Need help KEEPING the attraction



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PostPosted: Sat Mar 15, 2008 12:59 pm 
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Yo guys, I think I may be in need of a little help...either that or I'm just paranoid! This MAY be a litte long, so those that don't like reading be warned!

Ok, so I met this girl (HB8 - seems to be very sought after by her male friends) about a month ago in a club. We started out dirty dancing then after a little while we were making out on the dance floor. When we actually spoke several songs later, numbers were traded blah, blah blah. I invite her back to mine, but she tells me that she's being picked up soon.
She sent me a txt soon after she and her friends had left and I waited until the following afternoon to reply. A txt conversation ensued. I found out that she's 18 (I'm 21), and living at home about 20 min drive outside the city. (she drives, I don't)

I invite her out for coffee the following week, I find out that she likes to talk alot (which is really good for me as I'm not very talkative!)

The following week we meet up at the same club, and after very minimal speaking we're kissing again...it musta lasted at least an hour until her mum came to pick her and her friends up.

By this point we've got each other on msn so we can talk alot quicker by text than sms (we also speak pretty much daily on it too). I suggest she come out with me and my friends the following friday to the student union bar, and that she can drive down and stay over. She did! By the end of the evening we'd done almost everything but sex, as she tells me she doesn't want it to be a one night stand and doesn't want to do it that night.

Since then I've seen her a few times; her be-lated birthday party where we made out again, and out for lunch yesterday. Over lunch I felt I was making such incredibly boring conversation...I was also given ample opertunities to initiate kino but I didn't and upon parting ways I kissed her on the cheek instead of her lips, which I feel may have been the wrong choice!
There's a chance I may be seeing her out in town again tonight before I go back home for easter (I'm at uni), but she's out with a friend so she'll probably not come back to mine.

The problem is that I'm thinking the more she gets to know me, the more she's seeing a fairly geeky (game artist), boring guy...I'm not very impulsive or forward, and the fact that we made out before talking was probably down to the alcohol more than anything!
I think I'm a little worried that she's seeing through this (probably because I have a habit of telling people EVERYTHING and leaving nothing back...) and so I'm thinking I'm really gonna need some help in keeping the attraction beween us.

Hopefully I'm just being paranoid, but any help from you guys would be greatly appriciated.

Thanks in advance!


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 Post subject: re
PostPosted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 12:12 am 
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do something exciting that is outside your box[/u]


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 12:34 am 
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Mindset, mindset, mindset!

Despite all these routines, social proofing, etc.... the person you should be selling this off the most to is yourself. Just be proud of who you are, man. She already picked you, so don't sweat it. If she teases you about your hobbies, just don't let it get to you. If she gets out of line, you neg her.

Believe in yourself. The more you doubt yourself, the more she's going to sense it. You didn't go for the lips, because you doubted yourself. You didn't OWN the moment. Next time, just go for the kill shot.

Keep playin, playa.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 2:54 am 
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Thanks for the replies, guys!

SPAM - That's a great idea! Now all I gotta do is think of that thing...

Blak - Great advice man, thank you very much =) I really do need to adjust my mindset. Do you (or anyone for that matter!) know of any particular material that I could read/watch/listen to that would help me in that particular area?

and as an update...I didn't go out with her and her friends on Saturday. The reasons were that; one - I would have been on my own with her and her friends (barely know 'em), and two - I was drinking with some friends at home (lazy b*stards didn't want to go out!).

As I'm back home now I won't see her for a little while unless I go back for a few days, which I'm planning on doing next week. A chance to try something out of the box perhaps?...


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 4:51 pm 
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Also, perhaps I'm starting to appear needy or something or maybe this means nothing - she never starts the conversations over msn or txt anymore, which she used to do quite often, this worries me a little...Should I back off over the next few days and not contact her at all or maybe send her something specific?...bah, I'm hopeless with this stuff...


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 4:56 pm 
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Books and things like that can only help you so much. Real confidence is hard to come by. You're just going to have to think positively and realize you have nothing to feel bad about. When you start doubting, just tell yourself, "Dude, you've got a hot chick that digs you."

Stop fearing. Dominate her. She's probably waiting for you to do it, anyways.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 1:09 am 
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Thanks again, blak, you're quite the helpful guy!

I have a question or two...I'll update the situation first though, just so y'all know where I'm at.

Ok, after going home for a week I came back to my uni home so I could see her again (didn't tell her that though, just told her I wanted a change of pace from home :) ). To try and do something interesting and exciting I suggested that we go to a theme park, which we did. We got on well all day, lots of flirting, negging and the like. I dropped her off at the end of the day and went for the lips this time (owning the moment ;) ).

