Critique my DHV story



Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests
Post new topic Reply to topic   Board index » Tools & Techniques of Game: Meeting, Attracting and Seducing Women » Routines




Author Message
 Post subject: Critique my DHV story
PostPosted: Tue Sep 17, 2013 1:26 am 
Offline
New to MPUA Forum
User avatar

Joined: Fri Aug 02, 2013 12:29 am
Posts: 23
Hey guys,
Tried writing a DHV story based on these tips: http://www.venusianarts.com/how-to-write-dhv-stories/

I just banged out this rough outline and want to know what some of you think. Is this decent? Anything to add or remove? Do you think this will nail attraction switches? Let me know!


• Friend Dalton, an aspiring composer, producer and indie rock star, visiting from NYC
• Hanging out, having dinner at Local Burger – talking about life, music
• I start getting calls and texts from my ex about some really old guy she thinks is stalking her
• At first I’m like, she’s probably exaggerating, but then she tells me he was at her work for three hours just staring at her. A strange car had followed her most of the way home from work, and she was almost sure she’d seen him outside crouching down in the bushes and had started panicking
• So I part ways with Dalton, tell him I’m sorry for needing to leave and thankfully he is very understanding, and I head over the her apartment to see what’s going on
• I get there, feeling pretty freaked out and carrying a knife in my back pocket. I knock on her door and she answers saying “I’m so glad you’re here… come inside and protect me” she says
• As soon as I walk in, she starts taking her clothes off…
• I suddenly realize what’s actually going on – she made up the whole story to get me over to her apartment. I’m embarrassed for her, and I try to be nice about it, telling her to give me a call when she’s got her shit together.
• I head out to meet back up with Dalton

-Bobby T

_________________
"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? ... I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it."


Top
   
PostPosted: Tue Sep 17, 2013 4:04 am 
Offline
MPUA Forum Zealot
User avatar

Joined: Mon Sep 02, 2013 10:20 pm
Posts: 322
My grandma would say "that's great dear"


Top
   
PostPosted: Tue Sep 17, 2013 3:02 pm 
Offline
New to MPUA Forum
User avatar

Joined: Fri Aug 02, 2013 12:29 am
Posts: 23
Cool dude, but I was asking a serious question so, maybe stop wasting time trying to tool other guys on the forum? And I mean that seriously... you are wasting your time.

_________________
"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? ... I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it."


Top
   
PostPosted: Tue Sep 17, 2013 4:36 pm 
Offline
PUA Forum Leader
User avatar

Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2011 4:56 pm
Posts: 1904
Location: Portland, OR
very minor point but I would put myself above the fictional "Dalton," you may plant the seed she would rather be hanging out with him. Like say you have been advising him on his finances or career

Overall the story is just ok, until you get to the surprise ending which is really good as it switches their emotional state


my experience with DHV stories is you never really know which ones will be good or not until you try them in field, so experimenting with new ones and getting rid of ones that dont work is a good idea


Top
   
PostPosted: Tue Sep 17, 2013 7:22 pm 
Offline
New to MPUA Forum
User avatar

Joined: Fri Aug 02, 2013 12:29 am
Posts: 23
Quote:
very minor point but I would put myself above the fictional "Dalton," you may plant the seed she would rather be hanging out with him. Like say you have been advising him on his finances or career

Overall the story is just ok, until you get to the surprise ending which is really good as it switches their emotional state


my experience with DHV stories is you never really know which ones will be good or not until you try them in field, so experimenting with new ones and getting rid of ones that dont work is a good idea
Not that it matters, but Dalton actually is a real friend of mine :)
I will def try to add something subtle to spin it that way -- we are both musicians, so I was using it in the context of "Look at how I have these sweet, legit-sounding connections" and I can mention that he was asking for my advice on this or that for his new album, blah blah blah. Thanks for the input!

_________________
"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? ... I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it."


Top
   
PostPosted: Wed Sep 18, 2013 8:54 pm 
Offline
PUA Forum Leader

Joined: Tue May 28, 2013 4:46 pm
Posts: 1707
lol. i don't know. I try to have actual real life DHV stories I can tell vs making up random shit like this. I think it is maybe too sexual which sometimes can backfire. I think you need to qualify the story a bit because some women are turned off by sexual talk of this nature (especially with an ex) if it is too early and it can bring up some ASD.

_________________
http://www.joshsway.com -- dating, online dating, fitness, fashion, and more...


Top
   
PostPosted: Thu Sep 19, 2013 11:07 am 
Offline
Dedicated Member

Joined: Wed Nov 16, 2011 12:44 am
Posts: 734
I've never had much success with stories like this to be honest. Critiquing this one, it just sounds made up. If I was a girl listening to that I'd think you were just talking bollocks to impress me. If you're the sort of guy who looks like (and probably actually has) been in the situation where you carry a knife to protect yourself, then by all means tell this story. But I think it's going to have to be to a certain type of girl. If you're like most guys, the story is just going to be a bit unbelievable I feel.

