you seem like you might want to check out a counselor or something, you might have some more deep seeded issues and resentment going on,

almost all of this post sort of seems to be comming from a very negative place, there is a lack of true expression towards these women and alot of negative assumptions,

people are only able to manipulate you as far as you allow them to, you are the master of yourself

you don't have these people in your life because you are needy, and when you can't get something of value from someone, you de-tach, this is fairly anti-social and emotionally reactive behavior, it is damn selfish

you also say women you have liked are assholes to you, same thing as the manipulation, people will only treat you how you allow yourself to be treated, they say that interactions with others merely give you a reflection of yourself, almost any girl, even with absolutely 0 sexual interest can be gotten along with (although obviously there are just some naturally mean spirited people, and people with mental problems, you don't have to surround yourself with these people that are negative all the time)

does a random forum think you should go out and give pickup a try?, that's really a question you have to answer for yourself, but you might want to fix yourself first and learn to love yourself before you go out and try to love someone else, all the techniques won't help you when you are in a needy, depressed, lonely state of mind and you feel like you have low worth, you have to see past this hatred

really you can tell the world what you want, but you can not lie to yourself and you know how you feel, there are ways to feel better and make a positive change, but it isn't easy and will take alot of hard work

I get the sense you are very judgemental and critical of people, and women especially, if a girl is not good looking to you she is a write off and you would never be caught dead even talking to a girl you didn't find physically attractive, girls absolutely know when you are inexperienced and needy, they can tell, you can sense the lack of confidence, the inability for someone to express what they are thinking, there is a constant incongruence in what they are doing, and neediness is a turn off to anyone, male or female, a lack of generosity and compassion for others, always looking for something better, something to make you feel complete, even when you get something that you wanted it is never enough, never satisfied always looking for more, having an idea of what someone is like and forming an opinion is fine, everyone naturally does this, but if you can't keep an open mind and allow yourself to see as they are and let them change your opinion, and be forgiving as well as open, then you are blinding yourself

happiness is simply a state of mind, you can be happy, just because you choose to be, it will never come as the result of getting anything, sure you might get a temporary rush from accomplishing a goal, a flood of dopeamine in your brain from reaching a new height, but it dissipates and eventually the feeling is gone

people are attracted to an abundance, when someone has it all, it is attractive, when someone has nothing it is repulsive, demonstrating to others behavior that shows you have nothing will repulse them, because naturally, most people are needy and don't have an abundance, but they want that abundance, so they are drawn to those that demonstrate that abundance

you are very caught up in the past, and worried about the future, there is alot of clouding going on from this need, you are holding on to the negatives, there is no forgiveness

so what if some girl sleeps with a guy she likes, so what if you think he is a jerk, obviously she really likes him, or she would not spread for him, why does this even matter to you? are you attached to this girl in some way? does she owe you something? you don't need anything from her and there are other girls everywhere

some lady gave you her number and you rejected her because of something that was outside of her control, you are a 31 year old virgin, how will you ever get experience if you can't walk into something new with an open mind?

all these rationalizations of all these women either hating you or wanting to use you, you are not a victim here, and if you act like one, eventually you will be treated like one and a self fulfilling prophecy comes to life, you could be spending your effort solving your problems, instead of avoiding them, avoiding those negative feelings, even though you control how you feel, and those feelings are your own, it's really interesting but you can actually change how you feel about something, simply because you look at it from a different angle, if you are always focused on the negative, you will always feel negative

you take a girl on a date you willingly pay, you don't make a move, you don't get laid, then assume she is trying to use you?, why not just work your way around this and try to solve the problem, instead of being so negative?, stop paying and start making moves? why must you dis-connect from everyone as if they are trying to hurt you, no one is out to get you, it is all in your mind, everything is so clouded through a judgemental and negative mind frame, that girl even told you she wanted to see you again and make out with you, this is more then you will get from most girls, most girls sit on their asses and expect you to do all the work, and from what I gather, you are acting like a girl and when these girls finally do step up, you push them away cause of your own insecure negative thoughts

all these negative fears and rationalizations seem to be linked to anxiety in some way (just my own guess), it all stems around escalation, women can't want sex! they must just be using me, how many girls have you even tried to kiss in your life without needing the girl to do it for you, without needing the girl to say ''yes kiss me!'', how many times have you walked into the unknown and been ok with just seeing what happens without knowning what will happen? how many times have you only been willing to do something for someone only because you will get something in return? why is it such a problem that girls want something of value for no cost, just like you seem to want something of value for no cost?