Two days later we went to the cinema. I really wanted to put my arm around her, but felt that it was a little cliché and so held it off. (bad idea?/is there anything else i could do?)
We then went for a drink where after alot of "what if..." conversations, she told me that she thinks I'm mysterious (quite a shock to me, I think I'm anything but!) and has no idea what I think of her/ has never met anyone like me before(!) which was VERY unexpected...After this I couldn't stop grinning and all I could think of to reply with was "maybe I should stay mysterious then". She then asked if I could pick one word to describe her what would it be. I chose kooky...I think she may have been expecting something else =P
Anyway, I take her to the bus stop and just before she gets on I grab her by the waist and pull her in for a kiss...we go for the cheeks first off but I suggest "trying that one more time" and go for a lil' making out.
That was all last week. After both occasions she texted me saything that she'd had a great time and we've spoken a few times on msn since.

So all sounds like it's going well I guess, but like I said, i have a few questions...

Ok, I still haven't put my arm around her/held her hand...I guess I'm worried that it'll look cheesy or something. Any tips on how i can initiate either of these? Although, while at the theme park I had mild sucess. On the rollercoasters I could get away with it to calm her nerves, but while walking around the park I suggested warming up her freezing hands with mine, but she was just like "it's ok, I'm used to cold hands.."

Something else that's bugging me is that she keeps bringing up her ex up in conversations...I just kinda blank it and try to move onto something a little less uncomfortable, but from what i can tell they were really into one another. I'm curious to learn why they broke up etc, especially since she's apparantly going to the same gig as him next week and I don't want any old flames re-igniting, under the influence of alcohol or not! I've kinda held off asking anything on that subject when she brings it up since past boyfriends always make me feel like I have herculean things to live up to. Any tips on how I can bring it up without sounding pathetic? =P

Thanks again guys, hopefully I won't need to bug you again over this case!


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 12:28 pm 
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Dude, you're not bugging anyone. This is exactly what this forum is about man!

I see from the posts she's quite interested in you and I think you're just not phase-shifting. You're staying in C3 too long, you gotta get moving into S1, break S2 and finally get to S3. And not only once, but at least 3 times. You should be careful not to get stuck in C2/3, which seems is happening to me. Try to stay off every-day topics now, read trough some canned material online or read some philosophy and get some ideas to talk to her bout, while doing kino-escalation and try to hit C3 and move trough to S3 in one meeting. How about dinner at your house? Kick your housemates out (well, ask them for that matter hehe) and cook something nice for her. Girls love cooks ;)
How about sushi, it's fairly easy to make with a little practise. Maybe you should do it once for your friends before you try it with her. It's alotta fun because everyone can do their own sushi-rolls and individualize them with different ingredients. Just look up a recipe online and try it, i'm sure the both of you will like it.
You could try Mystery's intro to the MP3-game. Make her listen to a song of yours, have her suggesting a song she loves and then you again. Have stories for the songs you're picking and why you like them. Do it with ear-plugs, not with speakers. This way you'll be close to each other, which makes gaming and kino easier.
Turn her first approach down playfully, although it's hard. Then go in yourself when you feel the moment is right.

Hope I helped.
Keep us posted bro!

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 12:38 am 
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Cheers man, that's a very nice gameplan! ;P

But yea, really good ideas - I think I'll see if I can arrange it for next week sometime.

Oh, I found out what she finds so "mysterious" about me over msn. It seems I haven't really commented about her, like if I find her attractive/nice/friendly etc so she has no idea what i think of her, which I think could be bad...also I don't flirt or talk about sex much (I'm still a virgin, so first off I don't have much to say about it, and second it makes me a tad nervous>_>). what's worse is that I replied by saying that I didn't want to cross any lines, and I hold back some stuff that I wanna say/do, which in hindsight sounds pretty wimpy.

After I logged out I felt the convo ended kinda coldly so I txted her saying "Also, so you know; I find you very attractive ;) xx" to which i got a reply of "really? Thankyou! That was nice, and very unexpected ^ ^ xx"

Anyway, I'll see if I can get something done with her this week. If anyone has anything to say on the above, please don't hesitate!


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 4:34 pm 
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sup dude, this is my first time posting, but i've been in the game for 5-6 months now. one thing i didn't get from you was that you are not "speading your game" I don't know. you seem to have the oneitis condition. it's cool if your trying to hook her in. you've known her for more than 7-10 hrs, correct, that's more than enough time to f close or still keep in contact if you want to.
last saturday, i just met a girl in a party she was sober by the way, i gamed and danced and all that. when we got a chance to sit i ask her a question. "on a scale 1-10, who good do you think you kiss?". she did not have a straight answer, so i notice an amog i met earlier and just got talking to him and got his number. i then turn back to her and said " okay, what were we talking about?" she said "about how well do i kiss". i said, "let's run a quick test." (if you kissed before with the hb say " i don't think i remember how you kiss, refresh my memory." then grade her) that's what i did, i gave her a B, her eyes widen then i threw in a B+. she smiled.
I bounced her around the house just to get her in that state of mind, she then offer to bounce to her car. we made out and i fingered her. i didn't f close b/c i knew her for only what, 3 hrs. were going to meet again this week end, i'll keep up dated. the point is that you already build up attraction just phase shift. like we say you could shift too early or too late.


