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Advice - How to be in control?
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Author:  noobie87 [ Mon Jan 02, 2012 6:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Advice - How to be in control?
Hey guys! So i have this problem and I am hoping to get some advice on this forum.

I have known my ex girlfriend for the last 5 years and we were best friends for 2 years before we started going out, so we have a very strong base there as you can imagine... When we started going out, things were perfect (honeymoon phase) we couldnt keep our hands off each other, had sex all the time, seen each other quite a lot, etc, etc... But then the passion seemed to die out after a year, she didn't seem overly fussed about sex which made me paranoid and killed my confidence. So things got worse and worse and we ended up breaking up.

Now, 3 months later, we bumped into each other on the street and ended up going for coffee, started texting and before i knew it, we were back together and things were great again! Then the same thing happened and after a year of being together we ended up breaking up! The problems always seems to start out with lack of sex, which then amplifies small minor cracks in the relationship. It almost seems like the kind of person "you can't live with or without" them!

So before i go any further, i just want to point out that after thinking about things A LOT, i came to realise that i might have been the problem from the start. I, unfortunately cannot seem to be able to be in control of the relationship. I know that all women out there wants a confident male who is comfortable in his own skin. It seems that my ex was more in control than me which might have put her off. For example, she very rarely talks about emotions or feelings, it was always me trying to start something in the sack which gave her a LOT of control in the relationship, like she had the power over me because she could control sex.

Now, we've just started seeing each other again and i DO NOT want to make the same mistake again. This time, i want to be in control and be the man in this relationship. How do i do that? When it comes to sex? When it comes to texting? making plans? she once accused me of being too clingy (to which she might be right)

A lot of people will say, "if it didn't work out in the past, it never will" I've heard that from a lot of people but i guess I'm not the kind of guy to give up easy, i do love this girl a lot and want to make this work

So, I guess all I'm asking here is some advice as in how to be in control of your relationship and call the shots. Any help would be greatly appreciated :)
Author:  cubelife [ Mon Jan 02, 2012 7:04 pm ]
Post subject: 
I can relate with your situation, because this has been a challenge for me in the past as well.

When you have a relationship with a woman, and you let her know that she can control you with the frequency of the sex in the relationship, she HAS you.

You have to make her want it, and also.. Have to make it so that the sex or lack of sex is not a big deal. That is on you to figure out. It can't make you paranoid, insecure, whatever.

If she gets the impression from you that sex isnt a big deal, there will be less pressure for sex, and she will want it more.

Just my opinion, and something like I said, I have to work on as well. Good luck!
Author:  noobie87 [ Tue Jan 03, 2012 11:32 am ]
Post subject: 
Its good to know I'm not the only one who is going through this. May I ask how have you been coping with it? Were you able to fix the problem?

Theoretically, I think i know what to do to be in control but to put it in practice is soo much harder! For example, we are lying in bed and instinctively, i would reach over and kiss her then i would realise that i shouldn't be doing that because she will think i want to have sex and there is always this mind fuck games going on!
Author:  cubelife [ Tue Jan 03, 2012 5:14 pm ]
Post subject: 
well.. its not something I'm currently dealing with because I'm single.. and with the last girlfriend I did have this situation with.. basically I was very attracted to her and wanted her all the time.. haha that was not good.. I learned a lot from that.. basically you have to be cool about it and not begging for it all the time lol.. you gotta wait for it.. and then make it good.. and give it more time.. lay off of her and give her a break once in awhile lol.. thats the best way I can describe it right now.. don't try to initiate sex any more than she wants it. in fact, initiate yes. and learn some self-control. thats the key, I think.
Author:  GWhizz [ Tue Jan 03, 2012 5:58 pm ]
Post subject: 
"He who cares the least, controls the relationship."

Better believe it.
Author:  om3n [ Tue Jan 03, 2012 6:36 pm ]
Post subject: 
I initiate sex about 80% of the time. But I build up anticipation and tease her until she can't bear it anymore so SHE initiates the real sex by doing something blatant showing she wants sex more than me (grabbing my cock with hand, mouth, etc.)

I almost never initiate physical contact PLUS sex itself. Only one or another.
Author:  noobie87 [ Tue Jan 03, 2012 8:53 pm ]
Post subject: 
yea, I'll definitely take it slow this time! But i completely agree with GWhizz "He who cares the least, controls the relationship" well said.
Author:  GWhizz [ Wed Jan 04, 2012 12:02 am ]
Post subject: 
To care the least, you first have to control yourself.

I was talking to a random girl today. She told me about how she just got dumped by her boyfriend.
As I tried to figure out why she got dumped, it became obvious. She is became a boring person after such a long relationship.

I say: Don't start LTR's until you're at least 25. I know that it's nice to have a girl around which you can fuck almost any time of the day and watch movies with, but young people eventually want to have fun. It can be the most attractive and sexual time of your life. Even my old man told me to live my life while I'm young, because you will regret it otherwise. I guess he did.


You can't turn back the hands of time, this is your time to shine.
Author:  noobie87 [ Wed Jan 04, 2012 12:54 pm ]
Post subject: 
thats funny because thats exacty what my old man always used to say to me when i was a kid... "Always have more than one woman on the go, thats the only way you'll know when the right one comes along"

I guess my dad was more of a player than i ever will be, which is quite sad tbh!

I have tired the single life and no offence to all the players out there, but single life sucks for me! I can never pull, even when i gather the confidence to do cold approaches on nights out, nothing ever amounts to it! I sometimes would get girls' phone numbers but most of them never ever reply! How is being single meant to be fun? It seems like a minefield out there...
Author:  GWhizz [ Wed Jan 04, 2012 5:57 pm ]
Post subject: 
When I see you posts, it's really negative and it isn't gonna help you.

You may or may not believe it, but POSITIVITY IS REALITY.
And I am not fucking with you.

Since this newyear I quit smoking and wanted to really be a player, get lots of girls. I also read many articles about quantum physics, the science that, easily said, everything is connected and your mind controls reality. Even if you don't want to believe in it, JUST DO IT, because it can do you no harm.

I thought, I'm gonna approach girls, I just love them, not even to fuck them, just to make them feel good for her feelings matter ten times more than to us.
I stayed positive about every situation ANYWHERE, and I do not know why, but it seems like the Law of Attraction or Quantum physics HEARD ME and GRANTED me that wish.

Nothing much happened though, but progress was soon made.
Went to the busstop, and there was one pretty girl totally alone, so rejection would not even matter. So I started talking, and it felt like God (quantumphysics or lawofattraction) gave me a chance and if I didn't try it, I am not worthy of it. So I asked her number and she smiled and said I'm not giving you my number! It was funny though because I probably will see her again.
And today I went to another busstop, and are you fcking kidding me? Another girl I only greet but don't know sits at my busstop! I said loudly; hey aren't you gonna say hi? She walked over and started talking, and sat next to me on the bus, while talking ofcourse.

And I know that these moments were given to me, by my own mind. Your mind creates the opportunity, your balls are there to take it.
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