have you ever stopped to think that just maybe, girls are frightened to death of sleeping with someone who doesn't truly care about them but just wants them for sex like some sort of meat dumpster to jack off into without hands, maybe they get something from guys they feel are just being their true selves and expressing their negative sides as well as their positive sides, at least with these guys they know that when the guy says he cares, he probably means it and it is congruent, because he is brutally honest and congruent with everything else he does, have you ever thought that just maybe girls want to feel loved and want you to kiss them and give them a real effort and perservere even when they put challenges in front of you, just so they are sure you actually want them for them and find them special instead of just want to have sex and if it isn't easy for you just cut them off and get mad, doing so just shows them how little they matter to you, and that is the thing, you can say anything, but they don't care what you say, they care about what you show them, everything you do shows them what kind of person you are

forgive everyone, forgive your old friends, forgive your old enemies, and most of all forgive yourself, it is ok, you are not hated, you don't have to let others treat you poorly, you don't have to respect those that dis-respect you, but at least try to understand them and offer forgiveness, if you can't forgive them, you will not be able to move on from these terrible emotions, you are carrying a heavey weight and you might want to talk to someone about it

you say there are a lot of hot girls at your work and no matter how friendly you are with them, they never seem to get the hint, no, they get the hint, they are not stupid, they know what you are wanting and they don't think you are friendly, there is just something you want from them, and they realize this, they can sense the little comformities in your actions towards them, the way you judge, the negativity, the vibe, everything shines through always, the way you are truly feeling and what you are thinking, shines through like a bright light, and if the window does not offer a clear vision of the light, you can sense it, it is incongruent

they get that same feeling from you, as you get from those girls trying to ''use'' you, there is an incongruence going on and they don't feel you are being yourself, you are trying to manipulate them into something that they should just want intrinsically

fix the inside, before you put effort into the outside, when you are ready then it will be time to get to work, and it will be a hell of alot of hard work and improvement and could take you your whole life, making yourself vunrable and being ok with the unknown is not an easy thing, but it certainly is rewarding

giving to others and expecting nothing in return, is one of the best gifts you can give yourself

Hey man! From reading your post i got a whole list of issues where you seem to limit yourself to the situation you are in today. Ok 31 and virgin, im sure ur not the only one, but it sure is unusual.

Regardless, if i were you i wouldnt give up on a damn thing, i mean damn, your just 31 no? First of all, let me tell you something straight up: Nice guys DO NOT GET LAID! Period. You might catch the occasional pussy every once in a while but nothing to brag about so to speak.

Secondly, you seem to have a bit of a twisted view on women who make any advanced towards you like the MILF you were talking about. She probably didnt want to have anyone "replacing daddy" but indeed someone to make her feel good. What is wrong with that? Im sure she would have returned the favor and not kicked you out after you'd make her cum right? Also, you are 31, you cant expect to have your virginity taken by a 17 year old anymore so divorced women with children might become more common. Bit of a weird example maybe but you do digg my flow hopefully.

Third, final and most important point: What is up with your self confidence? If women are coming on to you that tells me that you don't exactly look like the hunchback of notredame so you have that covered. You need to work on your self confidence and your inner game to be able to attract women. The moment you give a woman what she wants is exactly the moment you stop being of interest to her.

I've overdone it with this post already but just on a final note: Friendly guys are "pals" not lovers, you need to be a challenge to a woman because that stimulates them, just like cats, while they have something to chase they go crazy. When the toy stops moving, the cat loses interest.

