*Don’t need to read this, I just wrote it to get it off my chest. It’s totally useless, nothing helpful in this post whatsoever. And please don’t reply.
It’s game over for me!
I am quiting the game of seduction and the game of life, because I personally can’t win. I’m a lost cause. I feel like I’m giving up before I even played a single game of football, like quiting during warm up, of game one of the season.
I never approached a girl because I’m shy. I can talk to girls alright. But not be sexual, I am always nice to them. Never held a girls hand, the closest I’ve ever come to something that resembles sex or male-to-female contact was a hug with a female friend. I do believe in PUA stuff and the psychology behind it all, but I am too shy, insecure and needy. I expect from a girl to fix me, to push me past my boundaries, by taking me by the hand. Guess they are looking for the oposite.
Its not possible to overcome issues I am facing, so I am giving up. I always tought I have time to learn and improve, but I got ill a few months back and then it hit me right in the face. I tested positive for Hepatitis C. The sad thing is, I am a virgin, never had any form of sex in my life. I never did drugs, had never even had a smoke. No needles (no tattoos, drugs or blood transfusion) so where I might have gotten HCV is a total mystery to me. So life sucks right now.
I started my process of change around age 17, when I watched VH1 The Pickup Artist. It opened up a new world for me. I tought I will turn my life around, but now almost 10 years later, I am at the same dark place, all alone, without friends, money, job or any social life at all.
And on top of all that I have the worst case of Oneitis of my life. She’s 18 years old, very cute, and totally unavailable to me. I’m too old for her, she barelly knows I’m alive, and I can’t get enough courage to even approach her. But can't get her outta my head. I'm looking her up at facebook or instagram every day looking for new pics. How pathetic!
I have all the other issues that AFC losers face: not being attractive, no fashion sense, uptight (no dancefloor skills, not being able to relax, ever!), being a people pleaser, still living at my parents’ place...
I don’t have the guts to end my life, but I don’t want to live either. So I tried to change, but I’m too old to change, I feel powerless, lifeless. I’m jobless, friendless...
Reading a good book or watching an inspirational movie gets me going, and I’m motivated for a day, but it’s just pretending, fake it till you make it, until I hit a social situation that reminds me of my real place in the world, that I am a fckn loser
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