She likes me, I like her. She might have BF



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PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2016 10:12 am 
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So I went on an event to a party with a bunch of schools and I met future wifey. She came on to me intially and we hit it off perfectly. Attraction was already there and the whole we had fun. She offered to walk down the beach (party was 10 min walk from beach). Eventually we did, we held hands and walked, eventually we went into the sea and kissed a few times. She took a pic of us and would ask a lot about me. Half ways through the kissing she mentioned how she was talking to a dude and she feels bad. I told her we can be friends and we made out again; a lil bit later i took a pic of us. We walked back to the party holding hands and I got us an über back to the hotel (she was part of my group for the school, just never met her). As soon as we got there a chick from the group pulled her to their hotel room (I went to crash out for a bit at mine). My future wifey said her dude would be at the club event that night so i distanced myself at the club

The next morning we both came out our rooms. I waived and a bit later I packed up and we crossed paths, I hugged her and went to unload the bags and as she left she hugged me and said we're gonna hang out in (City where we both Coidentially live in).

So I snapchat her after we get back from the trip a simple home sweet home. She messaged me back and we've been talking throughout the day, most of the times deep convos with high investment and sometimes we just trow small pings (takes a while to reply after having opened the message for a while; maybe she's with her dude?) I joked about hanging out in campus to make sure she does her hw; she says she's in campus most of the time. I replied with a, we gotta hang out soon! :)
She initiates a lot of conversations talking about my story on snap

I added her on fb and she didn't accept it yet, it makes me believe that the dude she's talking to might be more. I never get attached this fast and deeply but this chick got me.

Not sure how to approach the situation, I know she likes me but I don't wanna be too needy and I don't wanna be too distant. I usually cut off girls like its nothing (many fish out there) but all of a sudden I feel scared to fuck things up with this one. I don't mind being friends with benefits, engaging a relationship, or being a side dude just not sure how to approach this in the best possible way.

It's my first post on here but I've done plenty of gaming and my older bro did seminars so I'm a bit experienced but still have lots to learn.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2016 2:19 pm 
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Hey mate,

Something is dodgy with this lady here.

Before anything, I believe you're overthinking the whole process. I know you care but if you " pull " and cut off easily you know that your doctrine works. if you start to fell in ths spiral when you care too much you will eventually become what you guys seems to call needy. I know how you feel though because I have been there too and whenever I started caring too much things went batshit bad at some point. until one day I understood that let the things flow naturally is the way.

Coming to it now.

1) she got a dude but she hooks up with you and seems to flirt openly. bear in mind that if you acquire a lady that was originally with a BF chance are the day your relation is having a slow day if a knob with chat comes in like you did he might have a go on your gf's legs the same way you did.

2) now if you want to hook up things are pretty simple I think. I believe you're pretty much doing it right, but I'd say just do not think of the dude, it's not because Real madrid has a goal keeper that Barcelona never score on them you know what I mean ?

3) you're not offensive enough. You told her you could be friends, what the fuck mate ? you're not here for the friendship, I'd advice you take actions and invite her for a drink soon enough. you live not far from a beach ( or any nice scenery place ? ) get a bottle of wine ( red ) + two glasses hide em in your bag, bring her sometimes in the evening to the place when it;s quite and pretty and pull out your stash she will be stunned, you might as well do her on the spot.

4) if really she has a dude she will tell you. Birds try to give themselves good conscious by saying " oh by the way I got a dude " when things got heated up. our society always shame sluts so that's what they come with this way they can be like " I tried I told him I was a taken deal ". So talks her through and annhilates her boyfriends.

I'm going to give you a personal exemple. Decemenber 2015 I met a girl from NY she was trying to tell me how great her bf is but she was an advertising worker while he was a finance worker corporate to the max. So I told her " look, there is something shifty here, I hate to say that but you're very chilled out and have this kind of bohemians mindsetwhile he sounds like the archetype of the Finance prepi guy, arent you with him because you're closing to your 30s and you think it's time to settle down " needless to say I was knee deep 30min later.

so find out what's wrong, what the dude is if really there is one and eject him


Good luck, by the way we're going straight to hell because stealing someone's girl is a sin ;)

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2016 3:18 pm 
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Quote:
so find out what's wrong, what the dude is if really there is one and eject him
I think you need to elaborate on this a little bit because I'm hoping you were trying to shorten this statement just out of making things simplistic. One thing you never want to do is actively confront a woman about a boyfriend unless she's trying to trick you into believing she doesn't. You also don't want to try to "eject him" because he's not you're competition.

