I will post no more than one per day from now on....

Went to the same place I went to the night before. I decided to drink tonight because it makes me more social.

The only significant conversation I had was with a 2 set at the bar. I bummed a cigarette from one of them. I talked to them about what they do, what I do, one of them told me she was taking a trip to Italy, I asked if she was Italian, she told me all the places she had ever been in Europe and how she was traveling alone this time. I told them I'm about to have a book published on amazon about world religions. Then, I decided to leave when the conversation ran dry (to look "cool," rather than needy.... Lol).... Maybe it was just my imagination, but it seems that when you talk to any girl, a lot of other girls start looking at you more..... because when I walked away from that, I thought I felt a lot of body language pointing in my direction...

Other than that, I briefly met this group of 4 girls and 1 guy, I talked to them about some surface topics, never exchanged names, but they said "bye friend" as I left.....

Observations:

I may have approach anxiety, but if someone comes up to me and talks, I can usually think of something to say. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way.

A lot of other guys are more muscular and masculine than me.

I noticed a couple and the girl looked so secure and safe with her guy. I'm wondering how I could ever get a girl to feel that with me.

Guys with girlfriends are also good with their girlfriends' friends. They are just good with them in general. They have a spirit of empathy and friendliness about them that I do not (yet... hopefully) have.

Other guys seem to genuinely enjoy socializing with them. It is something I am having to force at this point. Hopefully, I will get there.

At one point, the girls in the room looked like aliens. Big eyes. Other than that, I have no clue what's going on in their brain or what makes them happy.

Some openers I thought of while I was drunk..... "can I bum a cigarette? (serves as a neg too if she's hot.... but probably pretty weak and annoying).... "do you think it's hot if a guy gets his balls waxed?.... never used it.... maybe I won't ever.... kind of comedic)....

A lot of times, a girl will enter my peripheral vision and I will not look at her. Then, after about 10 minutes, I will look at her, and underneath that golden blonde hair, there is an old, wrinkled 45-year-old face.

I noticed my eye contact is very needy and desperate when I make it.

Someone told me not to put them on a pedestal, but also not to devalue them. What is the middle ground?

I noticed that girls are obsessed with their own bodies even when no guys are looking at it. They love their own butt.

I was advised on this forum to get over my misogyny. I'm all for that. How do I do that? What should my new thought process be?

I did not talk about any (possibly delusional) Donald Trump ambitions.... but I did use "I'm about to buy a mobile home park" as an opener or to keep a conversation going... At one point, I said "I work two hours per week,"... which isn't necessarily bragging like I'm Donald Trump, but it's kind of cool I think....

At one point, I saw a guy with a hot girl and he looked successful due to his dress, so when the girl left, I asked what he did.... he said he was an artist (not rich at all).... I said he looked rich, he asked what I do.... I said "it's boring,".... he asked again.... I told him "real estate investment,"... he said "that's not boring,".... I said, "I know. I don't think it is, either."..... then 5 minutes later as he was leaving, he said "you just need to relax," and he thinks I would have more fun that way.....

At one point, I was thinking.... do I want to be a PUA, or do I just want one girlfriend? What would be the difference in happiness?

I introduced myself to the staff and owners, who know me by now... and don't seem to have any intention of permanently banning me from their bar... which is a step in the right direction from a couple weeks ago...

If I was able to have sex with the hottest girl there.... what would that do for me? Would that make my life completely happy?

The whole night, I didn't even get a single girl's name... let alone make a "connection".... I don't even know what a connection feels like.... let alone "more than a connection" (what does that mean?)....

I noticed that most girls put a lot of effort into their appearance and deserve someone who appreciates that. I also noticed that sometimes ugly girls pretend to be hot girls by making themselves up and hanging out with hot girls. YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ME!!!! Lol.

I noticed that showing higher value to a girl has nothing to do with money, it has to do with providing them a sense of security. I really don't see how I can offer anyone that at this point. I give off an uncomfortable and sometimes sadistic vibe. I also think I give off a selfish vibe. Like I just think about sex right away. Which is true.

At one point, I noticed that I'm a total pussy and don't even have the balls to talk to them and look them in the eye and be assertive. That MIGHT be a problem.

Do you think if I started a non-profit to stop human trafficking and child prostitution in southeast Asia (and wherever else it is prevalent), that would make girls like me?

I also look at guys that are with some of the girls there..... and I wonder, at the end of the night... is he going to bang the shit out of her.... or just give her a kiss and a look in the eye?

The shyness shit has to stop. My stepdad is dying of lung cancer. My brother's best friend just died in a car accident a couple days ago. Life is too short to let it pass me by by being shy. And for all I know, when I finally muster up the courage to talk to one of them... she probably already has a husband and three kids.

I feel like I have emotional issues that prevent proper socialization with ANYONE, not just girls. This is the reason why I no (as oppose to hundreds of) friends... Even the people on this forum don't like me and call me selfish. I will be working on that. I do not want to get kicked off of here.

If I should get rid of my misogyny and females are equal, then why do most sexual fantasies have to do with domination?

When I see a 9 or 10, I know that is what I deserve.... and I get very combative and want to jump down her throat and show her that I'm better than her and that she should consider me a "suitor."

Would Donald Trump hide his identity? Would he say he has "some office job?" (not that I am Donald Trump, but if I ever become that)...

I noticed that having a girlfriend brings you into the social circle of humanity, as opposed to being some weirdo outcast. I suppose this is natural selection.

I have a personal breathalyzer that I bought from Best Buy. I blew a 0.09 on my way out. The legal limit is 0.08. I figured I would make it home safe. I got pulled over in a Denny's parking lot because I wasn't supposed to make a right in that entrance. They gave me the field test and I passed it, otherwise I would be sitting in jail right now.

Earlier in the day, I got my whole pubic region, balls, taint, and crack waxed. The girl waxing it was holding my dick the whole time. I wanted to get hard but couldn't, which is weird because I wake up hard every day and last girl I fucked for an hour.... I wish I could have thought of something clever to say to her... maybe she would have put it in her mouth... Lol..... "So... do you like it? What do you think of my dick? Is it a nice one?".....