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PostPosted: Wed Jan 18, 2012 3:25 am 
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Sup errybody,

im in a LDR - always worth pointing out

generally i trust the girl but ive been fucked around before by an ex so i will never trust her 100%

the distance is coming to an end soon and we've been at it for a while so i'd say we're pretty strong. however a few months ago (4 or 5) we weren't so hot, i was thinking of ending it and i believe she was too. we resolved it when we spent time together again but there we are, we had issues.

anyway when i was round at hers a little while ago she was at work and i was doing some work on her laptop. i flicked open the internet tab to do me some googling and its open on an email dialogue between her and her closest friend.

now i was gonna close that shit but out of the corner of my eye BOOM i spied with my little eye, lo and behold my name. so i read it. and it said this

"i feel so awful for doing what i did in august to (me) but i thought we were gonna break up"

ok so im not a paranoid little bitch so i got pissed off but didnt say anything because i figure hey long time ago, she regrets it, whatever it is, and most importantly she doesnt even live in that country now and doesnt see those people. now i find out she's planning on taking a trip round that way in february. and im pissed off again. i dont know any of the people she's gonna be with and for all i know she already fucked one of them.

So how do i bring this shit up with her? or does doing it after all this time (i saw this before xmas and decided i didnt much care) make it seem beta as fuck to be worried or like im spying on her shit or something.

any help would be appreciated
much love to y'all
R


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 18, 2012 4:04 am 
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It's beta... being jealous and worrying about other guys is beta behavior. Don't bring it up. Absolutely nothing good can come from bringing it up. She already regrets it so just let it drop.

-Wolf

_________________
Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 18, 2012 4:30 am 
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Quote:
It's beta... being jealous and worrying about other guys is beta behavior. Don't bring it up. Absolutely nothing good can come from bringing it up. She already regrets it so just let it drop.

-Wolf
i figured this at first.

my issue is i dont want to be made a fool of, i wont stand for that and its hard enough to trust someone in LDR. I dont want to think of her going off to visit some people she may have already cheated on me with once and do nothing about it. Surely there is a balance to strike and it's equally a pussy move to ignore the fact she could be cheating...
open to opinions on this


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 18, 2012 5:03 am 
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I dont understand you at the moment because you're very wishy washy. You say you trust her but won't trust her 100% because of experiences with your ex? Huh?

Id be very suspicious about a statement like that. And one thing I've learned when it comes to women is that when something is wrong, your gut will always be 100% right. You weren't being a paranoid little bitch when you saw that. Its a perfectly normal reaction when you've invested your own emotions into somebody. You SHOULD have raised a few questions because what she said has BETRAYAL written all over it. And because you can't decide if you trust her or not, you let the opportunity pass to squash the issue once and for all.

Too much time has passed since you saw what you saw, so you may scare her if you bring it up directly. I would wait until you two are having a good conversation then start to steer it towards how you love it that neither of you keep secrets from another. Basically, guilt trip her into admitting whatever it is she did. If she really is gf material, she will come out and tell you what she did. But if she doesn't, you're going to have to be in a relationship where you're never going to know. And judging from what you've said on this post, it sounds like it's going to eat you alive.

One final food for thought. Let's say she did cheat on you. She's already convinced you that she regrets it because she thought you two were going to break up. So what are you going to do when you two are on the verge of breaking up again?

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 18, 2012 10:59 am 
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ah jeez,

here we go again with the "it is beta to witness the truth".

i have argued against this in the past.

beta is "acting like a little bitch".

there is nothing "beta" about acting on information once it has been exposed.

now, the act of snooping is beta.

however, the op said he wasn't snooping.

that he just happened across something that was clearly not put away in such a fashion, so it was easy to notice. on her internet browser.

the point is, he now has an admission from this girl that she did something "horrible" to him.

in my mind, it'd be stupid as hell not to respond/react in some way. of course, that is just me. i am not saying that my tactics are for everyone.

look, if rubia is looking for just a gf to have fun with, then by all means, he may just ignore this.

