Girl turned cold after second lay. Need advice



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PostPosted: Mon Sep 08, 2014 9:24 pm 
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Last week I had sex with this rather hot chick for the second time, after this she completely changed her behaviour and went from super interested in me to basically super distant and uninterested to me.
I'm looking for your guys opinion on what happened...

I know it's a long story, but since this is my first real lay after I broke up with my ex, I could really use some advice in order to become a better PUA. Big thanks in advance guys.

Here's the story;

We met a few weeks ago (in real life, through common friends) and via Facebook we started chatting... In the beginning she constantly initiated the conversations and kept them going. I played it cool and kept my distance, playing the cocky and funny guy.
After a week or so of some on and off chatting, the conversations were starting to become longer and I actually started liking them and opening up more (while still keeping the control).

She then agreed on meeting me on a party where I was going to be. There everything went really well, we danced, made jokes and after some heavy flirting we kissed, I made several careful approaches of touching lips, backing away and stuff before we actually really kissed (one important sidenote here, you'll find out later in the story, is that I got the impression that she wasn't really that much in 2 kissing...). We then agreed (it just happened in mutual agreement, without anyone really making the first initiative) to go to my place.

Back home we started making out in my sofa and ended up in my bed having sex. And again 2 times in the morning. Everything happened so smoothly and spontaneous, which made it really good sex. I then let her out and we kissed before she took off. ( a second side note is that we were both drunk that night).

I felt great after this night, and to my surprise I actually really liked her, she was cool. So I was curious for more (not that I was interested in a relationship since I just got out of a 5 year relationship).

After this night we kept chatting on FB, getting to know each other better. We had some seriously good talks and agreed to meet up again.

Up untill here I felt I was in total control during every single situation.

The second date however changed everything;

First of all, it was just a week day and we met quite late (because of her work), so I was already feeling tired. Also this time we weren't drunk. We went to a bar for a drink where we had good conversations and laughs. Afterwards we went to my place without even talking about it. Back home we started watching a (boring) movie, I tried to get her closer to me but she was not really responding much. After 30 min. of movie we decided to turn it off and go to bed. While in bed she said to me that I had to seduce her first, so I started cuddling, touching, massaging and taking of her clothes. This time she didnt even let me kiss her... After 5 or so of foreplay she turned around doggystyle (wearing only her underpants) and dryhumping me, since it was just zero passion in the air I didnt get immediately turned on, I kept trying but just couldn't make it work. After a while she also lost interest and we were both laying there in a very awkward situation. I decided I wouldnt go to sleep before we had sex, so I went to smoke a sigarette (she joined) and she said she was sorry and that "her mind was someplace else". I just acted like it was ok, made some jokes about it and that when we got back to the bed everything would work out fine... And so we did, back in the bed the first thing she said was "they say that if you can talk all night it is true love". I was thinking OMG and laughed it away, I even said let's just be fuckbuddys (in a joking way) which, if I think about it now, is kinda rude.
I started the same foreplay again and it didnt take long before we were both turned on... again I couldnt kiss her and she said "kissing is for couples" (wtf,?!), I just ignored it and we finally were having sex. The sex was kinda strange, she was acting really unpassionate (basically just sitting there doggy style, which again was what she wanted) and she kept telling me to fuck her harder and harder (which I usually don't mind, but everything was just so...forced and cold). Honestly, my balls hurted :)

Then after the sex, there was this kind of mutual feeling of relieve that we made it work. We then went to sleep and she asked me to spoon next to her and hold her tight (which I liked, but so many mixed behaviours on her side, I couldn't understand...)

We didnt had sex in the morning this time (not really interested and not much time due to work). When she left we just did a cheek kiss. I felt really weird all day long (the opposite of the first time).

After this second night, we kept chatting but her behaviour completely changed and I totally lost control. I was the one now taking all initiative. She kept being friendly untill after some days I asked her this

Me: "Why are you so quiet?"
She: "Nothing special, I'm just with friends"
Me: "You kinda shut down after our last rendez vous, which is a shame because you were doing such a great job ;)"
She: "Dont analyse my behaviour" (which is a bitchy thing to say right?!)
Me: "I'm not, just liked getting your attention"
She: "It's all 2 forced, If you take it chill no problem but then asking me why I get silent...that just weird"
Me:"I didnt mean this all so serious, but anyway no stress :) "
She: " ;p "

End of conversation.

