinker all those of my braincells would probably have been destroyed already and I wouldn't have been able to remember all of these facts. Food for thought. |
|
| Author: | boltzman [ Wed Oct 31, 2012 12:04 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Well, I don't need to drink to feel confident. It just helps to feel more relaxed and to not care to much. I'm not the most confident guy, and someone - anyone - can say something small which puts me right off. However, if I'm relaxed, I feel much more confident, and much more talkative. I never really linked drinking to not getting a girl. A lot of times, it seems drunk people hook up much faster. Anyway, I'm committed to my cause, and didn't drink when going out tonight. Ok, your insight in self-help books and pick-up theory were an eye-opener. I thought about it quit a while today, and I have to agree. It's easy to ready about what you want, but it's something completely different to actually go for it. It's easy to follow the path of least resistance, but so much more rewarding to challenge yourself. In my work, I can show a lot of character to push through, so I'm sure I can find the same character to meet new women. Although you state pick-up theory are all lies, I hope to find some hints and tips on these fora to help me travel on these roads, on which I've never been before. Great story about the Sicilian girl. When there would be a new girl in my house, my first reaction wouldn't be to try to approach her right away (let alone run into the street!). I admire your confidence, but not a lot of people have the same attitude. However, if I had a very good day at work, I would be able to do the same. In general, I'm a positive guy, but bother too much about what other people are thinking / will think about me. I keep reading in these fora you should desensitize to talking to people, so I'm gonna try to socialize with new people as much as possible this weekend. And for that, I need my character ... |
|
| Author: | Mr. Marville [ Wed Oct 31, 2012 10:13 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Great! This reply merries further comment yet I am currently at E.P. and have a date coming up with Alexa in 2 hours so yeah. I could write a lot but for now just stick to this: Build character and push through. Cling to your plans regardless of how well they fall with random people and their whimsical impressions. |
|
| Author: | Magius [ Wed Oct 31, 2012 1:48 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Alcohol is only going to help you in a certain way, the only thing that is going to help you get over the fear of talking to women and approaching them is by doing it and thats the hardest part i know. The thing you should start doing is just stop caring and over thinking about everything. I had that problem before, you say: "if I'm relaxed, I feel much more confident, and much more talkative" then you are in the state of talking to women, but one thing and you would be taken off that state. Drunk people do not hook up faster, drunk people are more physical and kino escalating they do not care about the situation but just dive straight in and thats the way to think. Well the best way to get girls is to have confidence, if you do not have confidence in what you say and do it is going to be hard. Even though you have the best pickup lines in the world. You just have to start really giving it your all in this. PUA does not match for everyone, some people like to have the way laid out. Some people like to be creative and do things as it goes. There are no magic pill, so if you do think its going to change your life right away without work you can just give up now. Just give it a real try and it will work for you. The motivation will come one day, especially when you start getting good at it. |
|
| Author: | Mr. Marville [ Fri Nov 02, 2012 6:42 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Here is my log, I'm sure it will contain useful knowledge that will further your cause: to-live-epically-vt149144.html?highlight= Feel free to let me know what you think. |
|
| Page 1 of 1 | All times are UTC |
| Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group http://www.phpbb.com/ |
|