Otherwise...this is solid.

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2016 4:09 pm 
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Quote:
Quote:
so find out what's wrong, what the dude is if really there is one and eject him
I think you need to elaborate on this a little bit because I'm hoping you were trying to shorten this statement just out of making things simplistic. One thing you never want to do is actively confront a woman about a boyfriend unless she's trying to trick you into believing she doesn't. You also don't want to try to "eject him" because he's not you're competition.

Otherwise...this is solid.
Hey mate, well you can eject him by going straight as explained above, you can also be subtle.

- I got a bf
- So do I

OR

- I got a BF
- He'll be there when I'll ghost * smile + tongues out*

They are many way to kick a guy out of a picture

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2016 4:24 pm 
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The Grand Puba
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
so find out what's wrong, what the dude is if really there is one and eject him
I think you need to elaborate on this a little bit because I'm hoping you were trying to shorten this statement just out of making things simplistic. One thing you never want to do is actively confront a woman about a boyfriend unless she's trying to trick you into believing she doesn't. You also don't want to try to "eject him" because he's not you're competition.

Otherwise...this is solid.
Hey mate, well you can eject him by going straight as explained above, you can also be subtle.

- I got a bf
- So do I

OR

- I got a BF
- He'll be there when I'll ghost * smile + tongues out*

They are many way to kick a guy out of a picture
This is the reason I said elaborate a bit. Ejecting would mean to a lot of us is making her dump him.

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2016 5:19 pm 
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" Ejecting would mean to a lot of us is making her dump him. "


Okay I didn't think it could came acvross that way.

To clarify, trying to make the girl dump the guy is a lame and insecure move which will triggers her to think you're either way scared of the guy or either way trying to force her in the first step... and we know that lady rarely do the 1st step.

you'd rather play the " I do not care if she's got a boy card " and act like if she was absolutely single.

Hope I didnt confuse anyone.

Yours filthfilly,
Thom

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2016 7:02 pm 
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So status update:

I told her about a party in friday of which it happened to be the bday of her dude at my friend's house. I got there a bit late. As soon as she spotted me she rushed me and gave me a hug (she was pretty faded and first thing she said is that she thought I was gonna make it) She pulled me to dance. My friend came to us to offer to blaze up, (should have declined) but I asked her if she was down and we went outside. I had my hands on her and I got the impression she was looking out that no one (or someone) would see.

Her friend pulled her but a bit later she rushed me again and pulled me to the dance floor.

This is where things switch up

2 of her friends were dancing too, and after a bit we started dirty dancing. I got all in her neck (i prolly shouldn't have been so much up on her but she let me) and that's when I noticed the dude. Fucker had the most serious stare of his life. A big ass group of friends came in (can't fuck with a tiger surrounded by tigers). My homies made her down a bunch of tequila, I went next and spilled everywhere. when I spilled I was tryinna recover cause I bathed in that.

When I finally noticed her she was walking outside, I really pulled a rookie move by spilling. I went too but with other peeps, I couldn't seem to find her. I hit up a random chick on the other side and then I saw her in the chair making out with her dude. I remained unaffected and pulled a few numbers (including that chick) and danced with some of the chicks we came with. A friend of theirs was there cause she let me know she knows them (I guess I'm stirring the pot for potentially drama)

She hit me up in the morning telling me she was still drunk. We talked briefly (slept most of the day)

She hit me up this morning commenting on a snap. I took your advice and I'm tryinna set up a small hike here in town with a nice scenery.

You make a lot of good points, I feel as if she's pretty invested too and I don't wanna then a short fuse into a medium one but playing it too cool, but I'm just not sure if that's where I really stand.
The dude is deff not her boyfriend but someone she's talking to, and if they had sex (probably did) then hopefully that wasn't the first time for them cause that'll definitely make things hard

I tend to play super positive and high energy. I don't do too much negging but I'll have to at the right time to increase the tension.

