Firstly sorry guys for a potential repost or similar problems already written I will keep it short and simple whats the situation as much as I can. And thanks guys for any answers in advance.

I have met this girl, firstly (in)directly in some small caffee shop, where I was with a guy friend for some drinks. The girl works there through summer and my friend knows her, so we talked a little, nothing special just regular chit chat, when she served us. She seemed ok and caught my eye.

Couple of days later I added her on FB and we chat there, I was playfull and cool as much as I can and was pretty succesfull imho. Later she invited me that I can come sometimes for a coupe of coffee, when she will be working. (and it really is a small place, not really so occupied with people, she can really have lot of time between). So I came, wasnt so long, about half an hour, we chat really easy-going, like we knew each other lot more than we have. I havent stay long deliberately, as "I had a tight schedule" as I suspect if there wasnt that typical waitress going with the job friendlies.

So I invited her for a drink in her free time and was pretty much the same attitude, so than I thought hey maybe theres is something in it. Still was not sure, because she use a couple of times the fraze, "hey FRIEND" to me and offered in way an info that she has a lot of single friends? (yeah, she is single too by the way). I wondered what the deal with that. There wasnt not escalating part from me because of that I really need too much signals to MAYBE go for the girl. Just a drink between us, maybe between some subconscious flirting but thats just so amateur and soft there is nothing much to say it - MY FIRST MISTAKE.

Between this first date and our second, which in a way really she asked me out for a 2nd. And it was a dinner date. We had some chat about food in general and that she is original person. So I challenge her. And she suggested that we go to a place where her friend works for a dinner in other country. I really didnt take her so serious but she said with a convinced tone, "pick me up then and there, you drive and lets go, the food is great, you wont be sorry."

So we went, it was really a nice date, couldnt find the place right away (womans GPS) but hey it was fun, she didnt lie, good food, I did try to cover the bill, but she insisted to 50-50. After the dinner we catch up with her friend who works there, a couple of minutes of girl talk and than we left. We had an hour or so drive back and I was thinking between, and talking a little in my head, dude.. she asked you out, she dressed up, you had dinner, she surely does like you, time to show her a little more active that you like her too. Guess what, i chicken out like in 95% of the time and didnt give her even a hug, I just high five her MY GRANDE MISTAKE.

So basically from this dinner we hear from each other less than we did. A little from my own fault, because I was angry with myself that I got cold again and in a way I just ignored her. So she text me, wondering where am I, what Im doing and so on.. I just lied, I was busy... and yesterday and the other day I contact her but for the first time she was a little off and cold, too. Yeah I know, expected.

She has a birthday in a couple of days coming. Can I somehow repear the "damage" done if she obviously wants to hear from me, first.. and how

Like I said I do like the girl, but I wont "cry" or anything like that if nothing will work out. I know I have some fear with escalating, rejection, kiss-closing and I wait and wait really to the end when a woman directly says to me, "I like you, you fool, now kiss me already or sth." I also know I did a lot of damage till this point.

I would like too get rid of this fear, because most of the time I can tell if a girl likes me, I am an OK dude, had and have chances with a lot of interesting ladies, but I screw it up 90% of the time, because I got cold. Like I said, some girls, like this one, take the initiative, which is interesting but this girls dont grow on trees I know that. I really want to change my attitude and take charge. If I am decent at opening and talking I know I would do much much better throught the whole procedure and had more succes - but I just suck at closing the deal.

Holy fucking long post, dude.

You forgot to include exactly what you ate, and the color of the walls in the restaurant...

Maybe a little LESS detail next time - nobody is going to read this.

In terms of your actual date -- a High five? Really? That's SO MUCH WORSE than a hug, or even a fucking handshake. You were on a date. Hug, kiss... my god, you have to do something or you're dead in the water. It's no wonder she's gone cold. She probably assumes you're not even interested.

To salvage this - try to get her out again, without being 'friendly' about it... Ask her on a date (don't say the word date...) - tell her you think the two of you should grab some drinks and maybe a bite to eat... give her a time and a day...

When you're out with her - ESCALATE. Touch her, and kiss her as soon as you have an opening. If she's out with you, then she wants you to kiss her. You have all the IOIs and signals you need if she's said yes to another date.

Get out of your head... process this logically - she's interested or she wouldn't be there. Just kiss her.

the long post was in a way also on purpose. because I need the direct kick in the ass and brutal, honest replies like you just now presented mr CharlesFinley! or I`ll just wander around forever. I will do my best and came back with a short and significant report.

Cheers!

At least you recognised your "Grande Mistake". We all need to have experiences and learn from them.

In response to the main question, you probably don't want to feel "responsible" if things don't work out, because you're too outcome-dependant and emotionally invested. It's a protection mechanism that ensures you don't have experience negative emotions of embarrassment and failure, tied directly to your self-image of wanting to succeed without any margin for error.

But alas, the journey to success is paved with many setbacks... you either accept and understand this, or you wont get anywhere. It's not just a fear of failure, it's actually a fear of success - the unknown element of "responsibility" I already mentioned, of which avoiding entirely will ensure you never grow, succeed or turn than "unknown" element into something you're very familiar with.

I would say there's some fundamental ground work on your inner game that needs to be addressed, namely desensitising yourself to the stigma of rejection (removing the "protection mechanism"), developing an abundance mentality, being present and living in the moment - which will free your mind to take more decisive action, be clear in your intent, and create more opportunities to learn and succeed (whether you immediately get the results you want or not).

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Flowmentum Dating | FB

Hey mate,

I'm in the same boat as you although I'm a little bit further down the line. Whenever I feel some anxiety about escalating its not because I don't know what to do, I'm afraid to do what is needed. This sounds like your problem.

There's two ways you can deal with this.

1) look at your belief system and your self-esteem and try to pin-point what it is that you are afraid of: NLP offers some great advice on re-framing and there's tonnes of material out there that you can look at. I recommend taking up improv, acting, dancing or some sort of social hobby to improve confidence.

2) ignore your anxiety and just smash through it: this is why some newbies are told to go to a shopping mall and say hi to every woman who walks by. They know it's scary but they force themselves to get over their initial fears. A pickup artist (who I won't name) said: "practise getting satisfaction from you taking action rather than from a result." Even if she rejects you, you can take solace from the fact that you took action.

That is why "game" is an essential life lesson. It forces you to become the master of your own thoughts and actions. 99% of people cannot do that.