Main tip here: these things work best when you've actually got DHV stories to tell. Go out and do shit which impresses girls rather than making up stories to impress girls.

But, whilst you're doing that, if you want to blag your way through it, I'd probably keep it to smaller things like just messing around with girls or traveling and culture, stuff like that. Often, you don't need a big story where there is potential of you getting stabbed by a stalker and seduced by a crazy ex to impress the new girl. You just need to be able to tell a fairly bog standard story in an interesting way. Add some suspense (even if it's only sarcastic suspense which leads to a terrible punchline - as long as you tell it in a jokey fashion) through your intonation and pauses rather than relying on some slightly unbelievable story.

Also think about the transitioning of such stories into conversation. When are you going to tell this story? How is it going to flow naturally into a conversation with a girl? The only way I can see it coming up naturally is if you are talking about crazy exs - and I would avoid that if I were you, as you don't want to get into a position where you're criticising other girls too much or you risk worrying/scaring off the new girl. If you just tell this story to "fill a pause" or something, ie; bring it up randomly, I think it makes it look even more like you're making it up to show off.

Just my two cents man, not trying to be too critical, just passing on advice and experience from me telling similar stories, but try it and see how it goes.


Top
   
PostPosted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 2:56 pm 
Offline
New to MPUA Forum
User avatar

Joined: Fri Aug 02, 2013 12:29 am
Posts: 23
Quote:
I've never had much success with stories like this to be honest. Critiquing this one, it just sounds made up. If I was a girl listening to that I'd think you were just talking bollocks to impress me. If you're the sort of guy who looks like (and probably actually has) been in the situation where you carry a knife to protect yourself, then by all means tell this story. But I think it's going to have to be to a certain type of girl. If you're like most guys, the story is just going to be a bit unbelievable I feel.

Main tip here: these things work best when you've actually got DHV stories to tell. Go out and do shit which impresses girls rather than making up stories to impress girls.

But, whilst you're doing that, if you want to blag your way through it, I'd probably keep it to smaller things like just messing around with girls or traveling and culture, stuff like that. Often, you don't need a big story where there is potential of you getting stabbed by a stalker and seduced by a crazy ex to impress the new girl. You just need to be able to tell a fairly bog standard story in an interesting way. Add some suspense (even if it's only sarcastic suspense which leads to a terrible punchline - as long as you tell it in a jokey fashion) through your intonation and pauses rather than relying on some slightly unbelievable story.

Also think about the transitioning of such stories into conversation. When are you going to tell this story? How is it going to flow naturally into a conversation with a girl? The only way I can see it coming up naturally is if you are talking about crazy exs - and I would avoid that if I were you, as you don't want to get into a position where you're criticising other girls too much or you risk worrying/scaring off the new girl. If you just tell this story to "fill a pause" or something, ie; bring it up randomly, I think it makes it look even more like you're making it up to show off.

Just my two cents man, not trying to be too critical, just passing on advice and experience from me telling similar stories, but try it and see how it goes.
Thanks for your input, I appreciate you being honest while trying not to be too harsh, lol
I think you guys are making sense, and I will most likely try to come up with some better stories... this was just a first attempt :)

_________________
"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? ... I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it."


Top
   
PostPosted: Mon Sep 23, 2013 9:33 am 
Offline
New to MPUA Forum

Joined: Thu Oct 04, 2012 10:14 am
Posts: 6
Website: http://bras2you.com/
Location: newyork
I have read about fashion dressing in the above posts and agree with the above members about it.
Fashion dressing are much demanded in these days.

_________________
sexy lingerie


Top
   
PostPosted: Tue Sep 24, 2013 7:37 am 
Offline
MPUA Forum Addict

Joined: Tue Feb 19, 2013 10:46 pm
Posts: 214
It sucks, along with your entire mentality towards pickup.

A. You're just making up bullshit, when you should be focused on being awesome and living an awesome life so you have REAL stories to tell instead of making up bullshit

B. Nobody cares about your stories, and if you think the typical American party chick with ADD can even pay attention to a story longer than 4 or 5 sentences, you haven't been around women very much, and

C. Drop all this stupid routine shit, if you're going to have stories, they should be real or VERY CLOSE to real.

D. You can start making shit up once you understand how things work better and you get a general feel for how pick-up works, but until that point just be real and awesome.

E. I'm sure you have some actually interesting stories from you life you could be using instead, which should come up NATURALLY in conversation instead of trying to force some random bullshit down a chick's throat.