Read some books, read The Game by Neil Strauss, and some other material on PUA to get a basic sense of what it is that transformed some of us other PUAs on the forum. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, instead work towards self-improvement. Change your style, dress sharp, all these things have the ability to boost your ego to the point where you stop being the nice guy and start being the seducer.

you seem like you might want to check out a counselor or something, you might have some more deep seeded issues and resentment going on,

almost all of this post sort of seems to be comming from a very negative place, there is a lack of true expression towards these women and alot of negative assumptions,

people are only able to manipulate you as far as you allow them to, you are the master of yourself

you don't have these people in your life because you are needy, and when you can't get something of value from someone, you de-tach, this is fairly anti-social and emotionally reactive behavior, it is damn selfish

you also say women you have liked are assholes to you, same thing as the manipulation, people will only treat you how you allow yourself to be treated, they say that interactions with others merely give you a reflection of yourself, almost any girl, even with absolutely 0 sexual interest can be gotten along with (although obviously there are just some naturally mean spirited people, and people with mental problems, you don't have to surround yourself with these people that are negative all the time)

does a random forum think you should go out and give pickup a try?, that's really a question you have to answer for yourself, but you might want to fix yourself first and learn to love yourself before you go out and try to love someone else, all the techniques won't help you when you are in a needy, depressed, lonely state of mind and you feel like you have low worth, you have to see past this hatred

really you can tell the world what you want, but you can not lie to yourself and you know how you feel, there are ways to feel better and make a positive change, but it isn't easy and will take alot of hard work

I get the sense you are very judgemental and critical of people, and women especially, if a girl is not good looking to you she is a write off and you would never be caught dead even talking to a girl you didn't find physically attractive, girls absolutely know when you are inexperienced and needy, they can tell, you can sense the lack of confidence, the inability for someone to express what they are thinking, there is a constant incongruence in what they are doing, and neediness is a turn off to anyone, male or female, a lack of generosity and compassion for others, always looking for something better, something to make you feel complete, even when you get something that you wanted it is never enough, never satisfied always looking for more, having an idea of what someone is like and forming an opinion is fine, everyone naturally does this, but if you can't keep an open mind and allow yourself to see as they are and let them change your opinion, and be forgiving as well as open, then you are blinding yourself

happiness is simply a state of mind, you can be happy, just because you choose to be, it will never come as the result of getting anything, sure you might get a temporary rush from accomplishing a goal, a flood of dopeamine in your brain from reaching a new height, but it dissipates and eventually the feeling is gone

people are attracted to an abundance, when someone has it all, it is attractive, when someone has nothing it is repulsive, demonstrating to others behavior that shows you have nothing will repulse them, because naturally, most people are needy and don't have an abundance, but they want that abundance, so they are drawn to those that demonstrate that abundance

you are very caught up in the past, and worried about the future, there is alot of clouding going on from this need, you are holding on to the negatives, there is no forgiveness

so what if some girl sleeps with a guy she likes, so what if you think he is a jerk, obviously she really likes him, or she would not spread for him, why does this even matter to you? are you attached to this girl in some way? does she owe you something? you don't need anything from her and there are other girls everywhere

some lady gave you her number and you rejected her because of something that was outside of her control, you are a 31 year old virgin, how will you ever get experience if you can't walk into something new with an open mind?

all these rationalizations of all these women either hating you or wanting to use you, you are not a victim here, and if you act like one, eventually you will be treated like one and a self fulfilling prophecy comes to life, you could be spending your effort solving your problems, instead of avoiding them, avoiding those negative feelings, even though you control how you feel, and those feelings are your own, it's really interesting but you can actually change how you feel about something, simply because you look at it from a different angle, if you are always focused on the negative, you will always feel negative

you take a girl on a date you willingly pay, you don't make a move, you don't get laid, then assume she is trying to use you?, why not just work your way around this and try to solve the problem, instead of being so negative?, stop paying and start making moves? why must you dis-connect from everyone as if they are trying to hurt you, no one is out to get you, it is all in your mind, everything is so clouded through a judgemental and negative mind frame, that girl even told you she wanted to see you again and make out with you, this is more then you will get from most girls, most girls sit on their asses and expect you to do all the work, and from what I gather, you are acting like a girl and when these girls finally do step up, you push them away cause of your own insecure negative thoughts

all these negative fears and rationalizations seem to be linked to anxiety in some way (just my own guess), it all stems around escalation, women can't want sex! they must just be using me, how many girls have you even tried to kiss in your life without needing the girl to do it for you, without needing the girl to say ''yes kiss me!'', how many times have you walked into the unknown and been ok with just seeing what happens without knowning what will happen? how many times have you only been willing to do something for someone only because you will get something in return? why is it such a problem that girls want something of value for no cost, just like you seem to want something of value for no cost?