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 11:31 pm 
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Hey, ive been in the game for around a year now, and left the forum for a while, previous name was crowbar.
But basically mate, you got the hard part of the game done and dusted, shes obviously attracted to you in some way, hence the mysterious comment. I love playin that whole character, girls love someone they cant pin down and label. Keep them on their toes etc etc.
Your next step is to give her a valid reason why shes attracted to you. Theres only so far she will go with the idea that your mysterious, u need to do somethin unexpected, out of the blue, somethin exciting and different. Somethin that her ex bf didnt do because he got to complacent with her. Have a think, u should know what is good to do in your area, jst make sure its something she wudnt expect to do.
Finally, i do think tho that you need to move fast, any talk of the ex bf aint a gud sign, if she begins picturing life with him again, then there aint no room for you in that picture, nd your back to bein single. Move fast, be different, have fun and be spontaneous....she'll love it. ...and dnt forget the kino!


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 09, 2008 7:11 pm 
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I dont know if this is good advice, but if you are a bit nerdy (like me) then balance it out with something more adventurous and outdoorsey, i would recomend rock climbing, you can take her either to a wall or outdoors. Its fun, it keeps you fit and it keeps her guessing, it makes you seem a good well rounded person which is a lot sexier than a person who plays games all day

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 10, 2008 12:11 pm 
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Thanks again for the tips guys!

I invited her round last night for a meal, and a "surprise" before hand. The surprise was to take her to a bar that she'd really been wanting to go to but had never had the chance. I took her there but the place was closed (oops!) so we went to another local bar for a drink where she tells me that she won't be drinking as she's gonna be driving back later that evening. This was due to her mum not wanting her out that night, so she'd set a curfue of 11. (I hope this time constraint of hers wasn't fake!)

Anyway, we get back to mine and we cook the food (I made something called "yellow chicken" so she was really intrigued as to what it was) then we go up to my room and start watching a film. Within 30 mins or so we're holding and rubbing each other, soon afterwards we're making out. We're both starting to get quite turned on when she tells me that she feel's really mean, but she's really gotta go (it's just about 11 at this point, so she's late getting back already...). She also completely avoided my comment of "we can pick this up where we left it next time"

Damnit, I just can't break back into S1 and beyond!...after this I'm not sure how to get her back here again without seeming horribly obvious, I've played the dinner card now!

lol, I'm starting to think that this thread is just me trying to vent my feelings onto you poor, unsuspecting pua's!


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 10, 2008 12:22 pm 
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Hm, that 23oo-time-limit was quite a fuck up. but man, you knew it was there. you should have built a lil more comfort instead of trying to move into S1. When it got too hot you could have just retreated. That would have REALLY turned her on and made her feel safe. Now she kinda has the "buyer's remorse" as Mystery calls it.
Anyways, if you can anticipate time-constraints or interruptions, do not phase shift unless you're totally sure you can deal with the interruption.
Anyways, I think it's still allright. why dont you make sure you know when that bar you wanted to go to is open and say you have to re-do that part. And why don't you tell her (c/f) she should cook for you since you cooked for her. Since she cant really do that @her house since she lives with her mom, tell her it's possible to do it @ your house.
Also, remember, strong frame! Dont go for the cheek when kissing her. Nothing is a big deal. It's all cool. you're still just hanging out, cat-string theory man. She'll chase what she cant have, dont pull too hard. Also, dont be pushing back too hard or she will be upset. It's all in your hand. Just make sure not to have a crazy gleam in your eyes when you see her, just hang out a lil longer and go back to making out. But only move to S1 when you have a seduction location near-by, so it's gotta be your house. You gotta get her back there. Why dont you have her picking you up at your house and then call her up for one second, saying you're on the phone or so. then rush her out after like 2 min so she feels save coming back there because apparently nothing happened and you're not pushing it. So later you can bring her back to your house more easily. had that problem some time ago myself and this calling-up-and-rushing-out works like a charm! Try it.

Best

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Don't hate the player - Hate the game!


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 9:18 pm 
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hmmm i dont want to be the bearer of bad news here but i think ur beginning to enter the cuddly, nice guy kinda zone. I know u say that u both were kinda gettin turned on, bt from experience, when a girl is turned on, there aint no curfew gonna stop her from gettin what she wants.....
I think u now need to take a step back from things for a while, let her do the work to arrange sumthin nxt time. Any more of that from yourself and it will maybe look desperate and that you wanna be around her all the time. And of course you probably do! But you dont want her to think that. DHV and be the one bein chased for a bit.
Itl work, honestly


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