F. In response to some other guy's comment, there is absolutely no such thing as a story that's too sexual. 3some stories, 4some stories, hot sex stories, chicks love that stuff. Sex is the ultimate chick crack.

_________________
For my unfiltered rants on Game and Gender Dynamics, check out "The Mask And Rose:"
http://themaskandrose.wordpress.com


Top
   
PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 12:15 am 
Offline
New to MPUA Forum
User avatar

Joined: Fri Aug 02, 2013 12:29 am
Posts: 23
Quote:
It sucks, along with your entire mentality towards pickup.
Wow, so you were able to access my fucking BRAIN just by reading a DHV story I wrote??? You're like, reading my fucking MIND through the INTERNET????

Look, I really appreciate you trying to help. The thing is, I didn't post here to ask what methods I should be using for pickup. If you don't like DHV stories, don't use them. Different methods work for different people. Get over yourself ;)

_________________
"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? ... I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it."


Top
   
PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 12:24 am 
Offline
MPUA Forum Addict

Joined: Tue Feb 19, 2013 10:46 pm
Posts: 214
Calm your emotional Beta-rage down for 5 seconds and listen to me.

The reason your mentality sucks is that the way you're going about it is that you need to "make up shit that makes me sound cool so she'll approve of me."

It is the ultimate pedestaling, and it is ultimately counterproductive. Cool guys don't need to tell girls how cool they are, just like rich people don't go around talking about how much money they make.

Make sense?

It's try-hard and puts you in a "please approve of me" position.

You should definitely have cool stories, and keep in mind that cool stories come up naturally in conversation, in response to what the other person said. Then she tells some. Then you tell some. That's how you form a connection.

Just spewing some made-up story she's not going to listen to or care about, is not the way to get girls interested in you.

If it was working for you, would you be here posting about whether it's going to work for you?

Or is the case that what you're doing is obviously not working, and you lack the acuity to realize that?

_________________
For my unfiltered rants on Game and Gender Dynamics, check out "The Mask And Rose:"
http://themaskandrose.wordpress.com


Top
   
PostPosted: Thu Sep 26, 2013 5:00 pm 
Offline
New to MPUA Forum
User avatar

Joined: Fri Aug 02, 2013 12:29 am
Posts: 23
Quote:
Calm your emotional Beta-rage down for 5 seconds and listen to me.

The reason your mentality sucks is that the way you're going about it is that you need to "make up shit that makes me sound cool so she'll approve of me."

It is the ultimate pedestaling, and it is ultimately counterproductive. Cool guys don't need to tell girls how cool they are, just like rich people don't go around talking about how much money they make.

Make sense?

It's try-hard and puts you in a "please approve of me" position.

You should definitely have cool stories, and keep in mind that cool stories come up naturally in conversation, in response to what the other person said. Then she tells some. Then you tell some. That's how you form a connection.

Just spewing some made-up story she's not going to listen to or care about, is not the way to get girls interested in you.

If it was working for you, would you be here posting about whether it's going to work for you?

Or is the case that what you're doing is obviously not working, and you lack the acuity to realize that?
Demonstrating higher value will always work when it's done in a way that is both congruent and believable. There is a right way and a wrong way to deliver a DHV story; most of us have the common sense to distinguish between the two.

Will I approach a set and go directly into some canned story that I made up before laying groundwork and establishing some type of connection? The obvious answer is no. But wherever you can work a good DHV story into a conversation in a way that feels natural and unplanned, that story will provide an avenue for systematically hitting attraction switches while also demonstrating one's indifference to social pressure.

I'm not here for either of the reasons you suggested.

_________________
"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? ... I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it."


Top
   
PostPosted: Sun Sep 29, 2013 3:02 am 
Offline
PUA Forum Leader
User avatar

Joined: Sat Oct 08, 2011 4:56 pm
Posts: 1904
Location: Portland, OR
so have you implemented your DHV story yet? Results?


Top
   
PostPosted: Sun Sep 29, 2013 2:09 pm 
Offline
New to MPUA Forum
User avatar

Joined: Fri Aug 02, 2013 12:29 am
Posts: 23
Quote:
so have you implemented your DHV story yet? Results?
I'm not going to use this story, I decided. Multiple people said it sounds made up, and now I'm self-conscious to the point that I wouldn't be able to attempt using it without throwing myself out of state. So even if it would've worked before, it's a lost cause now. I'll continue going natural until I get some more solid stuff to use.

_________________
"Do I really look like a guy with a plan? ... I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it."


Top
   
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic  Reply to topic  [ 17 posts ] 

All times are UTC


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  

Can we be honest?

We want your email address. Let me send you the best seduction techniques ever devised... because they are really good.
close-link