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Hi guys,
I had a relationship with a HB9 for 1 year and 3months which i turned into an open relationship after i wasn't happy because she was putting on weight and searching my phone (these things both stopped). This open relationship is 8 months long and she hasn't got with anyone, i have got with a few people but would never tell her and would always say i haven't got with anyone when asked.
Should always be honest in an open relationship. After all it's open, nothing to hide.
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I would say she can sleep with anyone she want's but i probably wouldn't speak to her again if she did.
That's fucked up. First bit reads open and second bit reads exclusive. You said to her you wanted an open relationship, being but hurt about it after she rips another blokes pants off is not the behaviour of a bloke in an open relationship. Again it takes a emotionally secure couple to be in an open relationship and that's certainly not you.
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Recently i have been failing shit tests and she came to my town to see me. She asked me a lot of questions regarding our "open relationship" and said she wanted to be exclusive with me. In the morning we fucked and then when she was leaving to go for her friends party and i started an argument for no reason and she said "we need to talk about being exclusive" i said "we won't be getting back into a relationship!".
An open relationship works both ways. You have to both agree and not hide who else eachother have slept with when asked, and also not hold anything against eachother. Point being you both sleep around and nothing else about the relationship changes. Feelings kept in check on both sides (emotionally centred as Arch would say). If either one or both of you can't cope with that, then you shouldn't be in a relationship with her full stop. [/quote]
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That night she fucked someone else and phoned me crying on Sunday. I said I wouldn’t be able to trust her again and I didn’t want to speak to her again. I have since been ignoring calls etc these are the messages I have been getting
Good for her, you persuaded her to remember and now you're but hurt. You put yourself in this position, not her.
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“...I don’t know what to say. I’m hurting a lot. I’m just shocked and so sad that it got like this. You became my best friend and I never meant to hurt you or us. It hadn’t been going well for a long time and we were not official but I know once something like that happens it’s done. It’s just very sad...”
“…Are you just going to ignore me? … please speak to me. You can’t just block me out your life like that. I am hurting too. You didn’t want to be official with me. I am not proud of my actions and do feel guilty but you can’t just block me. I’m not a mean person and I love you.”
“I’m so sorry. I’m so hurt. All I ever wanted was a loving proper relationship. I didn’t mean for it to get like this. I’m really really sad. I wish things were different. I wish we could of made us work. I wish it wasn’t this complicated.” “…Maybe in another time we will realise we actually both wanted this and make it work….”
“*** I feel so awful. I feel so guilty. It was so out of character and although we weren’t officially together I feel so ashamed with myself. I have never done that and never thought I would. I have been un happy in the relationship but I didn’t think that would happen. I feel sick with it. I really didn’t mean for it and I didn’t want to hurt you. I love you. I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do? Can I please come and see you tomorrow? I just want to hold you and make this ok. I’m not a mean person. I’m just confused and I fucked up. I didn’t think, I was on drugs and very drunk. That’s not what I’m about at all and I’m so ashamed for it. I hate myself and my life right now. I hate that I’ve disappointed you and hurt you. You are my best friend and I never meant to hurt you. Its all just got so complicated. I don’t know what to do. I can’t bare this. I feel like I’ve just ruined 2 years of my life. Will you ever speak to me again? Will you ever forgive me?”
I know i have pushed her to this and treated her like shit in this relationship but i don't know what my options are now.
I like this girl and I believe I probably fucked up putting her in this position but not sure what i should do now. Should i speak to her again or will she think i am weak. She is going away for Xmas for just over a month should i wait till when she's back. I don't want to seem to desperate if i go back to her so not sure how to tackle this.
You had something good and you blew it. Balls in your court, you either have a conversation with her, man up, tell the truth and either start over on exclusive terms, or If you are not happy with her weight, habits etc, tell her to her face and end it all together. You caused it remember.
Fuck the showing you're weak by hiding from the problem, your not in early courting stage here. Be frank and up front, admit where you fucked up and tell her everything how it is. If she doesn't like it you can part ways, but if she is willing to put water under the bridge, then you need to sit down, set rules for you both and agree to be honest and up front with her all the time. I know from the above an open relationship won't work between you two, period.
If you are not happy with her, do the decent thing, tell her face to face asap and cut ties like a man.
You got yourself in this mess, so you get yourself out of it.