however, if he is screening for a potential long term relationship, or a potential wifey, type situation, then he would be a fool not consider what he has found.

it's like the cia getting knowledge (intelligence) of a terrorist attack and then saying "boy it would sure be BETA to act on this" lol...come on

the guy has intelligence that his girl fucked him around in some horrible way.

all rubia needs to ask himself is:

- if she fucked me around, would i be able to forgive that?
- if she fucked me around, would i even want to continue with her?

the thing is, whatever mistake she made may have displayed her for having less than stellar moral fiber. if rubia is looking for that quality...trustworthiness, honesty, fidelity...then me thinks whatever she did might be a dealbreaker.

so what is more BETA?

- getting intelligence and then not acting on it for fear of being beta?

or

- acting on intelligence that you happened upon decisively and swiftly based on your own values?

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 18, 2012 2:55 pm 
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Location: Sarasota, FL
Quote:
ah jeez,

here we go again with the "it is beta to witness the truth".

i have argued against this in the past.

beta is "acting like a little bitch".

there is nothing "beta" about acting on information once it has been exposed.

now, the act of snooping is beta.

however, the op said he wasn't snooping.

that he just happened across something that was clearly not put away in such a fashion, so it was easy to notice. on her internet browser.

the point is, he now has an admission from this girl that she did something "horrible" to him.

in my mind, it'd be stupid as hell not to respond/react in some way. of course, that is just me. i am not saying that my tactics are for everyone.

look, if rubia is looking for just a gf to have fun with, then by all means, he may just ignore this.

however, if he is screening for a potential long term relationship, or a potential wifey, type situation, then he would be a fool not consider what he has found.

it's like the cia getting knowledge (intelligence) of a terrorist attack and then saying "boy it would sure be BETA to act on this" lol...come on

the guy has intelligence that his girl fucked him around in some horrible way.

all rubia needs to ask himself is:

- if she fucked me around, would i be able to forgive that?
- if she fucked me around, would i even want to continue with her?

the thing is, whatever mistake she made may have displayed her for having less than stellar moral fiber. if rubia is looking for that quality...trustworthiness, honesty, fidelity...then me thinks whatever she did might be a dealbreaker.

so what is more BETA?

- getting intelligence and then not acting on it for fear of being beta?

or

- acting on intelligence that you happened upon decisively and swiftly based on your own values?
Mack, I think we're just going to have differing views on this one, which is fine. For what it's worth, I think guys should focus on how their girlfriends treat them above all else. It didn't sound like Rubia's girlfriend was treating him badly.. it sounded like she made a mistake awhile back and regretted it. I stand by my advice that he should just let it drop.

Now, I agree that honesty is important in a relationship. However, if Rubia's girlfriend is hesitant to bring this up, then it's because she fears Rubia's reaction. This information would probably be hurtful to Rubia and cause a lot of negative emotions. Since women tend to think and make decisions with their emotions, it makes sense that she would keep this information to herself.

This is never an issue in my relationships because (1) I am not jealous of other guys and (2) I have sworn off monogamy. Furthermore, I routinely ask my girlfriends for stories of their sexual exploits and fantasies. They have no reason to lie to me because they know I wont judge them and because I actually enjoy hearing about that stuff (i.e. I reward them with positive emotions). In this way, I foster a more sexually open environment where women can communicate honestly without fear of negative consequences (and girls love me for it).

-Wolf

_________________
Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jan 18, 2012 5:28 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 07, 2011 12:41 am
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Quote:
This is never an issue in my relationships because (1) I am not jealous of other guys and (2) I have sworn off monogamy. Furthermore, I routinely ask my girlfriends for stories of their sexual exploits and fantasies. They have no reason to lie to me because they know I wont judge them and because I actually enjoy hearing about that stuff
Wolf: I think you have serious mental issues if that's the way you think. Maybe you should talk to someone. Are you one of those men that take your gf to a place where she can get fucked by other men while you watch because that's her fantasy? That sure is alpha, lol.