Just by typing this last conversation up again, I'm laughing at my own failure :) I know I really fucked up here... I should have ended it looooong before it got this far, but I just lost control, I think we have all been there :)

So that's it. I'm not interested in seeing her again, I just feel stupid that I let it come this far and let her have the winning hand...
Since I am new in this PUA stuff I do really want to know what your guys opinion about this whole story is;

- What happened the 2nd date?
- What are all these mixed signals (awesome conversations, no kissing, true love, cold fucking without any passion and then falling a sleep cuddling, etc...)
- What changed her completely after that second date
- Whas it really wrong to ask her the "quiet" question? What should I have done instead or how should I have responded to her behaviour?
- And especially what do you guys think I did wrong or could have done better in general?
- Finally, If she contacts me again (which I dont expect) how should I respond to regain control (and I dont mean getting her in bed again).

Thank you guys for helping me out. Oh and please don't spare me, If you think its because I'm probably horrible in bed just tell me :D


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 08, 2014 9:40 pm 
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1. You meet all kinds of girls and apparently there are girls out there that are honestly ok with sex but not kissing if you're not dating. I have heard many stories of guys laying girls with bf's that will fuck but not kiss. Makes no sense to me but that's women for you.

2. I'm guessing you got needy. I don't think you're out of it yet though. Game other girls and wait for her to hit you up. When she does, invite her out for something fun and bring her back to your place. Rinse and repeat.


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 08, 2014 9:45 pm 
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breedlove465 wrote:
1. You meet all kinds of girls and apparently there are girls out there that are honestly ok with sex but not kissing if you're not dating. I have heard many stories of guys laying girls with bf's that will fuck but not kiss. Makes no sense to me but that's women for you.


Happened to me last Saturday...

women huh

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 09, 2014 1:01 pm 
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That is certainly a contender for the 2014 Long Post Award, OP.

Listen - it happens...

You don't know what's going on in her life. You don't know if she's got a sick uncle or a terminally ill grandparent, or an ex that's popped back into the picture.

If something has come up and she throws you on the back burner, there's not much you can do about that.

You've been out with her a handful of times and you barely know her - so you need to look at this for what it is: A couple rolls in the hay. You had some fun with her - and it MAY develop into something else... and it may not.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 10, 2014 2:30 pm 
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breedlove465 wrote:
1. You meet all kinds of girls and apparently there are girls out there that are honestly ok with sex but not kissing if you're not dating. I have heard many stories of guys laying girls with bf's that will fuck but not kiss. Makes no sense to me but that's women for you.

2. I'm guessing you got needy. I don't think you're out of it yet though. Game other girls and wait for her to hit you up. When she does, invite her out for something fun and bring her back to your place. Rinse and repeat.


Tnx, makes sense indd.

Ran into her by accident in a shop today, felt pretty awkward :) Guess that means she actually did something to me that I care about... anyways I (think) I played it cool and just acted casual... We'll see if she hits me up again. I will definitely not do it myself.

Maybe I need some more advice in "just not giving a fuck" :)
Anybody knows some good reads or whatever about that?


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PostPosted: Thu May 04, 2017 10:25 am 
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Looks like you are starting to develope some feelings for her; otherwise, you would not be writing this (you wouldn't ever give a fuck). Besides, you lost control, wich is something that we dudes hate and then the chasing starts again, wich is something we dudes love.

My advice is: treat her like you treat those girls you don't mind if you see again or not. The last chat part was fucked up. Weird and needy. Step back. If she wants, she will reach you again. But never do that texting thing again. Keep it to yourself. It's ok. We have all been there. But don't ever reveal that to her. Talk it with a friend or get it out of your chest in this forum. But never to her. Ignore her. She will come to you if it's meant to be.


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PostPosted: Thu May 04, 2017 1:29 pm 
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King Among Mortals
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Looks like he probably has an illegitimate child with a different woman by now. A toddler.

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