Introduced myself first back in 2009, when I was starting with the PUA game. made some progress and was proud of myself by what achieved in self esteem.

However in December 2009, so not so lang after I started all this my grandma died, and 4 weeks later out of the blue my aunt (and with both I was very close) died of a hart attack. That left my quite ruined, and took me about 6 months to somewhat feel "normal" again. I've had 2 gf's since then which I both ended myself and about one I sometime feel like a complete shithead for ending it.

I've noticed that I`m back to basic again and hardly come across any girls whom I'd like to date. Freaked out as hell to open and approach strange girls. And for the last 3 years never really cared about it. Not interested.

Since my holiday with my father last august which was: Both driving on our motorcycles to the south of Portugal and back . 4 days of driving to get there, staying for a week in Vilamoura, and then 6 days of driving back (aprox. 6500km). And was an experience I will treasure for the rest of my life. In my mind I`m still able to look to my left and see my father drive there with that grin on his face of pleasure and an open country behind that face. Makes me feel so proud.

Now for the first time I feel like I`m back for a total 100% in this world and want to experience it again. Want to feel again how good it was to be able to talk to each and everyone out of my own. And hold a real conversation.
I want that back so I am going to get it back.

note: When I`m put in a random situation with different people I don't know I don`t have a problem with opening or approaching. But when that is not the case I`m trembling on my feet. It sucks.

Feels good writing this... Now... time to read! (for me that is)