Do you get turned on when your gf tells you she was gang banged by 5 African American football players when she was in College, and that she swallowed all of their cum?

Look, I think your posts are good, but if this is the way you truly think, then I tell you (with respect) that you are doing the community a disfavor by posting in the Relationship section of the board.

I agree with Mack.

Listen, this girl fucked someone else, period. He probably fucked her hard, licked her asshole and came all over her face. Furthermore, she will go visit that country again, and will most likely get fucked by the same guy. She will get drunk, horny, so they will probably have anal sex this time.

The only thing that matters in this whole thread are these words:

"i feel so awful for doing what i did in august to (me) but i thought we were gonna break up"

It means this whore was unfaithful to you. Some guys give their women a second chance. I don't judge them. If she's truly sorry, then whatever. We all make mistakes.

Personally, I don't allow that shit in my relationships. You only get one chance with me. If you fuck another dude, you're out. I don't look back. I can be madly in love with her, but my ego has more pull.


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 4:06 am 
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Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2011 9:05 pm
Posts: 2702
Quote:
Quote:
ah jeez,

here we go again with the "it is beta to witness the truth".

i have argued against this in the past.

beta is "acting like a little bitch".

there is nothing "beta" about acting on information once it has been exposed.

now, the act of snooping is beta.

however, the op said he wasn't snooping.

that he just happened across something that was clearly not put away in such a fashion, so it was easy to notice. on her internet browser.

the point is, he now has an admission from this girl that she did something "horrible" to him.

in my mind, it'd be stupid as hell not to respond/react in some way. of course, that is just me. i am not saying that my tactics are for everyone.

look, if rubia is looking for just a gf to have fun with, then by all means, he may just ignore this.

however, if he is screening for a potential long term relationship, or a potential wifey, type situation, then he would be a fool not consider what he has found.

it's like the cia getting knowledge (intelligence) of a terrorist attack and then saying "boy it would sure be BETA to act on this" lol...come on

the guy has intelligence that his girl fucked him around in some horrible way.

all rubia needs to ask himself is:

- if she fucked me around, would i be able to forgive that?
- if she fucked me around, would i even want to continue with her?

the thing is, whatever mistake she made may have displayed her for having less than stellar moral fiber. if rubia is looking for that quality...trustworthiness, honesty, fidelity...then me thinks whatever she did might be a dealbreaker.

so what is more BETA?

- getting intelligence and then not acting on it for fear of being beta?

or

- acting on intelligence that you happened upon decisively and swiftly based on your own values?
Mack, I think we're just going to have differing views on this one, which is fine. For what it's worth, I think guys should focus on how their girlfriends treat them above all else. It didn't sound like Rubia's girlfriend was treating him badly.. it sounded like she made a mistake awhile back and regretted it. I stand by my advice that he should just let it drop.

Now, I agree that honesty is important in a relationship. However, if Rubia's girlfriend is hesitant to bring this up, then it's because she fears Rubia's reaction. This information would probably be hurtful to Rubia and cause a lot of negative emotions. Since women tend to think and make decisions with their emotions, it makes sense that she would keep this information to herself.

This is never an issue in my relationships because (1) I am not jealous of other guys and (2) I have sworn off monogamy. Furthermore, I routinely ask my girlfriends for stories of their sexual exploits and fantasies. They have no reason to lie to me because they know I wont judge them and because I actually enjoy hearing about that stuff (i.e. I reward them with positive emotions). In this way, I foster a more sexually open environment where women can communicate honestly without fear of negative consequences (and girls love me for it).

-Wolf
i appreciate your thoughts.

and actually, if you examine closer, i think we agree...

i used a qualifier:

- if he is just looking for a GF to have fun with "let it go"

- if he is screening for a potential wife then "pursue it"

like you said, you are only looking for fun and you have sworn off monogamy, that is okay, that would be situation #1 listed above.

however, to the contrary, if this guy is looking for a sort of soulmate, higher-spiritual connection and monogamy/faithfulness/honesty is important to him, then...well...that is situation #2 listed above.

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!


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