have you ever stopped to think that just maybe, girls are frightened to death of sleeping with someone who doesn't truly care about them but just wants them for sex like some sort of meat dumpster to jack off into without hands, maybe they get something from guys they feel are just being their true selves and expressing their negative sides as well as their positive sides, at least with these guys they know that when the guy says he cares, he probably means it and it is congruent, because he is brutally honest and congruent with everything else he does, have you ever thought that just maybe girls want to feel loved and want you to kiss them and give them a real effort and perservere even when they put challenges in front of you, just so they are sure you actually want them for them and find them special instead of just want to have sex and if it isn't easy for you just cut them off and get mad, doing so just shows them how little they matter to you, and that is the thing, you can say anything, but they don't care what you say, they care about what you show them, everything you do shows them what kind of person you are

forgive everyone, forgive your old friends, forgive your old enemies, and most of all forgive yourself, it is ok, you are not hated, you don't have to let others treat you poorly, you don't have to respect those that dis-respect you, but at least try to understand them and offer forgiveness, if you can't forgive them, you will not be able to move on from these terrible emotions, you are carrying a heavey weight and you might want to talk to someone about it

you say there are a lot of hot girls at your work and no matter how friendly you are with them, they never seem to get the hint, no, they get the hint, they are not stupid, they know what you are wanting and they don't think you are friendly, there is just something you want from them, and they realize this, they can sense the little comformities in your actions towards them, the way you judge, the negativity, the vibe, everything shines through always, the way you are truly feeling and what you are thinking, shines through like a bright light, and if the window does not offer a clear vision of the light, you can sense it, it is incongruent

they get that same feeling from you, as you get from those girls trying to ''use'' you, there is an incongruence going on and they don't feel you are being yourself, you are trying to manipulate them into something that they should just want intrinsically

fix the inside, before you put effort into the outside, when you are ready then it will be time to get to work, and it will be a hell of alot of hard work and improvement and could take you your whole life, making yourself vunrable and being ok with the unknown is not an easy thing, but it certainly is rewarding

giving to others and expecting nothing in return, is one of the best gifts you can give yourself

I'm not a Christian, and thats what Christians do is forgive everyone.

forgive everyone, forgive your old friends, forgive your old enemies, and most of all forgive yourself, it is ok, you are not hated, you don't have to let others treat you poorly, you don't have to respect those that dis-respect you, but at least try to understand them and offer forgiveness, if you can't forgive them, you will not be able to move on from these terrible emotions, you are carrying a heavey weight and you might want to talk to someone about it

Read my post again and do it right this time.

At 31 you can't expect to have sex with 17 year old girls no, hopefully we both agree on that, if not then something is out of sync in your world. Secondly, if you are 31 and are having the same issues that the OP is having, perhaps it is not the time to start setting unrealistic standards for yourself because chances are you'll end up being the 40yr old virgin.

If you are 31 and you can get 18-19yr olds to suck your dick, by all means to your thing my man, i know i sure do and i am 28, but my post was intended to be a piece of advice for OP based on his story, not for you to take offense to.

Cheers!

'
Hey man, I'm heading toward a divorce after painful seperation. I'm not too different from you other than the virginity thing, no offense but I know where you are coming from on the massive introversion thing for sure. It is damn hard for me out there and I'm doing this rollercoaster thing right now between weird success and shutouts from creeper vibe. I'm older ..38 but I look like a rock star, in shape, make a fair amount of money etc but the massive introversion/social anxiety still cripples me which I'm trying to work against.

I'm also a pretty serious atheist after having Jesus shoved down my throat when I was a little kid and forced to conform to religion..didn't renounce it until college when I actually went and studied it for myself instead of accepting what I was given.

HOWEVER Jesus, or at least the idea of forgiving others has a lot of merit on it's own. It's the golden rule right? I don't know what you are besides not a Christian but personally as an atheist I believe we all only have one go round so why not make it the best for others as well as yourself.