Hopefully things go well, I deff appreciate the advice and will happily take any more!!


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2016 8:41 pm 
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Quote:
So status update:

I told her about a party in friday of which it happened to be the bday of her dude at my friend's house. I got there a bit late. As soon as she spotted me she rushed me and gave me a hug (she was pretty faded and first thing she said is that she thought I was gonna make it) She pulled me to dance. My friend came to us to offer to blaze up, (should have declined) but I asked her if she was down and we went outside. I had my hands on her and I got the impression she was looking out that no one (or someone) would see.

Her friend pulled her but a bit later she rushed me again and pulled me to the dance floor.

This is where things switch up

2 of her friends were dancing too, and after a bit we started dirty dancing. I got all in her neck (i prolly shouldn't have been so much up on her but she let me) and that's when I noticed the dude. Fucker had the most serious stare of his life. A big ass group of friends came in (can't fuck with a tiger surrounded by tigers). My homies made her down a bunch of tequila, I went next and spilled everywhere. when I spilled I was tryinna recover cause I bathed in that.

When I finally noticed her she was walking outside, I really pulled a rookie move by spilling. I went too but with other peeps, I couldn't seem to find her. I hit up a random chick on the other side and then I saw her in the chair making out with her dude. I remained unaffected and pulled a few numbers (including that chick) and danced with some of the chicks we came with. A friend of theirs was there cause she let me know she knows them (I guess I'm stirring the pot for potentially drama)

She hit me up in the morning telling me she was still drunk. We talked briefly (slept most of the day)

She hit me up this morning commenting on a snap. I took your advice and I'm tryinna set up a small hike here in town with a nice scenery.

You make a lot of good points, I feel as if she's pretty invested too and I don't wanna then a short fuse into a medium one but playing it too cool, but I'm just not sure if that's where I really stand.
The dude is deff not her boyfriend but someone she's talking to, and if they had sex (probably did) then hopefully that wasn't the first time for them cause that'll definitely make things hard

I tend to play super positive and high energy. I don't do too much negging but I'll have to at the right time to increase the tension.

Hopefully things go well, I deff appreciate the advice and will happily take any more!!
Well the guy is deff legit concurence, but he's ahead of you. So act like if she had no guy was fully alone dont ask about the dude, dont give a fuck about the dude, he just doenst exist, slash they aint official and she hook up with you too.

so do the scenary thing and hump her in the forrest mate ! - I reckon she'd be down

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2016 9:18 pm 
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True, I tend to never mention their dudes, my usual and only line to the topic is, really? I have a gf too, we have so much in common xD She said 'a hike sounds cool :)' I'll take that as a yes, except she hasn't hit me back but she will soon enough!
Thanks for the help bro!!


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2016 7:47 am 
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I usually cut off girls like its nothing (many fish out there) but all of a sudden I feel scared to fuck things up with this one
This is the male equivalent to a woman's "I don't usually do this". Why do people tend to constantly excuse themselves for doing something others may or may not approve? You think you're the only one to get "smitten" over a new girl every once in a while? It happens to the best of us.
We can tell the difference between oneitus or healthy enthusiasm from the way you write anyway.

Regardless, you're making a mistake by talking about "deep stuff" over text. Those are the conversations you have face to face. Texting is for banter, flirting, teasing and setting up dates. Make sure to set the TIME and LOCATION of your hike if you want it to be real. Don't just ask if she "wants to go hiking sometime". And speaking of coming across desperate, beating around the bush with half assed date invites is a great way to be desperate. Because you're overly concerned about not fucking it up.

I know you may think it shows you're not very invested, but in fact all it shows is you're too fearful to be straightforward with your intentions.

Most of the time what people think is less risky is actually more risky, and what's more risky is actually less risky. Think about it for a minute.

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 26, 2016 7:33 am 
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Damn, I really needed to hear that!
Been texting still all day, things are looking like they're gonna escalate but I'm still keeping my options open
Thanks for the great advice man. I feel like I just leveled up a bit!


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